OKCPirate

@@fatgirlsvelte - NOTE TO SELF, quit letting the interns write the questions. If you let them, proof their work. That is all.

And going along with what I said above, a pound of muscle actually takes less energy to maintain than fat. It makes evolutionary sense when you think about it. If there is surplus and you have enough food for fat, your bod gets less efficient. If you start sliding into 10-15% body fat range, your body gets VERY efficient.

@@Seastars - I am going to suggest something very contrarian to your NUT and surgeon on your calorie goals. This is based on a couple of things I have found on the weight loss paradox that lead many of us to yo-yo on our weights: 1) From the HBO Special Weight of the Nation and summarized here (http://www.nytimes.com/2012/01/01/magazine/tara-parker-pope-fat-trap.html?_r=0) in order to lose and keep it off, you might need to eat far fewer carlories than "normal people." That is what I am finding. When I look at what I ate and what I eat and what I eat to maintain, it is really low. [side note, eating below your calories is actually good for long term longevity, please Google, if you disagree, PM I'll look up my research on it again] 2) My GF is a much better athlete than me. Her resting heart rate is 50. When we calculated how many calories she burns vs what I do, it isn't close. And that is part of the athlete paradox. If you have a highly functioning metabolism, it is highly efficient and again you need far fewer calories than one might expect. I wish I had kept the article, but I'll never forget it...I saw it in Men's Health, there was this fat triathlete. This guy was world class, but he was fat and 50. No one could figure out why, until someone started monitoring him when he wasn't working out. The guy had no inefficient movement. He didn't jitter. He didn't even cross his legs. When he wasn't working out he was still. He was perfectly minimally efficient. So, may I suggest, you go back to your support team with this idea, see if they think it has merit. Your base metabolic rate may be way below the norm and even with 60-90 minute cardio, you may using fewer calories than most.

@@fatgirlsvelte - I guess they are the professionals, so they know this to be true. But really? What professional would write that question?

Thanks - this does not bring me joy! LOL Forewarned is forearmed. I didn't really know about it until several month post surgery. I could not figure out why I found myself wanting to watch chick flicks when the estrogen was oozing out, but it was comforting to realize I wasn't becoming a wus. I wish I had known about the testosterone boost. Geez, It was dang potent stuff. I had sex three times one day (I'm a 53 year old guy, but I was behaving like a randy teenage boy...but it was fun). Many ladies experience a similar rush. So try to get your significant other in shape when it happens. They might actually put up with your pre-op and liquid phase diet moodiness.

@@ajdavenport - Good luck and let us know how it goes. Your back will be much happier lighter. Ft. Sam is one of the better facilities, but it you can afford the $4000, I'd do it in Mexico, just saying. Much fewer hoops, great results, VA won't penalize you for getting it done elsewhere so if there are complications, you get them taken care of here. Your call. Thanks for your service. I hope you had as much fun as I did when I was in uniform.

@@Candygyrl - Yep, sounds like you were seduced. Some guys are predatory and they seem to spot low hanging fruit, not saying this was the case, but I've seen it. Now recovering from an affair is hard and it does require a great deal of investment. An affair to a woman is very different than it is to a man. His hurt is that you disrespected him. That would not be your hurt if the situation was reversed. So please look at it from his perspective. (And this is interesting, nearly every book I see about recovering from infidelity and healing is from a woman's perspective. Guys who have been cheated on seem to leave, kill, or get over it. I'm sure there are exceptions, but not much written about it.). At least you are not being tempted at this point. So you don't have lust playing with your emotions. But you have body issues as well as healing in the relationship. Those are two very different things. Deal with these separately. If hubby suspects you are losing weight so the 22 year old's will keep coming, he is going to resent any positive change. If you succeed at losing and he knows this, well it would be difficult to keep going IMHO. I am not one to judge because to me monogamy is not natural. Never has been. I've met very few people that have only slept with one person ever. And when I have they have all been that way because of perceived social pressures, not because they were not tempted. I was faithfully married for 21 years. It has only been post marriage where I started really re-examining my beliefs towards marriage. With my ex, we had negotiated complete fidelity within the marriage. I won't do that, nor expect in future relationship. I am completely happy with it now, but this has been a subject I have discussed with my significant other, and we are coming to a meeting of the minds in this area. I am of the mind that relationships should not be ruined because of sex. In the course of the marriage, kids happen, too much work happens and one partner can just lose interest...does that mean you have to rip up a relationship because one has needs and the other doesn't? It is worth discussing down the road, but for now you have some healing to do. Good luck.

Following my divorce I took a year to make sure I was emotionally clean before beginning to date. Two years ago when I was 300 pounds I had some success with Match.com. I took a break from dating following the surgery. I decided to try eHarmony in January. Now that I am 80 pounds lighter I have had even more success. Just being more attractive helps. I think it has done great things for my confidence. Most women in my age/target demographic group are health conscious. They don't want to date a guy who is pre-diabetic. Many people complain online dating doesn't work, and they feel rejected and ignored. My question is how seriously are you taking the process? Have you invested in high quality pictures to go on your profile? Have you looked at the myriad of resources out there to put together a really good profile? Do you know how many people are visiting the site you are on? (Go to http://www.alexa.com/ and look up the dating site you are interested in. You can find out how many men/women visit per day and other info to see if the numbers are high enough for you to invest your time there). Speaking of numbers - do you know how many prospective singles are in your area? There are 2368 single women, 40-50 who are employed with college degrees within 25 miles of my house. How do I know? I looked up the census bureau information. Do a little checking and you will find there are sites which will give you a good indication of how many prospective singles there are. One reason why you may not be getting many dates is there are not enough prospects in your area. Just knowing this helps you understand why you are not getting any interest to your profile. The fewer prospects you have, the longer the search will take. It is just a numbers thing. If you have 1000 people, some will be dating and will not be on the market, but then they break up and are back on the market. Be realistic. Getting dates is just sales and marketing (don't get judgmental; makeup/Spanx/pushup bras are just sales and marketing tools too). Here is a link to one of the best profiles I have ever seen. Back before the internet people used personal ads in newspapers to find dates. This is Gary Halbert's ad: http://www.thegaryha...Personal_Ad.pdf The profile is perfect, it describes him, what he DOESN'T WANT, and then what he wants. Your profile needs to follow the same pattern. A good online dating profile uses direct response marketing principles, but instead of selling a book, you are selling you. Test your profile. Put up different pictures. If one version doesn't work at attracting the people you want to meet, try another. I did three tests versions before I found one that worked well for me. Women, please don't feel the need to respond to every guy who sends you a note. Online dating is a numbers game. It is a tool to help you get higher quality prospective dates than simple random chance. Be safe. Every state has criminal/court records online. Get to know how to use those tools. Learn to Google someone. It's not creepy, it's just smart. And always insist the first meeting be at a Starbucks during the day (lots of light, lots of exits). Invest 20 minutes in the initial meeting. If there pictures match what you see, then go for a real date. Another complaint I have heard - everyone is just interested in sex. I don't think that is true, but why is there so much early sex in online dating? Well in my case I am mostly dating people who are divorced. We are used to having sex after going out on a date from our married days, so that makes sense there will be more sex than when we first dated before marriage. The other reason is by the time you actually go out you actually should have gotten to know the other person fairly well online. You get information that would normally take 3 or 4 dates to find out, so physical intimacy seems OK earlier than when you are starting the dating process. My dating maxims and other unsolicited advise 1) Women (wither they know it or not) always control the pace of a relationship 2) Men will continue to pursue as long as they are interested 3) If they are not pursing, then they are not interested 4) Some element of tension is vital to a growing relationship or it gets flaccid and it keeps everyone on their best behavior 5) It takes six months before all the shields and protections are down to really know someone 6) Biggest danger in online dating -- grass is always greener syndrome. This will keep you from committing to a good person because there may be someone better online. Enjoy the process. It's not rejection, it's just feedback. It's a numbers game, but be safe, be real and don't be cavalier with people's hearts.

Mathmatical Evidence for Finding the Right Person This is an interesting TED talk on the math of romance... https://www.ted.com/talks/hannah_fry_the_mathematics_of_love?language=en#t-699041 Great reason why bald guys should never wear hats and why you should not try to hide things which might make you appear unattractive. Looking absolutely perfect will result in few contacts because most potential suitors will say "oh what's the point, I am not going to humiliate myself." Very much worth watching just for that.

It worked very well for me, but it really depends on where you live. If you live in sparsely populated place, or with low internet penetration, it just wont work well. The last web stats I saw was Match.com was 60% female. Tinder though is 2 guys to every woman: https://mic.com/articles/110774/two-thirds-of-tinder-users-are-men-here-s-why#.u29TpoB5v Good Washinton Post article on creating a profile that is credible: https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/wonk/wp/2016/08/02/researchers-have-figured-out-the-one-thing-not-to-do-in-your-online-dating-profile/?wpisrc=nl_most-draw7&wpmm=1

Very good article on how to design a believable profile for online dating in the Washington Post: https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/wonk/wp/2016/08/02/researchers-have-figured-out-the-one-thing-not-to-do-in-your-online-dating-profile/?wpisrc=nl_most-draw7&wpmm=1

@@TracyBar - The hormone dump lasts about as long the major weight loss is happening (testosterone and estrogen are stored in the fat). Then you get a big testosterone boost because estrogen levels drop when you lose weight. That effect can also last a 1-3 months.

@@J_Lynn77 - hmm, what changed? Are you tracking? By tracking I mean exercise and every bit of food and drink. Be hard on yourself for a while. I gained four pounds this last quarter...it ticked me off. BUT I realized that I have been really slacking on my exercise. OK, that will make it happen. Having some data points actually helps to make better calls.

@@darima77 - THIS IS A JOKE....Just spread a rumor that you have gotten heavily into crack cocaine, That will at least end the WLS talk. And when you don't lose your teeth the rumors will stop.

Good luck, are you a dependent or active duty? (And thanks for your service. The stay at home spouse sacrifices as much as the other...umm I was the other ). Look hard at there rate of infections. I found the self pay in Mexico had much lower rates of post opp infections than most government facilities in the states according to http://theific.org when I looked into this a couple of years ago. Which is why I picked those facilities.

If you are an American, HIPAA law prevents your employer or future employer from being able to access your medical record. No medical practice would go giving out that information unless they want to get sued. It is against the law. Sent from my Nexus 10 using the BariatricPal App Ummm, Horse S**t. Sorry, HIPPA was wiped out in 2009 when the American Recovery and Reinvestment Act of 2009 was passed. One of the provisions was an automation of doctor and hospital records via federal grants to state hospital associations. The public reason was "well it will make it easier for people's medical records to be shared with other medical providers in case of emergency." And that is a dang lie. If you want more information than you ever want on this, I am very sure I can prove that assertion. For the purposes of this discussion, if you have serious drug/alcohol or psychiatric problems and you think the government, law enforcement or big pharma doesn't know it, you are wrong if you have third party coverage. What this means is even though you think your attempts to get help won't or can't be used to keep you from purchasing a firearm in the future, hurt your job prospects, create difficulty getting insurance and professional licening et. al. YOU ARE FLAT OUT WRONG. That patient privacy/HIPPA form that you sign is not worth the paper it is printed on. I self pay and have to work very hard to keep my information out of that system. NOTE: you might ask, why do I care? I really don't give a rip about being one more data point in a government data base, but my ex-wife is a government employee (and bi-polar) and she has access to the whole dang database. She illegally tracks everything I do on the system and let's my kids know everything about my medical history, with the hope of embarrassing me. I don't want her, or anyone else to know. So I work very hard to keep it private. I switched to a non-ObamaCare insurance plan. My doctor is not on the state electronic record system. Most of my pharmaceuticals are purchased from other countries because its cheaper, and no one has a record. So the assertion that it's ok to get help with drug and alcohol problems because "the government will protect your privacy" is VERY, DANGEROUSLY wrong. Sorry. That's a fact and I will gladly defend my position to anyone who wants more info. But this isn't a political site,so I don't want to get too far afield on this, so please if you disagree or want more info please PM.

@@GinaCampbell - Young lady, I don't know what to say, but I think those idiots messed the lot of you up. I know it is mathematically possible for all of you to be the worst cases in one spot, just as it is mathematically possible that a bunch of chimps could randomly type out Romeo and Juliet, but the odds are really low.

@@FloraBama Girl - That is my favorite hole in the wall bar ever. Need to get back down to the redneck riviera soon.

"Nightmare"? Hell I loved it. Can you imagine being a 17 without the teen angst, and know what in the heck you are doing? That is fun stuff when you are a responsible adult with his own house and hot tub. Just saying

@@summerset - yep at some point I'll forget I'm sleeved and leave @@sharonintx - "great bariatric enforcers" - I Iike this term BTW...I think it might make a great t-shirt GBE. That might get a good conversation going, esp with a before and after pic on the shirt. But I am not too worried about this site. There are two groups of people who seem to be successful...those who jumped through all the third party payers hoops, and those who self paid...it was a struggle to get the surgery but they soldiered on. And there are those who whine and feel like they have to because of family or some other outside pressure. (Strangely, I can usually quickly figure out where they are on the spectrum, and will respond as I think I seem them). I'll keep poking around until my memories of starting off on this journey start to fade and seem irrelevant.

@ - Sigh wish I had done this at 46 Oh well. Funny, I kind of figured out most of this on the front end watching YouTube videos of those who did well and those who fell on their face. It all boiled down to research and attitude. You knew it was a tool, not a magic wand. And that is clear from your story (and it is a very good and very real one BTW). Thanks for sharing. My hope is that those thinking about this would read your story first and quit thinking this is automatic permanent weight loss. I can't/won't talk about all the personal struggle messages I get into with people who are fighting other demons that pop into their lives post surgery. But HELL YEAH it is a great tool and I would do it again in a heartbeat. I just wished I could have planned better for the hormone dump as a single guy (wink wink, wow that was fun).

Hate to chime in, I was 52, and I freakin rocked it. Got in the best shape I could at my size, and I have been really digging the 80+ pounds lost. The pre-op diet is to shrink your liver so the surgeon can go in from the side and cut your stomach. It he/she can get a straight shot they will get you done quickly reducing recovery time. This sleave thing is a tool. You can do it. Pre-op is only for a couple of weeks depending on how fatty the liver is. Then get walking and figure out what Protein works for you. Not sure Tai Chi is a great idea for the first month because IMHO it puts too much stress on the core, but please feel free to ask the surgery team. (NOTE this is a personal opinion based on my experience with Tai Chi, don't know what the Regis version is). The reason they don't want you too lift too much for the first month is for the staple line to fully heal. Hope that makes sense. Age is just a number, and there are many here who were older than I was when they had their surgery and they freakin rocked it too.

Don't know what I would have done without my "coffee cup" warmer during that phase. It took so long to eat my scrambled eggs they would get cold. But by keeping it on the cup warmer, I could take a bite wander away and come back. (My lawyer says I need to say - don't put a paper or Styrofoam plate on the warmer, only use ceramic...geez).

Run by GNC and try a couple of the Isopure flavors (I liked the green tea). Not everyone does (I admit, some kind of gag on it, but if you can tolerate it, it's easy Protein during this phase). I could sip through two of those when I was on Clear liquids and get 80g of protein. Never had an energy drop.

@@TracyBar - 6-800? You know it depends. Sometimes people's metabolism gets so messed up from yo-yo dieting that is what they need. Some need more. We are all the same in that we are all different. There is a great deal of trial and error and figuring out what works for you.