tacycakes

Hi guys. I haven't been on in ages but over the summer had some plastic surgeries. I had an upper/ lower eye lift with a neck lift, then had a breast lift with an arm lift. I am so happy with everything that I did that I have scheduled a tummy tuck for January. I traded severely baggy upper arms for some scars, but I am so good with the trade. However, after each surgery I got so constipated that I gained a couple of pounds each time that I thought would come back off after swelling but hasn't. I am now 9 lbs up from my lowest of 150. I went in to my 2 yr checkup expecting to be chastised, but they were thrilled that I was only 1 lb different from the 1 yr checkup. (Must have lost weight during the year and then gained THAT back). So they were happy, I was happy they weren't mad, but I still am internally freaking out. I have never been an alcohol drinker, but I have become one. A Big one. I know there is a lot of sugar in wine but I can't eat very well so I drink. Plus I don't want to eat and drink together so I don't eat. I realized I prob don't get but maybe 20 gr of protein in a day. Soooo, I came back to my support group to see how everyone is faring and to get a plan together. My bloodwork came back fine except for the iron is low. But I don't want constipation, so I don't take a lot on purpose. But I do get dizzy and shaky ALOT. But I have also taken up drinking coffee several times a day (I never drank coffee before either and didn't understand ppl that liked it) my other go to drink is 1/2 sweet-unsweetened tea. I drink all day and will 'eat' soup bc it's cold here now. But it's not good for me and bc of the surgeries, I need to re-lose. My plan, and due to tips from this group, is to uptake my protein and go to the gym. I already ate a quest bar for breakfast. Yay me. I have no motivation for the gym tho, and no friend that goes there. Yes, I know I'll meet someone there and that's in my mind, but also a part of me thinks, "you'll meet a guy and flirt while not wearing your ring during a workout and you'll like the attention". My husband and I aren't close, and I'm lonely a lot, so I'm really nervous bc I think I could be swayed so easily and I don't think I'll have much willpower to not get caught up in it. But I don't want to bc I'm faithful but I really want someone to talk to and give me attention. My husband and I tried and tried, but we just live in this weird world where we share a house. (Separate fridges, sides of the house, dogs, garages, friends, etc) Anyway, I'm not complaining about that, but I'm just explaining how I could meet someone like-minded but seriously don't want the stress of lying or hiding something from him. So I avoid men usually. I hide in my office at work and at stay at home bc I don't trust myself. So, off I'm going to the gym and will try hard to make girlfriends at once and not talk to the men so I don't make a huge mistake. It's hard tho bc I'm craving some attention. That's all I'm saying I guess. Also, during my 2 yr, the PA said that I'm 24BMI and that that's a "one percenter" at 2yrs and beyond. (I weighed 156- 3 lbs ago)That it was fantastic, and great job!". That being said, I've noticed that in our support group, a lot of us have low BMIs and we should be so happy that we are not in the "norm" and have lost so much and have maintained so well thus far. Agreed that it will get harder though and it will take work. I'm going to work on my choices of beverages, protein intake and working out. Congratulations everyone for being healthier this year and even more so in the coming year.

@@LisaCO that picture of you with your husband is so good. You are so pretty and I agree with the guy that you also look very feminine. My husband told me about 3 days ago that he was getting nervous also because the guys at work told him he should be on alert. Thanks guys... Now I have to coddle him. It was, "where are you going?" And I'd say "to the movies" and he'd tell me to have fun. Now he's like," should I go?" Uhmm, No! (He's one of those loud movie people that talks like he's in the living room and eats loudly and crunches ice. Everyone gives the evil eye.) I learned long ago to never go to movies with him. By the way, our 19th anniversary is in a week. Between him and my first husband, I've been married for 25 of my 49 years. Yeesh! I've been taking care of other people a long time! Nice to have devoted a year to myself. Congratulations me!

Congratulations Bronx!!

@@Beni We are "recovering obese people". I like that because it was real. We were overweight. Fact. You may not be able to see it anymore but the scars are still there.. Literally and figuratively. It did happen. And I remember what it felt like to be that person. I didn't like it at all. I didn't like who I was, (shy, no confidence, a wall flower, ignored, embarrassed, big clothes that were still too tight, out of breath, wouldn't look in a mirror except to critically inspect my features, etc etc etc..) and I don't think anyone cared to know me either, or give me a chance. People pre judged me. So, I guess what I'm saying is, I still have the compassion and humility of my overweight person, but the confidence and new found joy of the thinner person. I think it makes me a better person because I know where I've been and know where I want to go. I now have the correct path to follow. And I want to bring people along with me and enjoy the view! An aside: when I typed 'thinner', I thought of a Stephen King movie that I saw a longggg time ago called Thinner. It was so crazy. The more he eats the thinner he gets because of a curse placed on him. Gotta love Stephen King.

I go through days like I am so hungry and feel like I've eaten all day, and then others where I forget to eat and still feel full. Not sick or anything. I realized though that on the days where I feel I've eaten a lot; I have probably only eaten a small portion. Some days I just buy food but don't eat it. It's like an old habit/compulsion. I'll go to Bojangles and buy 2 wings and a sweet tea, or buy a kitkat or last week went to mcdonalds and bought a french fry and a hot fudge Sunday. At Panera, I might buy a scone, coffee, and Mac and cheese. As soon as I try a bite of any of these things, I'm satisfied (or repulsed) and I bring them home to my husband or the trash. I ate a salad for lunch today and picked up a cookie on the way out off of a salad/dessert buffet and brought it home. I guess I'm doing this as a "I used to love these!" Kind of deals, but it's so weird. And costly. If I do try to force myself to take a bite of say fried chicken or Mac and cheese, my stomach rebels as soon as it's in my mouth and can't swallow and I immediately want something cold and clean like watermelon or water. It's not even a head hunger or craving that makes me buy. I think it's habit. But then I'm like, what the heck? I don't even want this! I'll throw whole sandwiches in the trash or give them to the guys at work. (Who are vultures and like that I'm on a 'diet' so they can eat my food.) I don't do this a lot, but maybe once a week. It's like a comfortable blanket to just have it near me I think. I once had an eclair in the fridge for over a month and my daughter asked me if she could throw it out and I told her no. She asked why, bc it was practically moldy, and I told her that I like it there. Later, I wondered why. Is it bc when I open the fridge and take out a yogurt that I actually "chose" the yogurt over the eclair? Is it a reminder of where I've been, or of something I used to love and want it there like a blankie to reassure me? I think I like looking at it sitting there, and I smile to myself and shut the door. Like, "you don't have power over me anymore!! See, I don't need you!" Idk. A psychologist might have a field day with me but I feel like I did when I was having food funerals, only I was sad then and powerful now. On most days I eat a protein bar on the way to work or a yogurt, a cheese stick as a snack, chicken with nuts and fruit for lunch and then maybe a protein shake for a second snack. For dinner, I eat maybe taco salad, a cup of chili, or chicken salad. Something lighter so I don't feel heavy when I go to bed. Plus I'm not usually hungry by then. Watermelon, berries (all kinds) and cantelope are my daily friends. That's where I am on this 11th month, still trying to honestly understand my relationship with AND without food.

Oh my goodness! I just looked at the web view and there are 36,123 views to our Oct 2014 group! Has everyone gone back and read the first few pages of posts? Amazing.

@@LisaCO you actually look like the granddaughter of the before picture. "That other woman" as my daughter commented! She thought you were two different people until I told her that's your 'before'. And Bronx... Wow! Just wow! Wow, I'm so impressed with all of you guys' losses! I have been so stalled at 160 until two days ago. I am now at 158. Sooooo glad the scale is moving! Weird thing is, I didn't do anything different. Maybe your body just has to catch up and adjust itself over and over. I have 25 more to lose and then on to a neck and face lift! I have so much extra skin. Probably a combination of being heavy for so long and the skin stretching and then aging on top of it. I am 49 1/2 and my skin just doesn't have the elasticity it once did. Oh well,, better loose skin than skin filled with fat. I am so happy that I did this. My mobility is so much better. I actually used to fall a lot while walking because my legs were so weak and I haven't even thought about it until now but I haven't fallen probably for a year now. Little victories! By the way, Beni, I don't think I could have gotten through the year without your positivity and getting so much information on this surgery from your posts. My doctor just kind of did the surgery and let me go, and you guys have really been my PA/ nurses. Thank you everyone!!

Happy Birthday Beni! I'm glad you were able to eat your favorite food and not get sick! And what a flirt you got!! That's awesome. It does feel nice to be acknowledged. That didn't happen when we were heavier. People looked right through you, or worse, looked at you with a bad look on their face. But not anymore! Those are part of the rewards. Like being able to tighten a seat belt on a plane and crossing our legs when we sit and tying shoes without sitting down and not having to lean against something while putting on underpants so you don't fall! I am a size 10 also and bought my first pair of skinny jeans! I love them with a flowy top. So cute! Congratulate yourself on not only having a birthday and looking great, but on adding probably 10 more great looking birthdays to your life! We are finally healthy and not at risk anymore for so many diseases and health related problems!

Hey guys, I have gotten the weirdest thing. I got a sebaceous cyst under my boob in my bra line and it became infected too, so they put me on antibiotics. They had to partially drain it this morning and it HURT so badly! Omg. So it actually had breast tissue in there with melted fat. WTF? Sorry that this is too much info, but for goodness sakes, the cyst is almost like the only boob I have. Ugh! When I lay down, my boobs are like 2 puddles of wrinkled skin. I'm DEF getting a breast lift/ enhancement this winter. I've gone from a 40DD to a 36C and that would be fine if they didn't keep trying to fall out of the bottom of my bra bc they are so saggy. Good grief- can I just change my underwear size instead?!

Thank you everyone for the nice comments on my pics! And Bronxy, you are so thin! I will virtually die when I can wear a size 8 jean! And I have also had those times when I forget I've lost weight and still think I'm "morbid". Also scared I'll gain overnight and wake up exactly where I was last year. My arms and knees are terrible. Lots of loose and saggy stuff. Butttt on the other hand, I am so happy that I can do normal things now. I rode bikes at the beach with my sisters this weekend and had so much fun. I did have drinks with them though and quite a few glasses of champagne. Actually glad to get back home and back to my eating/ drinking schedule. Like Beni, I am so glad I have this support group and can know that I am one of many instead of by myself.

@@amylynns My arms are jiggly too and I can't seem to lose in my thighs very well. Major stubborn area. Calves too. Ughhhh! NSV: I went on a ropes and zip line course the other day and I was so proud and happy with myself that I did it! Taking those leaps of faith into thin air at 30 to 40 feet would NOT have been possible just 6 months ago and although my arms were a little shaky afterward from that and climbing up cargo nets, I have only a little soreness in my muscles. Pleasantly surprised! Before, I would have been out of breath after the first course and worried about the weight limit and if the cable would hold me.

Finally broke that 170 barrier and now 169! Whoop-whoop!! Here's a pic of me and my daughter last weekend for my birthday in New Orleans and a few others. She surprised me with a trip to show me off and we danced like crazy on Bourbon Street. So much fun.

@@Glyndalin You look great! Congratulations on the weight loss so far! I know you will get past the point where you have been stuck before. I am so proud of all of us and so happy to be in this journey with such great people. Whenever I get stuck on a number now, I get online and get inspiration and I find motivation in your stories. It's also comforting to know that the issues that I have had are normal and not exclusive to me. This website is such a godsend (thanks Alex Brecher!), and so is our leader Beni!

I was at work today and (I work with all guys in a warehouse environment) I've gotten a few "what are you doing? My wife is trying to lose weight" comments, but today our guy that doesn't speak much English from Ecuador came in my office to thank me for watching his kids at work for an hour when his girlfriend dropped them off. After much hand gesturing, he did the international sign for a curvy woman and smiled real big and said "¡Eres hermosa!" which someone told me is 'you're beautiful!' NSV! It was funny bc he's really shy.

Wow I have been struggling with my weight. I finally lost back down to 185. I was 187 one month ago, then up and back. (Never figured out the gain) Soo, 2 lb loss in 4 weeks. Very frustrating. Anyway, hopefully I'm going to be on a losing journey again from here.

Oh my gosh Luna! If you would have said "I'm dumping!", the first thought I had and he would have to, was when Maya Rudolph ran out into the street in the movie Bridesmaids and 'dumped' in her wedding dress! He probably would have thought that you were trying not to crap in your pants! I was laughing when reading yours and Beni's stories. It's not funny when it's happening of course, but it's what we are all scared of, so it's kind of a comic relief for the tension we hold about eating when we are out of the house.

When I went to my 3 month, the PA said that they don't do labs until 6 months. As much as I hate having blood drawn, I was looking forward to hearing about my levels. Still curious.

This also looks good. Fruit infused ice.

Umm, by the way, I am NOT changing my ticker. I'll be DAMNED if that cute little jogger girl is going to jog backward! Just sayin.

I am in a freaking stall. I was 185 two weeks ago and then weighed in the next day and had gained 3 pounds! I asked everyone in the house if they had moved my scale or touched it because it is VERY touchy. If you move it, the weight registers differently. The next day, two MORE pounds! I did nothing different!! Same food, same schedule, no period, nothing. So weird and discouraging. Soooo, I'm finally back at 188 and hovering. (Still 3 lbs up) I upped my protein with a morning shake the last few days and am trying to get more water in. I have spent 2 weeks now trying to lose weight that I had already lost. Boohoo! it might take me another 2-3 weeks to lose the rest. Epic catastrophe. Anyway, I am powering on, but wish that MY stall didn't include re-losing weight already lost. On a good note, my dad who has cancer for two years now had his 80th birthday, and two of my daughters had birthdays in January. 18 and 21 years old. Yay!! Happy stuff.

Got a massage today and it felt so good! Non-food reward!!

Steak and pork are about the only solid Proteins that I can tolerate. Fish and chicken stick in my throat and then my chest. My heart races and feels like I'm going to have a heart attack. Knowing how much to eat- trial and error, but I try to only put a very small amount on my plate. Then I wait for 5 minutes or so after eating to see if that went down okay. If it did, I might get some more. I will get the hiccups or my forehead will get kinda sweaty if I'm full I've noticed. I have even had a bite in my mouth, chewing and chewing and had that sweaty feeling and spit the food out in my napkin, knowing that if I swallow I'll be in trouble. Usually the Protein makes me full and I don't have room for anything else except maybe a bite. It's so not worth making a vegetable usually because the whole thing has to go in the fridge as leftover.

I am 3 pounds away from the halfway mark toward a 100lb weight goal too! I am excited to be in the 180's. I went to join a new gym opening in March with a pool and they did a body fat measurement and it was 50%. The girl almost cried for me and didn't want to tell me until I asked. Then she apologetically told me. I was smiling, and she was so confused. (I didn't tell her about RNY) I told her that that was why I was joining, and it was just a number. She looked horrified. She said, "well, even if you DO happen to lose some weight, you don't want to be skinny-fat!" Hahahah. Skinny people probs. Also, the only ppl that know of my surgery are my mom, 2 sisters, 3 kids and husband. (Never told my dad, stepmom or half-sister) the thing is, only my kids have commented on my weight loss and one of their friends last night shyly asked me "have you lost some weight? I hope I'm not hurting your feelings, but you look like you have. You look great!" Awwwww!!! Sweet girl!!! Made my day. I've lost 48 pounds and no one else has noticed?! Goes to show me that people HAVE been looking right through me and not noticing me. It is so hard to 'wear' your 'problem' on your body for people to judge you with one passing glance. They might be riddled with internal or psychiatric problems but they're hidden from view until you get to know them. People don't even invest the time (mostly) to get to know an overweight person. It makes me so sad. But it's their loss, because they are bigots. Anyway, those mixed emotions went through my mind last night and one made me happy and the other made me hurt. Emotional rollercoaster to come with each 5 pounds shed no doubt..

189.9 today! Whoop whoop!!