bellabloom

Hi everyone. I'm Bella and I'm starting this thread for those of us having our surgery December 2014. How is everyone doing? Tell a little bit about yourself and how your surgery went, or if it's coming up still. Let's keep in touch as we progress throughout the next phase. A great way to kick in the new year!! My surgery was December 4th and although I had some rough moments all in all I had no complications. I had this surgery because of back pain issues and I was already on pain meds so that part was harder for me, I had a lot more pain that usual. My stats are 5'6, sw 240, cw 224, age 34. 2 kids, single, have been overweight since my first pregnancy. I am about 12 days or so out and went out for the first time today. Felt like a baby calf learning to walk. My incisions are healing up nicely! I have been eating some protein shakes, yogurt, tea, crystal light, and strained soups. The mental need to eat has been a little rough but it seems to be going away somewhat. I find it hard to be around food or see someone eating. My biggest craving has been for a sandwich! Today I had decaf coffee and it was Wonderful. My goals this year are to get to goal weight, start working out again, and get off pain meds. Introduce yourself!!

Another user posted a thread about her mother and their awful relationship due to fat shaming. It made me think a thread on this subject could be therapeutic to some of us. First off I want to say, I LOVE my mom. She is a wonderful person and I forgive her. She has her own body image issues and I forgive her. My mother has tortured me about my weight almost my whole life. It started when I was 11 and she put me on a diet for being a little tiny bit chubby and taking second helpings. This was the first time I thought of myself as fat and I became very insecure. Whenever I would see my mother she would ALWAYS have a comment about my weight, first thing out of her mouth. I was too fat, or too skinny. Never perfect. Always one or the other. It hurt my feelings and made me miserable. It really messed with my self esteem. I was never overweight, always about 150 pounds, until I got pregnant. I ballooned to 250 pounds. Pregnancy was the first time in my life I wasn't on a diet!! I went nuts. My mother just couldn't handle it. Constantly telling me how concerned she was about my weight, how she didn't understand how I could let myself go. She would watch what I ate and make comments about that. She would discuss my weight with family members and my spouse as if to stage and intervention. It was very hurtful. But she did support me having surgery and she was there for me though my complications. Thank you mom. She is amazing and I know she loves me. Now the tide has turned and she is freaking out about how thin I've gotten. Calling me anorexic and telling me she can't stand to look at me. It's hurtful in a similar way. But I admit it does give me some pleasure that I'm no longer being told how fat I am. I just wish I could hear, you look beautiful! Just once.

Cowgirl Jane I think we have some things in common. I am also being VERY selective at this point. I went on a lunch date yesterday with a guy who was nice enough but another with a long list of sob stories. Why does it seem like there are so many people out there with tales of woe? Is life really that hard? No job.... Recent divorce... Moved AWAY from his young kids... Fancy car ( does not impress at all) and no back teeth. No thanks. And he faked a call during our lunch with a "job offer". Whatever. Sigh. It's still fun. I'm looking forward to rejecting some more!!! Haha. Or visa versa. I get rejected too.

Hmm. It's worth a thought. A year ago this was certainly the case. I wanted the attention and compliments. But it's been a year and while its still nice to get compliments and attention, I get plenty of that and I don't have to look for it. Not to toot my own horn too loudly but I get checked out a lot just in daily life. So I don't really need a date for that. And I don't do casual sex so it's not about sex at all. But sometimes I do wonder, what is it that I want? Do I really want a relationship? To be in love? To settle down? Today I had a lunch date and he started talking about being ready to settle down and I'm thinking ugh. No thanks to that. It has been so long since I've been in love with someone quality that I can't even remember how it felt. I know I wanted to grow old with him. Let's just hope I get lucky and another love like that finds me, so I can ask myself- what do I want? And actually have an opportunity to get it.

I'm feeling better today and more optimistic. I went out on an online date last night and while I wasn't attracted to him, it was fun. I'm not going to stop dating or looking. No one finds love sitting on their couch eating popcorn and watching it on tv. When my kids aren't home, I'd rather be out socializing and enjoying my time even if it's not fireworks. I have had a tough year and the last thing I want to do is stay home and stare at the wall trying to "get happy in myself." I am happy in myself. I'm really proud of myself. I've gone through some shit and come out still feeling optimistic about life. My new years resolution is to choose someone amazing, and walk away from red flags early on. This is going to be the year I find someone incredible because I finally know what I need.

Actually my weight is exactly the same as when I went into treatment. And yes, I'm okay with it as long as I am not losing more. My goal was never to gain, it was to learn to maintain. My BMI is 19 which is healthy and has been for a few months now. But this thread isn't about me. Let's get back on track. I've read "thinner" and thought is was one of Kings scarier stories!! Losing too much weight can be as upsetting as going the opposite direction. After trying to lose weight ones whole life, and finally have success, it can be very challenging to slow the roll. I don't know how many people after wls actually do become underweight. I don't think it's very common, but it certainly must happen. You always here the story " my best friends neighbors friends daughter had that surgery and now she is a bag of bones!" But I've only seen 2 or 3 people post on BP that I would consider underweight. One thing is that once we start to reach our set point or ideal weight, our bodies regulate that by increasing hunger, cooling down, etc. It's really hard to lose the lower you go. I would know, I'm the anorexic chic on here. ????????

What's your point Babbs? Am I not allowed to contribute? I'm maintaining now and I relate to losing past goal.

Too true. I lost my butt and it's so sad. But I also lost my thunder thighs and huge boobs and double chin so I guess that's what a had pay. One nice butt. Goodbye. (

I'm doing so much better. I eat fairly regularly now and am maintaining my weight. It's a struggle but I've hit a better stride for now.

All true! I don't want to take a break though. I want to go out and have fun! I just want to have it be fun. Why does it matter if we click and fall in love or we don't?? I should be able to just enjoy the adventure. It was like that before and should be again. I don't really care if I fall in love as long as I feel like I'm alive and enjoying my life. Falling in love should be a side effect of living vibrantly. I think I am afraid of choosing poorly again. Yeah. I am. Someone who is happy in life. I need to get that tattooed somewhere.

I'm obsessed with full skirts. I never felt I could pull them off before. They are so fun to wear.

I have a lot of trouble opening up to people emotionally and admitting to my struggles and flaws. I like to appear perfect for as long as possible because I don't think someone will accept imperfect me. That has been coming up a lot since I've started dating again post my divorce and I'm starting to try and open up more. Lots of people go around being perfectly honest about their life challenges and I respect that. What's difficult is opening up to the wrong person. It's so hard for me to begin with that I get terribly hurt if they aren't receptive or empathetic. I have dated narcissistic men and it isn't something I want to repeat. I hope whoever I am with next is someone I can share myself with. I don't want to start another relationship walking on eggshells to be perfect. It's exhausting.

Try eggs and salsa. I had the same craving 4 weeks out.

Hey there. As you know I've also struggled with maintainece. I started to trip out a bit when I got under 120 (I'm 5'6) and I got a lot of comments about how thin I am ect, yet I was still losing. Part of me liked that and part of me was like "whoa nelly!" Well, it does seem to have stopped. It slowed to a crawl and now I stay between 117-119. If I eat bad I'm up and if I eat well I'm down. I do think our bodies, if we are following our weight loss plan, will reach a set point. I know it's a crazy thought after being overweight but your body may be meant to be quite thin and that's where it wants to be. I've had to adjust to being a very thin woman and I've had to deal with a lot of flack over it from family but the truth is, my body stopped here and I'm not about to force it to gain weight! That would be nuts. Plus I do really like the way I feel and look at this weight. So they can bugger off. Everyone has to have an annoying opinion. This whole ride is crazy and it takes some nerves to make this change. But I wouldn't worry about losing too much. Your body will eventually reach the right weight for itself. Just keep doing what your doing. Very few people actually go to underweight and even the ones that do seem to eventually bounce back. And your mouth issues are probably part of it too. I'm sure things will level out once you feel more comfortable eating.

It will get much easier once your body starts to wean itself off the foods you were eating and you get used to eating differently. Head hunger will always likely be an issue but not like the first week. For me it comes and goes occasionally, especially if I'm doing something that triggers me to want to eat like watching tv, playing video games or working on the computer. I have to be careful about triggers and avoid them. Otherwise head hunger galore.

I wasn't hungry for at least six- seven months. I still have days with 0 hunger where it's actually hard to eat. Lately I've been having more days when I am actually hungry. I feel it as an empty/low blood sugar feeling more than a growling painful sensation like it used to be. The more carb foods I eat the more I feel hungry. Protein lessens cravings and Hunger. I get so full with protein so fast. If I get dehydrated I also feel it as a sort of hunger. But that said, it's nothing like before. My hunger now is manageable and only a small amount of food will quell it.

You can always lose more weight. You could lose weight without surgery. What's stopping you? Are you following the program? Hang in there.

You look so fantastic. I also had terrible sciatica and a bulging disk that drove me to surgery. I could barely walk and it was excruciating to sit down. I also felt like death. My pain management doctors told me weight loss wouldn't help my back pain. Yeah right!!! You should be so proud of yourself and I'll be following your progress. You look gorgeous. Isn't it amazing the difference in our face when we start eating better?? Your skin looks amazing.

It's not going to a be problem with BED. It's basically impossible to binge at least in the first year. Bulimia could definitely get triggered. Read some of my story, and email me if you want to talk.

Goodbye and good riddance. She is threatened by your success. So sad. Life changes in a positive direction will show you who your friends are. !!

No more bag over butt!! You go girl. I was like that about my stomach before, always trying to hide the belly and shirts wouldn't stretch over it so I wore maternity clothes a lot. I feel your pain! You should rock those short dresses!!!

I could eat an entire small pizza and I'd also be having some wings, breadsticks and brownies!! That's right people. Probably some jalapeño poppers too. I had a huge capacity to eat. Now I can eat half a small salad, and about 1.5 small pieces. Sometimes. Sometimes that's too much and I can only do half a slice. It's different every day. Here's another visual- before surgery I could eat this before and would: Now I can only eat maybe half the little hummus and crackers pack. I used to binge eat and it's physically impossible for me now, thank goodness.

Wow. Just wow. You look amazing. You look soooo young. Amazing!!! I'm happy for you!!

No. You sound perfect to me.

This kind of happened to me when I was being abused by my ex. I fell into work as a way of escaping my terrible home situation and as a way of feeling good about myself in spite of his insults. But it wasn't healthy for me to spend 14 hours a day at work, either. I had to take a break from work eventually and though it was hard in my finances it helped me get to a better place emotionally. Oh, and I dumped my ex. It's good your recognizing it. Try to balance out your coping mechanisms between a few different things so nothing has so much hold over your life. It's good to have balance and develop a wide range of healthy coping strategies.