bellabloom

I've had several people mention they think I am getting too thin and need to stop losing. Especially my mom, who has taken it upon herself to make comments about my weight my entire life. I'm always either too fat or too thin for her. How do you deal with these reactions from people? I need some advice. I'm 5'6 and at 128. I'd like to maintain at 120-125. Yes I'm very thin but I like it. I feel beautiful.

I hope I don't gain any back later. That scares me. Maybe I'll go to 120 then just for extra cushion.

I started at 250 and am now at 128. I'm 5'6, 35 years old.

I have numbness starting in my legs.

I have been dating for awhile now and I have met a wonderful man and fallen in love with him. He is kind and affectionate and compliments me constantly on my beauty and sexiness etc. he doesn't seem to care about the little bit of loose skin I have or really notice it. I don't have a whole lot, just looks like I had kids (which I have). But I haven't told him about my wls or that before my surgery I struggled both with bulimia and anorexia over the years. I went through an abusive relationship before him for eight years and my weight and problems with food were a constant focus which made my weight balloon out of control. I still struggle with some issues surrounding food and eating disorder behavior but mostly it's in my past. I am living my life now as a thin woman and plan to continue to do so. I have given up almost all of the bad habits I used to have around food and I don't really see it being a huge factor in my future. But I am terrified to tell him of this history because I feel like it will shape his idea of me into who I used to be and not who I am now. I don't want food to ever be a focus for me again, ever! I don't want my partner watching and worrying about what I eat or even associating me with the person I used to be who had these major issues. At what point is the past really the past? Are we doomed to live in the shadow of our past choices and mistakes and traumas forever? At what point do I have a responsibility to tell him all my private history? Can't I just move on in the person I am now and put this in the past were it belongs? I want to be a thin woman without food issues and free from the mistakes I've made. Maybe he wouldn't care and love me regardless- maybe he would care. Either way why should the past have a stranglehold of power over the present?

Ummmm I don't. I haven't been allowed to yet, my calories aren't high enough. Occasionally I swim but that's about it. My skin is just good and I wasn't that big at my highest. I'm 5'5 and was 250ish.

I told him. He didn't care at all and just kissed me.

About a week ago I started to do better and be able to eat more solid food. It's been three months since my surgery and this is the first time off liquids. I've been really struggling and throwing up a lot and it's been rough! Anyway I had a good week and ate some cheese and chips and guacamole and salads! These are all new for me. Then I started to worry- what if my sleeve is gone and now I can eat again? I still have 8 pounds to lose and what if I never get there and start to gain? What if my restriction is gone? I have been wanting to eat a sandwich for months. I crave them so badly. This morning I decided shoot I'm doing so good, let's try a subway turkey breast. 2 tiny bites later... I am puking my guts out into the subway bag. Sleeve still works.????

This post could have been written by me! You took the words out of my mouth. For me being fat only lasted about five years so I feel the same, a small dark part of my life that I don't want defining my future.

I'm not so sure. It's leaving out a lot isn't it? Like major surgery? That's my dilemma. I've become a mistress of half truths.

You look Amazing!!

Wow!!! I did misunderstand oh my goodness. I've never really had anything like that experience. How old are you? Are these older men? Maybe talking about sex sooner would help? I'm sure there must be red flags like if they have been single a long time or perhaps they are very overweight themselves? Would that affect their sex drives? This would be a huge deal breaker for me. I want to know if I am sexually compatible with someone sooner than later for this exact reason. The worst is to have an unsatisfying sexual relationship and have feelings caught up!! I'm not sure what advice I can offer except to be more upfront about wether they enjoy sex. ☺️☺️ Of course I'm so upfront I be like "man I need a little sugar in my bowl and some hot dog in my roll!!" Hahahaha. Now!! Omg I sound like a slut. I'm really not people promise.

Hmm

Bad!!! All carbs, no Fiber, no Protein. Your better off with a high protein smoothie.

Are you eating carbs? If so, stop!!! They cause cravings like crazy.

I craved pickles like crazy. I used to suck on them or chew them up and spit them out! Lol

I don't really need it. I lost 110 pounds from 250 to 138. I have a pooch on my belly but I've also had kids and I don't really care. My arms and legs look fine, barely any loose skin and I think it will get even better in time.

Mine have me a number. 135. I'm 5'5 or 6. I feel I should weight from 125-130 however and that's what I'm going for. I'm just basing it on how my body looks and feels. Plus I want to give myself some wiggle room in case I gain any back.

I've put these up in a couple of other places, but here they are again for you guys! It's a lot of fun to look at these and see the progress everyone has made!! Inspiring!

My therapist said many women struggle with their sexual identity and intimacy issues. I think that is very relevant to those of us who have been overweight in the past and perhaps our bodies are what we think they should be. I've always been a sexual person and comfortable with my body thankfully. But I know it's a real struggle for many and your not the first person on this forum who I have heard mention it. My best friend had rny and full body plastics and she still can be intimate with a man. The image in her head still tells her she is unacceptable. I guess I just tell myself that most men doesn't really care and that confidence is more attractive that shying away. I try to just own my flaws. I hope you try another therapist who can perhaps work with you on this because sex and intimacy are such beautiful things and something special for you to share with your partner that I'm sure would bring you closer. I hate to think your missing out on it.

These responses are exactly why I post on here. It's amazing how understanding this community is. On the other hand we are all different and have different outlooks on things. I've gone through periods in my life before when I was single and enjoyed exploring my sexuality and a good party and I look back on those times as some of the best of my life. I'm Brazilian and I was raised in a culture where there is nothing wrong with a good time alcohol and sex. I'm very comfortable with my sexual self and selective about my partners. I'm not the one night stand type but I may not want to be in a serious relationship each time I chose to have a partner. I don't feel badly about this. Call me liberal . I especially appreciate the comments on what effect domestic abuse can have on people however. It did affect me in terms of being able to commit to someone new. I'm wary of putting my eggs in one basket right away and giving away a sort of freedom for the sake of committing to another. I'm afraid of another relationship turning out the way the last one did. I don't want to end up with someone who is the wrong person!!! I want to be with someone because of the way I feel about him and not just because of the way he feels about me. I know what I'm looking for and it would be terrible if I settled for anything less. Can I trust myself to look out for red flags and walk away if there are too many? I tend to get attached and start making excuses for people if they aren't quite right for me. But then again no one is perfect. How does one know when a relationship is really right? Because I think this one is but can I trust myself. However I have years of my 20s where I dated wonderful men and enjoyed my life to draw from. That gives me some perspective on what's going on now. I do think it's healthy to want to date casually at times in ones life. Not every person is ready for a relationship at any given time. But I've chosen wonderful men in the past, so why shouldn't I trust myself to chose well now? So much of this just comes down to fear inside of me. I have my children half the week so I'm left with a lot of time to be alone. I don't feel like having a life outside of them is neglecting them. They are my priority and when I'm with them, im with them. When I'm on my own it's up to me. Im not taking risks or drunk driving or doing stupid things- I've never been one to do stuff like that. It comes down to - am I ready to be serious with one person or do I still need time to see what's out there and be independent, and also free of the heavy emotions and vulnerability that comes with a serious relationship. Am I just hesitating because I am afraid of making a poor choice in a partner because I did pick a bad apple once?? It's really a moot point anyway. I've already fallen for the man I'm currently dating. I'm not going to break it off and I don't want to. I just needed to vocalize some of the fears in my head. You can't always have the perfect timing and this man has entered my life and he is incredible. I have to see it through in spite of my fears.

Your so right. It does take time and my eyes are wide open!! There is no way I'm going to chose another man who is wrong for me.

I agree with you and I do think I am at risk of this on some level. It's not something I'm super worried about however, as I'm not really much of a drinker. I'm more concerned with compulsive behavior. Although on the flip side I've always been a person who likes to live to the extreme. I enjoy a party and feeling alive and in the past I've always known when to check myself. I've never had problems with drugs or alcohol or making terrible decisions. Sometimes I think it's important to just trust oneself. I see a therapist every week and we discuss my life and she helps me gain perspective. Like I said I went through 7 years of basically being dead and having no life at all and being abused daily, and now I'm ready to live and live and live!!! I trust myself enough to give myself the freedom. Food was a way I dealt with stress and emotions for certain, but I also over ate simply because my body was just out of Wack. I find that exercise is a good release for me now, and I do. But having fun with limits is a good release too !

Thanks for the advice but this is the only place I feel I can be totally honest and get advice from other people going through the same changes. Anyway my profile is under a fake name. And if my current boyfriend ends up on bariatric pal I would be quite surprised!! Plus it's not like I'm being unfaithful. I care about him deeply and I'm invested in the relationship fully. It's just making me nervous to have feelings and move into something so soon and chance being hurt. Especially when he doesn't know about my surgery- I worry when he finds out he will end things. Dating without feelings is a safe zone for me but also not satisfying in many ways. Hence my post- I'm not sure what I want right now. I just don't want to be scared or make poor choices for myself.

Your boys are gorgeous and so are you. ????