mialoveslenny

I haven't checked in for a long time. Thought I'd give an update. So after getting within 15 pounds of my goal, which was 167 the last time I posted, which was approx 16 months after surgery, I little by little started to slide into some old habits - using food for comfort, not eating enough protein, filling up on carbs, etc etc.  As of 3/31/19 I hit another bottom. I'd gone back up to 213 (my top weight was 241) and I was physically miserable and it was impacting my mental and spiritual health. What I was eating was NOT feeding me in any way. My mother had passed away and I found myself avoiding grief by eating anything I wanted.  As of 4/1/19 I began by doing a month of Whole30 to eliminate foods that were causing me distress and inflammation. It was a wake up call I needed. My skin cleared up, my inflammation is in check, my eyes are clear, my body feels more energetic and I don't feel the need to nap everyday due to fatigue, I can take the stairs without dread, and I feel freedom from the effect of food - even peace - for the first time in my life. I did not get to this place of paying REAL attention to nutrition until I hit a bottom. I was one month from turning 55 and I knew if I didn't do something, I was going to really plunge into a despair I might not come back from.  I completely threw myself into learning how to cook from a place of health, not putting butter and cheese on everything to "flavor" it (including salad).  I've eliminate dairy, sugar and flour from my diet almost 100% and I've got a primarily Mediterranean diet at this point. My spiritual/mental/physical health is so much more important to me now. I'm feeling so grateful.  I am 178 pounds - and figure my body is going to find it's stopping point when it's ready. I feel committed to my health in ways I wasn't when I had the sleeve surgery. I thought I was ready to change, I really did, but I was not willing to admit that some foods not only trigger me, they plunge me into addiction and it's very hard for me to find my way back to peace with food once I jump off track.  So I make it my intention to stay clear of processed foods, junk food, fried food, the things that make me not only in full addict mode, but enhance my feelings of low self worth and depression.  If I don't have the first one, I don't have to eat the last.  It's doable. One day at a time.  If you had surgery and gained weight back - DO NOT DESPAIR - you can find your way to health. It may take time and it will surely take effort, but once you get to that place of being done hurting yourself, you will want something different so you'll do something different and find a path back to wellness. It took me a little over two years to feel "ready" to change. I have no more shame for being someone who gained weight after surgery (I sure did though...and it was painful), I feel open and willing and I know that my experience was mine to have.  If I can help anyone else feel hopeful that it's not too late, no matter how many times you've tried to heal yourself and better your health, then it will all have been worth it. I'm 55 and I can tell you from the bottom of my heart...it gets greater later. xoxo

PS I've attached some before and after pics. Some are before gastric sleeve surgery, some are from March of this year and now (before and after getting back on track).