Jana64

My colorectal surgeon met with me to talk about getting a colon resection for my chronic diverticulitis - four attacks in a year. Diverticulitis can kill if one of the pouches perforated, spilling fecal material into the belly.

What I didn't expect was that my surgeon would tell me that due to my weight, I'm not a candidate for a bowel resection. He referred me to McGee Women's Hospital for Gastric Sleeve surgery. I was shocked. And now, three weeks later and in the grips of another attack, I'm just hoping to stay stable until the five month dieting period is past. Please God! No perforations!

Here's my weight loss history:

I have gained and lost a lot of weight in my life. Each baby, and there are six children, have brought weight.

I have dieted using prescription pills, such as Meridia, Alli and  Fastin and gained the weight back as soon as I stopped taking the medicine.

I have tried using sheer willpower, exercise, counting every calorie and what has happened is that I always relapse. I have read books that say JUST STOP DIETING. Eat what your body wants. Eat non-emotionally, eat mindfully. Eat. But that does not work for me.

Is my wiring wrong? Is my brain broken?  I don't know, but what I do know is that my body is breaking down. I have several serious health issues that can't even be addressed surgically because I am so grossly overweight that they cannot do the surgery.

And it can get worse.

I am 49. My mother and dad were both morbidly obese adults. None of my five brothers and sisters are fat. I am the one. My parents died because of their weight and I was the young one. The one who has lived twenty years without her mom.

I choose not to eat my way into the grave and leave my kids behind never knowing me as a person who is NOT morbidly obese.