My Bariatric Life

@@Kathy812 that's so great -- I've learned that there is no coincidence, only synchronicity. So yes, you were meant to read my post! Years ago I attended the well-respected Mindfulness-based Stress Reduction (MBSR) 8-week program developed by Jon Kabat-Zinn, Professor of Medicine Emeritus and creator of the Stress Reduction Clinic and the Center for Mindfulness in Medicine, Health Care, and Society at the University of Massachusetts Medical School. You may read about my experience in a series of posts beginning with “My Experience with Mindfulness Meditation”

@@Liz5012 I like that idea of meditating for a few minutes before you get out of bed. I may incorporate that into my daily practice!

I am reading a book by Dr. Judith Orloff, cited below. I find her perspective interesting as she combines psychology and spirituality, and speaks to the concepts of soul mates and unconditional love. She writes, "In your life, I urge you to keep checking in with your intuition about decisions. Never defer to opinions about whom you ought to love or be... So, in your search for a soul mate, practice defining what you want, then practice letting go of your attachments to those requirements, an excellent exercise in surrender. Set your intention, then release it— a tactic much different from obsessing or trying too hard to make something happen. You’ll get the hang of intuitively knowing when to lean into the right relationships instead of trying to force people to be what they’re not or having unrealistic expectations. Attaining such balance enhances the dance of intimacy." Instead, how many couples have we seen like this: Dr. Orloff writes, "I've treated longtime couples who aren’t soul mates but remain together out of loyalty, convenience, or inertia. It feels like a breach, “too much trouble,” or “too scary” to change, disrupt their routine, or work on restoring passion. They may care about each other, have children and a social network, and have day-to-day lives that function well. In addition, resisting change is often associated with the fear of being alone, of never finding a partner who’s a better match. Or negative patterns such as abuse and low self-worth keep them hooked into destructive relationships. It’s too big a leap to trust that the universe will bring them someone better, much less someone spectacular." Orloff, Judith Md (2014-04-01). The Ecstasy of Surrender: 12 Surprising Ways Letting Go Can Empower Your Life (p. 160). Potter/TenSpeed/Harmony. Kindle Edition.

I eat PALEO and do not eat red meat, so fast food is virtually impossible for me. And I am thankful for that. But there are a few options when I am in a bind. In and Out burger (not sure if they offer a turkey burger) and Jimmy Johns subs will serve their sandwiches wrapped in lettuce rather than bread. I order double meat at Jimmy Johns. Chipotle has a few nice salad options and several items are organic. I order the chicken fajita salad and hold the Beans and cheese and double up on the chicken. Carrying dried fruit and nuts and canned fish or chicken in the glove box of your car also are fast foods in an emergency.

We lightly explored the spiritual and sexual aspects of soul mate and twin flame relationships in Soul Relationships part 1. In part 2 we’ll explore how to recognize soul love and the purpose of the . Attraction is a curious thing. We can meet someone who has all the right qualities we seek in a mate, and yet not be attracted to him in the least bit. Less frequently, we meet someone and are physically attracted to him and an emotional attraction develops as we get to know him. Even less frequently, we meet someone and quickly we are drawn to him physically and emotionally, even though we do not yet know him deeply. The emotional attraction even may happen before the physical attraction, and can be very powerful. There is a recognition. When you feel this strong urge to enter into a relationship with someone, that’s soul love. If you’re in a true soul connection, you and your twin will truly love each other more than you’ve ever loved before. You love each other’s soul in a pure spiritual way and that love has existed before you even met. If the twins are not spiritually awake enough to welcome these loving feelings that consume them almost daily, then they may cause fear. Fear, insecurity, and doubt can be terrifying — a love that’s so powerful you begin to fear it because you’ve no control. You fear getting hurt. But you love her and you cannot help but to draw her near. You don’t understand these feelings, its as if she’s put a spell on you. You might analyze the relationship to death and come up with all the reasons why not to follow your heart’s desire. Or you may doubt her love (it’s not her fault, it’s your insecurity). You may push her away, by cutting her out of your life. Remember, each twin always feels what the other is feeling. So she may question your love and test you to see if you truly love her. Both twins are being forced to evaluate what their love is, and what it should be. There will be a crisis, or series of crisis, and this part of the process is very painful. The commitment level of both twins on the validity of their unconditional love is being put to the test. They are flooded with an emotional hurricane and eventually one or both twins withdraw from the other. This in turn, causes one twin to chase the other, and is an equally painful experience. The purpose here is to teach the twins that the Universe is in command and it is time to put their destiny into Its hands and release control. This surrender begins a powerful healing process. The quickest way through is to release pain, fears, judgement, and control to the Universe and send your twin unconditional love if you want her to come back. If she feels your anger she will stay away. If this is you, then you join a huge group of people who have experienced the inexplicable, "What the heck is going on?" Do not worry, just have faith and trust. This relationship is under Divine protection and all will be revealed and harmonized in the end. The Universe has brought the twins together because the time is right. Once you both grow to new levels of spiritual consciousness you will be reunited in the physical. Unconditional love is key to growing through that which challenge us most. That’s our Soul’s purpose—to learn and grow. When we do, we ascend to our higher consciousness. Our soul relationships trigger our issues precisely so we grow into our highest self, we lose our egos and love unconditionally. Unconditional love is what makes the twin flame union work. All feelings are derivatives of love or fear. To grow simply means we transform experiences of fear into experiences of love. We grow by consciously committing to unconditional love, each and every day. Choosing love means we see people (including ourselves) beyond their mistakes. We focus on the good in someone rather than the bad. We see the potential in our mates even when they cannot see it within themselves. We work through our “stuff.” We are kind, compassionate, understanding, and forgiving, even when it's hard to do. Both twins must accept that what is destined will be no matter what. Don’t be under the illusion that you can somehow circumvent this process. You are not the orchestrator of the Universe. The only thing your procrastination will accomplish is to prolong the hell that accompanies the Twin Flame Process and delay bliss. Your free will is not powerful enough to override it. That’s because the twin soul union has a Divine purpose. The Twin Flame journey is immensely deep and sacred. As the twins’ egos die completely the Divine force and destined events happen. Each twin experiences an awakening and Divine light and love radiates from them. You ask, “What was I thinking to run away from him" as both twins experience flashes of insight that ignites their spirituality and unconditional love. Together the twins have extraordinary power to heal, and this is their Divine purpose. The Twin Flame connection is beyond words, beyond time and beyond the ego. It has a destiny of it’s own, and is written in the stars. You can’t control it, you can only surrender to it. The Twin Flame Reunion may not adhere to your mind’s or society’s ideas of what is ‘normal’ within relationship paradigms, but remember we are in the midst of a global shift in energy that requires a new way of thinking about how life, and love, works. Please always listen to your own intuitive knowing about your twin flame, and don’t discount what you feel. You have the power to create or destroy your future. Our beliefs and desires manifest for us and reveal the key to nurturing love and joy in your lives.

Once we master our physical appetites we then begin to change the way we relate to ourselves and others. We move into higher levels of consciousness as our in-dwelling Souls (true self) take dominion over our once unbridled appetites (the ego) of the physical life. There is an awakening after our crisis (obesity, dis-ease). This higher part of us also then starts to develop a new understanding of how to rightly relate to the outer world, and resources (food), and to people. We are in a great transitional period. Our old way of being that was deeply entrenched in us was fearful. With this clearing of the mind (from a selfish consumption-driven life) we realize we have a piece of the answer, insight into a joyful Soul-driven life in which we experience true living by relying on our inner guidance rather than dogma and giving and receiving love unconditionally. Our focus will be on making our lives Heaven on Earth with the Spiritual purpose to serve all humanity. I am excited to bring my best forward. Destiny I believe in Teilhard de Chardin’s philosophy that we are Spiritual beings living a human existence. We existed in Spiritual form before we were born into our physical bodies. Our Souls, our true selves, are eternal. Our Soul is a part of the Divine, here to experience this life and its lessons. Our physical world reality exists for Spiritual growth. We are here to play and experience as much as we can. We are here to grow. For this purpose, Soul Mates have made agreements while in the Spiritual form to find each other in the physical world. Be it to clear up karma, complete unfinished business, or accomplish a particular goal together, these relationships are destined. Soul Mate Relationships During the first few meetings Soul Mates feel in some way connected, familiar or drawn to one another. It just feels different with this person. There is an instant affinity. Often the person or the situation has an emotional "charge" to it. The more intimate the relationship the larger the opportunity we are given to learn and grow. Soul Mate relationships are mirrors for us to learn more about ourselves. Some relationships are a joy to be in. This allows us to have a glimpse at who we could be, if we wanted to. This person is usually someone that we idealize and put on a pedestal. Some relationships challenge us and take work. Self understanding is the reason for these mirrors, not to ‘fix’ the other person, but to look at ourselves. This mirror is hard to look at; it reflects the things we’ve not yet finished in our karma. These are the things that we are most blind to. If we miss this opportunity, we’ll experience the same type of problem over and over again until we learn the loving lessons that are being presented to us. Though the life experience often feels otherwise, these lessons are always blessings and for our growth and fulfillment. Soul Mate relationships can be beautiful. They may be a married couple or true friends without any sexual involvement. Relationships may last a lifetime or only temporary for a particular purpose. De Chardin said, “Love alone is capable of uniting living beings in such a way as to complete and fulfill them, for it alone takes them and joins them by what is deepest in themselves.” The love between Soul Mates is very intense and strong. They, however, must learn to develop unconditional love and place the wants and needs of the other above his or her own (self-sacrifice). This love energy between Soul Mates only can be surpassed by the love between Twin Flame Souls. You may have several Soul Mates in a lifetime but each of us has only one Twin Flame (Twin Soul). Twin Flame Unions The Twin Flames’ sexual energies are immensely powerful and more profound than in any other relationship. This is not an ordinary relationship and it does not adhere to the ordinary rules. The act of love is dreamlike, it is electric, it is Heaven — the divine union of masculine and feminine energy — and will go on for hours. Twin Flame relationships are very different and very rare for they are two halves of the same soul. Attachment and longing for their union is ever-present in the subliminal consciousness. And the incessant throbbing of desire and deep-rooted love for the other Twin is never far beneath the subconscious. They go to great lengths to make the other Twin happy and secure even to one’s own detriment. The Twin’s happiness must be above one’s own. Inevitably there is infliction of pain, it is part of the Twin Flame process. This emotional conflict is almost unbearable, because they are Twins each feels precisely the same feelings as the other, so to hurt the other is to hurt oneself. There should be no blame here – only deep and unconditional love. Approach any disagreements with patience and love and compassion. One does not love the other despite the other’s faults; one loves the other for the other’s faults as much as for the other’s virtues. There is no room for judgment in Twin Soul pairings. Theirs is nothing less than Divine love. It is a relationship of such magnitude that others may not understand it, but will envy it. An energy that is beyond their control seems to pass from one to the other. This is both Twins recognizing each other at the soul level although most are not consciously aware they are Twin Flames. There will be synchronous and inexplicable events surrounding the union, and the Twins’ meeting may occur at a seemingly inconvenient time. Quite often one may be in an emotionally unfeeling marriage whilst the other is in a controlling and abusive one. Both can feel trapped. The Twins swing back and forth in a painful “twin flame dance” connecting then withdrawing. They long to hold and touch each other. They can’t stop thinking or fantasizing about one another. Yet they’re frightened to lose each other — they may fear being rejected or that their intense feelings may be one-sided. There may be other obstacles; the relationship may be judged inappropriate by moral precepts, such as a wide discrepancy in age. However Twin Flames are able to defy all laws that apply to this physical realm. Destiny has brought these two together at the perfect time, under the right circumstance. It is fated. Inevitably the two are torn apart and separated. This can be confusing if they do not understand the divine purpose of this separation. It is one of the 7 stages through which the Twin Flame Relationship must pass. Learning to have patience and not forcing the relationship is part of the Twin Flame process. Synchronicity is at work here to bring the two back together to fulfill their destiny. Once they’ve grown in Spirit, balanced their karma and love unconditionally so that they are whole within themselves, the Twin Flames join in a soul partnership deeper and more powerful than anything ever imagined. The only thing, in fact, that can keep the Twins apart is themselves. Continue to Soul Relationships, part 2.

While I am not a fan of romance novels, the sex scenes in the trailers for 50 Shades of Grey aroused my curiosity enough to see the movie today. There was a lot of sex and some scenes were rather erotic, but what's missing is foreplay. If you've seen the movie what did you think of it?

@@bayougirlmrsc the last time I read a romance novel was something like 20-25 yrs ago. It was only a few books that I took out from the library. A friend of mine turned me on to the genre. By and large I read non-fiction.

So the pharmacists, a woman, told me that any woman at my age (50) has hormone levels that are way off. She showed me a chart of the dramatic risk for breast cancer without HRT. If that is so, then why did't my obgyn recommend that I go on HRT? It was I that approached him and said I wanted human bio-identical hormone therapy. In a related vein, I saw my PCP recently and said I was suffering minor panic attacks again and having anxiety (both from a trauma). I asked for a script for the really rough times as I will not take these types of medications prophylactically. What I really wanted were integrative approaches to treat the panic and anxiety... things like meditation. He said exercise, which is a good suggestion, but beyond that told me that he didn't know of anything. To his credit, he did spend a very long time considering how he might be able to help me. Anyway I did some research and found a naturopath who is an M.D. I have an appointment with him towards the end of the month. I just wonder why my PCP did not think of that? We must be our own health advocates!!! If you are waiting for your doctor to do it all then you may one day find yourself in dire straits. Do not misunderstand. I have huge respect for great doctors... but the situation is that there are so many illness and drugs to treat them, and doctors are so short on time, that it is nearly impossible for them to keep up with the literature. Add to that, the US medical model is to treat disease with a pill and doctors are not trained in integrative approaches like they are in many other countries. I once knew a scientist from a pharmaceutical company who was nearly institutionalized for depression. However he phoned some psychiatrists back in the Netherlands where he was from and they told him to try MBSR, which actually was developed in the US. The great news is that this scientist avoided institutionalization because of the practice of MBSR (a specific type of meditation).

I am going to try hormone replacement therapy. I am not in menopause or peri menopause. But I have other issues that can be ameliorated with HRT. If you've taken it / are on it, what has been your experience? Thanks! Here is info http://www.lef.org/Protocols/Female-Reproductive/Female-Hormone-Restoration/Page-07

I would remove the skin now. Losing another 20 pounds should not affect the results of your tummy tuck.

My point of view is that naturally carbonated mineral water counts.

Wishing you a great outcome and a speedy recovery!

@bayougirlmrsc graphic and explicit are what I'd want, but there has to be an emotional bond based on love. This woman is sexually abused throughout the series, at least according to the synopsis of the reviews I read. I believe Rice is coming out with a 4th book in the series. Perhaps it will have a happy ending? There seem to be two genres, erotica and romance. I think merging the two to create stories that are graphic and explicit sexual relationships based on a love so deep that people would be envious, would sell volumes. Isn't that the ultimate relationship that people want? I read quite a bit but not much of it is fiction. If I do go for fiction it is probably a short story.

@@bayougirlmrsc "he touched her sex." Now that made me laugh. I read a little of the first book on Amazon preview as well as reader reviews. It seems the content is explicit and "deviant" by traditional moral precepts, so it surprises me that Rice cannot use a more lascivious word for the female anatomy. I put quotes around the word deviant as what is deviant is very subjective. I believe with the right partner a woman (or a man) would surrender herself to many pleasures. If the right man were willing to bleed for me, to show me his heart as he has not shown anyone else, then I would be the extreme intense passionate lover who would adore him through eternity. The plot of these books would not work for me as there is no love between them, nor a happy ending. I'd at least need to see a reformation, or transformation, of what begins as a sadistic relationship into one consumed by love.

I recently finished A Return to Love. Skimmed through The 5 Love Languages (read the parts that interested me). Now reading: Sacred Contracts, Edgar Cayce Creating Your Future, A Course in Miracles, and a few others... I only read ebooks on my device.

As a patient and obesity activist, I’ve spent roughly the last 2-years immersed in plastic surgery. Through my plastic surgery journey, as well as the patient journeys I’ve been privileged to be part of, and discussions with surgeons and other professionals in the business who very candidly gave me the inside scoop, much has been learned. Here are some insider tips to help you become a further informed and empowered patient. 4. There’s a lot of heavy marketing that goes on. From glitzy websites and fancy names for procedures, to spa-like practices and charming bedside manners. This is a highly competitive field, and plastic surgery is a business like any other business. The practice must make money. Don’t be taken in by the hype. Be sure to choose your plastic surgeon based on what matters: training, credentials, experience, and results. 5. Some plastic surgeons up-sell procedures. As noted in #4, this is a very competitive field. Some surgeons will recommend procedures that you do not need. Do your research and get at least three consults with different plastic surgeons. Get as many consults as you need until you find the right surgeon for you. FYI: the average income for a plastic surgeon is $400,000.00+ (source Doximity). 6. Some practices post fake reviews. Whether they’re posting fake good reviews about themselves or fake bad reviews about competitors, some underhanded tactics go on. It is a good idea to speak to patients personally, even if it is online, and get personal recommendations. See more at: http://www.healthcentral.com/obesity/c/276918/174416/17-plastic-surgery-insider#sthash.zMyGPHIo.dpuf

@@Elode good luck on your journey. it is an amazing and life changing adventure!

Definitely do NOT get constipated! And coughing is horrid, too!

With Valentine's Day just behind us it is a good time to take stock of our relationships. What follows is a synopsis of "what love is not" from the documentary film LOVE with Gary Null, Ph.D. You may watch LOVE on Amazon. Manifesting unconditional love requires two steps. First you must be aware of and step away from your conditioned negative response. Next you must proactively step into self actualizing love. Self actualization of love means you cannot say “I love you” and do something negative. Have you been in a situation where someone says love and then they are hypercritical or judgmental of you, or in someway made you feel obligated? No matter how many times someone says the word love, this is not love. Anyone who does this is not sharing love. The person is trying to control you by making you feel bad. As in “I did this for you and now you owe me.” That is a condition placed around love. You can’t owe someone love. It is not a commodity. You cannot barter it. No heart breaks when a person is manifesting love. Hearts break when the needs that are conditional are not being met. Watch how many times you can do something wonderful to a human being, with a human being, for a human being, and things are great until you stop. Watch how quickly that person comes at you. How many times have you done something for someone out of love and when you stopped they threw it back at you? Love is not one person demeaning another and expecting the other person to abdicate, so that person comes back and they share love. You are not sharing love when someone does something negative. When someone says something negative, when someone does something negative, it is not love that they are manifesting or sharing. It is a dark side conditional need in their own tortured and perverse way that they are making judgments against you so that you will surrender to them. Never surrender to love because its not love you are surrendering to. Anyone who wants you to surrender your authentic self is manipulating you. This is what love is not. And when people do surrender to have the relationship, or what they think is important in the relationship, they are going to find one day they wake up and wonder “Geez, why in the world am I feeling this way?” “Why are you speaking this way?” “Why are you doing this?” That is because the relationship had nothing to do with love. We have lost our self in the relationship, in the other person. This is not an organic, mature relationship. It has taken over our life in some sense. And then we really don’t know who we are. It is about the reflection of the other. Its always important when we love someone else to have that reflection and understanding and see a mirror of ourselves through the other. But we should not merge into them. Some of us have been mis-programmed and really cannot respond appropriately to the concept of love and harmony and beauty in the world we live in. These programs are downloaded into our subconscious and are like tapes that we play over and over. The conscious mind can override the subconscious mind. The conscious mind is the creative mind, where our dreams, desires, wishes, and ambitions are made. Unfortunately the conscious mind operates about 5% of the time and most of us are going about our day unconsciously operating from programs that have been prerecorded in our minds, things like “not good enough” or “you don’t matter” or “I am a failure." For personal empowerment we need to emphasize our conscious mind so as to overcome the subconscious. Our biggest opportunity for growth is to correct the mis-programming of our youth and put into our lives much more loving, healthy, harmonizing programs. We can reprogram the subconscious mind using the conscious mind. Suggested further reading is my opinion piece True Love on BariatricPal. See all articles by My Bariatric Life.

@@CowgirlJane please do tell. I won't be offended, I am secure in who I am :-) I honestly could not imagine a man NOT being turned on by this. I would expect that if I were single and a man found me sexy that the piercing would drive him up a wall (in a good way). And I think that type of man would be the type I would be sexually attracted to, as well, rather than a man who found it unappealing I hope that makes sense. While I'd be looking for a well educated professional man, he'd need to be "not conservative" in his views.

@@Julie norton yes it is very painful if you get muscle plication but the pain lasts only a few days. It is a very transformative procedure. You'll be able to make it up stairs slowly and with assistance. I suggest a month of downtime if you can swing it. Good luck!!!!!

@@CowgirlJane I did it shortly after my 50th b-day also. My husband doesn't really like it but I absolutely do. I think its super sexy.

I hope you are feeling well, Mark!

A friend of mine had her body contouring with Dr. Fisher in TX and she is delighted with her results as far as I know. She's got quite a few reviews of her procedures on RealSelf. OneDimSim is her avatar. I've corresponded with Dr. Fisher a few times on ObesityHelp and he was very nice. He tried to help me twice even though I was not his patient. The one thing that is deal breaker for me with Dr. Fisher is the arm scars in the back of the arm, so they are visible. Some surgeons choose to do it this way because it decreases the chance of complications. I have my incisions under the arms wear the shirt seam would be. And I had a complication with my brachioplasty that I am still dealing with for more than a year. But I still would not want the incision down the back of my arm as my arm scars are very dark. The surgery is a burden on your family members who must care for you. It also is a lot on your young children whom you won't be able to lift, etc for months. I just went ahead and did it without any consideration for my husband (my daughter is an adult so it did not impact her) not realizing the impact to him. I think it is best to discuss it but I also think the decision is yours whether he agrees or not. If this is the case, potentially you can make him feel heard and validated but tell him this means so much to you that it is something you just have to do and appreciate his support through it. Many marriages have been wrecked after plastic surgery. So do go about this in a considerate manner toward your spouse.