Ready 4 Changes

I am 45 years old with 3 children. I have been on the roller coaster weight ride since the birth of my first child 23 years ago. I have lost and gained so many times I cannot count.
I have lost 50 pounds on my own prior to seeking out the surgery option. I felt before I had surgery, I need to "earn" the procedure by showing myself I was committed to the lifestyle changes any surgery would require of me. So don't let my current BMI and weight fool you.
I have been much heavier and my BMI much higher.
 
I am a straight shooter. Today, I make no excuses. I have been over weight all these years because I love food, the good, the bad and the ugly foods. I have not been determined in the past to make significant changes because I continued to lie to myself... phrasing myself as "pleasantly plump". Not the case at 5.4" averaging around 200 pounds regularly..
that not plump... thats BUTTERBALL! 
 
The reality is, I had convinced myself I was ok with my weight. Until... I was told I have high blood pressure. My mother has high blood pressure, Type 2 diabetes, hypertension, joint pain, difficulty breathing and back trouble resulting in surgery. My mother is 20 years older than I am. If I look back at my mother 20 years ago... I am in worse shape now, than she was then. My mother is my future if I do not take drastic measures. I am prepared to do so. I am too young, to feel this old. I am out of breath walking laundry up the stairs. Ridiculous. No more excuses. Ready for changes. I do not want to become my mother. I hope at some point I can share this journey with her, and she will follow in my footsteps.. instead of me... following in hers.
 
My commitment has gotten me to 187 on initial consultation. My current weight 1 day before surgery is 175. Some people feel with my current weight and BMI I should not have the surgery... and should just keep trying to lose. Fact is, I need help. The surgery is not about losing weight for me as much as it is helping me maintain a healthy weight for myself.
 
I have not shared my surgery with anyone other than my husband and best friend who are both very supportive. I will keep my journey private until I find myself on the other side of the challenges. I want to feel confident in my decision, lifestyle change and routine before I open up. I fear if I shared information now, I would be faced with judgment and criticism. I don't need the negativity or added pressure. I am doing this for myself, and my family.
 
I am ready. You are all an inspiration to me. Blessings