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@@Cervidae Ill add this to the appropriate section. Thanks for sharing. Hope you had a smooth move of your own!

@@healthyamy Posts like this make my day. Thank you.

Before surgery we got along quite well. It knew what I expected and I knew what it expected. We worked together. Since surgery it's been on extreme or another. Either I think I am about to pass gas, and...... wind up doing a load of laundry that is nasty, OR days go by where I forget I even have an ass because it does nothing except pass actual gas. I have been trying to up my Fiber but I am still on stage 4, so no fibrous veggies yet. Chili has been wonderful with the exception of the gas (thanks to whoever discovered gas-x!) This is how I have felt for the last 10 days or so. See attached image. So I talked to my Surgeons PA and she suggested double doses of Miralax until I got settled. 3 days and nothing but more of the above. I get over 100oz of Water a day, so that's not it. I called her back and she suggested Milk of Magnesia, commonly referred to as MOM. 4 Tablespoons, lots of tummy grumbling and more of the above. So today I took a double dose of Miralax, and forgot I did and took MOM as well. Fast forward two hours...... MOM should stand for Massive Out coming Mixture. I thought I was going to pass a bit of gas, and managed to hold off long enough to get to the commode. What happened next is too graphic for publication. I CAN tell you that my recent 'stall' ended I lost 5 pounds in about a 1/2 a hour. So the lesson here is Trust in MOM. But whatever you do, DO NOT combine it with Miralax, Or you will have the worst case of volcano ass you can imagine. This has been a public service announcement.

According to the latest statistics I could find, in 2014, there were 190,000 bariatric surgeries in the United States. 100,000 were sleeves, 50,000 RNY GB and the rest was a mix of bands and revisions from bands to RNY GP, which oddly enough if I read the data correctly, more conversions from band to bypass are done than bands. The sleeve is a quick and easy operation with minimal complications. The problem is that it is still (in medical terms) new. There is no 10 year data or studies. The RNY GP was developed in France in the 1960's. It is a well understood procedure, that has been honed over the years to be as effective as possible. Read the history on it, it's actually amazing all the revisions the surgery has gone through over the years.

@@psvzum That was the whole intention of this thread to make an amusing topic where we could share information about something not everyone wants to talk about. All my posts, while legitimate in content, are also crafted to make the reader laugh, something I think we can all do more of.

I take them as well, plus I eat a ton of yogurt (it's like the only treat I eat), it was ass neutral. It did not seem to help me. MOM did. Keep my ass in line too.

The problem with this is that I am built like a football player. I have very wide large shoulders, very big legs, and am just a big guy. Even in the Army I was allowed to weight I think 200 lbs, when for my height I should have been at 170 I think. My NUT and I discussed this today, and she said the best indicator for someone like me is the scale you step on barefoot that calculates excess body fat, there is percentage of body fat that is okay 6%? 8%? I don't remember but at my 3 month appointment I get that measurement done again and I'll make sure to get my idea body fat %.

Diet = unrestricted. Down 22 pounds in 4 weeks. Currently I am at 39% of my goal weight. My NUT checked the calculations twice and said this is amazing. She said you are in like the top 5% of weight loss patients, you are where you should be between months 3 and 4, not at 2. She went over my diet, and was very happy, we talked about what I eat, when and how, but when we got to exercise she realized why I am loosing so much weight. I am training for an Event called the Tough Ruck http://www.toughruck.org/ I have 9 hours to walk 26.2 miles, so I am really pushing it. I am up to 7.57 miles in the am as a single activity and I walk everywhere, so I do 10-12 miles a day. She was flabbergasted. Supportive, but amazed. She said she's never seen such motivation in someone, and just knows I will do well. I explained, what I refuse to eat. Sugar, corn, flour, rice, Pasta, anything processed or fructose. If she was amazed before, her jaw hit the ground. I was like, why are you so surprised, this was a lifestyle change, these foods are hollow calories and should be avoided. We then talked carbs, I told her my net carbs per day is probably around 60. But I am trying to get lower. I did low carb for about a year and felt amazing. I'd like to get back to that. She said, you know in a year, or so, you can probably have a 1/2 a cupcake or a small piece of cake and tolerate it. I said why? Why open that door? One bite, is all it takes. One cupcake leads to two. Then to three, then I am fat again. I said do you always tell you clients to eat cupcakes after a year? And she was like no no, but your completely abstaining from these foods you can treat yourself. I said I just did, I bought pants 3 sizes smaller and they are now loose. Nothing tastes as good as being thin feels. She called me an inspiration, shook my hand and watched me walk down the stairs. All in all I walked away feeling pretty good.

So an update. Ass is still functioning as per the manual. I was at the pharmacy today getting a prescription filled and talking to my pharmacist. She's very nice and really cool. I asked her if she had heard of a product called "Go Lightly" and she gasped and said "OMG You don't have to take that do you?!?" I said no, and asked her about it. She said it's used before colonoscopies to completely clear you out. It's very powerful and everyone who takes it complains, in fact she said the worse part is the end when you are passing the last of the fecal matter out and it is still acidic, she recommends people keep baking soda/powder (the base one not the acidic one) to neutralize the acid burning their anus. She asked me why I wanted to know, so I filler her in on my ass troubles and the result of a double dose of Miralax and MOM. She started to laugh, but when I told her I was going to ask my PCP for a script for a bottle she said why? I said, well I keep the MOM on the back of the toilet so my ass sees it every-time I sit down and it keeps it in it's memory of what I can do to it. And I thought I could add a bottle of this to let my ass know who is really in charge. She laughed so hard, she had to excuse herself to go to the ladies room. When she came back she said she was about to pee herself she was laughing so hard. She asked me if I really keep the MOM there and I was like oh hell yes! I'll take a picture. We shared a good laugh. And I am serious about getting a bottle of this stuff, just in case.......

CMC has like six centers across the state, call them at (603)663-7377 and ask where the closest support group to you is located.

@heather5565 I loss 5 pounds in 1/2 an hour. Worked well for me. I was actually kinda happy, even though the ten days I was miserable were terrible, I thought I had hit another stall. Yeah, my ass stalled.

@@laguerr13 I live Volcano Ass as it more closely describes the event. Stomach rumbles for awhile, a couple farts, perhaps a little warning blast, then FULL ERUPTION. I produced enough thrust to probably lift myself a couple inches above the bowl. But I was so busy, with, well you know, that I did not feel the need to add counterbalance. Each succesive eruption was less than the initial one. Until I was, well, empty. Then the rumbling stopped. And I just knew I had done it. I will make sure to stay away from a product called "Go Lightly" or perhaps I should see if my PCP will write me a script for it to add to my arsenal. I could put it next to the MOM and advise my ass, this is next should it become uncooperative again.

So I thought I would pop in an give you all an update and a bit of amusement. It appears that my ass was as unhappy with the results of the Miralax and MOM combination causing volcano ass eruptions. I would have thought it would not care, but since then it has apparently thought things over and decided to play nice, or face more MOM and the ensuing calamity. We have been getting along for a number of days now. Some better than others, but overall my ass appears to be functioning within reason and performing the task assigned to it. I do keep the MOM on the back of the toilet bowl just so my ass sees it every time I sit down to use the commode, I think my tough love may have cured my ass or at least frightened it enough to properly......ah work. Oh and @@heather5565 Jesus Christ with all those ass tools you should be able to pass anything. When I was erupting, I was shocked at what came out of my ass. I don't remember eating some of the stuff I saw. But then again, if a kitten had come out I doubt it would have shocked me. (Although said kitten would require years of intensive therapy to have any chance at a happy life) I would suggest what my PA told me, double doses or Miralax for a couple days, if that does not work, break out the MOM. Senokot is a bulking agent we are not supposed to take until 6+ months out. Don't ask me what a bulking agent is, I just know it's ass related and not on the approved list. I feel that with the impending threat of MOM my ass will stay the course and behave, if not.......... Well, at least it's over pretty quickly.\ Good luck!

I would tread very carefully about asking if he wants to remain married. If he has issues (and clearly he does) this is a warning to him of what you are thinking. I would advise to get a lawyer, separate the money, and gtfo. If you mention divorce you are playing into his hands, and he'll take steps to have things go his way. I am not sure about the state you live in, but in many, "lack of services" is a reason for divorce. Choose wisely.

Drink slowly over the morning before lunch. Or I drink it down before I workout (a 7.5 mile walk, which burns ~2000 calories at my current pace) I don't think that during cardio level exercise the body ignored any food, especially 10 oz of liquid, it burns those 300 calories first, then it's left with the Protein. My NUT it thrilled at my protein intake, I wind in around 120-140+ grams a day. You could also drink 1/2 before you workout and 1/2 after. I have yet to be told to reduce my amount of protein I intake in a shake. I see my NUT Tuesday and will discuss this with her. Edit: Read this article. http://www.quickanddirtytips.com/health-fitness/healthy-eating/know-your-nutrients/how-much-protein-can-the-body-absorb?page=all Second Edit: Another article. http://www.muscleforlife.com/the-truth-about-protein-absorption-how-often-you-should-eat-protein-to-build-muscle/

@@bugsy72 FairLife milk is a milk product produced by cows and filtered in a new and unique way that cuts the carbs in 1/2 and nearly doubles the Protein and also cuts down on the fat (if you use Whole Milk). It tastes just like regular milk only creamier, The Skim to me tastes like 2% milk and the whole milk is more creamy than regular whole milk, but not quite as creamy as 1/2 and 1/2 or cream. It is sold nationwide, Coke bought the distribution rights when the company was having trouble, it's everywhere now. Caution it's expensive, I pay $3.89 for 1.5 liters, thats 52 oz or less than a 1/2 gallon. But to cut that many carbs, and add that much protein, it's worth every penny. Oh and one other thing, it usually has an expiration date about 2 months from when you get it, at least a month. I bought some the day before thanksgiving and it expires January 20th, 2016.

I think everyone made great comments. You certainly don't need our approval for your actions. Everyone wants to be wanted and especially in a marriage, there is a need for intimacy, otherwise, you are roommates. You have laid the cards on the table and done everything a reasonable person could be expected to do. Sometimes, we have to make hard decisions, and it sounds like you are at that point. For your own sanity, either accept this as the norm, and get used to it, or cut him loose. From your comments here, I am telling you the first, words out of his mouth if you do decide to leave him will be "I knew this was going to happen".

@@bayougirlmrsc That to me is a warning. Perhaps he feels your don't contribute enough to have 'earned' sex? That to me is a warning. Perhaps he feels your don't contribute enough to have 'earned' sex? But it does not work that way. Perhaps his T count is still low, perhaps he just lost the fire? There are a million reasons, direct, blunt, honest conversation to figure out what HIS problem is is the only solution.

@@Dar200 Rule #1 about the ass club, we never discuss the ass club Rule #2 about the ass club, we never discuss the ass club Rule #3 about the Ass Club, Never trust a fart!

Eighteen year old boy, hell. I am still this way, I was married to an ice cube. Things started well, then we got married and sex turned into a semi yearly event. In fact I can tell you when both my children were conceived as we had not had sex for months before, or after she got pregnant. My oldest daughter was a birthday gift..... My youngest was a Thanksgiving treat. I know what you are going through and feel badly for you. Both my wife and I remained faithful until after the divorce was over. Lol and she has remained celibate since then as well. Sex is an important part of a relationship, it's the most intimate moments of a marriage. (Okay it can be, or it can be a carnal episode that leaves you both drenched in sweat, panting, and feeling full of joy) Personally, I thank god everyday for free internet porn! But then again, I am a guy, it does not take much to arouse me, a picture, a webpage, a change in temperature, wind direction change, the sun rising or setting, a fly outside the window, lol..... Best to talk this out, these are the kinds of unsaid things that unravel a marriage. I wish you luck! And if you happen to find yourself in NH...... lol Just Kidding, I don't mess with married women, it's against my personal code.

This⬆ Doesn't sound like much of a friend. Also, I would be pissed if my husband dismissed my feelings like... LMAO-- My ex wife was the queen of cutting me off over perceived slights even imaginary stuff, hell the weather was enough to turn her off, in fact the orientation of the cat laying on the floor may have even caused her to get turned off (poor cat). I learned from the master mwahahhahaha

@@lifeofblair Same here. I felt no restriction at all post op. I stuck to the diet, and about a month afterwards I noticed a strange uncomfortable like feeling in my chest when I was just about done with my measured portion. I realized I was full and stopped eating. Strange that it took so long. And I do not get that sensation very often, but I do not eat big meals, I really watch my intake and outtake and tend to eat more, smaller meals over the course of the day. The goal is >100 oz Water > 100 grams of Protein and < 1000 (Ideally) 900 calories. Oh and at least 60% of my calories from Protein.

@@alishams86 You are most welcome. Humor is the best medicine and as a lot of the topics in here are sad and heartbreaking, I try to bring humor when I can. This is not over between my ass and me either, I wonder what my therapist would say if I asked her to work with us HAHAHA!!!

The Strawberry is horrible. Try Classic Chocolate in a glass or Fairlife milk for a real treat!

@@BLERDgirl That is a great idea!