Chrystee

Chrystee, I think that the insecurities that your husband has over your weight loss is that you will hurt him like another did in the past. This is his problem; it is not you that is causing it per say. When time goes on and you prove to your husband that you can be trusted not to cheat on him because of your new body, then perhaps he will relax with all of this. We have to realize that the big changes occur not just for us as the patient, but for those around us or involved with us as well. They have become comfortable with who we were, and now we throw this sudden change at them. Perhaps he is seeing how happy the weight being gone has made you and feels inferior to it. Maybe he is afraid you will be different in how you see him. Perhaps he needs to talk this out with someone. Not communicating with each other is probably the worst thing that can happen. He needs to really open up to you and tell you why he is showing little interest.
I hope you find the answers. I know my husband has told me that his lowered libido has nothing to do with my body. That I believe is my own fear and shame. But, I do remember when I was pregnant with my daughters he wasn't really interested in sex either. Of course that is when a woman's hormones are going absolutely crazy and her libido is way out there!!!! At this point, I know he realizes that the surgery is my best option and hope of getting things to work better in my body, but I know he is afraid for me. I try to calm his anxiety about all this, but until it occurs and he sees how it is working, there really isn't much I can do.
Sit down with your hubby and get him to open up to you. Whether you want to hear the truth or not, you need to hear it. Perhaps it is not what you think. Knowing is always better.
Good Luck

So do you have an update? I hovered on 200.2 - and over for weeks before I finally hit 197 all of a sudden!

Babbs - thanks for the encouragement
Jane13 - hijack away - no worries!
borg/assimilated - yes I will get there eventually I know
jjmama - we can do it!
Even if I don't hit Onederland, I have still gone down from a size 22 to a 16 and that is pretty darn good.

Don't you just hate that? I swear I stalled for like 2 weeks right before I hit onederland. And the scale was bouncing all around it before.
It loves to play with our emotions.

This is very true! I am 34DDD, if I want a looser band fit and go up to a 36, my cup size switches to a DD.

My bra sizes are a joke: 34D and 34DD, which is just nuts to me.
But anything smaller than D / DD just doesn't hold all the skin.
Happily, when I'm wearing a bra I actually look stacked. (When not, not!)
One thing I do have going for me is the world's biggest rib cage.

@@Sharon1964
Bra math hurts my brain. I did a bra fitting at Victoria secret.The correct size and fit helped keep the girls high and in place.
My family Dr asked me today if I had a boob job. I told her no. The girls are tube socks. I have to roll and stuff them in to the cup's. Can't wait for my next mammogram. Laying them out on the plate to be pressed will be a piece of cake.

True bra math--
Cup size is relative to band size not absolute.
It's the number of inches of projection past the band size.
1" is an A cup
2" is a B cup
3" is a C cup
And so on and so forth.
So if you have a 32DD (that's my size) your chest is only 36". My husband keeps saying no way am I a DD but I am!
As your band size goes down your cup size may go up--even if it's just filled out by empty socks as mine were before my implants and lift! In fact my pre lift/implant size and my post bra size are almost identical!
And yeah... As I was losing I bought ONE bra at a time LOL

I understand what you are saying... It's not about love it's about physical attraction/chemistry. As I said above my husband is the same, he loves me no matter my weight and loved me at my heaviest (which was a full 100lbs heavier than when we met and got married).
And my husband it still attracted to me but would definitely be more physically attracted to me if I had the curves I had back when we started.
Do we need counseling for it? That's a different thing. I don't know that you do either. I don't imagine it's really any different from being less attracted to the physical form as you get older or gain weight or whatever. It is what it is. Do I find my husband less physically attractive than Chris Hemsworth, sure I probably do! But I don't need counseling for it and our relationship is fine.
My guess is yours is too, especially given how you describe the conversation unfolded.
It's the love through "thick and thin" thing. Did we need counseling to fix the fact that he was less physically attracted to me after I gained 100lbs? No. Do I need to gain 30lbs to attract him? No. It is what it is and we are just fine.

Look at this article and watch or record Skin Tight tonight!
Woman who lost 222LBS in 11 months says her husband started calling her 'fat' AFTER she... - Daily Mail
https://apple.news/ANCj61mYSTXSWs0ceVeOJyw

To all the people who lost their "fat loving significant others" I would not have found my girlfriend if I hadn't had the surgery and lost the weight. So the weight loss closes one door, but might open others. You can't help someone who is superficial and you owe to you to be the healthiest you can be. Life is better when it is lived abundantly.

I'm not married but...
It seems like your husband thinks thin women can't be trusted. He tginks you are going to lose weight and go crazy like his ex. The fact you said you didn't feel pretty before but now you do, is a huge red flag. Even if he won't go to counseling, you should go alone. You should always feel pretty your a woman, someone is always going to buy what you are selling, that is the great thing about being a woman. The fact you feel pretty now, he isn't suporting that is a huge issue that isn't just his. When he sees that you can still be trsted at a smaller weight he will probably get over is feelings.

You make a great point. It's not about YOU, it's about him... Whereas the Fat Admirers are looking out from themselves, you husband is having internal conflict. My husband advises a long stretch of public display of affections. Ego strokes. I think this advice may be a little self serving, but he's not wrong.

I agree. My hubby thought I was beautiful at 294 and thinks I am beautiful at 139. He thought I was beautiful at every weight in between. Of course I loved him when he was 360 and I still love him at 185. Very blessed.

literally my wife is the reason i have succeeded thus far. she is my rock and the reason i do this. we joke about me having bones now ( watch those thoughts, now now) and we joke about the changes to our sex life ( you can check the mens forums for those thoughts now ladies) she has grabbed ahold of my success as a chance to lose a bit herself and has truly embraced my success with me and its been a godsend. WHen the alternative is not being on this earth for very long the way i was going, its a lot better now.

Wow- thanks for this post. I need to be mindful of what a big change this will be for my husband (who has loved me at a variety of weights- another lucky girl here).

This past weekend I went out with my husband. I had some great fitting jeans on and thought he would say SOMETHING upon seeing me . . . no reaction whatsoever. I was bummed and it showed on my face. Once we got in the car I told him I was sad he didn't say anything and he said my losing weight makes him feel fat. I think he is handling the change well, but he feels insecure about it too. I think he just needs time to get used to it. We've been married for many years and this won't change our commitment to each other, but I don't really know how to help him feel better about himself. He has to decide if he wants to lose weight and I would never nag or make him feel bad about himself.
I guess this is really not much help to you, but I hope it all works out in the end. Only time will tell.

Huh.
My husband has loved me through thin, fat, thin again, fat again and finally thin again. No matter what I looked like, he still couldn't keep his hands off of me.
Maybe that's why we've been together for almost 30 years. He just loves me for...me. I guess I'm lucky.

Yep it happened to me and I wasn't even at goal. I married my husband in 1995 when I was 420 pounds barely able to walk down the aisle. My dad was on one side my brother on the other side. My husband was of normal size but I made us a wedding bench that we could sit on up at the alter. My husband was a Fat Admirer and that is probably why I married him at the age of 39. Here I was a 420 pound 39 year old woman using an electric mobility device to get around and barely able to do anything. Yet this 8 year younger attractive man was willing to marry me and take care of me.
About 8 1/2 years later when I gained all the way up to 497 pounds and couldn't even get out of bed, I wrote him a 3 page letter asking him for support and what he could do to help me. He reminded me that he loved a super obese woman and that I would get no help what so ever from him. I was crushed, how could you love my fat more then my health and having me around you longer. I never got an answer.
Some how I got the strength to get out of that bed and drove myself to a Weight Watchers class. That year I managed to lose 95 pounds. During that year I also discovered he cheated on me with women just as big as I was. We went for counseling the first time he showed up, the second and third time he was late the last time he never showed up. Within 4 months of discovering what he had done I filed for divorce. He has been out of my life since Feb 2005 and it was the best thing I ever did.
I am not saying this will happen to any of you but in the world of Fat Admirers they know what they love and they usually will not settle for a thinner person. I have dated since then and gone on to lose even more weight as I got down to 314 before my surgery 2 weeks ago. Even though I am 60 there is still a lot of life and love left in me I hope the next man I fall in love with is either naturally thin or has had WLS. I am done with Fat Admirers forever!!

My first big weight loss (I lost 90 pounds a few years ago - gained much of it back - sleeved in early December 2015) had a similar thing.
I said to my husband at the time (I guess THAT gives away the ending), "Hey, why don't you say I'm looking good?"
He said, "I don't want to be disingenuous..."
And there it was. Like many men, Mr. B had a type. When I wasn't that type any more, he was under no obligation to lie and say he fancied that new me. He didn't. There's not fault there, as I'm the one who changed.
I've met and married someone else, and I met this fellow at the low point of my weight, and gain 50 pounds while our relationship progressed, then I was sleeved. As I loose now, I have all kinds of support from Mr. L - as the thinner girl is HIS type.
No doubt - massive weightloss is something that changes us on many levels. This surgery is also a changer: I am a super sniffer now, and I don't get hangry like I used to. When did I start liking hot sauce? No, thanks, I DON'T want eggs any more - really. I wear different clothes and feel different things about what I see around me as hormones flow in new and interesting ways. People react to me differently. I'm in a Sci-Fi business and people who wouldn't take my calls at near 300 pounds think I'm so very interesting now....
Perception....
Reality...
Horse...
Cart...
???
Bariatric divorce is a real thing - I know first hand. Brace yourself or get to counseling.

@@Chrystee My husband didn't say that but he did say "I think you looked the best at 180" ummm excuse me! Well I think you look best without a black eye soooo. That was nearly 40 lbs ago. Then I remembered at 267 he never told me I was fat....his opinions are now null & void! He can't be trusted in the weight determining department so he's found it best just to shut up. Which is just the way I like it!

I don't get tired of men telling me I'm pretty tho.. that is nice!

New before/after..

New before/after..

We've been married since I was 19 and he was 21.. and we have now been married 16 years. We were married 7 years before our first son was born. Before we met, he was with his ex for 6 years. He met her at about a size 14/16.. about where I am now.. and she lost down to a size 4 and went a bit crazy, cheating on him a few times. I know that is where his insecurity lies..
However, I can't help if he is attracted to larger women, although he told me he is still attracted to me, but he does wish I wouldn't lose anymore weight, but I wouldn't be happy with that.
I told him the other day that he is so unemotionally supportive. He mostly always has been.. Now I notice when I get compliments it really makes me feel good/attractive. I've never dealt with that.. I've NEVER felt pretty.. so now I'm just questioning.. why can't he do those things too! He should be saying those things to me.
Also, he isn't very overweight.. He's fluctuated 50ish pounds.. if he lost 40 pounds right now, he'd be at a very good weight for him, and he loses it with running..