sallysupportive

Hi everyone, I have never joined a forum before but am interested in getting some feedback to my questions. My partner is due to have the roux-en-y surgery in about 8 weeks time. I have been struggling to find much information for spouses, or others experiences in supporting their spouses. I am really supportive of his decision but feel like it's a bit of a roller coaster at the moment. In the past we have dieted together (I am also obesely overweight) and have had some success, however in the last 12 months it has been a real struggle and we have both put the weight back on. He has gotten part of his super released to pay for the surgery as well as private health insurance. Since getting the money released though I feel like he is needing to consume more food - almost like a panic reaction. Is this normal? It really worries me because he is putting on extra weight. I know that in a couple of months time that won't really matter but it concerns me now. Should I just let it go and try and understand what he must be going through? We have talked about it occasionally, and he said that he is scared he won't be able to eat the things he loves ever again. He has other health issues as well, such as a bad back and knee problems, (of course the weight is only making them worse), and I am also concerned that he will do more damage. Would love to hear people's advice or what other weight loss surgery patients have experienced emotionally. I really appreciate it. Cheers, sallysupportive.

Thank you ready2B, I really appreciate your words of wisdom. I think I just get so worried about him, but yes I see your point. He may put on another 10 kilos in 8 weeks but it's not the end of the world because the surgery will be life changing. He is someone who always has to do things full on! So I'll just deal with the 'hog wild' stage. I mean he's not going out eating pizzas and fried take away all day, so I'll just try to keep that in mind. I guess too I'm also worried about myself because while the 'bad' food is around I'm eating it too (or he's cooking it and I don't want to be critical) and I don't really need to put on any more. I will have to lose my weight without surgery. Thanks again.

Hi, thanks for the replies, and your honesty. In the last few days he has also slipped into a deep depression, brought on by the prospect of the surgery, his increased weight gain and also the fact he decided to give up smoking. We are just working through it, and I am really trying to not be critical or 'nag' about the food stuff. I know he will come through it, but is hard to see him so down. At least last night he acknowledged that he has put on more weight recently, but he is still not motivated to try and lose any at the moment. I know he needs to come to that decision on his own. Thanks ready2B for your reply - we have had heart to hearts and he always acknowledges that he knows he is at a huge health risk. It is such a vicious circle with depression and food addiction. He is also the 'cook', as I work full time, so it makes it hard when he prepares nice food and I don't want to upset or offend him by not eating it. gosh.......... an emotional roller coaster..... Anywho..... thanks for reading.

Wow! Thank you to all the replies. Much appreciated. I also decided to start a new thread titled http://www.bariatricpal.com/topic/317102-being-a-supportive-spouse-tips/ so please any more advice is gladly accepted. It is certainly a very scary journey, for him especially and also for me. I never thought I would be someone to reach out to strangers, but thank you all for your kind words. So glad I decided to join this site and take the plunge. You all take care.

Hi everyone, I have never joined a forum before but am interested in getting some feedback to my questions. My partner is due to have the roux-en-y surgery in about 8 weeks time. I have been struggling to find much information for spouses, or others experiences in supporting their spouses. I am really supportive of his decision but feel like it's a bit of a roller coaster at the moment. In the past we have dieted together (I am also obesely overweight) and have had some success, however in the last 12 months it has been a real struggle and we have both put the weight back on. He has gotten part of his super released to pay for the surgery as well as private health insurance. Since getting the money released though I feel like he is needing to consume more food - almost like a panic reaction. Is this normal? It really worries me because he is putting on extra weight. I know that in a couple of months time that won't really matter but it concerns me now. Should I just let it go and try and understand what he must be going through? We have talked about it occasionally, and he said that he is scared he won't be able to eat the things he loves ever again. He has other health issues as well, such as a bad back and knee problems, (of course the weight is only making them worse), and I am also concerned that he will do more damage. Would love to hear people's advice or what other weight loss surgery patients have experienced emotionally. I really appreciate it. Cheers, sallysupportive.