Chrystee

Yup, just as the title says, I got dumped today....Valentine's Day. Thankfully, it wasn't a long term relationship or something that I had invested a lot of time into. However, that doesn't much help the feelings of rejection and profound disappointment. I'm almost 38 years old and have never been in a relationship. Ever. After so many years, I can't help wondering what is wrong with me. Yes, I know it is them, not me, but there's that evil little voice that says that when a pattern develops, there must be a common cause.
Basically, I met a guy who was as close to fulfilling my "list" as possible. Incredibly intelligent (PhD and speaks 5 languages), gorgeous, funny, sweet, etc. Most importantly he was clearly attracted to me. That's a first for me! After talking for several days we decided to try a date. It. Was. Amazing. We met for coffee and ended up enjoying a long walk in a park. Instant chemistry, good conversation, neither of us wanted a casual relationship and wanted to find a serious relationship, etc. We made plans for a second date.
Between the first date and the second date, I think he got scared. I don't think he was expecting to like me so much and he freaked. I was texting with him last night to confirm our second date and he broke things off. He said that he was only looking for a lunch buddy (we met on a dating site).
I would like to consider myself a catch. I have no children, no ex-husbands, am capable of participating in an adult conversation, and am a giving soul. Sigh, back to the drawing board and time for some inner reflection of what I did wrong.

I just replied to a post, where the person stated she would need to get new friends after surgery...this bothered me.
I found the opposite to be true....
Following is the reply I posted:
I never told anyone other than immediate family....
I go out with my friends, people from work all the time...while they are devouring greasy burgers, etc, I am very picky about what I eat, and go for the healthiest choices I can. Plus I eat like a bird.
If the menu has nothing but junk like a lot of chains do, then I eat nothing...and I will tell the people I'm with why I am not eating and why the food on the menu is not good......I also stopped eating meat after lap band surgery.
And I am one who would eat an entire large pizza at a sitting...now I wouldn't (couldn't) touch it...
You will be surprised at the respect you will get from people...you will be one of the unique ones..admired for taking control of your life, being health conscious, more active with an exercise routine, looking at life from a different angle.
And, when the weight starts to come off, it only multiplies.
The lap band forced me to change my lifestyle, but no one needs to know that...I am after all the one getting educated and making the healthy choices.
As far as alcohol, well that's a hot topic around here....listen to your Dr.

If feel like people say they understand what it's like being overweight but you don't really understand if you haven't experienced. Many of my friends, who are much lighter that me, say that I am too sensitive and that they know what it is like to be as big as I am and all the struggles that come with it. I am having really bad anxiety lately and people don't understand that it is my self-consciousness. How do you deal with people who think they have an understanding of being 330 pounds (5'2"). It is much different than people think.

Me too. I think curves are healthy and beautiful. There are several "heavy" women I know that I think are gorgeous and I have always envied their looks. Personally, since childhood I have always "FELT" unattractive at any weight. I still struggle with it sometimes. It's a hard mindset to overcome when your whole life was that mindset. I drove every aspect of me. It's getting better, i can tell and my family and those that know me see the mental change too.
I just hit my 1 year anniversary last month and my kids told me that they think my attitude is better and I seem happier and they like that change the most. I think I do too.

yes! I was always big too, and I'm about 30 pounds lighter than when we met..
The only difference is he always liked it when I was big.. but I FELT unattractive physically and mentally. I think curves are great.. and beautiful.. but not just all out fat.

@@Chrystee
I guess I'd keep pushing the counseling to see if I could change his mind. All kinds of awesome changes are happening to you right now, physically, emotionally, and hormonal as well. If you feel the need, maybe go talk to someone yourself.
You finally feel really great about yourself and what you've accomplished and the most important person in your life is acting like, meh... That is mighty hurtful and I don't blame you for being concerned.

I'm kinda in that boat. Been married going on 24 years. I was always big - always! (I'm actually 40 pounds lighter now than when we got married)
Anyway, during the 22 years prior to WLS i went from Big to Obese. He didnt like it - and it hurt our marriage that I was so overweight and I was unattractive both physically and mentally. (dont gasp yes I said that out loud and I can admit it now). I battled depression and all that comes with it, binging, bad decisions...vicious cycle. Then I snapped and said I'm doing this. I was in the process for 5 months and was getting ready to have my date scheduled before I told him. I was scared to death at what he would say. I already lost 40# pre surgery but he hadn't noticed and also didn't balk when I finally said I was doing the WLS. He was kinda supportive. At least for him. So that was good.
It's been 13+ months since surgery and he hasn't really complimented me on my loosing 150 pounds, or how I look. That hurts and I tell him that but he doesn't believe me that he hasn't, he gets mad and says he has...whatever.
He really doesn't like it when people come up to him and talk about how good I look "Doesn't she look great?" - he just shrugs.
But he does hold my hand when we are out sometimes like we used to when we were younger. He will occasionally put his arm around me when we are sitting beside each other. He hasn't done that in forever. So in his own way, maybe he likes it. But I really don't know because then he will complain that my boobs are too small and too saggy now and I have no butt...
I really think it's a catch 22 for him. He wanted me to look better, but maybe not better than him. I don't think I do and have never said otherwise to him or anyone else - maybe it's his own inner demons he has to face. I do know the better i look in public (hair makeup cloths) the more attention he pays to me - but once we get home, he completely ignores me.
Okay, therapy rant over, sorry I wasn't any help. I just think that those of us in long term relationships where the SO has seen us and accepted us at our worst - have a hard time with the new us. I think our mental states change just as drastically as the physical part of us.

My Husband has been acting a bit strange lately... I was feeling particularly good one day, and said, don't I look good,and he responded very lacklusterly with an.. eh, its ok.. which really hurt my feelings.. he had me feeling like I was vain after I gained my composure and asked him about it later that day..
Finally, he opened up to me this morning about how he really preferred me heavier, and that I'm still heavy in his mind.. he doesn't picture me so "little" but that he loves me and I'm his best friend.. etc..
I was pretty surprised. I know he likes large women. I was a little bit bigger than I am now when we first met.. I don't understand it, I guess cause I'm not attracted to that look..
Anyway, anyone go through this? He refuses to go to counseling..

New before/after..

I'm not really resentful.. the attention is sometimes a little weird for me.. I've always dressed well, worked out.. and done my makeup and hair.. but I actually feel pretty. I've always been told I had a good personality.. I don't really blame anyone.. I'm superficial at times myself.

New before/after..

I have mixed feelings on it myself. On the one hand, I want everyone to feel comfortable in their own skin. I don't think anyone should feel ashamed of their size. Everyone should be able to find flattering, comfortable clothes in their size. We should educate people who have never had a weight problem that obesity is not a choice. We should fight the lazy/clumsy/stupid stereotypes of obese individuals... all that I support.
But there is something about it that rubs me the wrong way... I think it's the push to ignore medical advice and tell doctors they're being fat-shamed for being told to lose weight.
I'm just curious. Do you think it's ultimately harmful or helpful to obese folks?
Discuss

Update: The restriction from the 5-day pouch test appears to still be working. I can't hold as much food as I could before and I stop eating sooner. I'm not munching as much or as frequently, and I broke the habit of eating fistfuls of peanuts every 20 minutes. The hunger is starting to return, though, but it's easier to keep the beast at bay longer – at least for now. I'm not really losing weight, but I'm also not gaining. Remember on our previous diets how "the last few pounds are the hardest"? Well that's where I live now. And since my honeymoon period is apparently over, my body doesn't ignore calories like it used to. So I still need to figure out where I can cut them without being hungry all the time. Statistically, a 10% bounce is expected from our initial weight loss total. In my case that would be around 12 pounds. But I'm fighting like hell to try and keep that at 3% or less, and then eventually muscle it back down to where I want to remain.
Happy Thanksgiving, everyone! Make good choices!!!

@@kgunchic ... just wanted you to know that in 5 days I'll hit my first surgiversary. My sleeve still fills up and also signals satiety.
Are you still eating lots of Protein and eating Protein first at all meals?
Or have your eating patterns changed?
If the latter ^^^, I'd urge you to give protein a chance again.
At the times when I've gone carb-heavy at mealtimes, at the end of the meal I'm full, but I'm not satisfied.
I'm still learning how to do this thing right. Not perfect. But right.

I'm not as far out as you guys. Only 7 months and 3 weeks.
But for those of you who have been trying the same things over and over, but those aren't sufficient for your needs, what could you do differently?
Are any of you in counseling / therapy? Support groups? Seeing a nutritionist and weighing in regularly? Tried gut flora therapy? Hypnosis? Affirmations? Hanging out with different people? Changing jobs?
Do you know what your triggers are? What times(s) of day and situations are associated with your eating lapses? Are you exercising? What kind? How much? How regularly?
Are you tracking your food? Eating more Protein? Less Protein? More carbs? Less carbs? What kinds of carbs?
I don't know what'll work for you, but if what you've been doing isn't working don't you want to do something different? Or more? Or less? But not the same thing over and over?
(Literally, guys ... I'm really asking, not telling. I'll be in maintenance very soon and trying to figure this out, too.)

Hi everyone, it has been 1 month since I posted my weight. When I first started my reset I was 187. Now 5 weeks later I'm at 172.8 This has been hard but so rewarding. I found my willpower. Yesterday at work my team had pizza party and brownies and Oreo balls. I went into the room and talked and everything. What did I eat.....absolutely nothing. I drank my Water. Everyone kept trying. To get me to eat and I was like no I'm dieting. In my mind I was thinking if I eat that then I won't lose tomorrow when I get on the scale and that's not worth it. This struggle is real but I truly believe we can achieve our goals and be successful....trying for 6 to 8 more pounds by my doctors appointment whic is March 27.

wow i could have written this post! I also started back with low carb and higher Protein this week and the scale is moving again..I was sleeved in dec 2012 and still have 40 lbs to get off.

I am 16 months out. I never made goal I still need to lose 40 pounds . My lowest weight was 173 in August. I had gained weight and was at 187 at my dr. Visit last week. Needless to say my surgeon challenged me to lose 10 pounds in two months. Told him I thouj my sleeve was broken. Turns out I have been grazing. I kept saying few snack won't hurt me. They have killed me and Im so mad at myself. I'm going to Paris in June and want to look fab.
This week went back to basics and have lost 6 pounds since monday. I have gone back to basics as everyone on here suggested and it works. 1 Protein shake in morning , greek yogurt for lunch. Lean Protein for snack when get home from work. Additional lean protein around 7 pm. Also have gotten in all my Water something I never did before. Keeping my carbs at 20 grams and my protein at 90. I am so grateful. That I have this forum to see that I'm not alone on this journey

Yes, I really liked the 12 day aftercare but people had incisions opening up up to 3 months post op or developing seromas that needed to be drained later and while my PCP is great I don't think he would remove my hundreds of stitches for me. I still submitted a consult with Dr. Laura Carmina Cardenas in Tijuana so I have my bases covered but I'm not 100% comfortable with Mexico. I love her results. It's the lack of in-person follow ups I'm worried about.

My all inclusive total for a breast lift with (large silicon anatomical implants) and a Tummy Tuck will be 10,100. Plus he will reimburse me 600 for my plane ticket. That includes food, compression garments, medications, hospital, nurse care, surgery, transportation ect.... Everything. That's great considering my surgeon here wants close to 16,000 and that's with saline not anatomical implants with only 1 hospital day then I'm on my own at home. You have to be comfortable with whatever you chose and I'm getting more comfortable with Mexico by the day.

@@jane13 I got my braces today!!!! Now liquids for 4 days. Never ends!

Another option to think about is going to Toronto Canada. I had a Tummy Tuck, breast lift, and Gummy bear implants for under 15000 cdn, $11000 us with the low Canadian dollar right now might be a good option. That included a year of follow up, but doesn't include hotel. As for recovery to avoid complications don't plan on moving on around very much for 2 weeks minimum. I am so happy with my results.

You're welcome!
The board is at http://www.obesityhelp.com/group/Dr_Sauceda_Patients/discussion/
The time you stay is going to depend on your procedures. I had two surgeries (body and face) so I needed to stay the whole time. Ask Dr S if 9 days will be enough for what you're having done. The biggest issue is making sure you're ready for the trip home. It's exhausting.
I went alone, but I had my sleeve done in Mexico so I was ok with it. I also met two people on the Facebook group having surgery at the same time.
Yes, I woke up a few times but the epidural was in and didn't feel anything. I remember asking are you done yet and instantly was back asleep. It was not stressful at all. Dr. S's wife is the anesthesiologist and she monitors you the whole time. They do most surgery in Mexico with twilight because it has fewer side effects. Wish they would in the US.
Thanks so much, I feel great!
Here's my before wls pic:

I have been with my guy for 20 plus years...he was with me at 385 and with me now. It's funny but when he sees pictures of my former self...he says..."I just don't remember you being that big"! Well I was...and he loved me and found me desirable...he still does! He is a big fellow and I just don't see his size.....no complaints here. Thank goodness because I know a few people that had weight loss surgery are divorced now due to the changes. It happens very frequently.

Thanks for the response. I have a wonderful relationship with my husband, and I know that no matter what we will survive all this. I think perhaps recent stresses in our lives (not the relationship so much) has also made things a little less about "us". I'm sure things will get back to where they should be.