Trace Lynne

I did it! I did it! During my initial appointment with the surgeon in July, he stated that I needed to lose another 15 lbs prior to surgery. My Pre-op appointment with him was yesterday. I've 16 lbs since my appointment with him in July, and I've been greenlighted for surgery next week. Yes, a week. I'm now at 7 days and counting. My nerves are a bundle, and my excitement is off the chart.
 
I have lost over 30 lbs since my birthday at the end of MAY (in 3 months' time). That is crazy. No other attempt to lose weight has been this 1) consistent or 2) successful. I'm fitting back into my dress clothes that I bought last summer when I returned from working in Central America. Still need to drop another 50 lbs to be pre-knee injury/surgery weight... but I'm getting there. I now have less than 200 lbs before I hit my goal.
 
Sorry, my thoughts are not cohesive today. Lots of things on my mind. I start my all liquid/no solids consumption tomorrow.
 
To do pre-surgery list:
1) start all liquids (8/22)
2) do final blood draw (8/22-8/25)
3) pre-registration call with the hospital (8/26)
4) final pre-op nurse check-in/weigh-in (8/26)
5) get my POA documentation signed/notarized/filed (8/26)
6) review/go through 24 hour pre-op checklist (8/27)
7) pack for hospital stay (8/27)
8) stop all liquids by midnight (8/27)
9) show up to hospital (8/28)
 
My leave of absence from work has been handled. My work is being temporarily transitioned to a co-worker while I'm gone... my nephew will be taking care of the house/dog/cat while I'm gone. I should see if my trainer will get a pic of me tonight when I go workout. That would be fun to see a difference, even from a few weeks ago.
 
Waiting it the worst... patience is not my forte... sigh.

I did it! I did it! During my initial appointment with the surgeon in July, he stated that I needed to lose another 15 lbs prior to surgery. My Pre-op appointment with him was yesterday. I've 16 lbs since my appointment with him in July, and I've been greenlighted for surgery next week. Yes, a week. I'm now at 7 days and counting. My nerves are a bundle, and my excitement is off the chart.
 
I have lost over 30 lbs since my birthday at the end of MAY (in 3 months' time). That is crazy. No other attempt to lose weight has been this 1) consistent or 2) successful. I'm fitting back into my dress clothes that I bought last summer when I returned from working in Central America. Still need to drop another 50 lbs to be pre-knee injury/surgery weight... but I'm getting there. I now have less than 200 lbs before I hit my goal.
 
Sorry, my thoughts are not cohesive today. Lots of things on my mind. I start my all liquid/no solids consumption tomorrow.
 
To do pre-surgery list:
1) start all liquids (8/22)
2) do final blood draw (8/22-8/25)
3) pre-registration call with the hospital (8/26)
4) final pre-op nurse check-in/weigh-in (8/26)
5) get my POA documentation signed/notarized/filed (8/26)
6) review/go through 24 hour pre-op checklist (8/27)
7) pack for hospital stay (8/27)
8) stop all liquids by midnight (8/27)
9) show up to hospital (8/28)
 
My leave of absence from work has been handled. My work is being temporarily transitioned to a co-worker while I'm gone... my nephew will be taking care of the house/dog/cat while I'm gone. I should see if my trainer will get a pic of me tonight when I go workout. That would be fun to see a difference, even from a few weeks ago.
 
Waiting it the worst... patience is not my forte... sigh.

You might recall my Labor Day goal that I posted in a blog entry awhile back. That goal was 235. As of this morning, I am 240.5. I think I can do it, kids!!! I originally thought it would be a stretch but it appears to be close at hand. Honestly anything in the 230s will make me pleased as punch. I am going back to Indiana that weekend to see my parents (It is also my Mom's birthday on the 30th) and I know they will be proud of my weight loss. They have not seen me since Memorial Day. That was only a few weeks post surgery, maybe 25 lb lost. Now I'm over 70 lbs lost. My Dad is utterly fascinated by the whole thing. He and I have always struggled with our weight. So he is really happy that I am losing so much and being so successful. He says he is too old to have such a surgery (he's 72, but I think he could do it just fine, we tend to be good healers), so I think he is living vicariously through me.
 
Yesterday I had my belated 3 month visit. Dr. Hungness was so pleased with my progress. He actually seemed quite floored when I told him I am in the gym 5 days a week. I seem him again in three more months - so six months post op. He said they will be doing some labs. We'll find out if my vitamin D level has recovered. Although my nurse practitioner will probably be drawing for my HgA1C sooner than that since she manages my diabetes. She usually tests for Vitamin D and most of the tests he will be looking for. My daily sugar levels continue to be good. In the mornings I used to always be scary high. Now I am consistently between 85 and 110.
 
I had an exercise related NSV while at the gym yesterday. I used to always get pins and needles when I used the elliptical after about 15 minutes. Basically it was like my feet were falling asleep. I used to struggle to do 20 minutes on it - not because I was exhausted, but because the pins and needles were so painful. Yesterday I was on the elliptical for 35 minutes. I realized about 30 minutes in that the pins and needles were not happening at all. So clearly that issue was due to me being over 300 lbs.
 
And, I got this outfit from fabletics.com (my apologies if you cannot see it):
http://www.fabletics.com/index.cfm?action=shop.viewproduct&featured_product_location_id=0&product_id=1439782&psrc=my_looks&master_product_id=1439782&original_master_product_id=1439782
 
I wore the tank to the gym yesterday. It was a little bit exposing. But no one looked at me strangely. No one said I was too fat for it. There was no side eye! I'm just so happy to have more choices in gym wear!

I can hardly believe that the surgery is 3 weeks from today. It will be about 3 months after I started this whole thing, and as long as I stay on track, I will have lost 25-30 lbs prior to surgery. That, in and of itself, is unheard of. Amazing.
 
Last night was the worst night I've had so far. I couldn't do anything to curb my hunger, and I had a whole bunch of stuff come at me at once. I was ready to punch someone. I decided to remove myself from that situation before I exploded. I grabbed a bottle of water, my dog, and we went for a walk, despite my house being full of guests. I couldn't take it anymore and just needed to leave. As soon as we were out walking, I burst into tears. I was so hungry, so frustrated, so upset. I was thankful that the darkness outside could mask my tears a bit. We kept walking until I had calmed down. Everyone who was at the house had left or was in bed by the time I returned.
 
I love my family, but I can't stand them at times. I haven't been entirely open with them about everything that is going on, but it would be nice if they could try to understand the boundaries I've given them. I wish they wouldn't look to me whenever they needed something fixed in their own lives. As one of my friend's said this morning, They always seem to look at things from their point of view, but never can look from your point if view and be understanding.
 
Wouldn't it be nice if people could be understanding? Wouldn't it be nice if kids would understand better that their actions/words really can hurt others? Wouldn't it be nice if people didn't tease or pick on others because of what they look like or what a person can/cannot eat? I have to remind myself that there are things I can't change, I can only control/change how I respond to those things. And by going through this process, I'm making a big change in my life about how I handle things.

11 Weeks Post OP



Weight: 261



Total Weight Lost: -43.9



BMI: 42.3


 
 
Let’s just say that last week was a bad week. Personal issues topped off with work issues. Before the surgery I used to deal with stress by eating. I would get a pint of ice cream or stuff myself with whatever fast food restaurant was my obsession at the time. But now that I do not have that option anymore, how do I handle those bad days? Unfortunately I sacrificed my workouts. Instead of going to the gym and working out those frustrations of the week, I went home and hid from the world. By the end of the week I was disappointed in myself for not keeping my momentum going and got back on the exercise track. I feel more accomplished at the end of the day when I have done some sort of workout.
 
Eating is still going good. I am still consuming less than 1000 calories a day. It continues to blow my mind. I don’t feel like I am depriving myself.
 
I have started to notice things are getting easier every day. Walking up the stairs to my apartment. Simple movements that used to be difficult are now slightly easier. It feels good to know that these changes are happening and that it will only continue to get better!
 
The best thing is seeing people that I haven’t seen in a long period of time. I had breakfast with my grandma last week and she was astonished with how I looked. She was amazed. I haven’t seen here since a week post op. I really looking forward to November when I see my parents whom I haven’t seen since last November and my brother whom I haven’t seen since one month post op.
 
Other than that, not much more to report. All is well and moving forward. I am continuing to do my workouts and training. Three month post op follow up in a couple of weeks.

I went to see my hematologist last week, and did her tests. The tests came back and based on my understanding of the results, I only need a low dose of Coumadin post-op. yay! I've submitted my update to the dietitian, showing that I'm closer to meeting the guideline. I had a fun moment over the weekend. My nephew and I were sitting on opposite ends of the sofa on Saturday night. There were tons of bonfires and gatherings around the neighborhood. We were sitting there quietly, me playing on my iPhone and he was on his computer. Being funny I sent him a text challenging him to a dance-off on Just Dance. Without speaking, we got up, moved the furniture, and started up the Xbox. I love that game. We played for over an hour. I came close to beating him on one song... however, he stomped me on the rest of the songs. I still need to work up the courage to do the zumba games.
 
As of today, I've been off soda, carbonation, and caffeine a week.
 
In other news, I've lost enough weight to get back into some of my summer work blouses. They are a little snug, but they fit. I was so excited that I wore a blouse and slacks to the office today, however, the blouse is worn under a sweater, to help mask the bulging buttons at the belly. I was informed that I was looking pretty spiffed up and asked what the special occasion was. I was tempted to say something to the effect that I could fit back into the clothes. Instead, it was 'no reason, just felt like it'. I don't discuss my personal stuff at work.
 
I can't wait until I hear back from the doc's office about setting an appointment with the surgeon.

I am having such a difficult time thinking about much else today. I mean, I did sit through 2 appointments and had a lab draw this afternoon. I have my vitamins. I have a pill packet to help keep me on track with the vitamins each day. I am not only going through the motions, but I'm also researching and learning. Yesterday, the behaviorist told me to think about short-, mid-, and long-term goals to help me get through the tougher moments.
 
My target weight is 150 lbs, based on the composition analysis done by my bariatric doc. I haven't seen that weight on the scale since I was a teen. I accept I will never be the small, petite size of several other members of my family, but I'm good with 150. I keep trying to imagine what it will be like to be able to shop in a "normal" clothing store or to find cute things at thrift shops, instead of the clothing I've had to wear all of these years. As I hit the milestones post-op, I want to be able to go into stores and try on clothing. I really dislike this, but as I'm losing the mass, it will be exciting to see these changes. I look forward to cleaning out my closet and donating everything that is too big.
 
 
One thing I have promised myself is that once I'm approaching my goal, I won't continue to hide myself under baggy clothing. I will work with a wardrobe person to get clothing fitted properly. For too many years, I have been hiding myself underneath tents.
 
 
Beyond clothing, I REALLY want to be able to do the things I enjoyed when I was younger.
I have a snowboard that has been in storage, waiting for me to return to the slopes. One trip I want to make is to Colorado to hit the slopes.
I have a camera that really wants to go out hiking with me again soon. My hope was to go backpacking through glacier national park once I finished my graduate degree. I still haven't gone.
To be able to sit in the roller coaster seat at Cedar Point again will be amazing. I was so disappointed the last time I went there and we couldn't get the restraint around my hips/belly. Of course, there will be a lot of work between now and then. I have several nieces and nephews who are finally big enough to ride the roller coasters at Cedar Point, so, next year, I want to plan a trip with my family to go spend the day there.
The other thing I really want to do in the next year or so is hike the San Pedro Volcano in Guatemala. I was there in 2012/2013, and that mountain laughed at me. I really want to get myself into shape enough to hike to the top.
Once I've lost some weight, I want to try out for a roller derby team. Everyone has to try it at least once, right?
Once I'm under 300 lbs, I want to join a zumba class.
Once I'm under 250 lbs, I want to join a kick-boxing class.
Once I'm under 200 lbs, I want to join a parkour gym. I did gymnastics as a kid, I loved it and was disappointed that my parents stopped taking me.
I want to bike the Dalmac.
I want to do a warrior dash.
I want to go sky diving.
I want to go spelunking.
I want to learn to rock climb.
I want to be the cool aunt who teaches my nieces and nephews the fun of running. I used to run 10 miles at a time when I was in high school. Well, more of a jog, but I still went the distance. I want them to join me for 5k runs, 10k runs... and maybe even work up to half-marathons.
I want to take the kids who are old enough out white water rafting.
I want to go on canoeing and kayaking trips.

I've missed out on so much for the last 6-8 years. In 2004, I went white water rafting, it was such a rush. I really want to go again. In 2006, I went zip-lining 100' in the air through a jungle, and I hiked a volcano that had erupted the week before and there was still molten rock flowing down the side. I haven't done much since then. I'm hoping that this will all help to keep me motivated. In the meantime, I will continue to take the small steps.

I am having such a difficult time thinking about much else today. I mean, I did sit through 2 appointments and had a lab draw this afternoon. I have my vitamins. I have a pill packet to help keep me on track with the vitamins each day. I am not only going through the motions, but I'm also researching and learning. Yesterday, the behaviorist told me to think about short-, mid-, and long-term goals to help me get through the tougher moments.
 
My target weight is 150 lbs, based on the composition analysis done by my bariatric doc. I haven't seen that weight on the scale since I was a teen. I accept I will never be the small, petite size of several other members of my family, but I'm good with 150. I keep trying to imagine what it will be like to be able to shop in a "normal" clothing store or to find cute things at thrift shops, instead of the clothing I've had to wear all of these years. As I hit the milestones post-op, I want to be able to go into stores and try on clothing. I really dislike this, but as I'm losing the mass, it will be exciting to see these changes. I look forward to cleaning out my closet and donating everything that is too big.
 
 
One thing I have promised myself is that once I'm approaching my goal, I won't continue to hide myself under baggy clothing. I will work with a wardrobe person to get clothing fitted properly. For too many years, I have been hiding myself underneath tents.
 
 
Beyond clothing, I REALLY want to be able to do the things I enjoyed when I was younger.
I have a snowboard that has been in storage, waiting for me to return to the slopes. One trip I want to make is to Colorado to hit the slopes.
I have a camera that really wants to go out hiking with me again soon. My hope was to go backpacking through glacier national park once I finished my graduate degree. I still haven't gone.
To be able to sit in the roller coaster seat at Cedar Point again will be amazing. I was so disappointed the last time I went there and we couldn't get the restraint around my hips/belly. Of course, there will be a lot of work between now and then. I have several nieces and nephews who are finally big enough to ride the roller coasters at Cedar Point, so, next year, I want to plan a trip with my family to go spend the day there.
The other thing I really want to do in the next year or so is hike the San Pedro Volcano in Guatemala. I was there in 2012/2013, and that mountain laughed at me. I really want to get myself into shape enough to hike to the top.
Once I've lost some weight, I want to try out for a roller derby team. Everyone has to try it at least once, right?
Once I'm under 300 lbs, I want to join a zumba class.
Once I'm under 250 lbs, I want to join a kick-boxing class.
Once I'm under 200 lbs, I want to join a parkour gym. I did gymnastics as a kid, I loved it and was disappointed that my parents stopped taking me.
I want to bike the Dalmac.
I want to do a warrior dash.
I want to go sky diving.
I want to go spelunking.
I want to learn to rock climb.
I want to be the cool aunt who teaches my nieces and nephews the fun of running. I used to run 10 miles at a time when I was in high school. Well, more of a jog, but I still went the distance. I want them to join me for 5k runs, 10k runs... and maybe even work up to half-marathons.
I want to take the kids who are old enough out white water rafting.
I want to go on canoeing and kayaking trips.

I've missed out on so much for the last 6-8 years. In 2004, I went white water rafting, it was such a rush. I really want to go again. In 2006, I went zip-lining 100' in the air through a jungle, and I hiked a volcano that had erupted the week before and there was still molten rock flowing down the side. I haven't done much since then. I'm hoping that this will all help to keep me motivated. In the meantime, I will continue to take the small steps.

I am having such a difficult time thinking about much else today. I mean, I did sit through 2 appointments and had a lab draw this afternoon. I have my vitamins. I have a pill packet to help keep me on track with the vitamins each day. I am not only going through the motions, but I'm also researching and learning. Yesterday, the behaviorist told me to think about short-, mid-, and long-term goals to help me get through the tougher moments.
 
My target weight is 150 lbs, based on the composition analysis done by my bariatric doc. I haven't seen that weight on the scale since I was a teen. I accept I will never be the small, petite size of several other members of my family, but I'm good with 150. I keep trying to imagine what it will be like to be able to shop in a "normal" clothing store or to find cute things at thrift shops, instead of the clothing I've had to wear all of these years. As I hit the milestones post-op, I want to be able to go into stores and try on clothing. I really dislike this, but as I'm losing the mass, it will be exciting to see these changes. I look forward to cleaning out my closet and donating everything that is too big.
 
 
One thing I have promised myself is that once I'm approaching my goal, I won't continue to hide myself under baggy clothing. I will work with a wardrobe person to get clothing fitted properly. For too many years, I have been hiding myself underneath tents.
 
 
Beyond clothing, I REALLY want to be able to do the things I enjoyed when I was younger.
I have a snowboard that has been in storage, waiting for me to return to the slopes. One trip I want to make is to Colorado to hit the slopes.
I have a camera that really wants to go out hiking with me again soon. My hope was to go backpacking through glacier national park once I finished my graduate degree. I still haven't gone.
To be able to sit in the roller coaster seat at Cedar Point again will be amazing. I was so disappointed the last time I went there and we couldn't get the restraint around my hips/belly. Of course, there will be a lot of work between now and then. I have several nieces and nephews who are finally big enough to ride the roller coasters at Cedar Point, so, next year, I want to plan a trip with my family to go spend the day there.
The other thing I really want to do in the next year or so is hike the San Pedro Volcano in Guatemala. I was there in 2012/2013, and that mountain laughed at me. I really want to get myself into shape enough to hike to the top.
Once I've lost some weight, I want to try out for a roller derby team. Everyone has to try it at least once, right?
Once I'm under 300 lbs, I want to join a zumba class.
Once I'm under 250 lbs, I want to join a kick-boxing class.
Once I'm under 200 lbs, I want to join a parkour gym. I did gymnastics as a kid, I loved it and was disappointed that my parents stopped taking me.
I want to bike the Dalmac.
I want to do a warrior dash.
I want to go sky diving.
I want to go spelunking.
I want to learn to rock climb.
I want to be the cool aunt who teaches my nieces and nephews the fun of running. I used to run 10 miles at a time when I was in high school. Well, more of a jog, but I still went the distance. I want them to join me for 5k runs, 10k runs... and maybe even work up to half-marathons.
I want to take the kids who are old enough out white water rafting.
I want to go on canoeing and kayaking trips.

I've missed out on so much for the last 6-8 years. In 2004, I went white water rafting, it was such a rush. I really want to go again. In 2006, I went zip-lining 100' in the air through a jungle, and I hiked a volcano that had erupted the week before and there was still molten rock flowing down the side. I haven't done much since then. I'm hoping that this will all help to keep me motivated. In the meantime, I will continue to take the small steps.

Not really sure where to start. I want to document my journey and become a part of this community. So I guess I'll start with what brought me here.
 
I have been large my entire life. I have very few pictures from my childhood where I thought I was normal size. I'd say that stopped by the time I reached first or second grade. I'm 35 years old now. I topped out at 360lbs in 2011. Until that point, I had not kept up with my health at all. No yearly doctor visits, I hadn't even seen an OBGYN since 1999 when my daughter was born. An occasional trip to the urgent care center for a horrible migraine that I couldn't get rid of would always result in my promising to see my PCP (didn't even have one) and taking care of my HBP.
 
My breakdown came in 2012. I had always had unpredictable monthly cycles, but this one was off the charts! (TMI warning) I bled for a straight 4 months with no breaks! I finally had to break down and find an OBGYN to see. A month of trying different drugs stopped it for a few days, but it came back with a vengeance, ultimately leading to a D&C to reset my body. This scared me. I found a PCP and started to try and get myself together. I was lucky to find a PCP that I love on the first try. I would have given up if I'd had to "shop" for a doctor.
 
So we got my BP stabilized with meds, I started on cholesterol meds as well and added in an antidepressant to help me through this. After more testing, she warned me that I was on the diabetic borderline. We started talking weight loss & she suggested phentermine. I started it and loved it! the weight was coming off, slowly, but surely. I did 3-4 months on and 1-2 months off. Things were looking up. I got down to about 320 or so, and I thought I was doing great. Then I decided I could do it on my own - without the phentermine. I seemed to be building a tolerance to it anyway, so I stopped taking it. Yeah, that didn't work out too well. I gained back every single pound! Not to mention, in the interim, I had a heart scare (another long story) that now prevents me from having the phentermine option again.
 
So now, here I am. I'm at 333lbs. I finally had the courage to ask my PCP about surgical options. She was happy that I asked. She thought it was the right option for me, but was not going to push it. (I had mentioned it before & we decided to try phentermine first) I've been to the info session & have an appointment on the 28th for my first surgical consultation. It's been a few weeks since the info session & I'm trying to experiment with upping my protein, downing my carbs, etc. I even tried my first protein shake today...UGH, that's gonna be tough!
 
Right now, I have a lot of confidence in my ability to get this done - with the help of a surgical tool. I'm excited at the thought of getting down to a size that I have literally never been before! I'm excited at the thought of cleaning my closet out because everything is too big! I'm excited to be able to walk for more than 10 minutes without pain. I'm excited to be able to ride bikes with my daughter - something she always wants to do, but I can barely make it down our street before feeling like I have to turn around, or I won't make it back home. I've been reading so many success stories in this and other forums and I want to be there too!
 
Oh, and I can't forget! While it might not be good news that my husband was put on insulin this week for his diabetes, it's great news that he has decide to "seriously consider" having surgery as well because of it. I certainly hope he does. It would be great to have each other to lean on and to actually know what the other is going through. It will be a different journey for him - I think he leans more towards a lap-band procedure, while I am pretty much convinced I want to do the sleeve - but we could take this journey together. I sure hope he goes all in!
 
I'm ready to start my journey. I hope that I will find friends here to support me along the way. I look forward to being able to learn and experience all that comes with WLS so that I can share my knowledge in the future to those who are just starting out. I'm ready for a healthier me. I'm ready to be a healthier wife & mom. I want to LIVE - not watch my life go by as only a spectator. I guess that means it's time for a change.
 
Let's get this party started!