bellabloom

For all you single ladies out there, or ones in relationships that could be better... And even the married ones. This topic applies to all of us women who may have lost touch or never understood how to value ourselves. I've been doing a lot of thinking about self worth, what to look for in a potential partner, and how to make sure I respect myself and demand respect from others. When is was younger, I settled for men who were not good enough to be with. I did have standards for myself and I knew what I wanted in a man, but I never went for that. After a series of boyfriends who didn't respect me I settled for the first man to get serious about me. And that led to years of an unhappy and abusive relationship. Being overweight young, or simply struggling with insecurity, sets us up for bad relationship choices. As I gained weight my standards for myself and what I would put up with only got worse. There is a fear that one is not worthy of love from a high value person. Only the broken men made me feel comfortable because I was so insecure. I'm setting out to change this. I recently got into a relationship with a person far below my worth and dropped my standards for myself almost immediately for him. After surviving my 8 years of hell with my kids dad and losing all this weight, here I was again in the same situation!! This needs to end. I am creating a list of "standards" for myself based on how I want to be treated, what i will and won't do in a dating situation, the values I must have in another person and the reasons I deserve these things. I'm building a framework for my own worth and self confidence to keep myself reminded that in my search for a partner, there is a destination in mind. After losing so much weight I feel like a different person. I won't repeat the patterns of insecurity that ultimately led to my unhappiness and weight gain. I want to set the bar high and this time, no settling for less than Im worth in love and life. I know it's up to me to set the standards by which I'm treated!

Anyone had a tummy tuck? Can you tell me how much you paid? I'm getting increasingly upset about my stomach area and want to get a tummy tuck. I'm not sure how much money I need to save for one. I'm single and dating and it's nerve wracking to think a man might react badly.

Hahahhahahaa !!! This post made me burst out laughing in the middle of a crowded room. So funny!!! This is so going to happen to me!!

I just tell them I eat like a bird

I started dating about six months after. It was hard. I'm still dating and afraid of taking my clothes off because dressed I look perfect but my body is pretty flawed. Just have to find the right person I guess. I always think I have to be perfect. Be careful dating after surgery. It's easy to get in over your head because so much has changed.

I went from pretty: To gross: To beautiful again: The power of weight to change how we look!!! You're going to do great and get off that diet roller coaster for good. I'm so happy for you!!

I'm feeling.... Tired. Wls surgery has been a hard road for me. And I'm scared too. It's all too much to write here but suffice to say I've had a complicated path. I now have a sleeve and I also have a stricture in the middle of my sleeve. I've had it dilated once. I'm pretty much at goal. My goal keeps dropping. I'm scared to stop trying to lose. I thought 125 was my goal but now it's 115. I'm pretty sure that's as low as I'll go. I'm TERRIFIED of regain and of falling back into old habits and patterns. My stricture makes it very difficult for me to eat many things. I didn't do well with vegetables and meats. For months I thre up everything I ate!! Now I've discovered to my horror that Taco Bell, for some reason, most of the time stays down. I can sometimes eat a small salad or some Pasta, a few bites of a sandwich. I can eat tuna and cheeses.. It's hit or miss. I throw up about half my food, down from 90% of my food. My doctor wants to do another dilation but a part of me likes how restricted I am. It feels like a safety net. And yet when I'm forced to eat Taco Bell or other carb rich slider foods, I don't like it. I want to be able to eat a salad and meat! But I don't trust myself to eat those things. The stricture really keeps me in check. But I'm tired. I'm tired of throwing up all the time, of never knowing if something is going to stay down. I'm falling into eating some of the things I used to eat like bagels, sandwiches, eating out a lot.... It frightens me. I won't gain now because my portions are so small but someday that could change. I don't know what I want it do. But I'm tired. Really tired. This isn't easy.

Things are getting so much better. I elected not to have another dilation and wait it out. I've been able to hold down many more solids lately and my weigh loss has slowed considerably! I'm not throwing up as much and that's a relief. Going to just give it time. Thanks everyone.

I'm having super intense nausea after I eat all of a sudden. I've never had this symptom before. Could this be dumping? I'm a ten months out and it's happening at almost every meal that I get full. Anyone? Feeling so sick and burping and shaky

What makes you say it's not dumping

My family, mainly my mom and ex-husband, have been commenting that I'm obsessed with my weight loss. They say it's all I ever talk about or think about and they think I should move on. Well, it's been 9 months since my first surgery. And before that I spent 6 years being fat and hating myself. I didn't take care of myself, I couldn't wear nice clothes or heels, men looked right past me, women felt sorry for me. I was told by my mom and my ex what a mess I was and how sad it was I'd let myself go on a repeated basis. I was basically living in despair. I wake up everyday now and feel like I've won the lottery. I love having my picture taken, buying and wearing the latest fashions, doing my hair and makeup. I love looking at myself in the mirror and basically I'm just floating around in cloud nine to be given this second chance at life!! Don't you think, at only nine months out, and only a couple months of goal weight, I should be allowed to feel great and proclaim it from the rooftops for awhile? My friends don't say I'm obsessed with myself or my weight loss. They Celebrate it with me!

Had some fun trying on my old fat clothes yesterday. Sw: 245 Cw: 122 Height 5'6 I can't believe these used to fit me!! Size 20 to size 2. Wow. Some more pictures for you... Before: Now:

Goodbye stomach! You sucked!!! Never let me be full and let me get fat. So see ya!!!! Go on now go... Walk out the door...your not welcome anymore!!

He is pushing me away and he will likely relocate for another position. ????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

you are hot!!!!!! You were cute before too. Yes ladies. This is me blatantly hitting on the cute online cowboy! Hahaha

My ex said if I had the surgery he would break up with me. So I dumped him and had the surgery. And now he can't take his eyes off me. Ha. Oh and he's gotten fat himself. Haha.

I tried it again. I puked. ????????????

I am trying to decide what I want my long term diet to look like. Everyone's doctor seems to have a different take on their eating guide. I'm confused about what's best for me- I'd like to open this up for debate and to see what others think. What has worked or is working for you? Any long term maintainers out there who can pitch in? What do your doctors say?

I was embarrassed of my body which made me not want to have sex. I felt gross. Now I am one horny woman. But my sex drive with my ex never did come back. It was a problem between us, not just my being overweight.

He's going to love you just as much and love your energy level!!

Go get clothes. SqueeeeeeeeZe them on. Those are the ones you want to buy!!! I have an aversion to anything baggy now because I spent so much time wearing those type of clothes when I was overweight. Your still afraid this is all a trick or temporary and soon you will fail on your diet and regain. But this isn't the case, you won't regain. Remind yourself of this and buy those clothes right!

Mine is totally gone!!!!!!! It was gone once I got under 200 pounds. Gone gone!!! Yours will too!!

I think about this a lot. There are definitely men who like big women!!!!! No doubt about it. If they were hitting on you it was for a reason and probably a good one. That stuff is in your head- those guys wanted you. But the fact is, most men don't go for big women. Since I've lost weight, it's incredible the amount of attention I get from men. Everywhere I go. One dude walked into a pole over me! I online date and I get bombarded, whereas when is was just 30 pounds heavier it wasn't nearly as common for me to get a date. At this weight I can go out with anyone I want. Men drool over me. That said, I believe that partly it's a cultural thing. I think sexually men prefer curves. But socially, they like the arm candy of a thin girl. Thinness is praised in our society as signaling success and strength. Being overweight is viewed as a sign of weakness, laziness and poor health. Then again, I as a woman like a man to be bigger than me. I like to feel little. Isn't it likely the opposite for men that they like a woman to be small so that they feel large and manly? There is no denying most men prefer slender and/or athletic. They are looking for someone healthy to mate with, have babies, etc. they want to have some arm candy to show off. It's human nature. There is also no denying there are exceptions to the rule. A lot of men like heavy girls! They are out there! So if a guy is hitting on you, believe him. Especially if he is doing it in public in front of his buddies. He likes you. One more thing: so much of how attractive we are comes down to how we carry ourselves. When I was overweight I was not an ugly woman. I've never been ugly. But how I carried myself was. I didn't dress up, I didn't wear nice clothes, I didn't shine from the inside. I was grumpy and morose and looked like I hated life. I've know large woman who glow and live up their looks and own it. And they are damn hot!!!! I find overweight woman to be extremely sexy when they rock their looks and love themselves. So sexy. So much if it comes down to how we feel within.

Just you ladies wait!!! Skirts and dresses and skinny jeans and boots that fit and heels and cute little tops and more and more and more!!!! It's so fun. I can shop anywhere and wear so many things. My skirts keep getting shorter and shorter though and I have to laugh about that! Thrift store shopping is pretty awesome because it's so cheap and that way if you keep losing, no big deal! Shopping now is so much fun. You will discover your style and it will be so fun doing it! Here is how I dress now: Skinny jeans! Sun dresses! Sexy little tops! Whatever the heck I want!!! Haha. Okay this last one is a joke. ????

Babbs you are such a hottie you can pull off anything!!! ????