bellabloom

I actually find myself attracted to larger men. It's harder to meet them than you might think! And guess what? Most of them prefer to date thinner women.

Maybe part of the problem is I don't have the feelings I think I do or maybe I wish I did have. I keep going back and forth about this, it's very hard for me to open up with this man for some reason. I wonder if yes, maybe it is a problem with him. I wasn't looking to get into a serious relationship so fast and now that I am it's really stressing me out. He's a good person and I care about him but maybe love is too strong an emotion for the time being. It's been a long long time since I have really loved someone. I'm not even sure what it feels like. I feel vulnerable and nervous and excited but also stretched too thin and overwhelmed. I don't know what I want. This may be stopping me from opening up. The relationship is new and I'm still figuring out where I stand in it. I don't want to open up and then have it not work out anyway. Is there a part of me that thinks it won't work out? Definitely. I went through a terrible 7 year partnership with my kids dad and I'm going to be super picky about who becomes my long term partner. If this is the right man for me then why don't I feel like I can talk to him? I just want to keep things light and simple.

I sympathize with what you are going through. I understand what it is to be lonely inside of a relationship yet still unwilling to leave it. It's a terrible thing to go through. Have you considered speaking with your husband about an open relationship? Sometimes that can work for people. I believe honesty is the best policy and there is more than one kind of marriage that can work. Perhaps you could talk with other people in similar situations in chat rooms etc. you have one life and it's up to you to choose happiness.

Hahahaha. Since having surgery I can't stop wanting sex! Shhhh. I went a little crazy. Hahahaha

I admit I don't always follow this rule. It is very hard for me not to drink with meals. But what I find is if I do it creates more stomach pain and a higher likelihood that I will have to throw up after eating. If I don't drink before a meal I can eat more and usually won't throw it up. If I do it could go either way. I find it very challenging, I usually want at least a sip or two of water after a meal. A few little sips is okay for me. I've been on a mostly liquid diet for a long time as well but now that I am transitioning to solids I have a feeling I will have to abide by this rule more.

Everyone has such good points. I'm conflicted for sure. I just need to give it some more time.

Eating is quite STRESSFULL to me, as is the feeling of hunger. I worry about regressing sometimes. I have a hard time eating more than 500 calories. I feel guilty when I do. I don't like the feeling of being full at all. I see an eating disorder therapist each week to talk over my issues. It helps. Mostly I am afraid of becoming the slave to hunger and cravings that I once was. I feel the key lies in making good food choices. Carbs make me crave more carbs. Protein satisfies me much more. I will probably always steer clear of carbs for this reason, unless couples by a large portion of protein. Junk food creates cravings in me and I'm very wary of it. I will probably always track my food intake and weigh in regularly.

for For some reason I have also lost a huge amount of weight from my legs. When I was thin before I've always had bigger legs. Not anymore! I did take awhile but eventually it can off my belly too. It takes some time.

I don't really have cheat foods. I eat what I want but I'm conscious of the portion and calories. I limit myself. I don't think it's a long term plan to make certain foods forbidden. It only makes it harder to resist. Luckily I have lost my taste for sweets.

It's tough for sure. I threw away the largest clothes as it was soooo worn out. I hadn't bought new clothes in years. I have went from a 20 to a six and luckily I was given a lot of clothes by friends, so I only bought clothes in eight and six. But now I am getting into a four. I have away what was given to me and I don't fear gaining back the weight as I know I will never ever let that happen. Once I get to goal, the sixes will go too and I'll never look back, period. What stinks is I bought a lot of clothes I really liked only to lose more weight. It's hard to hold off however feeling so good and wanting to show off my new body. I've put myself in clothing hiatus until size four for now. It's funny because I used to be thin about 7 years ago, and I had beautiful clothes. When I began to gain weight I stored all my skinny clothes away and I never gave up wearing them again. I've been able to wear them now and I'm so glad I kept them. Keep your skinny clothes, not your fat ones!!

It's normal to stall in the first couple weeks

Your almost through it darling. Hang I there

Here is the difference the surgery has made just in my face. It's really taken years off! please excuse the silly cat! And thanks for all the comments it makes me feel so good. Hopefully I can inspire others and show how good this surgery really can be!

Canyon baby I envy the love you have and my heart goes out to you in this trying time. I can't imagine what your going through. Your words are very wise. If the shoe were reversed for me I would not care to know. I went on a date awhile back with a guy who told me on our second date he had the sleeve surgery. I felt it was way too much info and I also wondered why he is living in the past and so hung up on it that he felt the need to tell me. People are entitled to their privacy and there is such a thing as too much information. If my boyfriend, down the line, is upset I didn't tell him, I will simply explain that I was trying to live in the present and I wanted to give our relationship time before bringing in the baggage. Hopefully he will understand and not see it as a breach of trust. I really don't think he will mind me holding it back. He will get it. That's the kind of person he is. He is respectful of privacy and doesn't pry into my past.

I am 34 and we have the same goals. I have barely any loose skin. What I do have is in my belly area, but I've also had two children and so that plays into it. I have a tiny bit on my arms and legs that is not noticeable unless I pointed it out.

You look great!! Did you have any stalls? After I lost 84 pounds I just can't seem to lose anymore ???? I still have 40 more to go to get to my goal. I haven't had any stalls but I rarely eat more than 500 calories a day. I'm not suggesting you do this- I do because I am dealing with a very very restrictive sleeve and still figuring out what I can eat. I also have very severe gerd. My intake is starting to go up however as I recover. I'm going to lose to 130 and then do what I have to do to stop the weight loss because I don't want to go any lower. Technically my surgeon set my goal at 135 but I feel I'd be happier with 130. I've lost 2-5 pounds a week constantly. Sometimes I lost as much as 7 pounds. I haven't been able to exercise but I'm fairly active due to my job.

Thank you everyone for kind words and advice. I am six months put from surgery and I do realize that there is a road in front of me. That's part of why I don't want to say anything. I need time to heal and time to form new habits and I don't want to be scrutinized while I'm doing so. If I was farther out from surgery and it really was in the distant past I probably wouldn't sweat it as much. I've gotten comfortable telling friends about it and one day I probably won't care who knows. I didn't expect to fall for someone like this right now. It's only been about two months since we have been dating buts it's a relationship like none I've even experienced. This could very well be the man I marry. Down the road I realize that he should know for medical reasons and because if I'm going to share my life with someone they should know about such a big event in my life. But right now I just want to live in the moment and enjoy our relationship without shadows from the past hanging over me. One major difference, at least for me, is that I was only overweight for about five years. It was a blip in my life. I dealt with my eating disorder much longer. I went through intensive eating disorder therapy and put it behind me and that's when the weight came on. I had years when I was thin, thin me is who I relate to the most, and I don't want to shape his idea of me in another way. Does that make sense? This is who I am. Not the woman who went through an abusive relationship, gained weight, and lost it. I want to just be able to be the me I am now. I've just come into my own again and I'm enjoying it so much. I don't want to have the past hanging over me! Can I just be free of it for while until I am ready? I've decided not to tell him for the time being. I'm going to wait until I'm really ready to share that part of my past and no sooner.

hello!! Congrats on you weight loss u look great how long u had surgery? I had my surgery dec 4th 2014. The first surgery I had was rny and I had complications (extreme pain) because my intestines weren't put right. My surgeon had to revise to a sleeve on March 16th 2015. So I had two surgeries and had to go through all the stages 2x. I am 8 pounds from goal in six months due to this. It's been tough but totally worth it in every way!!

It is really something to compare my progress. I think I look much better now, what do you think? So worth it!

I started at 250 six months ago and am 8 pounds from goal weight of 130. I'm 5'6

I did have the surgery. I had some pretty nasty complications, some of which I am still dealing with. I've lost from 250 to 138 in six months. I look amazing and I have no regrets in spite of the complications. This is the best choice I ever made for myself. Because a month of living in this body is better than years of living in my old one!

He knows I had surgery but not for what exactly. He doesn't know I was technically obese. I told him I had stomach and gallbladder surgery and have trouble eating because I'm still dealing with some complications. He didn't inquire into exact details. It's been impossible to avoid telling him something because I am still unable to eat most foods. It's only been about three months since my sleeve. It's almost worse that I've told him half truths rather than saying nothing at all. But honestly I just don't want him to know. I want to enjoy being with someone who has no idea of my past issues. After years with a man who never let me forget how "damaged" I was, it's soooo nice to start with a clean slate. I get to be me, not the damaged eating disorder former fat girl my ex always reminds me I am. If I want to eat potato chips I can do so without worrying that he is thinking I am eating unhealthy. If I want to never talk about weight with him again, I still can go that route! It's a clean slate and a chance to be who I want to be. To redefine myself. To move on from the past. I say bury that shit and be done with it!! There is a reason people burn letters, rip up photographs, send bottles of memories out to sea. Because at some point we need to let go and move on. It's my time to do that and bringing up my history would not move me further along in my journey.

How has it been with your self image. I hear people say it is hard to adjust to new self? Was that difficult for you? In my mind I think anything under 200lbs is small lol. I can not imagine myself at 150lb.I am in love in love in love with myself. I feel like a super model. I don't have a whole lot of loose skin but what I do have I don't let bother me. I've dated a few people since my surgery (I'm single) and it was great, I just didn't let the flaws get to me. When I walk into a room men turn and look and I feel like a million zillion dollars. I can wear almost anything and I can wear heels. I do my makeup and hair everyday, I feel amazing!!!! I've had some complications since my surgery and I still don't regret it one tiny bit. It's the best thing I could have done. I'm joyful and I Celebrate myself and feel free in my new body. And I am so grateful for all of it!!

I fully agree. I've been trying and people have been telling me that I need to tell the wonderful man I'm dating what I chose to do. But really, why? Does he need to know everything about me? How many men I've slept with? How many one night stands I've had? That I had an ectopic pregnancy? That my ex used to call me a donut? No. This is stuff in my past that is private and only needs to be revealed if extremely necessary. It shouldn't matter what I've done and mistakes I've made in the past if it doesn't directly affect him. I'm of the mind that I'm entitled to my privacy. Period.

I started out at 250 in December and am now at 138. It's been a wild ride! Hard to recognize myself