enjoylife

I am soooo close!!! I’m sitting here, and sometimes standing over there and I am staring right at it! I mean I can almost touch it… it’s mocking me. It’s saying, “If you want me come get me. “ I want it. I mean I want it sooo bad that I can really feel it. It knows this – that I want it. It also knows that this want though extremely strong is also fleeting. Once I get it, I won’t want it anymore. In this aspect I am just like a man. As long as there is a chase (a hunt) for it, then I will pursue it with all my might. But once I get it, once I truly know that I possess it, I will no longer be satisfied with it. I will be about the business of moving on to better things. But right now, I am standing on the cusp, my toes are gripping the edge and I am reaching for it with all my might. I will get it. I will not turn back, I will not regroup. I am going to lunge for it if necessary and then fight like hell to hold on to it until I am sure that it is firmly in my grasp. Two hundred and forty…. I’m sorry baby, but I just don’t want you anymore. It’s not you – it’s me. We were good for a while, but now it’s time for me to move on. Trust me; I am only making room for someone else to move in here. This is just how it is, and you’re going to have to accept it. I don’t want to hurt you, but I have to do what’s best for me and right now what’s best for me is to move into the Two Hundred and Thirty Something block. I won’t miss you, but I am sure that I will remember you fondly –or not. Please don’t try to contact me because although I have no ill feelings towards you, should we ever meet again I will not be happy to see you (unless I get pregnant sometime soon and that is unlikely). If we don’t talk again, before I leave you, I just want to say, “Good-bye and thank you. You were just what I needed, when I needed you and for that I will always be grateful." The Diva

It’s possible that no man will ever see me naked again. I have been celibate for seven years now. This is by choice, but now I think I am stuck. Seven years is a long time – those youthful years are gone and I won’t get them back. In that time I let myself balloon into a 332 blob of fat. Then in March 2008 I got the band. I lost 99 pounds – but had major surgery this summer and gained 27 lb back:scared2::blushing:. Hopefully that will go away as soon as I start moving again. Although I look fairly decent in clothes, I know what I look like naked and I can’t see anyone wanting to be with that. Plastic surgery will cost me a fortune but I think I’d better start saving because between the flab, loose skin, stretch marks, and my c- section belly pouch – I am a sexual nightmare. It’s a shame because I am pretty and clothed I can look quite sexy at times (I hope this doesn’t come off as conceited). I just don’t think that a man would go from she looks hot in clothes to she looks like a flabby hag naked and be happy. I need an awesome plastic surgeon and a top of the line successful shrink – just writing this has put me in a funky/dismal mood. So .... My surgery didn't go smoothly, my recovery has been rough... but I am back. I am losing those 27 and then some. I can safely lose 1 – 2 lb per week. That means that by the end of next June I can safely lose between 40 – 80 lb (I didn’t count any 5th weeks in a month – there should be at least one between now and then – I am pretty sure there are two). I’m shooting for closer to the 80lb marker than the 40 lb one. I’m done dwelling on those 27 lb (at least for right now I am). I am going to focus on 1 – 2 lbs per week – if the first 27 comes off quicker that that – well then Halleluiah!!! If they don’t – then I am good – and Halleluiah anyway. I still may need that shrink…

I have got to learn to respect my band. Yesterday I could not keep anything down. I mean nothing (not even water!!!) well I was able to keep a Butterfinger candy bar down:blushing:, but dammit I was hungry!!! The night before I threw up and I think it was because I didn’t properly chew up a few brussel sprouts. When it can back up there were a few whole leaves in there. I should have known at that point that I would need to take it easy for a day, but not me. Sometimes I’m a pig :eek: – but this is why I needed the band in the first place. Apparently I have not learned. I tried to eat a piece of cake for breakfast – yes I said that… I am ashamed, but I figured it would go down and stay since most things that we aren’t supposed to eat do just that. Well it did go down, but I stopped after about four spoonfuls. It wasn’t going down smoothly and heck I don’t need to eat cake for breakfast anyway. Maybe I’ll do liquids for the rest of the day – my stomach needs a break. Besides, I’ve been on spring break – and I have gained about two pounds – so much for that…. I need to get those 2 pounds off. When I go to weigh in on Monday I do NOT want to see 250 – anything. I need to see 249 or lower!!!! Well saying that means nothing without the right actions to get me there. So my new goal is to truly respect the fact that I have this band. It was my decision. Nobody forced me to do it, in fact of the few people who knew I was contemplating getting it, most tried to discourage me. I am down 64 pounds, but I was banded over a year ago (March 24, 2008). I’ve got to do better. I’ve got to exercise. The band cannot do all the work. I have to do my share. I need my hip replaced and have arthritis and bone spurs in both knees, but I can still do something. I have basically done nothing. I’ve used my joint problems as an excuse, a crutch. But I can move… I can walk, I can move my arms. I can even do Leslie Sansone 1 mile walk DVD at my own pace – which I am sure would pick up if I just did it on a consistent basis:bananapowerslide:. NO MORE EXCUSES AND EMPTY PROMISES!!!!! I’m trying for hip replacement this summer. I want to drop 25 lbs between now (Saturday, April 18, 2009) and June 18, 2009. I know it’s a lofty goal. I will settle for 20 pounds. Look out Wii Fit:boxing_smiley:… We’re about to embark on a serious quest!!!!!!

It’s possible that no man will ever see me naked again. I have been celibate for seven years now. This is by choice, but now I think I am stuck. Seven years is a long time – those youthful years are gone and I won’t get them back. In that time I let myself balloon into a 332 blob of fat. Then in March 2008 I got the band. I lost 99 pounds – but had major surgery this summer and gained 27 lb back:scared2::thumbup:. Hopefully that will go away as soon as I start moving again. Although I look fairly decent in clothes, I know what I look like naked and I can’t see anyone wanting to be with that. Plastic surgery will cost me a fortune but I think I’d better start saving because between the flab, loose skin, stretch marks, and my c- section belly pouch – I am a sexual nightmare. It’s a shame because I am pretty and clothed I can look quite sexy at times (I hope this doesn’t come off as conceited). I just don’t think that a man would go from she looks hot in clothes to she looks like a flabby hag naked and be happy. I need an awesome plastic surgeon and a top of the line successful shrink – just writing this has put me in a funky/dismal mood. So .... My surgery didn't go smoothly, my recovery has been rough... but I am back. I am losing those 27 and then some. I can safely lose 1 – 2 lb per week. That means that by the end of next June I can safely lose between 40 – 80 lb (I didn’t count any 5th weeks in a month – there should be at least one between now and then – I am pretty sure there are two). I’m shooting for closer to the 80lb marker than the 40 lb one. I’m done dwelling on those 27 lb (at least for right now I am). I am going to focus on 1 – 2 lbs per week – if the first 27 comes off quicker that that – well then Halleluiah!!! If they don’t – then I am good – and Halleluiah anyway. I still may need that shrink…

It’s possible that no man will ever see me naked again. I have been celibate for seven years now. This is by choice, but now I think I am stuck. Seven years is a long time – those youthful years are gone and I won’t get them back. In that time I let myself balloon into a 332 blob of fat. Then in March 2008 I got the band. I lost 99 pounds – but had major surgery this summer and gained 27 lb back. Hopefully that will go away as soon as I start moving again. Although I look fairly decent in clothes, I know what I look like naked and I can’t see anyone wanting to be with that. Plastic surgery will cost me a fortune but I think I’d better start saving because between the flab, loose skin, stretch marks, and my c- section belly pouch – I am a sexual nightmare. It’s a shame because I am pretty and clothed I can look quite sexy at times (I hope this doesn’t come off as conceited). I just don’t think that a man would go from she looks hot in clothes to she looks like a flabby hag naked and be happy. I need an awesome plastic surgeon and a top of the line successful shrink – just writing this has put me in a funky/dismal mood.

I am so tired I could just lay down here at my desk and go to sleep right now:blink:. My energy level is at an all time low. Today is Friday; I have until Monday to be on all liquids. I hope I make it that long. I'm taking my vitamins. I do a B12 and a tablespoon of liquid centum every morning. Should I be doing more? I may need to double that dose today because I am really whipped. I have to attend a housewarming luncheon tomorrow. I am so not looking forward to that. Everybody around me will be eating lasagna and I will be dreaming of the day I can eat mashed potatoes:drool:. I have decided to buy another Magic Bullet, since the first one I purchased disappeared during my move. I don't know how I'm going to do it, but I intend to puree some spaghetti sauce and eat it. I don't care if I can only hold two tablespoons. I'm going to makes those two tablespoons last the length of the meal my daughter will be eating. I'm thinking that would rather puree lots of meats than to eat a lot of mashed potatoes. That just sounds like a good way to gain weight if you ask me. Come hell or high water I want to lose 20 - 30 lb in my first four weeks. I can't do that eating mashed potatoes. So I will be eating pureed meats and veggies, and no sugar added pudding. My daughter and I went for our first walk in our new neighborhood. We got three quarters of the way down the block before I saw a dog headed towards us. My daughter is terrified of dogs. She has really not been exposed to them because she is allergic to them. Anyway, I turn us around before she could see the dog. Every time I looked back I saw the dog still coming. A Little girl kept calling the dog, but it wouldn't listen. She finally hopped on her back and raced after the dog. She caught up to him as he caught up to us. My daughter immediately went into fright flight:scared2:. I had to hold her in a vise grip behind me. I felt so helpless. All I could do was keep me in between the dog and my baby. All I kept thinking was, "Damn I just had surgery, what can I do?" The little girl called the dog and I scream, "GO!:cursing:" at him. The punk bastard actually shrunk back at the sound of my voice. I was pissed. If I had a stick, or better yet, a baseball bat, I would have bashed his head in. I love animals, always have. I am a sucker for a stray, but NOBODY and NOTHING messes with my baby. She kept trying to get away from me and I was terrified that if she broke free she would run. Of course then the dog would really attack her is she ran. So there we are in the middle of the street, me twisting around to keep her behind me and the dog in front of me. The little girl on the bike calling her dog. Thankfully, the dog turned for home after I screamed at him. The little girl got in between us and rode home yelling back repeatedly, "I'm sorry!" Next time we walk we're going to the school down the street :thumbup: and walk its track.

Marie, try adding the ramen seasoning packet to the chicken or beef broth you purchased - that way you get the flavor and the needed protein.

I can't remember the name of the pill right now, but I am going to look for it tomorrow when I get home from work. My surgeon gave me a prescription to prevent gallbladder problems. As soon as I get the name I'll post it here - maybe you can ask your surgeon about it. Prevention it so much better than a cure.

Congrats on you progress. How have you been doing since you posted this blog? Ok - I might be just a little bit too nosey....

I am soooo close!!! I’m sitting here, and sometimes standing over there and I am staring right at it! I mean I can almost touch it… it’s mocking me. It’s saying, “If you want me come get me. “ I want it. I mean I want it sooo bad that I can really feel it. It knows this – that I want it. It also knows that this want though extremely strong is also fleeting. Once I get it, I won’t want it anymore. In this aspect I am just like a man. As long as there is a chase (a hunt) for it, then I will pursue it with all my might. But once I get it, once I truly know that I possess it, I will no longer be satisfied with it. I will be about the business of moving on to better things. But right now, I am standing on the cusp, my toes are gripping the edge and I am reaching for it with all my might. I will get it. I will not turn back, I will not regroup. I am going to lunge for it if necessary and then fight like hell to hold on to it until I am sure that it is firmly in my grasp. Two hundred and forty…. I’m sorry baby, but I just don’t want you anymore. It’s not you – it’s me. We were good for a while, but now it’s time for me to move on. Trust me; I am only making room for someone else to move in here. This is just how it is, and you’re going to have to accept it. I don’t want to hurt you, but I have to do what’s best for me and right now what’s best for me is to move into the Two Hundred and Thirty Something block. I won’t miss you, but I am sure that I will remember you fondly –or not. Please don’t try to contact me because although I have no ill feelings towards you, should we ever meet again I will not be happy to see you (unless I get pregnant sometime soon and that is unlikely). If we don’t talk again, before I leave you, I just want to say, “Good-bye and thank you. You were just what I needed, when I needed you and for that I will always be grateful." The Diva