Gailypooh1

Today was a good day. No One bugged me. Ate lunch in peace. Hubby made dinner without the side of guilt. They should all be like this.

Today was a good day. No One bugged me. Ate lunch in peace. Hubby made dinner without the side of guilt. They should all be like this.

Get this--- the hubby and I just got in to our first actual argument about food. I truly believe that this is the first of many. I am 11 days out of surgery and still fighting the food addiction and lack of food while on this liquid portion, not to mention the insane cravings for things that I never would have cared to eat pre-band. Hubby text messages me from across the house to let me know that my pudding is ready. I let him know that I'll be down to get it later. He comes upstairs to inquire what my damage is... to which I respond, I'll be down in a few. He then announces that dinner is downstairs and he wants me to eat next to him. Already an emotional nightmare, I blurt out "I cant be around you and your food" (said while crying). Which sparks the guilt trip of how bad I am making him feel and how he feels he cant have anything to eat and I dont know how he feels... (flip bitch-switch now):eek:. I let him know that he has no idea how I feel and how much trouble I am having handling this whole thing. It hasnt even been 2 weeks... blah, blah, blah. So the dog and I go sit with him on the couch. The dog is acting up and I am not interested in his TV selection so I get up to bring the dog to her crate and he wigs out again... now he wants me to sit and watch some auto-auction on tv that is a snooze fest for me. It's odd, whenever I want to spend time with him, he runs off to Tony's or wherever. Now that he is being needy and I'm now used to doing things on my own around here, he's flipping out. I dont know what to do. He's been snappy all day.... I came home from work and let him know that one of the nurses at work has a friend that had lap band and felt the same way I do but now she's a hot mama and doing great and Margie gave me her number to talk with her to help get me thru this. He flipped. He wants his sister to be my support person but I think he has forgotten her words of wisdom regarding her "horror-in-law" and how much she didnt want to go to meetings together, didnt want to help me or want my help... etc. So when I reminded him of this, he got mad again. Either he is having one hell of a bad day and I am just in the way or he's really upset with me. Either way, I think this is just the first of many food related arguments. Other than that.. another day, another $1 made. Actually worked from 8-5 today. OOOH. I must have gotten some testicular fortitude at some point today... I called the Dr.s office and booked my first fill appointment. The nurse person I have to deal with is such a bitch. I hate calling there. She treats you like a 2 year old, she's mean and just nasty. Yes, I fear her. I'm not a confrontational person and this woman makes me want to slap her and run. So my first fill is Feb 11th. I cant wait.. maybe that will help with the hunger issues and hopefully by then I wont have such bad cravings as I will be back on real food. (Today, I want lettuce so bad). All in all, things are getting better. 2 of the 5 steri-strips have fallen off. I am still so itchy from the adhesive on them. One of the doctors at work and one of the NP's have told me to take them off but no way. I will let them fall off as instructed. Besides, if my skins rots off, that is weight lost. Speaking of weight lost, I got on the scale this morning... it said 98 pounds. Not 198 but 98. HAHAHA. I'm rather bloated for weighing in at 98 pounds. I'm thinking new battery or maybe new scale. I dont ever want to be 98 pounds. Anorexia is not a fashion statement. I am going for a hot shower, and my pillow. Hopefully I can sleep tonight. As tired as I was last night, I did not sleep well....

I am envious of your energy. I was banded the same day and I feel run-down and like crap. I am also HUNGRY. I dont see my doc again til Feb 11th for my first fill. I almost wish I had a 2 week follow up. 12 pounds lost is awesome!!!!

Get this--- the hubby and I just got in to our first actual argument about food. I truly believe that this is the first of many. I am 11 days out of surgery and still fighting the food addiction and lack of food while on this liquid portion, not to mention the insane cravings for things that I never would have cared to eat pre-band. Hubby text messages me from across the house to let me know that my pudding is ready. I let him know that I'll be down to get it later. He comes upstairs to inquire what my damage is... to which I respond, I'll be down in a few. He then announces that dinner is downstairs and he wants me to eat next to him. Already an emotional nightmare, I blurt out "I cant be around you and your food" (said while crying). Which sparks the guilt trip of how bad I am making him feel and how he feels he cant have anything to eat and I dont know how he feels... (flip bitch-switch now). I let him know that he has no idea how I feel and how much trouble I am having handling this whole thing. It hasnt even been 2 weeks... blah, blah, blah. So the dog and I go sit with him on the couch. The dog is acting up and I am not interested in his TV selection so I get up to bring the dog to her crate and he wigs out again... now he wants me to sit and watch some auto-auction on tv that is a snooze fest for me. It's odd, whenever I want to spend time with him, he runs off to Tony's or wherever. Now that he is being needy and I'm now used to doing things on my own around here, he's flipping out. I dont know what to do. He's been snappy all day.... I came home from work and let him know that one of the nurses at work has a friend that had lap band and felt the same way I do but now she's a hot mama and doing great and Margie gave me her number to talk with her to help get me thru this. He flipped. He wants his sister to be my support person but I think he has forgotten her words of wisdom regarding her "horror-in-law" and how much she didnt want to go to meetings together, didnt want to help me or want my help... etc. So when I reminded him of this, he got mad again. Either he is having one hell of a bad day and I am just in the way or he's really upset with me. Either way, I think this is just the first of many food related arguments. Other than that.. another day, another $1 made. Actually worked from 8-5 today. OOOH. I must have gotten some testicular fortitude at some point today... I called the Dr.s office and booked my first fill appointment. The nurse person I have to deal with is such a bitch. I hate calling there. She treats you like a 2 year old, she's mean and just nasty. Yes, I fear her. I'm not a confrontational person and this woman makes me want to slap her and run. So my first fill is Feb 11th. I cant wait.. maybe that will help with the hunger issues and hopefully by then I wont have such bad cravings as I will be back on real food. (Today, I want lettuce so bad). All in all, things are getting better. 2 of the 5 steri-strips have fallen off. I am still so itchy from the adhesive on them. One of the doctors at work and one of the NP's have told me to take them off but no way. I will let them fall off as instructed. Besides, if my skins rots off, that is weight lost. Speaking of weight lost, I got on the scale this morning... it said 98 pounds. Not 198 but 98. HAHAHA. I'm rather bloated for weighing in at 98 pounds. I'm thinking new battery or maybe new scale. I dont ever want to be 98 pounds. Anorexia is not a fashion statement. I am going for a hot shower, and my pillow. Hopefully I can sleep tonight. As tired as I was last night, I did not sleep well....

Odd thing is.. I never watch the food network. I'm usually on HGTV or TLC. I am experiencing behaviors that are not my norm.

It's been a few days since I've been here to post. I havent been strong enough to lift myself to the desk nevermind type a coherent sentence. I made it thru thursday... I even drove myself home from work. Friday, I went to work. I am on the mashed tater stage so thats what I have for lunch. Now, I work for a doctors office, we get drug rep lunches weekly. I get to the break room and its Boston Market. Out of laziness I decide to eat those mashed taters instead of my own.. I figure instant is instant. Yeah, not so much. Those taters were heaven. By 12:30, I wanted to die. Now I'm already not feeling well and I go and eat catered fast food taters. Brilliant idea. NOT. I go out to my car to relax.. aka not puke. I get back to my desk at 1pm and silently wait for my boss to return at 1:30. I wussed out and went home. Now I dont know if the taters made me feel worse but something did me in. I get home and have my period 2 weeks early.. that may also play a small factor in my all-around ickiness. So it's Friday night... hubby is out again with Tony, I am up from my nap flipping thru the tv for something to watch. Wouldnt ya know it.. I get caught up watching some food network show that may have been diners, drive-ins and dives... something to that effect. The first show is all BBQ. Not a fan so I watch cuz its interesting and I'm tired of channel surfing. The next show (kill me now) is all burgers. I like burgers but I dont LOVE burgers. Watching this show made me drool so bad. I'm the girl who goes to Red Robin or Texas Roadhouse and gets a salad. I could have killed for a burger after that show. I had some water. I got up saturday, had b-fast then a cup of tea. Suprise suprise, I went back to bed. I got up had lunch and got dressed again. Went to the parental units with the husband and Spooky (he needed to get out of the house). My Mother is not the most lucid/coherent people on the planet. I told her that I'd lost 13 pounds so far and she said that my tummy was all wrinkley all ready. Okay, sure. When Mom started to cook dinner I vacated... she was making burgers. (see above). Hubby and I took a trip to the local Wal-Mart.. got our shit and got out. Went back to Moms to get the cat and then went to Big Y. I got some yogurt and hubby got some junk food for himself. I must confess. I got cheese. Anyone who knows me knows that I have been DYING for cheese. I couldnt find what I really wanted so I got one of those bricks of mozzerella. Got home and had me 1oz of that for dinner. 30 minutes later, I cracked open a diet snapple raspberry iced tea and have been wide awake since. I forgot about the caffiene involved. My diet sheet says I can have diet snapple so I did. Damn it. lol. Now, I cant sleep. Thank good tomorrow is technically Sunday. I can sleep in once I can sleep. I have decided that I truly have no support system. The support system that I thought I would have posted trash talk about me on another blog/lap band forum and I found it. Now I dont have use for that in my life but since she had the procedure done a few months ago, I have a zillion questions and would love to ask but I have no need to talk to her. The other person I know is the office manager for the physician side of work but only I know that she had it done and when she talks to me it's about her "friend". She is 2 years out and eats nothing but crap. Thats not much of an inspiration to me. When I asked if the tired icky feeling would get better she said "eventually." Yeah, no help. So I am on my own. My husband, who say his own nutritionist this week, went all day today without eating then polished off some chicken fingers and mac n cheese and something else. I think he knows better than to do that but he claims he doesnt want to eat infront of me. I think thats why he has been hanging out with tony so much. Speaking of food and the hubby... he wakes up this morning, looks at me and says, "I'm sorry but I want the buffet." So I respond, "I'm sorry but so do I." I really think this is going to be a big issue in the upcoming months. I do not blame him for my fatness but he doesnt like to eat at home. If I cant/wont go out to eat all the time, it may cause problems. Everything we have ever done together has in some way revolved around food. We'd go run errands and the first question once in the car was where are we going to eat? Food has been the center point of everything for us. I hope he understands that I'm not playing that game any longer. I cant kill myself one cheese fry at a time. Under all this pale white fatness is a petite girl dying to get out. I have shut her up with chocolate for far too long. Okay, I have rambled for far too long and I need water....

YAWN Seems to be the statement of the day. At 5:15 this morning some nit-wit in a rear wheel drive car was trying to get down the street in a foot of snow... ummm. NO. They sat there and spun 'em for a good 30 minutes before giving up and reversing it back home. Damn fool. Then as I am drifting back to sleep the phone is ringing... GOOD NEWS.. due to it being winter in New England, I dont have to go to work until 10am... Whoo hoo. Back to sleep til hubby calls and says that as fast as he cleaned off my car, it was snowing so hard it was covered again. Needless to say, I got up. I made it thru a semi-full day of work without killing anyone or screaming HELLO!!! its winter in New England, it snows here! If one more person asked me how my ride was or talked about the weather I was going to lock myself in the bathroom. I seriously dont play well with others. Here's the kickers of the day (thus far). I am punching out and I see on the board, lunch confirmed friday-pizza-. OMG. I cant eat lunch in that breakroom friday. I am going to need to eat in the car. I am craving foods that I would have never eaten in my pre-band life. THEN... I come home from work to a kitchen smelling of chinese food. Hubby had to have it. I pouted while watching best life weightloss stories on Oprah while hubby sat 2 feet from me shoveling in the chinese food like its the best thing ever... no consideration for the fat girl next to him going thru a bad craving day. I got up and came up to my office, smelled my peppermint oil to get the scent of food from my nose and now here I am. It's not even 6:30pm and I am already looking forward to the bed. I want a hot bubble bath (not allowed) and my pillow. I will settle for a hot shower and a cuddle with Spooky. Its kinda nice how Spooky seems to make everything better. I guess there is nothing better than a kitty hug. So, today I felt a lot better than I have in a few days. I slept a lot this weekend and feel like I may be getting some strength back. My back is still killing me though. I swear they dropped me on the operating table..lol. My back never felt like this before and the pain is no where near the surgery site(s). Oh well. I'm going to give it some time and then I will look into a chiropractor or something. The plow guy just finished our driveway... Carl (the hubby) is settling in for the night... I am now going to take my hot shower and R-E-L-A-X.

YAWN Seems to be the statement of the day. At 5:15 this morning some nit-wit in a rear wheel drive car was trying to get down the street in a foot of snow... ummm. NO. They sat there and spun 'em for a good 30 minutes before giving up and reversing it back home. Damn fool. Then as I am drifting back to sleep the phone is ringing... GOOD NEWS.. due to it being winter in New England, I dont have to go to work until 10am... Whoo hoo. Back to sleep til hubby calls and says that as fast as he cleaned off my car, it was snowing so hard it was covered again. Needless to say, I got up. I made it thru a semi-full day of work without killing anyone or screaming HELLO!!! its winter in New England, it snows here! If one more person asked me how my ride was or talked about the weather I was going to lock myself in the bathroom. I seriously dont play well with others. Here's the kickers of the day (thus far). I am punching out and I see on the board, lunch confirmed friday-pizza-. OMG. I cant eat lunch in that breakroom friday. I am going to need to eat in the car. I am craving foods that I would have never eaten in my pre-band life. THEN... I come home from work to a kitchen smelling of chinese food. Hubby had to have it. I pouted while watching best life weightloss stories on Oprah while hubby sat 2 feet from me shoveling in the chinese food like its the best thing ever... no consideration for the fat girl next to him going thru a bad craving day. I got up and came up to my office, smelled my peppermint oil to get the scent of food from my nose and now here I am. It's not even 6:30pm and I am already looking forward to the bed. I want a hot bubble bath (not allowed) and my pillow. I will settle for a hot shower and a cuddle with Spooky. Its kinda nice how Spooky seems to make everything better. I guess there is nothing better than a kitty hug. So, today I felt a lot better than I have in a few days. I slept a lot this weekend and feel like I may be getting some strength back. My back is still killing me though. I swear they dropped me on the operating table..lol. My back never felt like this before and the pain is no where near the surgery site(s). Oh well. I'm going to give it some time and then I will look into a chiropractor or something. The plow guy just finished our driveway... Carl (the hubby) is settling in for the night... I am now going to take my hot shower and R-E-L-A-X.

It's been a few days since I've been here to post. I havent been strong enough to lift myself to the desk nevermind type a coherent sentence. I made it thru thursday... I even drove myself home from work. Friday, I went to work. I am on the mashed tater stage so thats what I have for lunch. Now, I work for a doctors office, we get drug rep lunches weekly. I get to the break room and its Boston Market. Out of laziness I decide to eat those mashed taters instead of my own.. I figure instant is instant. Yeah, not so much. Those taters were heaven. By 12:30, I wanted to die. Now I'm already not feeling well and I go and eat catered fast food taters. Brilliant idea. NOT. I go out to my car to relax.. aka not puke. I get back to my desk at 1pm and silently wait for my boss to return at 1:30. I wussed out and went home. Now I dont know if the taters made me feel worse but something did me in. I get home and have my period 2 weeks early.. that may also play a small factor in my all-around ickiness. So it's Friday night... hubby is out again with Tony, I am up from my nap flipping thru the tv for something to watch. Wouldnt ya know it.. I get caught up watching some food network show that may have been diners, drive-ins and dives... something to that effect. The first show is all BBQ. Not a fan so I watch cuz its interesting and I'm tired of channel surfing. The next show (kill me now) is all burgers. I like burgers but I dont LOVE burgers. Watching this show made me drool so bad. I'm the girl who goes to Red Robin or Texas Roadhouse and gets a salad. I could have killed for a burger after that show. I had some water. I got up saturday, had b-fast then a cup of tea. Suprise suprise, I went back to bed. I got up had lunch and got dressed again. Went to the parental units with the husband and Spooky (he needed to get out of the house). My Mother is not the most lucid/coherent people on the planet. I told her that I'd lost 13 pounds so far and she said that my tummy was all wrinkley all ready. Okay, sure. When Mom started to cook dinner I vacated... she was making burgers. (see above). Hubby and I took a trip to the local Wal-Mart.. got our shit and got out. Went back to Moms to get the cat and then went to Big Y. I got some yogurt and hubby got some junk food for himself. I must confess. I got cheese. Anyone who knows me knows that I have been DYING for cheese. I couldnt find what I really wanted so I got one of those bricks of mozzerella. Got home and had me 1oz of that for dinner. 30 minutes later, I cracked open a diet snapple raspberry iced tea and have been wide awake since. I forgot about the caffiene involved. My diet sheet says I can have diet snapple so I did. Damn it. lol. Now, I cant sleep. Thank good tomorrow is technically Sunday. I can sleep in once I can sleep. I have decided that I truly have no support system. The support system that I thought I would have posted trash talk about me on another blog/lap band forum and I found it. Now I dont have use for that in my life but since she had the procedure done a few months ago, I have a zillion questions and would love to ask but I have no need to talk to her. The other person I know is the office manager for the physician side of work but only I know that she had it done and when she talks to me it's about her "friend". She is 2 years out and eats nothing but crap. Thats not much of an inspiration to me. When I asked if the tired icky feeling would get better she said "eventually." Yeah, no help. So I am on my own. My husband, who say his own nutritionist this week, went all day today without eating then polished off some chicken fingers and mac n cheese and something else. I think he knows better than to do that but he claims he doesnt want to eat infront of me. I think thats why he has been hanging out with tony so much. Speaking of food and the hubby... he wakes up this morning, looks at me and says, "I'm sorry but I want the buffet." So I respond, "I'm sorry but so do I." I really think this is going to be a big issue in the upcoming months. I do not blame him for my fatness but he doesnt like to eat at home. If I cant/wont go out to eat all the time, it may cause problems. Everything we have ever done together has in some way revolved around food. We'd go run errands and the first question once in the car was where are we going to eat? Food has been the center point of everything for us. I hope he understands that I'm not playing that game any longer. I cant kill myself one cheese fry at a time. Under all this pale white fatness is a petite girl dying to get out. I have shut her up with chocolate for far too long. Okay, I have rambled for far too long and I need water....

I have been following the diet to the best of my ability and doing the protein shakes. I was getting all hyperchondriac and thinking that my body was/is rejecting the band. I was tired before but now this is plain ridiculous.

WHAT A DAY. I went back to work today. I woke up (good start to any day). Felt kinda icky. Thats a great college educated, hardcore definition. Icky. I was queasy and boy did I have diarrhea. The last thing eaten last night was blue popsicle and my poo was blue. So, I go to work. Desk job. For those who are in the know, you know I do "nothing" all day. For those that dont know, I am a medical biller which means, I post insurance payments all damn day. This should not be a hard thing to do. Should being the key word. Now, I work for a larger practice but I am located in the smaller division. I punched in with 2.5 minutes to spare since I couldnt leave my bathroom this am. Next, the ambush occurs.. HOW ARE YOU!? I believe that was said in unison by the entire front end staff. I then had to make my way to my corner of the universe. Everyone came to see me. I was considering this to be a royal pain in the arse when it struck me... they are coming to see me cuz they care. Or morbid curiousity to look at the freak with the pillow on her tummy. Whatever. Lunch brought a lot of hoots and hollers and questions that I patiently answered while ingesting my 4oz of applesauce (dont know if it's on the menu yet, dont care). I am down 11 pounds. But, nothing solid going in, nothing solid coming out if ya know what I mean. After lunch, I took a walk around the building. Fresh air, exercise... lovely. Got back to my desk and didnt know if I wanted to puke or pass out. I quietly (thats hard for me) sat there and did my work. Around 2:30 I called the husband and asked if there was ANY way he could pick me up. Kinda hard since he drives a work vehicle and we couldnt leave my car there. So, his mom dropped him off and he drove me home. I was sooooo light headed, queasy, nauseous and all around ICKY. I didnt think I could drive home. I'm glad I didnt. I came home. Indulged in another black market scambled egg and a swig of liquid percocet and I felt human in 20 minutes. My back ached, my tummy was so sore. I was something less than human. Forget the what did I do to myself stage, I have progressed to the what the F did I do to myself. I'm sure it will get better. It has to. I need to wear pretty (cheap) undies again. Mom called to see how I was. She sounded lucid herself (odd). Carl is out eating pizza (bastard) with Tony. Spooky and I were laying down but Wiley decided she had to go out so we got up and now here I am in all my sports bra and granny pantied glory. I plan on waking up tomorrow and doing it all over again... only this time, I plan on driving myself home. Once I get home, I can collapse but for now, I must push on. :eek:

Thanks.. you should see me in real life...lol. But I really am just being myself. Happy banding!!!!

Journey? Why the drama? It wasnt a "journey" to fatness... it was an adventure revolving around food. So I am on a JOURNEY to lose weight. Oh what-the-f-ever. I have one more loooong day at work til Friday. I am really getting tired of the questions.. "whens your BIG day?." "Are you excited?" Okay, enough already we went thru this in November when I had to have a fatty liver and a doctor who wussed out and didnt finish the surgery. Friday's the day, YES, I am excited. What do they want me to say??? I'm scared shitless? Well guess what? I am. I am a food addict going to rehab the hard way. I grew up watching family members smoke, drink, do drugs and I swore I would never be addicted like that. Oh shit. I'm addicted to food. My lungs arent black, my liver has no cirrohsis, my brain cells are intact (for the most part) but dammit, I now weigh 225 pounds. I went thru my clothing on New Years Day. I have pants/shorts from a 22 to an 8. Okay, the 8's still have the tag on them but obviously I must have thought that I'd wear them someday. How does one go from 168 to 240 in 5 years? Holy crap. So, being the pack-rat that I am, I have clothes to downsize in to after Friday. Some of them I cant wait to wear again, some of them I cant wait to wear for the first time. I have bikini's that are just calling my name. I dont know if I will wear them this summer or next but I WILL WEAR THEM. I might even wear them in public... heheehee. Right now, I will not get my thunderchunk ass in a bathing suit. I think what I most look forward to is getting rid of the granny panties and wearing cute undies again. Why dont the hanes-her-way people make attractive undies for us big girls? Once ya hit a size 8 undie, why do they only come in white? After a zillion trips thru the washer with all the other clothes, they are an attractive shade of grunge. One would think that big girl's would want nice undies to attempt to feel good. Think about it... we are big, we wake up and shower washing our excess fat lumps. Dry off, indulge in some self-lothing then put on a grungy looking pair of granny panties.. WHOA.. way to feel sexy. Maybe I will make affordable and yet NICE undies for big girls....

WHAT A DAY. I went back to work today. I woke up (good start to any day). Felt kinda icky. Thats a great college educated, hardcore definition. Icky. I was queasy and boy did I have diarrhea. The last thing eaten last night was blue popsicle and my poo was blue. So, I go to work. Desk job. For those who are in the know, you know I do "nothing" all day. For those that dont know, I am a medical biller which means, I post insurance payments all damn day. This should not be a hard thing to do. Should being the key word. Now, I work for a larger practice but I am located in the smaller division. I punched in with 2.5 minutes to spare since I couldnt leave my bathroom this am. Next, the ambush occurs.. HOW ARE YOU!? I believe that was said in unison by the entire front end staff. I then had to make my way to my corner of the universe. Everyone came to see me. I was considering this to be a royal pain in the arse when it struck me... they are coming to see me cuz they care. Or morbid curiousity to look at the freak with the pillow on her tummy. Whatever. Lunch brought a lot of hoots and hollers and questions that I patiently answered while ingesting my 4oz of applesauce (dont know if it's on the menu yet, dont care). I am down 11 pounds. But, nothing solid going in, nothing solid coming out if ya know what I mean. After lunch, I took a walk around the building. Fresh air, exercise... lovely. Got back to my desk and didnt know if I wanted to puke or pass out. I quietly (thats hard for me) sat there and did my work. Around 2:30 I called the husband and asked if there was ANY way he could pick me up. Kinda hard since he drives a work vehicle and we couldnt leave my car there. So, his mom dropped him off and he drove me home. I was sooooo light headed, queasy, nauseous and all around ICKY. I didnt think I could drive home. I'm glad I didnt. I came home. Indulged in another black market scambled egg and a swig of liquid percocet and I felt human in 20 minutes. My back ached, my tummy was so sore. I was something less than human. Forget the what did I do to myself stage, I have progressed to the what the F did I do to myself. I'm sure it will get better. It has to. I need to wear pretty (cheap) undies again. Mom called to see how I was. She sounded lucid herself (odd). Carl is out eating pizza (bastard) with Tony. Spooky and I were laying down but Wiley decided she had to go out so we got up and now here I am in all my sports bra and granny pantied glory. I plan on waking up tomorrow and doing it all over again... only this time, I plan on driving myself home. Once I get home, I can collapse but for now, I must push on.

So... how is everyone? I took a nap. Goal number 1 failed. Then I had some kind of freak mental Britney breakdown. Shit you not. I woke from my nappy-nap, and went all kinds of freak out. I was going thru food withdrawal. I have never felt such discomfort. I can only imagine that this is what a detoxing drug addict feels like. I was crying, sweaty, leg cramps, dizzy, and just not me. I had to EAT. I wobbled down to the kitchen and made me 1 scrambled egg. No milk no butter, nothing but egg and salt n pepper. It took me forever to eat it and it was sooooo good. I felt better in an instant. I also felt worse since I then felt like a failure to the 10th power. I have been staring at this computer for about an hour now just reading other peoples tales of "cheating". I dont think I did so bad as compared to some. Every Dr.'s plan of action seems different though. I have liquids til day 9 then I get yogurt.. etc, Day 17 brings todays egg, cheese and taters. Day 32 resumes soft solids/solid solids. So, I am not done beating myself up but I will do better tomorrow. I am only human and right now, I fell off the wagon a bit. SIGH

So... how is everyone? I took a nap. Goal number 1 failed. Then I had some kind of freak mental Britney breakdown. Shit you not. I woke from my nappy-nap, and went all kinds of freak out. I was going thru food withdrawal. I have never felt such discomfort. I can only imagine that this is what a detoxing drug addict feels like. I was crying, sweaty, leg cramps, dizzy, and just not me. I had to EAT. I wobbled down to the kitchen and made me 1 scrambled egg. No milk no butter, nothing but egg and salt n pepper. It took me forever to eat it and it was sooooo good. I felt better in an instant. I also felt worse since I then felt like a failure to the 10th power. I have been staring at this computer for about an hour now just reading other peoples tales of "cheating". I dont think I did so bad as compared to some. Every Dr.'s plan of action seems different though. I have liquids til day 9 then I get yogurt.. etc, Day 17 brings todays egg, cheese and taters. Day 32 resumes soft solids/solid solids. So, I am not done beating myself up but I will do better tomorrow. I am only human and right now, I fell off the wagon a bit. SIGH

I changed the battery in the scale. I am down 9 pounds. Of all the times to have the battery die. I am bored today. Dare I say, I am looking forward to going back to work? Not really. It's quiet here. There is no drama. I guess if I could work alone I'd be golden. But, then who would I annoy??? I read the pamphlet that the hospital gives out about diet. It's the same but different from the one my Dr. gave me. The one from the Doc's office just basically says eat 1 starch, 1 meat, 1 fruit, 1 veggie. I give back 1 blank stare. The one from the hospital says 1 oz steak, 1/2c mashed taters, some green beans... now it all makes sense to me. Maybe thats why all those damn diets and plans failed, I had no clue. I cant decide for myself what to eat... just tell me dammit. On the bright side, I get a 1oz bite of cheese in 13 more days... cant wait!!!!!! I have to call today to schedule my first fill. I dread that call. The office chick that I need to speak with is such a bitch. I do the whole kill 'em with kindness thing but she is a serious candidate for a slap. I'm tired but mentally feel fiesty today. My lower back is still killing me and I have a bit of a headache.. nothing more than normal. I have a rash around a few of my steri-strips. I told them I was allergic to band aids and I wake up with band aids. brilliant bunch. I have been using Benedryl spray to cut the itch. It helps. I will have ugly enough scars, I dont need added scaring from my scratching. I am going to attempt to be nap-free today since I have to go back to work tomorrow and they seem to have an issue with me napping at my desk... no sense of humor.

I changed the battery in the scale. I am down 9 pounds. Of all the times to have the battery die. I am bored today. Dare I say, I am looking forward to going back to work? Not really. It's quiet here. There is no drama. I guess if I could work alone I'd be golden. But, then who would I annoy??? I read the pamphlet that the hospital gives out about diet. It's the same but different from the one my Dr. gave me. The one from the Doc's office just basically says eat 1 starch, 1 meat, 1 fruit, 1 veggie. I give back 1 blank stare. The one from the hospital says 1 oz steak, 1/2c mashed taters, some green beans... now it all makes sense to me. Maybe thats why all those damn diets and plans failed, I had no clue. I cant decide for myself what to eat... just tell me dammit. On the bright side, I get a 1oz bite of cheese in 13 more days... cant wait!!!!!! I have to call today to schedule my first fill. I dread that call. The office chick that I need to speak with is such a bitch. I do the whole kill 'em with kindness thing but she is a serious candidate for a slap. I'm tired but mentally feel fiesty today. My lower back is still killing me and I have a bit of a headache.. nothing more than normal. I have a rash around a few of my steri-strips. I told them I was allergic to band aids and I wake up with band aids. brilliant bunch. I have been using Benedryl spray to cut the itch. It helps. I will have ugly enough scars, I dont need added scaring from my scratching. I am going to attempt to be nap-free today since I have to go back to work tomorrow and they seem to have an issue with me napping at my desk... no sense of humor.

I feel sick. Okay so it's just day 3 post-op. I'm sure I'm not supposed to feel great but I cant pinpoint whats up here. I cant tell if I am hungry, full, queasy. I dunno. My day started out fine. I slept on my side for a bit.. heaven. Then I got up, took a nice hot shower, got dressed, had some jello, made some tea. Spilled the tea all over me and Spooky and the desk and the floor and the chair.. etc. I changed clothes, cleaned the best I could then decided I have gas. Went to ingest a gas-x strip and dropped it. It immediately began to disolve so I now have a pink spot on the floor. I went back to bed. My treadmill has made its way from the basement to the dining room. I hope to get on that tomorrow. Slowly but still moving. My husband is attempting to cook himself some dinner. Thats kinda funny. He has trouble with mac n cheese. I'm sure he'll be fine. I'd help but I dont want to be around food I cant have. I feel like crap anyway. No witty words of wise-assdom from me today. I'm just in the "why did I do this to myself" stage of being. As I told my mom, by day 5 or 7 I will feel better. I hope she believes me and I hope I believe it too.

I feel sick. Okay so it's just day 3 post-op. I'm sure I'm not supposed to feel great but I cant pinpoint whats up here. I cant tell if I am hungry, full, queasy. I dunno. My day started out fine. I slept on my side for a bit.. heaven. Then I got up, took a nice hot shower, got dressed, had some jello, made some tea. Spilled the tea all over me and Spooky and the desk and the floor and the chair.. etc. I changed clothes, cleaned the best I could then decided I have gas. Went to ingest a gas-x strip and dropped it. It immediately began to disolve so I now have a pink spot on the floor. I went back to bed. My treadmill has made its way from the basement to the dining room. I hope to get on that tomorrow. Slowly but still moving. My husband is attempting to cook himself some dinner. Thats kinda funny. He has trouble with mac n cheese. I'm sure he'll be fine. I'd help but I dont want to be around food I cant have. I feel like crap anyway. No witty words of wise-assdom from me today. I'm just in the "why did I do this to myself" stage of being. As I told my mom, by day 5 or 7 I will feel better. I hope she believes me and I hope I believe it too.

I feel great. Well, as great as I think I could right now. My Tummy isnt the issue.. its the damn gas pains in my back and neck. Thank god for gas-x. I just took a nap in my bed. It felt awesome. I dont have a recliner and wasnt going to buy one just for this. I should have. I have been resting/sleeping in a pillow propped corner of the couch with my feet on the ottoman. Comfy? Yep, but.. that position made my back ache. I'm a side sleeper but thats gonna wait. I dont know if I have mentioned my family or if anyone reading this cares. After all, these ramblings are for me not anyone else. I have 3 cats and a dog. The cats are often refered to as my kids and that confuses those who dont know that I am a crazy cat lady. There is Spooky, my greatest love of all time, Rocky, the BIG man, and Martini, aka, Tini.. she's just little. The dog. The dog is a PSYCHO chihuahua. I love her but here is the dillemma.... She is crate trained and seems to not mind it. With me out of commission as cheif playground, I need to keep her off me. Wiley (the dog) is 8 pounds of chaos. She did really well in obedience classes until we'd get home. She is a mile-a-minute kind of dog. With the remains of the snow outside she isnt going out and running.. she is running inside. Thats fine but her favorite spot to bounce off is my tummy. So, I get the brilliant idea to get 2 baby gates and lock her up in the kitchen. Worked for roughly 10 minutes before she was up and over the gates. So then we decide to raise the gates just a smidge so she cant get under them. I never knew a dog could go so flat so fast and pounce. I dont quite know what to do now. I cant give her free roam due to her poop/pee issues. I feel bad keeping her in her crate. With me like this, I cant bend well enough to open her crate to let her out either.. SIGH. My Dad stopped by today. I was watching diet fads on E while he was here. He got to see the tiny snippet about the band. His question to me was "when will all this pain and crap make it worth it?" I told him that it was worth it yesterday and will be worth it everyday of my life. Andrea called me while eating lasagna. Its really amusing that people freak out about eating around me. She is in Rhode Island, I am here. Not even close. Carl (the husband) has been eating too. Yesterday the poor guy damn near had tears in his eyes about not wanting to eat infront of me. It's okay. The chinese food smelled good but I didnt want it. The only craving I am having is for cheese. Odd, yes. I wont indulge my craving. I will have some jello and some protien shake though....:whoo:

I feel great. Well, as great as I think I could right now. My Tummy isnt the issue.. its the damn gas pains in my back and neck. Thank god for gas-x. I just took a nap in my bed. It felt awesome. I dont have a recliner and wasnt going to buy one just for this. I should have. I have been resting/sleeping in a pillow propped corner of the couch with my feet on the ottoman. Comfy? Yep, but.. that position made my back ache. I'm a side sleeper but thats gonna wait. I dont know if I have mentioned my family or if anyone reading this cares. After all, these ramblings are for me not anyone else. I have 3 cats and a dog. The cats are often refered to as my kids and that confuses those who dont know that I am a crazy cat lady. There is Spooky, my greatest love of all time, Rocky, the BIG man, and Martini, aka, Tini.. she's just little. The dog. The dog is a PSYCHO chihuahua. I love her but here is the dillemma.... She is crate trained and seems to not mind it. With me out of commission as cheif playground, I need to keep her off me. Wiley (the dog) is 8 pounds of chaos. She did really well in obedience classes until we'd get home. She is a mile-a-minute kind of dog. With the remains of the snow outside she isnt going out and running.. she is running inside. Thats fine but her favorite spot to bounce off is my tummy. So, I get the brilliant idea to get 2 baby gates and lock her up in the kitchen. Worked for roughly 10 minutes before she was up and over the gates. So then we decide to raise the gates just a smidge so she cant get under them. I never knew a dog could go so flat so fast and pounce. I dont quite know what to do now. I cant give her free roam due to her poop/pee issues. I feel bad keeping her in her crate. With me like this, I cant bend well enough to open her crate to let her out either.. SIGH. My Dad stopped by today. I was watching diet fads on E while he was here. He got to see the tiny snippet about the band. His question to me was "when will all this pain and crap make it worth it?" I told him that it was worth it yesterday and will be worth it everyday of my life. Andrea called me while eating lasagna. Its really amusing that people freak out about eating around me. She is in Rhode Island, I am here. Not even close. Carl (the husband) has been eating too. Yesterday the poor guy damn near had tears in his eyes about not wanting to eat infront of me. It's okay. The chinese food smelled good but I didnt want it. The only craving I am having is for cheese. Odd, yes. I wont indulge my craving. I will have some jello and some protien shake though....:whoo:

:clap2: I'm BANDED. I'm HOME. So... we get to the hospital. On time. The Doctor is running late. No big suprise there. The waiting area is filled with little whinny kids. The nurses/staff people actually asked the family to go home and leave one adult there. They said NO. I guess its their perogotive but wow those kids were rough. I finally get to the pre-op meet-n-greet stage. Dr. F walks in and no lie, says "I forgot about you." Now, this man has NO sense of humor so I didnt know how to take that. I cant understand the anesthesiolgist at all. I am asked if I mind if a drug rep watches my surgery.. hey whatever, scrub up and lend a hand. I wake up in recovery. No Dr. F saying we didnt finish so thats good. I think I did ask if I was banded. I get brought to my suite... a closet with a curtian. I have a roomate who is mid to late 70's. Her bladder fell out of her 7 years ago and she just got around to fixing that. I'm thinking thats an issue. If my bladder prolapsed I wouldnt deal with it for 7 minutes nevermind 7 years. This lady had the nerve to bitch at me for falling asleep before she could say goodnight to me. I learned more about her and her family than one person needs to know. Dinner last night was broth, jello and tea. I had a few sips of broth and some jello. I had jello around midnight. Breakfast was jello and broth and instant breakfast. It felt good to only have a little and then to be full. I have had some jello periodically today. I am sore. I am shuffling around and feel like Ozzy Osborne on his mtv show. I am up and walking around, freshly showered and feel like I'm gonna make it. Liquid percocet is some fun stuff. I dont have a recliner but I have a comfy couch. I prefer to sleep on my side but that is not an option. My husband is doing well too. He went to walmart to get me some stuff. He assisted with the shower and dressing me. I dont know if he has eaten but I'm sure he has. He doesnt want to eat in front of me but I'm not concerned. I feel like I am having a drug-induced incoherent rambling moment so I will wrap it up by saying. WHOOHOO. I'm on my way to skinny-bitchdom. HAHAHAHA :faint:

:clap2: I'm BANDED. I'm HOME. So... we get to the hospital. On time. The Doctor is running late. No big suprise there. The waiting area is filled with little whinny kids. The nurses/staff people actually asked the family to go home and leave one adult there. They said NO. I guess its their perogotive but wow those kids were rough. I finally get to the pre-op meet-n-greet stage. Dr. F walks in and no lie, says "I forgot about you." Now, this man has NO sense of humor so I didnt know how to take that. I cant understand the anesthesiolgist at all. I am asked if I mind if a drug rep watches my surgery.. hey whatever, scrub up and lend a hand. I wake up in recovery. No Dr. F saying we didnt finish so thats good. I think I did ask if I was banded. I get brought to my suite... a closet with a curtian. I have a roomate who is mid to late 70's. Her bladder fell out of her 7 years ago and she just got around to fixing that. I'm thinking thats an issue. If my bladder prolapsed I wouldnt deal with it for 7 minutes nevermind 7 years. This lady had the nerve to bitch at me for falling asleep before she could say goodnight to me. I learned more about her and her family than one person needs to know. Dinner last night was broth, jello and tea. I had a few sips of broth and some jello. I had jello around midnight. Breakfast was jello and broth and instant breakfast. It felt good to only have a little and then to be full. I have had some jello periodically today. I am sore. I am shuffling around and feel like Ozzy Osborne on his mtv show. I am up and walking around, freshly showered and feel like I'm gonna make it. Liquid percocet is some fun stuff. I dont have a recliner but I have a comfy couch. I prefer to sleep on my side but that is not an option. My husband is doing well too. He went to walmart to get me some stuff. He assisted with the shower and dressing me. I dont know if he has eaten but I'm sure he has. He doesnt want to eat in front of me but I'm not concerned. I feel like I am having a drug-induced incoherent rambling moment so I will wrap it up by saying. WHOOHOO. I'm on my way to skinny-bitchdom. HAHAHAHA :faint: