Delta Dawn

I am soon to be 50 yrs old. In 1999 I had an automobile accident that left me with alot of internal bleeding a crushed vertebrae,and a crushed pelvis. After 2 weeks in ICU I was stable enough for surgery. 1st surgery was 23 hrs & left me with a rod & cage in my back, a fixater screwed into the front of my hips & bone harvested from the back side of my right hip to promote bone growth. The rod and cage collapsed after dismissal from the hospital so I went back in. 2nd surgery left me with a longer rod & cage ( which means even less mobility than before) & bone was harvested from the back side of my left hip to promote bone growth. The only thing that got me through this struggle was the fact that my 6 yr old son had survived the accident with nothing more than a scratch. I have always struggled with my weight but prior to the accident I had been successful in managing it.Through the years my son and I talked about the effects my injuries had on me and the way I lived my life. I looked into WLS but was shamed when I heard that I had an obtainable weight loss goal with diet & exercise. I'd start the diet & join the gym to hear the trainer say you need to strengthen your core muscles and I'd soon be put on a flat surface to do the strengthening exercises that always caused unbearable pain to the point of being immobile. Sometimes I got a bonus of being put in a class with others that caused embarrassment as well as being immobile. I don't guess I was tough enough or that's what I've been told.30 lbs became 40 &40 became 60. I convinced myself that I could handle the weight.After all I had a great family that loved me the way I was. My son nor my husband was never ashamed of me. My son had me front &center at all events & introduced me proudly. He was my only child and our bond was like none other. I became Moma Dawn to fraternity bros, football players & all of his friends knew me. On Dec.15, 2013 I lost my boy in an automobile accident.He was 21. As I'm struggling w/ this situation I continue to find so many things I need to do to honor his beautiful life.I will not let him be forgotten.I will establish a scholarship fund in his name and I will help others just like he was doing when I lost him. The friend he was helping survived the accident and I have vowed to help him as well. I need to be physically able to do this. I honestly don't care what anyone else thinks about the way that I have decided to go about it. I have a very supportive family & group of friends but I realize that here I will make new friends that have experienced the WLS journey and have knowledge to share. In my opinion I've suffered the greatest loss a person should have to endure. I realize that I will never be the same person that I was before losing my son.After all I have lost the very best part of me. I must learn how to live with the new me and it can only help to know that the new me will be healthy and physically able to honor my son. As strange as it may sound I've always felt like I had some control in my life, since losing Tate I my life seems so out of control. By having the VSG procedure I feel that I am taking control of at least one aspect in my life. Hopefully this one will lead to another. I appreciate any support that I get while doing so. Surgery date is Oct.17, 2014. Ten days and counting!!