ZanBallard

My name is Suzanne Sturdivant Ballard.  I recently retired after 31 years of teaching Special Education.  In just four days (October 7th), I will be having gastric sleeve surgery.  I weight 269 pounds and I am only 5'4.  Being obese was not part of my early life.  As a matter of fact, as a child I was always underweight.  I was a very dedicated athlete in both high school and college.  A typical day for me during those years was 100 laps in pool in morning, teach or play tennis after that, nine holes of golf in the afternoon, softball at night, and 100 more laps in pool before I went to bed.  I did all that because I loved it.  When I got married in 1983, I was unable to continue what had been my routine for so many years, so that first year of marriage, I gained some weight  -- I couldn't believe I weighed 125 pounds!!  In 1987, I had my only child.  The day I gave birth, I weighed 189.  For the next 15 years, I pretty much stayed somewhere between 160 and 180.  Other than vanity, it really didn't bother me because I was still able to compete in the sports I wanted to and enjoyed my life as a coach and teacher.  In 2002, I was awakened by my husband to tell me he was "leaving."  I thought he meant to ride his motorcycle and I told him to "be careful."  I was completely blindsided when he let me know he meant he was leaving for good.  All of our friends were just as surprised and in shock as I.  He had his divorce within six months and moved on to greener pastures in another state.  I was completely devastated!  While other people who went through a divorce seemed to "waste away" to nothing because of the depression and devastation, I couldn't eat enough!!  In the first five years after divorce, I gained 30 pounds.  My highest weight during that time was 232.  In 2009, I reunited with a high school boyfriend I had not seen for 32 years!!  The Lord blessed us with so much love and so many blessings.  He became my husband in 2011.  We live on a farm and HE is the best "country cook" ever!!  We have now been married a little over three years.  In those three years, I have gained more than thirty pounds; however, this time instead of it being a vanity problem, my health was severely affected.  I had already been treated for depression, PTSD, anxiety, and sleep apnea for many, many years (even in the skinny years).  Now I had to add to that high blood pressure, Type 2 diabetes, degenerating knees, collapsing heels, and many occurrences of damaged hamstrings, damaged rotator cuff, and other injuries to a body that just could no longer handle the weight.  I was always one of those who thought bariatric surgery of any kind was the "easy way out."  I mean, after all, if I could change my lifestyle, I already would have.  My sister suggested that I go to an open meeting about bariatric surgery.  She (always the beauty queen) came with me for support.  After making an appointment for further information, I decided the sleeve was what I needed.  I have gone through six months of bariatric counseling and now my surgery is quickly approaching.  My main reason for deciding to do this was my health.  I have a beautiful 27 year old daughter, a wonderful extended family, and have married the love of my life.  I want to be around a long time to enjoy them!  As I read in someone's blog, "I am not having this surgery to change my life.  I am having this surgery to be able to keep showing up for the life I have."  That is my story in a nutshell.  I found bariatric pal by search engine and thought it would be just the place that I could find encouragement and inspiration.  I am getting very nervous about the surgery, questioning my decision, and I am NOT enjoying this pre-op liquid diet! :)  My biggest fear is that I will fail -- I have always been afraid of failing, so much so that if I thought I would fail at something, I just wouldn't try.  My personality?  First and foremost, I am a Christian -- Southern Baptist denomination.  I am a perennial optimist and have been described by many as a Pollyanna.  I love to laugh.  I love all the "critters" on the farm.  I love to fish.  Because I miss my students so much, I am still very involved in Special Olympics.  I am the youngest of two daughters.  My mother passed away from complications of Multiple Sclerosis 15 years ago.  My father just turned 80 and is in amazing health.  I was born and raised in Mississippi and still live in Mississippi.  I love the South.  I also tend to type like I talk -- a lot.