bobbyswife

Ambivalence is defined as the state of having mixed feelings or contradictory ideas about something. On this particular journey in my life I've decided that I have but only two kinds of days. The only way I can refer to them is as positive days and negative days. The two never seem to cross paths, and each morning promises one of the two. A new friend of mine that I have begun to get to know through this site, said it best; "It's almost like a strange retake on Groundhog's Day, where we've somehow got caught up in this (seemingly) never ending loop." That's exactly how I feel. I fall asleep at night thinking one of two things, either worry about the surgery and/or post op, or feeling excited about the surgery and/or post op success. I wake up feeling either anxious about how many days are left until surgery or hopeful about how positive my life will change for the better. I'm not quite sure why I keep vacillating so much between these two outlooks. The good thing about being on this site is that you can read all sorts of varying experiences from literally thousands and thousands of people. The bad thing about it is the exact same thing. It's the epitome of a catch 22. Sometimes when I read horror stories that people have gone through or turmoil that people going through right now as a result of surgery, its sets my nerves on overdrive. One side of me says, "that won't happen to me", and the other side says, "the risk here is real, even the risk of death". Those two extremes are just that. Extreme. Granted, I'm relatively healthy other than morbid obesity, degenerative arthritis and fibromyalgia. I don't have blood pressure problems or heart issues. But, the clock is ticking. I am getting no younger and no thinner being incapable of exercise in this state that I'm in. I know that I've made the right choice and I know that the more positive I remain, the better I will do. If I don't go through this surgery, one thing is for sure, I will get sicker, I will get heavier, and I will face more health challenges. My mind is made up, I just wish I could stop this cycle.

I've been thinking that since I have 2 months to prepare both mentally and otherwise, I would go ahead and start collecting little things for my new life. I'm traveling Mon - Thurs this week to New Orleans for work, so when I get back I'm going to take a nice box and cut off the top, then find some wrapping paper that makes me squeal with delight and put a big bow on it. This will be my gift to myself to celebrate my new birthday. I'll add things to it as I find them over the next few months. I'll start a tradition of giving myself a special gift (non-food, of course) every year on the anniversary of my new tummy! I was in the grocery store on Sunday and found the greatest little things that I think will be super helpful for post op, once I'm on semi-solids and solids. They are these adorable little 1 C. containers that come complete with a little removable ice pack that sits inside the lid. I've read that most sleevers won't come close to 1 C. of food for a long time (if ever), but these were the smallest ones I could find. I can't wait to use these little boogers, and of course the pink one is my favorite! I've also got some adorable little cocktail forks and spoons that will make me take itsy-bitsy little bites of food. I'm hoping to find more of those in cute designs. If anyone has any suggestions for my gift box to myself, I'm all ears!

I don’t want to look like a flying squirrel after my weight loss, so I’ve spent a great deal of time researching ways to combat loose skin, and while there’s no promise of perfect skin after losing a lot of weight, I’ve come up with the most common things that have supposedly been helpful when talking to and reading about people who have lost up to 100 pounds and more.
No, I’m not a skin specialist, but these are the top 10 things that I think I will do in these two months prepping for surgery Dec. 18th. None of these items would be negative, so any benefit that does come from them will be… well... a benefit!
These are in no particular order
1) Coconut Oil – I’m slathering myself in this every day. Coconut oil keeps the skin’s connective tissues strong and supple, and can even help with skin blemishes. I’ve already noticed a major improvement in my skin health since starting this regimen. I’ve always been prone to itchy skin and it has all completely stopped in a matter of days. Also, cooking with coconut oil is the healthiest in my opinion. Cooking with oils such as olive oil is counter-productive because once it reaches a certain temperature it starts to oxidize and release free radicals. That’s never good.
2) Body Brushing aka Dry Brushing - Releases toxins, stimulates the lymphatic system and improves circulation. Always dry brush in a circular motion, brushing toward your middle.
3) Water, Water, Water – Drink, Drink, Drink. If you’re an adult, you know this. Enough said.
4) Weight Training - Work those muscles. This one is tricky for me because I am so arthritic and have fibromyalgia and I have to literally micro-manage my every move in order to prevent adrenal fatigue, but I am so hoping, praying and wishing that once some of this weight comes off and I am in less pain, weight training will be possible again because I love it!
5) Say NO to sun bathing and chlorine – both of these dehydrate your skin. If you’re like me and love to be in the sun, use sunscreen or good clothing coverage. But, for me, I’m personally going to avoid too much direct exposure, at least between now and goal weight. It’s a healthy practice to get into anyway. Unfortunately it can be a catch 22 though, since so many sunscreens are full of skin harming chemicals. Your best bet = cover up! And for Heavens sake – stay out of the tanning bed! If you must go swimming, even in an indoor pool, wash that chlorine off ASAP. Can you say dry skin?
6) Regular Massage – I’m a big believer in massage for too many things to list, but treating your skin to regular massage stimulates your blood cells and lymphatic system. Your skin is your largest organ – treat it nicely
7) Protein – Lots of lean protein will give your skin the collagen and elastin that it needs to stay healthy. If you eat a bunch of crap – expect your skin to be crap, too. I know this from first hand experience. Any time I get off track and start feeding my body junk food, my skin is the first thing to suffer.
8) Use Decent Soap – it doesn’t have to be the most expensive thing on the market, but cleanse your skin with a decent moisturizing cleanser and avoid over-cleansing.
9) Essential Oils – my sister has recently delved into the essential oil world and I’ve really been impressed with some of the studies that have recently been put out. Lavender oil and almond oil just to name a few are amazing things. I add a few drops to my bath when I feel like soaking. It’s good for the skin and the lavender is oh-so-relaxing, too!
10) Compression Wear – The support group meeting that I attend is lead by a bariatric surgery nurse who himself has lost almost 300 lbs. in about 18 months post sleeve. He swears by compression clothing and says it doesn’t have to be the expensive stuff either. Just a good quality compression undershirt and leggings makes a big difference, he says.
Some other ideas I’ve heard about on bariatricpal.com and in my other searches include things like taking beef gelatin, using or making body wraps, using lotion with caffeine, and eating lots of high antioxidant fruits and vegetables. Getting in “lots” of fruits and veggies is particularly challenging for VSG’ers because protein must come first and there’s often not a lot of room for extra. For this reason, taking a bariatric grade supplement for life is critical. A couple of funny comments that I got when I posted a question on a forum about ways to prevent loose skin was “youth” and “good genetics”. I got a good chuckle out of the youth one because now that I’m in my 40’s it’s certainly apparent that I’m not a teenager anymore. But, alas, healthy skin is something we should try to keep at any age.
The bottom line is that none of this may work at all, but if I don't try, and I end up with loose skin, I'll wonder if it would have been better if I tried. If I try them all habitually and I still have loose skin, at least I'll only wonder if it would have been worse if I hadn't.

I went for my first support group meeting last night and Bobby wanted to go with me. We had a great time! It wasn't what I expected at all. I think I had in my mind that it would be a whole slew of people in a big room talking to each other for a while and then maybe a speaker or something. But it wasn't that at all, in fact it was just a large conference room table with about 10 people there. Only 4 of us were patients, everyone else was support. It was great to see everyone supporting their loved ones. The place I went wasn't my normal support group that I'll go to with the staff of my surgeon that meets once a month, but rather this one was lead by a friend of mine that is a nurse at another surgeons office. He was sleeved a year and a half ago and has lost 280 lbs. He's now 202 lbs and 5'10". His wife and I grew up together. She's only 4'11" and has lost 76 lbs. She's now 163. It was great to actually talk face to face with him (I haven't seen him in person since his surgery), and be able to get answers to a lot of questions. This support group meets every Friday night and is closer to my house than my surgeons group, so I'm looking forward to going to that one more often.