OKCPirate

One more chivalry story: I was in New Orleans with a woman I was involved with and we were walking at night, she noticed I kept jumping from street side to building side as we walked. She finally asked why I was bobbing around like that. It was all very unconscious to me, but once I thought about it I explained "well, I'm on the street side until we get close to an alley way and I can't see if there is anyone there, I'm just trying to protect you." I think we had the best sex ever that night. HINT, HINT.

GUYS: The Science of Chivalry... Yes you were told to hold the door open for a lady. And you might instinctively run around to open the car door for the lady in the car, and you might walk on the street side when strolling down a sidewalk...but do you know why that is important for your relationship? Every time you do this, you put "he's looking after me, I feel safe" points in her bucket. She won't say it, but if you don't do it, you will see her insecurities grow. I was discussing this with my girlfriend last night, and she admitted how hard it is for her to wait for me to come open up her door, but she does wait and it does make her happy to feel appreciated and safe. (Now this lady is a tough attorney and has her concealed carry permit and is a good shot, so she isn't a little princess who needs a guy to wait on her hand and foot). So if it is important for her, it's probably important to the women in your life too. ADD: I think this is important for your daughters too. If you treat them well, they will expect the same from the guys they date.

@@maggie409 - welcome to the forum. I'm five years post divorce, I took a year off to get my head clear before jumping into the dating pool, but for four years I was out looking for Ms. Right. Finally after a couple of serious relationships I found her. Just remember this is bit of numbers game. Last year I took at my three months on Match.com: I sent 149 emails via their site I received 61 back 15 coffee dates 6 real dates 3 multiple dates 1 possible match that had to be aborted because there were still issues to be resolved post divorce . And finally She showed up and we have been going out for the last eight months and it keeps getting better every time we go out. I kept track of the numbers because I know it's easy to get discouraged and think, what's the point? I'm not saying this is easy. To tell you the truth, I'm busy, but I put dating time in my schedule. It was as important as exercise to me. It takes mental energy to think about how I was going to make an online approach. Some of my tactics worked, others didn't. But I tried different things. Eventually it all came together. So what about the women who didn't make the cut? I don't leave ladies hanging. If I don't sense there is chemistry, I just let them know. I find they knew before I did. The women respect guys who don't leave them hanging. Five of the women I met online are now Facebook friends. They were nice people, or I would not have even reached out to them. Bottom line dating is a numbers game. If you think about the odds against finding the right person by simple random chance outside of college, well those odds are very long. It is work, but it's work with benefits and fun if you do it right. But, Ms. Right was a year post divorce and only went out with one person...me. So she doesn't have any funny dating horror stories, but that's ok with me. FYI - here my best unsolicited dating advice: http://www.bariatricpal.com/topic/336754-unsolicited-online-dating-advice/

Oh that's not true. The next thing you are going to tell me is they "air brush" the covers of magazines. If you can't believe porn, what are you going to believe?

What he says. I tried too early (before surgery) and the injury was so bad I could hardly walk for a month. So I stuck to walking preparing for surgery and for a month following. I switch to the elliptical, and light weights for the next month and gradually added more (no more than 10% increase in weight and intensity per week). I started C25K in month 3 and did my first 5K 7 weeks later. Here are some great tips from @JamieLogical: http://www.bariatricpal.com/topic/363681-beginners-guide-to-running-for-the-obese/?hl=%20c25k

@@devillynn - I'm sorry for your tragic loss, I can't imagine that level of pain. My thoughts are with you and yours. Please be kind to yourself and don't try to give yourself a time table, just take it one day at a time and breathe.

for anyone who doesn't remember the 1980's Dub is talking about:

@@AvaFern - excellent response. We humans have many great things going for us, but we do slip up from time to time. Always best to aggregate the opinion of bigger groups than one "expert." See: https://www.ted.com/speakers/james_surowiecki. Or just look at http://www.rottentomatoes.com/ and see how it matches up with your movie selections.

Put the pics away boys, dang it all to heck. Well at least I don't have to ask for a hall pass

Well no one is going to give @@Dub a rough time. 1) He is much bigger than most human beings and 2) No one wants to be on Dub's "no BBQ list." See: http://www.bariatricpal.com/topic/357500-9-weeks-out-and-loving-lifegrilling-my-back-out-this-weekend/

I felt the need to tell some of my key co-workers and a few family members about my plans, but I was glad I followed the collective wisdom of those on this site not to share my decision on FB (especially since I had it done in Mexico). When people started noticing the loss and they wanted to know what I was doing, I would just say "eating less, moving more" which was true. I only share the rest of the story with people who are sincere seekers.

Not trying to stir up a vaccine discussion, but he makes the same point...

97.36% of all statistics on the internet are made up on the spot

M is impressing me out here in 'imagination land'. Just saying

I agree with Dub, "wow" Very gutsy response and I respect your confidence and attitude young lady

If you don't mind buying the drinks the young dudes could be fun esp. during the hormone dump when you are losing fat quickly. There are some interesting videos on YouTube on the cougar phenomenon and how to navigate the age gap. As Bob Segar sang "she used me and I used her but neither one cared...we were getting our share." The nice thing about online dating is you can delete the emails of those who are not your preference without them hanging around. BTW, get a google phone number so you don't have to give out your real one until you know you really like the person. Great way to avoid serious clingers. Kik messaging is also nice to protect your privacy. I know dating is not easy, but four years and a couple of serious relationships finally lead to my girlfriend and my time with her made all of it worth it. And in retrospect I had a great time dating, but I'm having an even better time now.

I'm sorry, to clarify, Spokeo is a tool, and that's what I mean by doing a "little detective work," You have to realize things get inputted into databases badly. So you have to filter and guess, but it gets you a little closer to figuring out if they are who they say they are and if things look safe. I have a friend who hates being tracked and you can't find him online at all. So its not perfect. But for most, there is usually something.

@@CowgirlJane - Good question. In Oklahoma you go to: http://www.oscn.net/applications/oscn/casesearch.asp. That has all civil and criminal cases are stored. Every state has an equivalent. These are free. But it takes a little detective work. In the course of conversation you learn where they have lived, you know about how old they are. Sites like http://www.spokeo.com/ can give you their legal name and you search it. Most people my age will tell you how long they have been divorced, and I usually ask where it was done and who was their judge. I can check that quickly. I will be the first to admit, there is a fine line between creepy stalking and being safe, but I think you owe it to yourself and anyone in your home to be safe. I am remarkably transparent online and have always given women links to my social media (professional and personal) so they can relax a little when we meet (they can tell I'm a real person and can dig deep if they want). We are lucky to be living at a time when we can do this and I really think you should.

I just can't bring myself to support mandates and more government intervention into health care decisions is getting disastrous and in some cases fatal. In England if the government run health care system doesn't have the budget to perform a procedure you need, they will just tell you "there is nothing we can do" or "oh it's nothing" and you go home and die. So there are a couple of solutions: 1) Get mired in legislative fights to make change, or 2) Get out of managed care. I did the later. My insurance is a defined benefit plan. It pays for everything over $4000. I just give them the receipts, they pay. Cost is only $170 a month (I'm 53). What this means is I self pay everything. Which means I look for bargains, negotiate with the providers on price. Dr. Smith here is Oklahoma has been on the cutting edge of this for years: http://surgerycenterok.com/. I'm now considering joining a concierge practice. Fixed costs, less wait, no hassles. I know what blood tests I want and need for my NUT (and I check with my GP doc). You can do self pay for those really cheap. If you can use the internet, I would suggest quit waiting for the government and big medicine to solve the problems and take care of it yourself. It's liberating.

Yes, actually you should. If I am serious about someone after the coffee date, I'll check to make sure their divorce is final and if they have any criminal charges (mostly concerned about drugs or financial fraud). This internet thing helps, but in this case, probably wouldn't have set off any red flags. I think he had one minor conviction in MO. Late Addition: Not that this would have helped this poor woman and her kids, but get a Google Phone number so you don't have to give out your cell phone number until you really get to know someone. And Kik messaging App is also a nice way to text, while protecting your privacy.

I second this. I personally like to test a potential relationship by seeing how well we work together. And realistically, some people almost become undatable because they won't let anyone in to help and be part of their lives. I hope you don't stress and can enjoy the experience. Watch him carefully and see if he asks or tells. If he is inclusive and asks you how you want things be happy. That would be a great sign. I really hope it goes well for you.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I337 using the BariatricPal App That is almost exactly like my girlfriend describes how it feels with me. She will lean in, inhale deeply and sigh/relax. . (Lady thing, I guess)

On this subject: Ladies, do you have to like the way a guy smells to fall in love? I'm kind of fascinated how this seems to be so vitally important in a woman's definition of "chemistry". I amazed at how just leaving a tshirt I slept in with my girlfriend can make her happy when I am traveling. So if anyone has thoughts/experiences on how smell helps you fall in love, maybe that will help the discussion

Or you can use "Well bless your heart." Anyone not familiar with the Southern use of the term, see: http://www.newsobserver.com/news/local/news-columns-blogs/article69230257.html