<3 Carolina Girl <3

I am having such a difficult time thinking about much else today. I mean, I did sit through 2 appointments and had a lab draw this afternoon. I have my vitamins. I have a pill packet to help keep me on track with the vitamins each day. I am not only going through the motions, but I'm also researching and learning. Yesterday, the behaviorist told me to think about short-, mid-, and long-term goals to help me get through the tougher moments.
 
My target weight is 150 lbs, based on the composition analysis done by my bariatric doc. I haven't seen that weight on the scale since I was a teen. I accept I will never be the small, petite size of several other members of my family, but I'm good with 150. I keep trying to imagine what it will be like to be able to shop in a "normal" clothing store or to find cute things at thrift shops, instead of the clothing I've had to wear all of these years. As I hit the milestones post-op, I want to be able to go into stores and try on clothing. I really dislike this, but as I'm losing the mass, it will be exciting to see these changes. I look forward to cleaning out my closet and donating everything that is too big.
 
 
One thing I have promised myself is that once I'm approaching my goal, I won't continue to hide myself under baggy clothing. I will work with a wardrobe person to get clothing fitted properly. For too many years, I have been hiding myself underneath tents.
 
 
Beyond clothing, I REALLY want to be able to do the things I enjoyed when I was younger.
I have a snowboard that has been in storage, waiting for me to return to the slopes. One trip I want to make is to Colorado to hit the slopes.
I have a camera that really wants to go out hiking with me again soon. My hope was to go backpacking through glacier national park once I finished my graduate degree. I still haven't gone.
To be able to sit in the roller coaster seat at Cedar Point again will be amazing. I was so disappointed the last time I went there and we couldn't get the restraint around my hips/belly. Of course, there will be a lot of work between now and then. I have several nieces and nephews who are finally big enough to ride the roller coasters at Cedar Point, so, next year, I want to plan a trip with my family to go spend the day there.
The other thing I really want to do in the next year or so is hike the San Pedro Volcano in Guatemala. I was there in 2012/2013, and that mountain laughed at me. I really want to get myself into shape enough to hike to the top.
Once I've lost some weight, I want to try out for a roller derby team. Everyone has to try it at least once, right?
Once I'm under 300 lbs, I want to join a zumba class.
Once I'm under 250 lbs, I want to join a kick-boxing class.
Once I'm under 200 lbs, I want to join a parkour gym. I did gymnastics as a kid, I loved it and was disappointed that my parents stopped taking me.
I want to bike the Dalmac.
I want to do a warrior dash.
I want to go sky diving.
I want to go spelunking.
I want to learn to rock climb.
I want to be the cool aunt who teaches my nieces and nephews the fun of running. I used to run 10 miles at a time when I was in high school. Well, more of a jog, but I still went the distance. I want them to join me for 5k runs, 10k runs... and maybe even work up to half-marathons.
I want to take the kids who are old enough out white water rafting.
I want to go on canoeing and kayaking trips.

I've missed out on so much for the last 6-8 years. In 2004, I went white water rafting, it was such a rush. I really want to go again. In 2006, I went zip-lining 100' in the air through a jungle, and I hiked a volcano that had erupted the week before and there was still molten rock flowing down the side. I haven't done much since then. I'm hoping that this will all help to keep me motivated. In the meantime, I will continue to take the small steps.

Not really sure where to start. I want to document my journey and become a part of this community. So I guess I'll start with what brought me here.
 
I have been large my entire life. I have very few pictures from my childhood where I thought I was normal size. I'd say that stopped by the time I reached first or second grade. I'm 35 years old now. I topped out at 360lbs in 2011. Until that point, I had not kept up with my health at all. No yearly doctor visits, I hadn't even seen an OBGYN since 1999 when my daughter was born. An occasional trip to the urgent care center for a horrible migraine that I couldn't get rid of would always result in my promising to see my PCP (didn't even have one) and taking care of my HBP.
 
My breakdown came in 2012. I had always had unpredictable monthly cycles, but this one was off the charts! (TMI warning) I bled for a straight 4 months with no breaks! I finally had to break down and find an OBGYN to see. A month of trying different drugs stopped it for a few days, but it came back with a vengeance, ultimately leading to a D&C to reset my body. This scared me. I found a PCP and started to try and get myself together. I was lucky to find a PCP that I love on the first try. I would have given up if I'd had to "shop" for a doctor.
 
So we got my BP stabilized with meds, I started on cholesterol meds as well and added in an antidepressant to help me through this. After more testing, she warned me that I was on the diabetic borderline. We started talking weight loss & she suggested phentermine. I started it and loved it! the weight was coming off, slowly, but surely. I did 3-4 months on and 1-2 months off. Things were looking up. I got down to about 320 or so, and I thought I was doing great. Then I decided I could do it on my own - without the phentermine. I seemed to be building a tolerance to it anyway, so I stopped taking it. Yeah, that didn't work out too well. I gained back every single pound! Not to mention, in the interim, I had a heart scare (another long story) that now prevents me from having the phentermine option again.
 
So now, here I am. I'm at 333lbs. I finally had the courage to ask my PCP about surgical options. She was happy that I asked. She thought it was the right option for me, but was not going to push it. (I had mentioned it before & we decided to try phentermine first) I've been to the info session & have an appointment on the 28th for my first surgical consultation. It's been a few weeks since the info session & I'm trying to experiment with upping my protein, downing my carbs, etc. I even tried my first protein shake today...UGH, that's gonna be tough!
 
Right now, I have a lot of confidence in my ability to get this done - with the help of a surgical tool. I'm excited at the thought of getting down to a size that I have literally never been before! I'm excited at the thought of cleaning my closet out because everything is too big! I'm excited to be able to walk for more than 10 minutes without pain. I'm excited to be able to ride bikes with my daughter - something she always wants to do, but I can barely make it down our street before feeling like I have to turn around, or I won't make it back home. I've been reading so many success stories in this and other forums and I want to be there too!
 
Oh, and I can't forget! While it might not be good news that my husband was put on insulin this week for his diabetes, it's great news that he has decide to "seriously consider" having surgery as well because of it. I certainly hope he does. It would be great to have each other to lean on and to actually know what the other is going through. It will be a different journey for him - I think he leans more towards a lap-band procedure, while I am pretty much convinced I want to do the sleeve - but we could take this journey together. I sure hope he goes all in!
 
I'm ready to start my journey. I hope that I will find friends here to support me along the way. I look forward to being able to learn and experience all that comes with WLS so that I can share my knowledge in the future to those who are just starting out. I'm ready for a healthier me. I'm ready to be a healthier wife & mom. I want to LIVE - not watch my life go by as only a spectator. I guess that means it's time for a change.
 
Let's get this party started!