Tierra T Tij

Too much anxiety and stress:
So lately thanks to COVID 19 (I don't have it though been trying to stay safe and healthy) I've been having severe anxiety and panic attacks lately. I've always had this problem but it's getting worse so as a result I've been having bad insomnia and getting sleep is hard for me right now. I wish it were easier but it's a work in progress AGAIN. I thought I got over this hump a while ago and was getting sleep but now my insomnia is back in full spring and I hate it! My grandmother is also moving on Tuesday and that is also stressing me out because I'll have no family nearby since everybody is in other states now thanks to California being too high. It makes me so sad man! But I am seeing her today on Monday for the last time before she leaves on Tuesday this week.

Having a tough time today:
I'm writing this because I feel like I hit a tough spot because I went to the doctor recently to find out I gained 11 pounds in less than 1 week. I was eating healthy, drinking tons of water and exercise only to gain 11 pounds which saddens me. I gained because my endocrinologist says I have hypothyroidism along with polycystic ovarian cyst syndrome not to mention my thyroid is REALLY off sync so I gain weight very quickly on top of taking lithium/latuda which also fights against my thyroid to make me obsessively gain weight. So I've been kind of frantic trying to find something that works along with gastric bypass. It's funny my family thought it was a easy way out but it's not by far easy at all, it seems to be harder than before surgery but it's worth it in the end I just have count my blessings and be happy of the little things.

Well, I am breezing through, after 3 times of trial and error/ trying when it comes to referrals for weight lost surgery 4 years of headache, changes of insurance, diets, pains, ups and downs (a whole lot of them!). It finally paid off and my surgery is May 15th of this month. I've been doing my liquid diet and it's going okay, I'm trying to remember to take my vitamins and do stuff right. I had a smart watch with a timer/log for my meds,food,water, and exercise that synced to my phone but I don't know how that well I use it so instead I just have a log I put on my fridge now. I think I'm going to call this year "The Year Of Self Care and Improvements" because I REALLY want to live up to that. I feel VERY alone though and I've lost friends and family due to my decision to have weight loss surgery and also the fact that I don't go out much because I don't want to be tempted/go back to old habits right now and I guess that's another reason why I lost connections. But I just see it this way maybe some of those people don't deserve me because I have high hopes for the future and it doesn't involve those fake people who said they would be there for me until the end. But I'd rather love/learn to love myself because in the end that's all I have, I'm a lone wolf but it's okay I'll find people worthy of my time and efforts someday.