Chrystee

Actually, I had asked if anyone else had went through this.. I don't think I had an oversensitive reaction? But I still am questioning the responses.. does that mean he doesn't love me cause of his the look he is attracted to? I should leave him? I'm just unlucky? I didn't really say much, except that it did kind of shock me, like maybe something is wrong with me.

@@cadladykim I feel so much happier too.

That's what I was hoping!

Tone doesn't come across in a forum. What Babbs and VSGAnn intended to say was misinterpreted, I think. They feel lucky that this wasn't their experience. A question like this one causes all of us to look back and reevaluate our relationships. For some of us, the pain and rejection was very real. For others of us, we lucked out and it wasn't our experience. I too thought the question was asking if I experienced my husband finding me unattractive now and I answered how my experience was different.
It was a good and important question, and all of the answers had value.

A year ago today, my life changed... call it a second chance. I want to give a huge shout out to the wonderful People at A Lighter Me, for making this change possible... I am still about 15 pounds from my goal weight, but feel with a little extra effort on my part, those pounds will fade away, as well!!! I also want to wish a Happy Surgiversary to my surgery sisters and brothers, who share today as the day their lives were changed! And to all those, waiting to have surgery or having had surgery recently.... it is life changing!!! Enjoy the experience, take notes, take pictures and soon the metamorphosis will be complete!!! Happy March!!!

Wow. Come on y'all put aside your differences or take it some place else. @@Babbs sweetheart You know I love ya. Your better than this. You make great post and are encouraging To everyone. I don't know @lili2333. Actually this is the first post I see. Not a great impression. Just saying
Chrystee came here for a listen ear and to hear from people that are going through what she is. Maybe a little advice from people and too know she is definitely not alone. Not two grown women going at it like high school girls.

you two should probably start a thread about your mutual dislike and not inflict it on the rest of us. and as for you Babbs you have had some helpful posts, I would hate to ignore you but this is just crazy stuff right there on both sides.

@@Babbs

Hi Chrystee
I really hope it all works out for you and your hubby realizes what an amazing gorgeous loving wife he has!
And I hope you continue to be proud of yourself and your accomplishments. And I really hope you continue to feel attractive and build that self esteem.
Cuz ... we can see your BP profile picture and woman, you're a hottie!
Also, I love your haircut.

Sent from my SM-G900W8 using the BariatricPal App

I don't feel that people who know me treat me much different, its strangers mostly.. Men rush to get the door for me, where as when I was 300 pounds and carrying a toddler and bags, no one really helped. women talk to me in the grocery store.. or wherever I am.. I've always been outgoing, but had to speak first.. now people talk to me first or engage me.

You are insufferable and your response offered zero help whatsoever. I've said it before and I stand by it, you are the worst.

@@vsg and @@Babbs are literally the worst people on here. Only a certain kind of person responds to a problem with a brag. These two are consistently condescending humblebraggers who respond to people with either snark, "honesty" or condescension. Ignore them, they're clearly bottom dwellers in the real world but feel like Queen Bees here.
Best of luck to you!

You know... that's so nice.. but that sure makes me feel kind of bad.
That really wasn't the question, or point of my post.. but I'm honestly glad for those of you whose relationship hasn't changed at all.
Maybe he just doesn't really love me.

And that is the thing.. I've always looked nice.. always done my makeup and hair, etc!

My husband wasn't overly full of compliments when I lost weight. We live together, see each other every day, so I am not sure it was a dramatic change for him like it was for others. At any rate, I had my surgery in Dec. of 2013. It has taken him until now to adapt to a healthier lifestyle change himself. He is eating better, exercising, losing weight, and high-fiving me when I finish my cardio. (Which I really hate, btw)
My point is, I find him more able to give compliments as his self-esteem and health improves. That is vital.

@@Chrystee Of course you do. You wouldn't be human if you didn't wonder what it is in him that makes him desire a larger woman, when WE... see it as unattractive and disgusting. I avoided intimacy with him, i mean i never said NO, but i didn't initiate it either..... Now that im a "normal" size he want's nothing to do with me sexually. He hope that i gain the weight back. He has told me this. He said losing weight was the worst thing for our marriage. I told him... sorry, im not gaining it back to boost your insecurities... Not going to happen.
You are a beautiful woman... and you are doing an amazing job with your weightloss.... Keep going and i pray he will come around.
Chris

Everyone I know who knew me before comments on my weight loss. I went from thin to obese back to somewhat thin again (still losing).
And yes, people are nicer and more complimentary. But they also feel the need to ask me why I lost weight. Sometimes it makes me uncomfortable.

Nope. I have a very unique and valuable technical skill set that has always been highly valued and highly sought after by employers. So I never really faced fat discrimination in my field. Being a fat nerd kind of goes with the territory, no one cares.
I have always been pretty, outgoing, vivacious and friendly. People are drawn to me and that hasn't really changed.
I think a lot of people are treated by the outside world what the project onto the outside world. My Dad said people will treat you how you let them treat you.

Yes people treat me differently but I don't think it's all external...
My energy level is higher, I'm less self conscious which frees up more areas in my brain to observe others, and people want to be around people who want to talk about them My confidence is higher, which is very attractive (until it approaches Trump levels) My happiness level is much higher I don't know which came first, my changes, or people recognizing the weight loss but to me these both work together. If you do the work on the inside as well as out you will enjoy the change more.

Yes people treat me differently but I don't think it's all external...
My energy level is higher, I'm less self conscious which frees up more areas in my brain to observe others, and people want to be around people who want to talk about them My confidence is higher, which is very attractive (until it approaches Trump levels) My happiness level is much higher I don't know which came first, my changes, or people recognizing the weight loss but to me these both work together. If you do the work on the inside as well as out you will enjoy the change more.

Move forward. I waited way too long.
And yes, I am the problem. But my wasband is the bigger problem. I know if I enter into a new relationship I must work hard on myself first. That doesn't mean I shouldn't have left.

@@Chrystee I read your post and it could have been something i would have written. It's no secret that me and my husband are not on the same page anymore. my story is a little different as we we first met i was a whooping 100lbs. So he has seen me at super thin, fat and then where i am now (which i say, curvy) others say thin. Anyway, he never ever called me fat or told me i was fat... but... once i started losing weight he did start making the "too thin" remarks. It not that i think he is attracted to Larger woman... i think he just like the control he had over the "fat-me". When one has no self esteem or confidence we do and say what ever we have to to keep what we have. I think that is true on both parts. He says the mean things in hopes that i will gain back...He now knows that won't happen. So now one of the only ways he controls the relationship is through SEX. He knows how my drive is and continues to reject my approaches. So i have stopped, im tired of the way i feel after he tells me no. So needless to say in the past 6 months we have been "intimate" twice.
I have asked... no Begged for counseling... he wont go... or better yet the last time i begged him he said..... Get a part-time job to pay for half and i will go. (i already work a full time job). I have done the "sitting him down" and telling him exactly how i feel and how he is making me feel and how i assume he feels. This normally last for a few days and then things go back to the same. So i'm at the cross roads in my life and im stuck at the intersection... paralyzed with fear as to what road to take... Stay and be unhappy, unforfilled, unappreciated, not desired.... or the other that leads to divorce and the what if's.... what if i can't make it on my on, what if i end up alone for the rest of my life, what if i meet someone else and it turns out I'M the problem after all.....
I really hope you and your husband can find some resolution. As for me i'm just taking it a day at a time.

We've been married since I was 19 and he was 21.. and we have now been married 16 years. We were married 7 years before our first son was born. Before we met, he was with his ex for 6 years. He met her at about a size 14/16.. about where I am now.. and she lost down to a size 4 and went a bit crazy, cheating on him a few times. I know that is where his insecurity lies..
However, I can't help if he is attracted to larger women, although he told me he is still attracted to me, but he does wish I wouldn't lose anymore weight, but I wouldn't be happy with that.
I told him the other day that he is so unemotionally supportive. He mostly always has been.. Now I notice when I get compliments it really makes me feel good/attractive. I've never dealt with that.. I've NEVER felt pretty.. so now I'm just questioning.. why can't he do those things too! He should be saying those things to me.
Also, he isn't very overweight.. He's fluctuated 50ish pounds.. if he lost 40 pounds right now, he'd be at a very good weight for him, and he loses it with running..

My Husband has been acting a bit strange lately... I was feeling particularly good one day, and said, don't I look good,and he responded very lacklusterly with an.. eh, its ok.. which really hurt my feelings.. he had me feeling like I was vain after I gained my composure and asked him about it later that day..
Finally, he opened up to me this morning about how he really preferred me heavier, and that I'm still heavy in his mind.. he doesn't picture me so "little" but that he loves me and I'm his best friend.. etc..
I was pretty surprised. I know he likes large women. I was a little bit bigger than I am now when we first met.. I don't understand it, I guess cause I'm not attracted to that look..
Anyway, anyone go through this? He refuses to go to counseling..

I don't feel that people who know me treat me much different, its strangers mostly.. Men rush to get the door for me, where as when I was 300 pounds and carrying a toddler and bags, no one really helped. women talk to me in the grocery store.. or wherever I am.. I've always been outgoing, but had to speak first.. now people talk to me first or engage me.

I normally will cook 2-3 slices of bacon in a pan, then take the bacon out, and sauté onions and garlic in the bacon grease.. then add the halved sprouts in the pan.. turn the heat down and let it cook for a bit and then finish up roasting in the oven. Then crush up the bacon into the pan at the end. Even my 2 and 8 year old love them.