My Bariatric Life

@@BeagleLover thank you! It is light on content right now but I have lots to upload!

@@tissiegirl thanks so much!!!

Congrats! And just a word of caution... I bought clothes too early after surgery and they ultimately ended up being too big. Try to wait 4-mos if you can. Your body will change a lot. As for me, my "celebratory something" were thongs. It was nice to feel sexy for almost the first time ever.

@@AvaFern while that is true the majority of the time, I know quite a few doctors and surgeons and have had enough experiences to know that not all women are viewed as "slabs of meat to be nipped and tucked" by all surgeons. Even in the medical code of ethics it discusses how attraction can be a very natural thing.

@@counrtygirl did it make it better or worse with your husband there seeing another man touch you (even though it was your surgeon)?

@@pippinleicester during my second surgery, my big one with four procedures, The night of my surgery I lay in the care center bed completely immobilized. I could not even wipe the hair from my face that was sticking to me because I was crying. To make things worse, my period had come early and was very heavy. I could not reach between my legs to clean myself or put the tampon in. So I lay there feeling disgusting because I am bleeding on top of everything else. I asked the nurse to help me and she tells the aid to clean me and put the tampon in. The nurse shakes her head, "No no. I ain't doing that." I was humiliated. So the nurse cleaned me up and put in the tampon. It was really difficult for her to get in between the catheter and the mattress. More embarrassment. The worst was when the night nurse came in and admonished me. "We don't do that here. You'll just have to lay on a cloth." Really? You don't clean patients' genitals? So all of the geriatric patients in LTC are sitting in their own feces and urine? I was so offended and humiliated by this woman, and in my weakened condition I could not advocate for myself. The next morning I am crying when Dr. Capella sees me but I am too embarrassed to tell him about what had happened. I have always been shy like that about menstruation. I could not even tell him prior to surgery that I was menstruating. So what did I do? I sent him an email about it and asked him to intercede. It was still embarrassing but at least I did not have to look him in the face via email. In the meantime an aide came in and asked why I was crying. I told her what happened and she apologized for the way I had been treated and she and the day nurse took care of me. Now this part is hilarious... when I finally could stand a few days later, she and the nurse had me bend forward over my walker so that they could insert the tampon from behind. That is because it was so darn hard to get it in with me lying in the bed with a catheter. And while it was an embarrassing experience, what made it hilarious is that the aid who was 50 or so tells the nurse as she is inserting it to make sure the string is hanging out. She had never used a tampon herself and thought that the thing could somehow work its way up inside me and so the nurse had better not push it up too far and make sure there was plenty of string hanging out. I still laugh thinking how the nurse and I explained how that was not possible. She was such a doll this aid.

Puppypaws, someone who would choose that as her avatar has got to be a very loving and gentle person. I am sorry that you were harmed by this animal. What I am about to write next I do so with the utmost compassion: Did you pray for his death, or at least wish it? That's probably what I would she done. If so then you got what you prayed for, or wished for. There is no more harm that can come his way... what I mean by that is we often want people to be harmed whom have harmed us, so that they can know what it feels like. Well, he's gotten the ultimate harm. He's dead. There is nothing more that can be done to him. Your prayers were answered. Now you need to release yourself. I was sexually assaulted by a plastic surgeon. And I remember one of the things that I felt was "what did it say about me" that I went back to this man a second time (during which he did the very same thing to me). I felt that I was partly to blame. On top of that, some of the people that I trusted and turned to for help did not believe me. I have never forgiven him because he does not deserve forgiveness. But I am no longer bothered by what happened. I wrote about what happened and published the article. It was very difficult to write the article but it was cathartic. It was my way of letting go. Perhaps you can find a way to let go. You don't have to forgive him. You just have to let go. I took a personal development class about getting right with your past. They said that people keep bringing the past into the present and ruining their future. It sounds to me that is what you are doing. I highly recommend the course. It is called The Landmark Forum and it did more for me in that 3-day weekend than an entire year of counseling ever did. They actually show participants how to get right with whatever it is that happened to you in the past. It was extremely powerful... extremely. I took an 8-week mindfulness-based stress reduction course and although it was good, it did not have near the power of the forum. Of course, different strokes, right... MBSR teaches us to accept what is rather than thinking what should be. So perhaps it will resonate with you. Regardless, this event that happened so very long ago still holds power over you. You need to take your power back. Don't allow him to harm you any longer. Many blessings.

@@CowgirlJane even now being so comfortable with my body, and a size 2, the last time I saw Dr. Capella he grabbed some skin (it still feels like fat to me) on my back. I was so grossed out by that. I think I threw up in my mouth just a little. Yeah, I was embarrassed, too, despite him saying I looked great.

@@HumanMerelyBeing yes, Dr. Joseph F. Capella in Ramsey NJ did all of my body contouring. I lived in NJ when I had the TT but have since gone back to him from Indianapolis for additional procedures. The travel is not easy but I could not imagine going to anyone else. I do believe that he is the best at what he does, reconstructing post massive weight loss bodies to normalcy. Plus his prices are good by comparison to other plastic surgeons. I paid $25k for total body contouring. That's nothing to sneeze at but when you see that a lot of surgeons are charging 40% or more than that... Be sure that you go to a plastic surgeon with deep experience in post massive weight loss plastic surgery. Plastic surgery is a highly competitive field and lots of surgeons are trying to capitalize on the bariatric patient base. There is a lot of heavy marketing that goes on -- I have seen it for myself and other surgeons have told me about it. Worse, I have seen some mediocre results, even some horror stories. Our bodies are far far different from women seeking mommy makeovers. Here is an interview article that I did with Dr. Capella that may help you in identifying the criteria you want to look for when interviewing plastic surgeons: http://www.healthcentral.com/obesity/c/276918/162591/interview-capella-plastic-1/ And here is my before and after video: Good luck!

My surgeon does the markup really quickly and does not put that many lines. I've heard of some markups taking 2-hours... wow, mine was like 15-min and I had LBL, medial thigh lift, extended arm lift, and breast lift. I was so anxious about the thigh lift markup because I thought he would mark everywhere that he was going to cut. Thankfully he did not. I was even too timid to ask him before surgery about where he was going to mark me and so I just suffered all those months. Add to that, my stomach was doing summersaults every time I thought about my legs being spread wide open on the spreader bars and what he would be seeing. Silly! I had been worried about labial spreading with the thigh lift. So when he did my markup, he had me lie on the table and as he was hunched over me looking at my mons, he showed me how he would pull my skin -- and when he did that my labia spread open and revealed my juicy bits. I seriously thought I would die. In my head I was screaming "I told you so!" But I could not utter a word. I was soooo scared about the surgery. Gladly I awoke with a very pretty mons and no labial spreading. I think I will start a new thread for us to share our most embarrassing moments during plastic surgery.

I saved the money for a few years to get my body contouring. I partially financed through Care Credit interest free my facial plastic surgery.

Good luck to you. I don't know that anyone had more anxiety going into this than I did. Wow, I cannot even describe what I went through. BUT it was absolutely worth it!!!!!!!

@@lisacaron well written, Lisa. I agree completely. Thanks for sharing!!!

I think that the only people who we can be hurt by emotionally are the ones that we love. After all, we all own our own feelings, and they are activated differently based on how we feel towards a person. I agree. It is hard to see the issue from someone else's side. But if we apply enough love to it, I believe that we can see past the shell and to the essence of the person. This is where we can begin to see their pain. It virtually always takes two. That person, unless a psychopath, has feelings just like we do. S/he may have been hurt by something we said or did even if we did not mean it in a hurtful way. And so starts the cycle of emotional responses based on underlying hurt. Both parties may feel wronged. Both parties probably feel some remorse over what happened. Both parties will get to a point where they mourn the loss of the relationship. Someone has to be strong enough to take the first step in mending the relationship, and hopefully the other person reciprocates. Understanding what went wrong and having someone say sincerely "I am sorry" can go a long way in healing, and can even deepen the relationship.

I don't know the circumstances of your situation but for myself it is important to make reparations. Yes, I think it is good to journal your feelings, or write a letter telling the person they suck and never sending that one, etc. Hemingway said to write long and hard about what hurts, and counselors also recommend writing as a tool for coping with difficulties. Oftentimes you can learn a lot about yourself through writing about your feelings and processing what happened. However, I think a letter should be sent, or even better a conversation had, in which the opening for healing is created. If the person mattered to you to begin with then that love does not die; it just gets buried under the hurt. It can be unburied again. Of course it takes both parties to unbury it. You cannot control what the other person will do, so if you choose to try to heal the relationship you cannot hold onto the outcome, because that person may not be at the emotional level of maturity to let go, or be able to focus on your needs and your pain rather than their own. But at least you will know that you tried your best. And maybe, just maybe, the relationship will be mended... if not then, than maybe down the road.

@@LumpySpacePrincess you are very wise with high emotional intelligence. A mentor long ago told me that she practices the rule of presumed innocence when I asked her how do I deal with some people. Presume the person doesn't know that they are <insert emotion here "hurting" "insulting" etc> you intentionally. Then you can start to detach your emotions from the situation and see the person in a different light.

I like where your head is at, mrsto. I am grateful for getting back in touch with my spirituality. I'd much rather come at the world from a place of love than fear. The world needs more love; it would solve a lot of problems. I have not felt this way I feel in a very long time. I had buried myself under layers of fat to keep from feeling my deep feelings of love because sometimes I just hurt more than I could bear. Now I believe that I am growing into a state of emotional maturity where I can be the loving person that I am, express my feelings without fear of being judged or rejected, and deal with the pain in ways that are not harmful to me (i.e. without over eating). That said, I believe, as does Rev. Mark, that sometimes relationships that are "meant to be" do not happen; that is free will.

Not in this relationship do I linger on "what should have been." But there is another relationship in which I have come to realize that what should have been shall never be. So thanks for that. I like the visual of taking a new picture.

I find that something truly hurts only if I love the person. And in this context I am talking about big hurts, not the ordinary kind. And we hurt each other, more than once. It was very protracted. But I felt that what he did to me was very very unfair and the retaliation was not equal to the hurt I caused him. This was not a romance but an important relationship to me. Sorry to be vague but I love the person and I have forgiven him, so I will not talk about him. Otherwise those negative feelings will begin to assault my tender heart again. I tried to repair the relationship but he did not respond to my kindness. I waited. I waited some more. Then I grew depressed. I began to emotionally eat but I soon enough snapped myself out of that. Then I grew angry that he had been so unkind, so unloving, so unforgiving, so selfish, so < fill in the blank >.And I was going to hurt him back. During this time I had been working on spiritual growth (I still am, actually). I wondered why this had happened? What was I supposed to learn from it? I don't believe in "I wish" statements. To me that is powerlessness. We cannot change the past. But we don't have to keep putting it in our present and ruining our future. We have the power to create our own destiny. So I did the work. I met with a spiritual leader. I meditated (guided meditation). I read books, online articles, and did some journaling. I prayed to have the Holy Spirit fill me with love. And all of the sudden I could not hurt this person back. And I did not understand it at first because I have always been the type of person to get justice (not revenge, justice). I still believed with every Fiber of my being that what this person did was so very wrong and yet I was unable to hurt him back. And my spiritual leader explained it to me. He said that my soul loved his soul and that was the deepest love there is because I was sacrificing something gf myself for what was best for him. I want to stay in this place of love. But this still hurts. I don't know if that is because I have not forgiven him or if I have not forgiven myself.

How did you forgive yourself?

I'd like to hear from those patients whom have faced divorce after their plastic surgery or bariatric surgery. Did you go through with it? Why or why not? What is it that made you consider divorce after plastic surgery/bariatric surgery (versus sooner in your relationship)? Are you happy with or do you regret your decision? Thank you.

I just finished reading a very good article, "Are We Really Meant To Be Monogamous?" It talks about what it really takes for a monogamous relationship to work, what a committed relationship should provide. http://www.collective-evolution.com/2014/08/23/are-we-really-meant-to-be-monogamous-the-reason-why-we-cheat-on-the-people-we-love/

Really loving my new skin after the TCA peel and the my fuller lips after the augmentation!!! I'm not wearing any makeup in this pic.

There is scientific evidence of increased weight loss after plastic surgery according to the ASPS. I don't recall the specifics but it had to do with hormonal changes after removing fat, that increased satiety and improved metabolism. I am more than one year out from my plastics and I have maintained the weight that I lost, which was considerable. It was due to a combination of what Dr. Capella removed, decreased appetite from the muscle plication. improved diet and exercise.

I'd like to hear from those patients whom have faced divorce after their weight loss. Did you go through with it? Why or why not? What is it that made you consider divorce after plastic weight loss (versus sooner in your relationship)? Are you happy with or do you regret your decision? Thank you.