tommaney

You're right...we definitely can't blame things on the past, but rather just acknowledge the possible origins of our experiences and move on with our cognitive, emotional, and physical work. Perhaps if you find Beck's book you can read it while you're alone--that way you'll be searching for a way to dispute your negative thoughts rather than ruminate on them.

That sounds like an excellent book suggestion! Beck is known as the founder of Cognitive Psychology, so this might be particularly effective in combating those negative thoughts. I haven't read it yet, but I hope to find it soon... Jasmine, have you ever happened to notice the circumstances surrounding your negative thoughts? Time of day, what happens before the thought, what happens after (your behavioral/emotional reactions)? Even if you can't manage to see a therapist right now, it might be helpful to try to become an observer of your own thoughts and jot down what happens. Don't judge the thought of "I'm going to be fat again," just notice the time, place, environment, and especially any events that took place before the thought. It's an exercise in awareness, which can significantly reduce the power of those thoughts even if they don't go away. When you do finally get a chance to see a therapist, this information is going to be valuable. Best of luck and healing to you.

Thank you so much Jasmine for putting yourself out there and adding your perspective. You're always welcome to "ramble" : ) however you like on the other thread when you feel like addressing those cognitive and emotional factors that are intertwined with behaviors. I'm not advocating excuse-making, but I believe that the healthiest change (i.e. change that doesn't involve transferring addictions or relapse) comes from working on body, mind, and spirit.

Don't know what Cheesecake Factory is? Oh my...well...for me it's like Christmas-in-my-mouth.

Welcome BabyLyn...is there any way you can ask your prescribing physician/psychiatrist about how surgery may effect your body's absorption of the medication? I know certain Bipolar meds like Lithium, Depakote, and Tegretol can impact organ functioning and require periodic blood tests due to possible organ compromise, so is that a risk for you? A common reaction to anasthesia is depressed mood, not to mention there are many people that go through a "what in the world did I do?" blues/anxiety period after surgery. Ask your doctors--bariatric and psychiatric--how you can be mentally prepared for surgery, whether it's a temporary change in meds, extra support from your therapist (if you see one) or anything you can think of. That way, if there are complications with that brain chemistry, you, your doctors, and your supporters know what to expect and plan for. There will always be people all over LBT that will be here for you to bounce ideas off of and offer you support.:thumbup:

Yes please repost! I read it initially today but I can't always generate a response right away. I remember that you were very concerned about getting back down to your best band weight, and it had to do with negative thoughts that you've always had about always being a fat person, even if you were thin. (I hope I got the gist).

I'm sorry to hear about that friend who became bulimic MollyMolly. I guess these meds can have such dramatic individual effects that it ends up being worse that the original diagnosis! It must be a difficult realization to know that when it comes to your medication, you're probably in it for the long run. We can only hope that the psychopharmacology industry improves all the time--so at least treatment gets better, even if there's no cure. Who knows...it's possible that your hormones will do some great balancing in the coming months. When I was down about having to take the meds because I felt abnormal, it was helpful to compare it to any other physical medical condition that where medication was needed. Clinical Depression is physical. Studies show significant decreased activity in on the left side of the brain--the logical side that's able to contextualize events. Overall, there is some deficiency of seratonin, dopamine, norepinephrine--or some combo of them. Best wishes with your journey and I hope you post in this forum in the future!

I was self-pay too, and once I got in all my tests--CBC, EKG, Chest x-ray--I was scheduled within 3 weeks. It was dependent on the hospital's availability and availability of my Dr's assistants. I didn't have any sleep problems or other gastrointestinal problems that would have warranted an upper GI. Since it's on your dime, I hope you find an excellent doctor who has great aftercare! Good luck!

Isn't shepard's pie basically a casserole dish that has meat, corn, and mashed potatoes? That's how I've had it! Although yeah, not really of the pie persuasion....

I'm glad you pulled those quotes out, Wasa. Now I can see clearly how others might throw their hands up in frustration when their suggestions don't have an impact. However, my interpretation of those responses you just posted is that she didn't want to do those particular exercises--the treadmill, running outside when it's hot, running marathons, and martial arts training. She said "no" to those things, but if you notice she did say that she COULD find passion in walking and she DID feel good when she exercised. There is positive energy there to build off of. So BrandyII, if you see this thread again, I want to say that I'm willing to problem solve with you on finding ways to be physical, more active throughout the day or anything you can at all manage at this time. If we both approach this with open minds and a willingness to try new things--we may indeed find something you have a passion for! I know many people are able to go do exerises that they hate all for the benefit--but it doesn't sound like you're in that particular place. Why not search ardently for activities that you may love (even ones you've never tried) before surrendering to feelings of defeat when faced with limited pastimes you already dislike? I honestly think the band fill is an issue because perhaps a small increase may be all you need to feel in control again. I can see that eating anything you want isn't helping, but neither is being too tight. But that middle ground must be sought after if you ultimately want to make use of the band. Please don't despair; there are kind, patient people on this forum and out in the world who want to see you succeed.

It's Dissociative Identity Disorder : ) Ooh..I know someone else who has that experience with Xanex...it can be scary!

"Everyone here must agree with me and validate my feelings or I may get sulky." If you took offense, it wasn't my intention to imply that you were actively seeking validation. To revise, it simply appears that posting your position here in R&R has resulted in several responses that are in accordance with what you've put forth. Whether or not you sought or benefited from that is irrelevant. Clearly, you've told us that you were able to convert your frustration into a healthy lifestyle choice (the marathon). The ability to do that is a great asset for any lapbander. "Psychobabble," however you are defining it, obviously isn't for everybody. I myself believe that mental and physical health should be actively sought after simultaneously. If you are of the position that mental disorders and therapy which addresses past trauma do not impact weight problems (or lifestyles that cause them), then I'd suggest saving yourself future frustration and not visiting that thread anymore. Unless of course you do want to read things that rub you the wrong way, then use that to go out and exercise. That seems productive as well!

KatW thanks for your eloquent response. This quote resonated especially well: "Am I right when I say that a major aspect of this thread is the feeling that your efforts are unappreciated by some of these other people on this forum? I get what you are saying in that regard. It ain't easy for any of us. What's true is that every one has to find their own answer in their own time and in their own way." Jachut--this thread appears to have been an excellent place to get those feelings of frustration validated. "Everyone having their own answer" unfortunately means that not everyone will accept your attempt to help.

I don't think that I'll have the most common situation, but I'm at 4cc in my 4cc band and I finally get what everyone who has good restriction is talking about! I can eat about 1/2 cup of food at a time, and combined with my exercise, it really got the weight loss rollling. Before this, I felt some good restriction at 2.7cc, which was the total amt. after my 2nd fill, and that was good for about 15lbs. But, that restriction faded a bit after a few weeks and I was stuck a 1 cup of food eating again, struggling to lose. I've searched the posts on this issue and I've found a couple of people who are like me and have needed the significant fill, but by the same token there are plenty that have lost consistently with much less! Good luck and try to be patient and hopeful during this time of "bandster hell."

I had my lapband surgery with Dr. Husted in SF. He does lapband, sleeve, DS, Bypass, and VERGITO, which is a new bariatric surgery. I paid 15,000 total for hospital/doctor/1 year of fills, which was competitive pricing for the many doctors I called in the Bay Area and Sacramento area. Check www.johnhustedmd.com for more info, or call his lovely friendly assistant at 415.722.4182 I know I paid more than those who went to Mexico, but the level of care and support I've received was superb. With this practice there's no nurses or 5 min. visits from the surgeon--it's much more personal. I don't know where you are at, but I believe that in addition to his SF practice office, he has occasional office hours in San Luis Obispo, and he regularly comes to the North Bay, Fairfield area for seminars and appointments. Good luck on your search!

Wherein "Phat," according to "trusty" Urban Dictionary, either means 1) cool and/or 2) hot and tempting. What part of your personality empowers you on your weight loss journey? If you'll excuse the outdated street lingo--tell me why you have a phat personality! Is it your unfailing sense of humor? Your enduring passion for keeping active through exercise or work? What about a wealth of compassion for others? This is a challenge to engender more positivity today; to do something productive with introspection. For me, I think it's pretty cool that I cunningly adapted to growing up with alcoholic parents. It's even more amazing that I was brave enough to haul my own butt to therapy when I was 19-21yrs old. Clearly, I have it in me to take care of myself, so today I remind myself to embrace this "phatness" and use it to take care of my body. Please feel free to shamelessly use or completely drop the word "phat."

Rock on, Froggi. The phatness to kick your own ass is stupendous! It'll be helpful now on your pre-op diet and later when you run into places like "bandster hell."

Yeah Froggie I think you're still okay here--denying you for losing weight sounds so absurd. I know that the criteria for my insurance company says anything over 40 qualifies. But, below that the requirement includes one of 3 comobidities. Any way you can send a question/email your insurance about that? Sorry this doesn't directly apply to self-esteem. Just trying to assuage some worries out there.

I love it. Truth can be so pithy. Oh yes, and thank you for that post, KatW. I identify with so much of what you said. I was thin for about a minute it high school (well, it felt like a minute) and I believe my hate for my body image found other avenues. But, like so many, I couldn't keep up staying thin in a healthy way. "Look at your good stuff"! Sage advice : )

I love all of these suggestions. That mirror one is going to be hard for me, to be sure! Will it be a cop out if I just start with "I have cute feet"? Because seriously, I do. Perhaps I can start at the bottom and build from there...

You know what? I initially chose my fishy because on some scary level I felt similar to radioactive mutant. Dramatic, I know. But I love your idea that it's a Third Eye--not freakishness! Because of that insight I'll be thinking of portraying a Third Eye Fish. I'll be re-writing my self-image in a good way. Thank you for contributing to good self-esteem! Also, I thought it would be good to start a fresh new thread on strategies to improve self-esteem.

"You cant preface everything you say with "I know this doesnt apply to absolutely everyone...." Actually, you can. It takes some extra effort and taking more pause when posting. Specifically, the simplest difference is using first person point of view. I'm willing to make that effort because contributes to mutual respect among posters. This is essential when we're talking about issues of mental health. You call this a "no bullshit" approach, which is definitely good for some people. I've read a lot of great posts from you that have uplifted people on other threads. Please use that approach in another area of LBT where it will be most appreciated.

The issue of self-esteem appears to be inextricably linked to our ability to change unhealthy behaviors. Yes, bottom line for success: change the behavior. I wanted to create this discussion area to address the myriad cognitive issues that impair one's capacity to change that behavior. Self-esteem is one of those cognitive issues. It isn't an excuse for the entire situation--but there needs to be a space to simply offer up your narrative for your own peace of mind. Some people need more time and space for this than others. It's also important in a thread/forum like this to share past experiences without the danger of being criticized unconstructively. Confrontation might help a person with certain realizations, but it needs to be done with empathy, compassion, and respect. For those of you that want to give out a harsh version of "tough love" because you've interpreted posters like BrandyII as "whining," then please just move on. Dispense that tough love that repetitiously preaches behavior change without delving deeper into the human psyche somewhere else. I believe Jachut mentioned in a post here that "our self-esteem improves the minute we start this journey," which I can absolutely see to be true for many people. It's a brave step for health and the very act of starting the journey has it's own emotional rewards. However, this wasn't true for me, and I'd like to point out that language like the quote above is an unwarranted sweeping generalization. Universalizing one's experience can be a slippery slope--especially when rhetoric like that is used to say things like "why we're all fat /because we ATE too much." Some people ate "normal" amounts of the wrong foods at the wrong times and became overweight or obese. Granted, that's probably not the most common set of reasons--but it doesn't make it any less valid. So, to avoid being broad and inaccurate, I'd suggest something like "In my experience, like many others, my self-esteem improved the minute I started this journey." That's just an example. Anyhow. Meanwhile, back at the ranch....perhaps we should delineate self-image from self-esteem? Of course, self-image is an integral part of self-esteem but I realized that I've had good overall self-esteem yet poor self-image. I think trying things like wearing those bright colors to work can create a learning experience (e.g. someone complimenting you) where a positive feeling is associated with confident, healthy behavior. Thus, self-esteem is revived a bit. Can anyone think of other small steps to try like wearing that bold shirt? One of my ideas is improving eye contact and smiling. What I've been trying to do is when I'm at a store buying something--or even just doing any kind of exchange--I try to look up at the other person's face and say "thank you" and smile. I believe that the positive feedback (even if it's just a smile) can indirectly improve my feeling of belonging in the world.

I definitely think it's possible for self-esteem and being overweight/obese to coexist--it's just that with the way our society values slimmy mcslimster people from Slimtown, building esteem for your body can be especially hard. Some people can genuinely feel comfortable in a comparatively large body. I find National Association of Fat Americans and those "Fatosphere" blogs and websites to be pretty interesting on this level. Yes, WLS people aren't welcome there and they think we're "mutilating" our bodies, but the sites do address so many ways that "fat" has been used as discrimination. I know that when I reach my goal size/weight, I will still be considered fat by many magazines, television shows, etc., and my self-esteem building will still need help.

Have you already decided on lapband or are you still doing research? I think it's impossible to totally control those fears of surgery, but you can help minimize their effect by not letting yourself ruminate on every disconcerting circumstance. Everyone has a different surgery experience, but mine was that after I got onto the table, they put some merciful drug in my IV and I was out. So relaxed just before as well. I don't even remember any breathing tubes, etc. coming near me. If you do go through with this, ask your doctor about the exact process and share your fears so they might be able to make you as comfy as possible. As for the skin issue, this is also going to vary per individual. Some of the factors are age and how quickly the pounds come off. But, ask most people around here and I think you'll find that they'd much rather have floppy skin and opt for another surgery rather than have the weight. Good luck and I hope you can get all your questions answered!