bellabloom

My surgeon has a tanita scale and measures it for me. really cool.

You really understood my original post, thank you. You're right. I guess I'm overreacting a little. I can't explain exactly what is happening. All I know is I'm uncomfortable with how certain men are reacting to me. But it will get better in time I'm sure.

Wow. Wow!! I'm so happy for you. You look amazing, love the way you're dressing now and I bet you feel amazing!!

You look so so so good.

There's something very creepy about men who think women's weight, whether it's low or high, is a topic for conversation with no context. To be sitting across from a woman he doesn't know and discuss her, evaluate her, with her is weird, inappropriate and, well, creepy. What happened to conversation that's interesting and appropriate? Your thinking on whether you'd reveal your weight history is off kilter. At one time you were 250. It's a part of your history and your being. As you say it, it sounds as though revealing your truth would be the same as apologizing. You have nothing to apologize for. Why fear "bursting the bubble" of some creep? You'd lose his approval? He's no great prize to begin with. The other side of the coin is: What happens when you decide to get naked with someone? Will he not notice some out-of-the-ordinary features? Loose skin? Scars not only from bariatric surgery, but also from reconstructive surgery (if that's the case)? "The dog ate my homework" won't cut it. Are you clear yourself on what you mean by "skinny?" A very high percentage of obese or formerly obese people equate "skinny" with attractive and healthy. "Skinny" is neither. What's attractive about a sunken chest or something like? "Skinny" is distorted perception. I was stunned to observe many times at WLS support groups or at my clothing exchange events that obese and formerly obese people use the word "skinny" as a barrier against "the other," I'll call it. The best example I recall was a support meeting where a man (a man, mind you) who had never been overweight, did a guest presentation of some sort of exercise program he'd developed. A woman at the meeting, still quite heavy, made some comments which included describing him as "skinny." It was so clear that she was building a wall; that he was "the Other," not quite a "real" person. The moment was humiliating and the man responded by saying that he considered himself at a healthy weight, not skinny. He was accurate. The word "skinny" is an equivalent of thin ice -- a poor foundation, a broad misconception, and absence of a centeredness within. I'll retract all that if in fact you really do mean true skinniness. At this hour, I can't not ramble. All very true!!

This made me laugh out loud. I've never had to worry in my whole like about superficial men because well, I just wasn't the physical type they are looking for. And to have to worry about it now is definitely an awakening! I think I know what signs to look for and I don't think they are THAT common. But they are out there.

Not me. I'm one ugly mofo. But I am pretty damn charming. Sent from my phone, please forgive brevity and misspelling Ugliness is as ugliness does. Thanks daveo. Your always so sweet in your posts.

Thank you Anne for your thoughtful post. I can tell that you care and I thank you for reading all my posts the way you have been. There is no doubt I have been through a hell of a lot this year. My divorce, followed by surgery, from which I almost died and then 3 further surgeries and four months in the hospital. A stricture for 6 months, puking five or more times a day for months, blood transfusions, pic lines, finally settling down and now horrible dumping syndrome. I fell in love with a man who hid his addiction from me and then had to walk away and be heartbroken. I'm a single mom and struggling with my business after being out of work five months. Im also recovering from an eating disorder and trying to keep it that way which is a daily challenge for me as I navigate weightloss and maintainence. I'm lonely and miss having a partner to go through things with. It's been a tough year. This forum has given me a ton of support and I am thankful for that. Your post made me cry in a good way. Sometimes I forget how much has happened. Having this new body and how I relate to men now is just something I'm going to have to take as a series of lessons. With the right guy it won't even be an issue because I'll be upfront about my surgery from early on.

Wow. You look incredible and so healthy!!

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So true!! Good point. Maybe I'm being too sensitive about it.

And modest. Don't forget modest. Hahahha. Nope I'm not one to walk quietly through the world with my head down. Thank god!! I have as many flaws and insecurities as anyone else. But what I have learned in life is no one else will be your advocate- you have to be your own. My insecurities in my youth led me into an abusive marriage for 8 years that almost killed me. I had to decide every day whether or not I believed the things he said to me. I was called a fat pig every day for years and I had children with him so I felt very trapped. It's was so hard to leave. I've come out of that strong and full of love for myself and appreciation of my worth. No one will do that for us. And hating on other people- that's a sign of insecurity if I've ever seen one!! I have no problem sitting with my flaws and shouting out my good qualities. Life is hard enough and if your not going to be your own best friend, who will?????

This is so mean and hurtful. That post was about me celebrating my success and being thrilled about what I've accomplished. It was about self love and worth. How does it help you too tell me my posts suck? I would never say something like that to anyone! I didn't say your posts suck. They do come off as being posted by an insecure person that is attention seeking. People that are secure in themselves do seek validation in others the way you do. The way you responded to criticism in this thread just illustrates it. Wow you are so mean!!! ????. Hurting my feelings.

Thanks cowgirl Jane. I do feel like some people have been rather mean to me. We need to remember what we read on here is just a slice of someone's life. For me I post about fear and insecurities, struggled I'm having. I post about success and happiness too. Those are all in my life!! But you can't read my posts on here and think you know me. Especially because most of them are about hard issues!! It's a biased look at me. I'm am an extremely confident woman who knows what she is looking for. I've walked away from many good prospects and relationships because I'm not going to settle. I love and value myself and know my own worth. If I'm attracting not so great guys it's because the world is full of not so great people. We all know that!! I do not believe it is some shortcoming or lack of worth in me. I am one of the kindest, warmest, and most positive people I know. If you knew me in person, you would know that. I'm a loyal friend and wonderful mother. People open up to me because of my gentle and welcoming nature. I'm a very sweet and accepting person. I truly care about people and their feelings. It's because of this that dating is doubly hard for me. People tend to open up to me right away and a lot of times that's overwhelming! And I don't want to hear some of their truths. Anyway. I am not some insecure self obsessed bitch like some of you ladies seem to have decided!! Take everything I say with a grain of salt because these are my fears and deepest feelings I share on here. I'm extremely down to earth, my favorite thing to make fun of is myself, I am a dorky and friendly gal that people generally really like, and I love being me. And someday a man will come along who will love me too AND he will meet my standards of what it is to be an awesome human being.

Thank you for understanding my post. It is totally offensive to me to hear people put others down on their looks. My being thin has seemed to give these guys a license to criticize other women! Seriously, the guy I went out with last night insulted his own daughter to me!!! I am a professional photographer for a living. I've worked with a lot of models over the years. And it's interesting to me how SO many of them can't seem to find a relationship. One would think it would be easy being blessed with incredible beauty as they are. I suspect the issue is that they do attract shallow men obsessed with looks and perfection. They have to weed through that and find Someone who enjoys their beauty but looks past it and sees their personality as well. I have met several men obsessed with looks and they come right out and say it. It's not in my head.

This is so mean and hurtful. That post was about me celebrating my success and being thrilled about what I've accomplished. It was about self love and worth. How does it help you too tell me my posts suck? I would never say something like that to anyone! ????????????????????????????

Girl. Excuse my need to get real, and I am saying this with all due respect but many of us do seem to surround ourselves with like minded folk. You seem to be very focused on your weight and appearance -- at least here on these forums. That's not a knock, it's simply MY perception. I'm guessing that your tendency to focus on your personal appearance guides the attention of the men you are dating to do the same. Join groups that focus on biking, hiking, knitting, whatever it is YOU enjoy doing and like minded people will be there to be met. You turned around my post about men being obsessed with my weight and looks and made it my fault. It's ME that's obsessed with my weight and so therefore I attract men who are. That's just nuts. I'm online dating. I go out with a wide variety of men- different types and different backgrounds. It's a fairly random selection. I was doing the online dating thing at 160 pounds not that long ago. And no one mentioned my weight or looks, what I ate (I ate even less then) and I feel I got a lot more men interested in who I am than what I look like. I'm not wearing a flag that says "skinny obsessed men here" and I NEVER bring up weight on a date!! I have a rule never to discuss exes, weight, or health problems on a first date. It's the men. They look at me like I'm some rare type of zoo creature escaped that they've won the lottery to be out with. I just sit there eating my dinner while they go on and on about weight!! If I have to hear one more thin guy tell me about how he needs to lose 20 pounds!! Maybe I need to get better at shutting down the subject when it comes up. I need to come up with some lines that stop them from discussing it. I am not feeling much sympathy for what I'm going through. I've just lost 125 pounds and I find myself in a body that is totally foreign to me. I never expected to look like this. And men are treating me different because of it. I am not obsessed with my weight- I'm going through a huge adjustment and this forum is where I post on that subject. So yeah! I talk about my feelings regarding weight a lot!! What am I supposed to talk about? The price of rice in China?? I am very self confident- I love myself and I carry my head high. I am finding out that men, especially white men, in California, are super attracted to very thin women. And some of them are fixated on it to an unhealthy degree. I literally get the 10nth degree from these guys or they just can't stop commenting on my looks and it's so uncomfortable. They launch into complaining about their weight and then I just feel so awkward. It's not something that is my fault. It just is. I look like a model (well, an old one!) and I'm getting the attention of men obsessed with looks. It makes sense. It's new for me. It's weird. I don't like it. But it's a reality I'm dealing with. Their comments about other people weight and shortcomings piss me off!!! I'm also meeting men who care about more than that. Thank goodness. I'm looking for support on here and telling me I post too much on any one subject hurts my feelings. You don't have to read my posts if you don't want to hear what I have to say. You don't always have to agree with me or sympathize but at least don't make me feel I can't open up about things in a place where we all should be able to talk openly.

Oh yes. I agree. I like this in more ways than one!! And let's not even get into flexibility!! Snicker snicker Ahhhhhhhhhhh. Oh woman. You have something bright in your future!!! Hehehehehe

I'm with you cowgirl Jane. I'm feeling much the same way. The thrill of wining and dining has worn off and I'm simply burning out on the process. It's so stressful to spend time talking with someone I don't know, deciding what to share and what not to share. Especially if there is no chemistry. I'm not going to open up about myself deeply anyway and it's just brutal to make my way through all these dates with men I don't like. Even when I do meet someone I may like, it's not going well. I am running into the sexual seekers quite often which I find annoying and depressing. I'm not going to jump into bed with anyone right away and it's tiring to see these men try that with me. I feel depressed thinking of their lack of patience and desire for real intimacy. It bugs me a ton when they begin texting me sexually before I've even had a chance to meet them. I've run into a ton of men who are online dating because they don't have any time in their life, they are wrapped up in work or kids and it's like going to target- everything you need with minimal effort. They say they want to date but clearly they have no desire to make time for a relationship so I'm just guessing this is the lazy way of doing it for them. I'm getting really jaded and burnt out and I'm having a hard time getting excited even when I do meet someone I like. I've had several dates go to hell on the second date and that's even more frustrating and awkward. I've most definitely run into men who are interested mainly in my looks and that feels just weird considering my history and they seem super shallow. I'm running into a lot of guys who's really goal is to date a very thin woman and that's just crazy to me. A lot of guys fixated on weight. Anyway I'm taking a break for awhile too.

This is a very interesting post and great conversation on the subject!!

Weight today!

I did something pretty wild today. A cute guy sat down next to at a restaurant. We were both eating alone so I struck up a conversation. OMG!! And we hit it off so I just offered him my number!!! OMG I cannot believe my huge balls. I have never done that in my whole life!!! Hahahahah!! I'm awesome. Eeeeeeek!!!

Isn't it awesome? I used to be obsessed. No longer!!

Walk walk walk walk. I know it's awful. It will pass!!!! Another few hours, it will end. Just walk!!

You're very lucky