jomarie

First off, I apologize for this horrribly long post but I'm feeling so discouraged and disappointed and hoping some feedback might help. This first posting I did over a month ago: I have a big question which I hope is okay that I post here and would love some feedback (sorry I'm so wordy) because the following occurences also play a role in my fears and hesitation??? My surgeon's office staff is what I would consider less than helpful, cooperative and really bad at listening and communicating. When I left my last doctor's appointment I was told by a staff member that someone would call me to discuss surgery dates at which time I let the person know that once I was given a few date options I would need to run them by my sister (who has a really busy schedule) to see which date she is available because she will be taking me to and picking me up from the hospital. I was real clear; however, when I got home from the appointment I received a call saying congrats on your surgery date for the following Wednesday. The call took me by surprise especially since I had been extremely clear when I left the doctor's office as to what I needed to do before scheduling surgery. I told the nurse over the phone that I had yet to speak to someone regarding surgery dates at which time she told me somone would call me back. Later that afternoon I had yet to hear from anyone so I called the office back to let them know that if the week following the date the nurse has discussed with me is open I can do it that day. The person I needed to speak to was in a meeting so I left a message with the receptionist and was told she would call me back in 20 minutes. Well a week went by and I had yet to receive a call back but instead what they did do is leave a message on my machine late in the afternoon informing me that they had scheduled me for appointments the following day. Well I wasn't home until the day of the appointments so I called them back AGAIN and said that no one has gotten back to me regarding surgery dates and that someone had scheduled appointments for me that required 4 hours without even checking with me first. And the story continues with one miscommunication after the next, one more never receiving a call back or even a return of an e-mail. I've ended up feeling so upset and also concerned that if they are this poor at dealing with the stuff which I would think they are used to by now such as schedule surgery, etc. what would happen in the case of an emergency. I just feel like an office whose sole expertise is dealing with obesity and WLS should be better at what they do then this??? Second posting: Well I did change offices but kept the same doctor assuming that it was the office staff that handled things so poorly. The doctor is just a visiting doctor at the first facility and thinking it was maybe the office not the doctor I had my files transferred to his private office. I met with the doctor and he asked why I choose to switch offices. I explained to him very nicely the above info. I saw him on May 8th and much to my surprise when they weighed me I had lost 10 pounds which put my bmi at 35.1. I have several comorbidities but due to my bmi the doctor said he would need to get me in right away which was fine with me. The soonest opening was May 21st @ 9:15. I paid the difference I needed to, did all my pre-op, took care of all I needed to such as having the dog groomed, paid all my bills, bought all the supplies/food/supplements needed for pre and post-op, and moved all my stuff to my mom's because of the stairs in my home and having to care for a big dog...and oh ya, followed the pre-op liquid diet to a tee. On Monday at 4:59 I was a left a message on my machine to call the doctors office. I called the following morning, the day before surgery, and was told they had to bump me to the 28th for another patient whose surgery appointment was after mine and made after I made my appointment almost 2 weeks prior because their surgery was more complicated. I could not believe what I was hearing or feeling. I had both my mom and sister rearrange their lives for this day and they want me to ask them to do it all again for another day plus the issue of my bmi and insurance was going to now be an even more obvious issue and last, liquid for another 8 days??? Everything in my body screamed run and touched on so many personal issues of being bumped and this happening not once but twice. I felt horrible. I was exhausted from all the preparation could not get past the "oh my gosh this is happening to me again." Well, I did not have surgery on the 21st nor am I scheduled for the 28th. My heart and gut can't make peace with the treatment. I thought it was the first facility but now I wonder if it's the doctor not his staff. I need to trust the doctor and after all this all I didn't feel trust for any part of this whole thing. When things like this happen once it bad but twice...I'm at a loss and don't know what to think or do. If anyone actually reads this horribly long posting, I thank you for taking the time because I know it's beyond long. Thanks again, jomarie

Northwest Nance, Long2BFree, YoungNY, Irish76, Stitchy, srowland2008 and Molly Molly, First off, thank you so much for taking the time to read and respond to my post. I'm so torn at this moment and all the feedback and support really helps. I'm trying to make sense of this whole thing, but still really confused. I don't know whether to just let this whole process go and resign myself to...it just wasn't meant to be or start over and find a new doctor. By each of your responses I saw that each one of you are in different places in your journey, I wish you all continued success. YoungNY, good luck on the 3rd. Take care and thanks again. jomarie

SherryW and Sue Magoo, I really appreciate you both reading my long post and for your feedback. It really helps! For me, as an overweight person I have often let things slide thinking it's all I deserve and have ignored my gut when it's telling me to run. For some reason this time was different. The issue of not being supportive before pretty much is an indication of what's to come once surgery is done. Support is such a big part in this whole process. I really appreciate both of yours. I wish both of you continued success. Thanks again. jomarie

Ramone, I am so glad that you did this poll. I have yet to be banded and I too worry about having regrets. I worry about the unknown, having something in my body which I have no idea what it's going to feel like and thinking what the heck have I done; plus I'm afraid of the pain. It is so good to hear that more than 80% of the people polled don't regret being banded. I love reading about everyone's experiences especially since this is a big life altering decision and any bit of information that can calm someone's fears and worries is always helpful. jomarie

Hi, In the mist of me trying to find the courage to finalize my surgery date I struggle with feelings of guilt or rather more like feelings of shame and weakness over not being able to lose this weight on my own and all that surrounds this whole weight thing that I have struggled with for so long. I keep thinking that I should just try one more diet before doing something so drastic. The flipside of all that are the moments I flashback over all of the diets I have tried over the past 35 years or so which have not been successful. Even though I know what it feels like to be overweight and don't like it, it's familiar and somewhat predictable. I'm just so afraid of the unknown, the pain and having something in my body which I have no idea what it's going to feel like. I just wish I knew what the lapband was going to feel like??? I'm also afraid that my family and friends will think I took the easy way out which brings on feelings and thoughts of shame and being flawed. The only thing that I do know for sure is that I don't want to be this weight this time next year. There are so many lapband success stories I just wish I could trust with confidence that I too can be one. Good luck to everyone on this same journey.

ImWkgOnMe, Thanks for reading my long post and for the feedback. An outside perspective is always helpful. What you said is exactly what my gut has been telling me for the past several weeks, I need to look for a new doctor and also write him a letter letting him know why. Thanks again.

I totally understand where everyone is coming from. At times I have moments of peace and clarity regarding my decision to move forward and be banded (either end of April or beginning of May, waiting to confirm) and then at other times I go through the same thoughts and emotions as mentioned in the above postings. The fear of the unknown is scary especially since one has no idea how his or her mind, body and soul are going to handle all the changes. I have a big question which I hope is okay that I post here and would love some feedback (sorry I'm so wordy) because the following occurences also play a role in my fears and hesitation??? My surgeon's office staff is what I would consider less than helpful, cooperative and really bad at listening and communicating. When I left my last doctor's appointment I was told by a staff member that someone would call me to discuss surgery dates at which time I let the person know that once I was given a few date options I would need to run them by my sister (who has a really busy schedule) to see which date she is available because she will be taking me to and picking me up from the hospital. I was real clear; however, when I got home from the appointment I received a call saying congrats on your surgery date for the following Wednesday. The call took me by surprise especially since I had been extremely clear when I left the doctor's office as to what I needed to do before scheduling surgery. I told the nurse over the phone that I had yet to speak to someone regarding surgery dates at which time she told me somone would call me back. Later that afternoon I had yet to hear from anyone so I called the office back to let them know that if the week following the date the nurse has discussed with me is open I can do it that day. The person I needed to speak to was in a meeting so I left a message with the receptionist and was told she would call me back in 20 minutes. Well a week went by and I had yet to receive a call back but instead what they did do is leave a message on my machine late in the afternoon informing me that they had scheduled me for appointments the following day. Well I wasn't home until the day of the appointments so I called them back AGAIN and said that no one has gotten back to me regarding surgery dates and that someone had scheduled appointments for me that required 4 hours without even checking with me first. And the story continues with one miscommunication after the next, one more never receiving a call back or even a return of an e-mail. I've ended up feeling so upset and also concerned that if they are this poor at dealing with the stuff which I would think they are used to by now such as schedule surgery, etc. what would happen in the case of an emergency. I just feel like an office whose sole expertise is dealing with obesity and WLS should be better at what they do then this??? Feedback welcome. Again, sorry so long. jomarie

Hi tskelli, I just read your posting. Thank you so much for the positive info. I have been trying to make a decision whether to move forward or not for so long now but my fears have gotten the best of me. I'm afraid of buyer's remorse so to say. The doctor I have selected is an excellent surgeon which definitely eases some of my fears, it's the after stuff that has paralyzed me up to this point. Can I give up or change certain things that I rely on such as decaf diet coke for the carbonation or coffee with cream; can I deal with the pain (and the pain really does scare me) and all the new life changes??? I have wasted so much of my life, energy and money over the years regarding my weight and have always ended right back where I started, and in some cases even worse off, I just don't want to fail again. Any other suggestions and/or any of your experiences you want to share with me would be great. Again, thank you for the positive info. jomarie

Hi Everyone, I'm really glad to have found this section on this particular topic. I have yet to be banded out of fear. So many of the fears I am having are discussed in section which is why I'm so grateful to find it. I'm afraid of buyer's remorse so to say, the pain and any complications that occur . It's such a big decision (purchase) and not one I can return. I keep thinking I should be able to do this on my own. Just try one more time but the truth is I have tried for over 30 years and still have a weight problem which I would think would be the turning point regarding finalizing my decision but it's not. I just don't know how to put my fears at ease which include the fear of what the hell have I done and how do I get this thing out of me. But it sounds like these are common fears and hit hardest right after surgery and until several weeks go by. I'm single, live alone and suffer from a horrible back injury plus have a limited support group which are also issues of concern. One of the e-mails mentioned that the pain is not something that lasts forever and it sounds like the doubts, fears and regrets aren't either. I'm just not sure what it's going to take for me to make the final decision and move forward.

allykat, Thanks for your response. I'm new to the boards and still learning how they work, including abbreviations and lingo. Am I reading your post correctly? Are you getting banded on the 27th of this month? If so, good luck. I meet with my doctor on the same day to decide if I'm going forward or not. You are so right about losing and regaining. That has been my life story which I think it's time I write a new story and make a decision once and for all. The more I think about it, the more I accept it's the right decision and I can't let fear control me any longer. Again, good luck and good health. Keep us posted as to how you are doing. take care, jomarie

I too, like mommyto3, am new to this forum and also unsure about moving forward with having WLS and in my case it would be the lapband. I first checked into gastric bypass, but just could not come to terms with particular post-surgery complications and fears so I decided to check out the lapband procedure. Although some of the concerns I have don't seem to be an issue with the lapband, I still find myself somewhat in the same position, unable to make a decision and move forward. I've been overweight for years and suffer from a serious back injury which I know losing the weight would help termendously, but I seem to get stuck and struck by the fear of the unknown. I'm afraid of the pain associated with the actual surgery and just afraid of failing. Weight has always been an issue for me and it feels like I've spent my whole life trying to lose this weight once and for all but always end up in the same place: trying another diet, buying another diet or self-help book and/or joining another weight loss program hoping that will be the answer, but to no avail. With a BMI of 36 and several comorbidities, I'm pretty sure my insurance will cover the procedure which is a big plus. I would love it if anyone who was in the same position as I am, stuck, fearful and indecisive, has some info or feedback about a similar experience and then what was the turning point or final yes and not looking back. Thanks so much, jomarie