Missapril702

Where do I begin??
For 32 years of my life and for as long as I can remember I have been over weight. I had always been bigger, chubby, plus size, Fat, Obese, Whatever you prefer to call it.
No matter what though I accepted and loved myself for who I was. My parents taught me an important lesson in my life and that is too love myself no matter what. I can remember my mom always telling me how beautiful I was and still am. Not just looks wise but my soul is beautiful. She built my confidence up so high. I think more parents need to do that for their children. This world is cruel and mean and when you are obese it doesn't make it any easier to not be bullied.
 
Most of my adult life my weight fluctuated. from 190lbs to my highest weight of 386lbs. I never knew why I let myself go that far gaining that much weight. (FYI i was never ok with sharing my weight with anyone before this journey I was always so ashamed that I had allowed myself to go that far)
 
I realized that all the pain I had been through in my life from an abusive/violent relationship the heart ache of a failed marriage, my parents divorcing, My grandfather passing away from pancreatic cancer, and Loosing one of my dearest friends (Philip Rey), Depression And sadness set in from the betrayal from some of the closest people in my life Some supposed best friends who were (bridesmaids in my wedding) Destroyed me, destroyed my self esteem and my soul. Anxiety and Panic Disorder brought me to a dark place. No amount of medication helped me.
The only comfort for me at that time was Food. Gourmet food, fast food, fried food, anything sweet was my weakness.
For the longest time I was able to maintain my weight...until my marriage failed that's when I hit rock bottom.
I felt like my life had just fallen apart. I couldn't control myself I lost it. I sunk into a deeper depression. Slept all day worked all night, ate all the wrong things. I stopped giving a F*#K.
I didn't care at that point if I were to live or to die. I felt like the biggest failure.
Before you knew it the scale was going up which seemed like a daily thing. It was harder to sleep, harder to breathe nothing was fitting anymore. I had enough I wanted to be happy again I didn't want to feel crappy anymore.
By the time I got myself together and decided I needed to take back control I was so far gone. I tried everything from eating right, to hiring a personal trainer. I lost 30lbs and stayed at that weight for 2.5 years. I was in so much pain, my feet always hurt, my knees hurt, it was hard to walk long distances, I had high blood pressure, I was always so tired and swollen. Activities of daily living were beginning to get harder by the day.
I wanted to take control of my life again. I Decided that I wanted to live the best life I could live for the remainder of my life on this earth.
For many years I had contemplated having weight loss surgery. I was actually going through the process back in 2008/2009 Through Kaiser Healthcare. That fell through so I took it as a sign that I needed to try on my own again. I failed miserably and just continued to gain until 2012 when I had lost 30lbs and maintained for a bit. I did so much research on the best surgeons and hospitals that accommodated bariatric surgery. Five years worth of research. I felt like I knew this decision was the right declension for me. ( Weight loss surgery is not for every one)
March 29th 2014 my employer finally decided to give the staff health care insurance. The day my insurance went active was the day I picked up the phone to call Blossom Bariatrics. I scheduled an initial consultation with the staff of Dr. Thomas Umbach as well as a meeting with Dr. Umbach. I was scheduled to see Dr. Umbach on April 30th 2014. The day after my 32nd birthday. I took that as a sign that maybe this is really meant to be.
April 30th 2014 I met with the staff of Blossom Bariatrics and Dr. Tom Umbach. My appointment was 3 hours long. They did everything from labs right in the office to breaking down cost of what my insurance will Cover and what I pay etc. I met with Dr. Umbach and he brought to my attention that I am indeed Type 2 diabetic. Mind you I had no idea I was Diabetic. That news hit me...I mean it hit me hard. Sacred me to death. I felt myself sinking into that dark sad place again. Asking myself why in the hell did you let yourself get this way??
Instead of getting depressed about the situation I immediately changed my eating habits. At that moment it clicked in my head. I told myself get your **** together and make the choice to live or die.
I choose LIFE. I choose to take control back. I choose to make a life changing decision. I choose to LIVE again.
 
Between the months of May-July I worked on my eating habits, I slowly became more active with just walking. I took being Diabetic serious, always checking my blood sugar and making sure I took my medications on time. To getting the proper rest I needed. I lost 21 pounds on my own before surgery.
 
The night before my surgery I asked to be alone I turned my phone off and I laid in my bed and I cried. I cried myself to sleep that night. A huge wave of emotions had hit me. I was breaking up with my only comfort I had known for years and that was food. That was such an emotional thing for me. Food had always been there to make me happy to make me feel good and to comfort me when I was sad and depressed. That was no longer the case after July 14th 2014. I kept asking myself am I making the right decision?? This is permanent, I cant turn back after tomorrow. I knew in my heart that this was the right decision for me and That my life needed to be saved. I needed this. I was blessed enough to have been approved for this costly surgery I needed to take advantage of this blessing. I fell asleep knowing that this was going to be the best life changing decision that I will ever make!
 
My surgery day July 15th 2014. I was not nervous because I was ready. I mentally prepared myself for this day. I had my family and friends surrounding me with love and support. I went in at 8am. Had my surgery at 11:45 am and was out and home resting by 3pm. I has Zero pain. Just very nauseated from the gas that they blow you up with to remove your stomach. I would say the first 2 days were rough. I had my Sister and brother taking care of me. For the most part I was pretty independent with everything. I just slept allot and walked when I was not sleeping. I would go into more details but honestly there isn’t much to tell.
From time to time I get a little pain in my stomach I think it is from eating too fast or drinking too fast. I have moments where my new tummy dislikes something I eat and it comes right back up. That doesn’t happen too often. I am been really lucky to have a smooth healing process thus far.
 
As of today I am two months and two weeks post op. I am down a total of 69lbs and loosing at a descent rate. I have started to incorporate fitness into my life. Cardio and weight training. Let me tell you being 69lbs lighter has made a huge huge difference on my stamina in the gym. My feet don’t hurt nearly as much as they used to. I can breathe easier and I sleep wonderfully after a good work out.
In a matter of 5 months my life has turned around.
Everything seems a bit brighter, happier, Life just seems to have so much more purpose for me. I've come along way and still have a long way to go.
 
 
(For those People who think I took the easy way out) Let me remind you there is NOTHING easy about making a life altering decision to have most of your stomach removed. To be able to be active again to be able to be healthy. Being able to get rid of diabetes, lower your blood pressure and cholesterol. To be able to breathe, and tie my shoes. Nothing is easy about this. Even after surgery it takes, time, dedication, work, a positive out look, My sleeve is just a tool in the end it all depends on how I use my tool and my life choices I make
sometimes people really need this surgery to live....I NEEDED THIS SURGERY TO LIVE.