Trace Lynne

Progress or lack thereof: I'm tired and have been under a lot of stress lately between work and family... I suspect that this has contributed to the slowing of my weight-loss progress... so, today, I came across this article and I just got so annoyed, and its totally irrational, I know. But I'm still annoyed. http://www.pressroomvip.com/shocking-celebrity-weight-loss/ This is a slide show of celebs before/after pics of losing weight. I know I'm impatient... I know that this is a process to work through... It is so annoying to see these things, though... the annoying part, they are dropping 40, 50, 60, 80, 100 lbs... and many of them look great... I've dropped over 90 lbs... and I still have SO MUCH FURTHER TO GO... I know, its only been 6 months... and over 90 lbs in 6 months is pretty fantastic... in fact... its better than what I have ever accomplished... I wish I could get to the point where people stopped looking at me like a fat girl... I still see it in how people respond to me... Of course, I don't know if that will ever happen... I don't know if I will ever NOT be the fat girl. As I find my new body over the next year, I feel like going through this process will be a little hell-on-earth. My perceptions and where I'm going will continue to not match up with how others see me or how I am perceived. Does anyone else struggle with stupid things like this? Trying to keep up: Last week, I think I overdid it a little. I went on a day-trip to Chicago with a group of friends and walked around the city all day. At the end of the day, my pedometer said I went some 7.5 miles. Of course, I was wearing nicer dress shoes and not walking shoes. My muscles hurt in my legs and lower abs for the next two days. It was difficult to get comfortable. All's I wanted to do was drink and eat, not that I could eat much... Last night, I participated in a walking group at a nearby mall... we walked almost 5 miles and by the time we finished, I was dizzy and light headed. When I hit 5 miles in a day, its not typically all at once. I was really annoyed that I had to sit down to steady myself for a bit. I wasn't out of breath, just dizzy. I know I'm pushing myself, but it helps be bring down my stress levels, which are up due to work... also, I am trying to change things up so that I can avoid stagnating over the holidays. Confidence, on a positive note: I do have to admit, that as my size is shrinking, my confidence is increasing, especially at work. It has been noticed and commented on by my supervisor and co-workers. I still hesitate or stay quiet in group/social situations, but I'm taking the bull by the horns with my project at work... and I'm feeling grounded enough that I've dusted off my application for my PhD program, which is related to my current job/project... and I will be submitting it in the next month. My 2nd 5K Race post-op: On Thanksgiving, I participated in the local 5k Turkey Trot, and I was blown away on how well I did. My 5k walk time for the Turkey Trot was 56:41.5...That is about 15 mins less than the 1:11:15 time I got for the 5k in September! My average pace was about 18 mins...Back when I started tracking my walks over the summer, my first mile walk was just under 30 mins. I'm close to cutting that initial time in half! Oh, and I didn't come in dead last this time. I was number 3607 of 3745. I still want to lose another 25-30 lbs before I start jogging, because I don't want to put too much pressure on my knees, but with the new year, my goal is to complete 1-5k race each month and want to be jogging/running them by summer. Dusting off the snowboard: I've been talking about it all fall. My goal is get out on the slopes again this winter and really learn to snowboard. I've been working for the last 6 months get myself ready. I've pulled out all of my gear, which fits me all again! The pants are a little snug, but yeah, I'll get over that. I was going to go out over thanksgiving, but had a family emergency pop up that messed up those plans. I'm ready to head over to a ski area this weekend. I'd go on Saturday, but have a birthday party to attend in the afternoon and my niece and nephew to watch in the evening. It will have to wait until Sunday.

The first image was taken on my birthday in May which is when I committed to a year of better health, the second image was taken yesterday. Its been 5 months, and I've lost 80lbs. I've now lost more post-surgery than I lost during pre-surgery. I am so amazed at the difference that I had to share it. I posted it on my FB page for the whole world (well, at least my world of friends) to see... and the feedback has been astounding. I'm proud of my ability to see this commitment through. The last time I started working with the weight management center, I lasted 3 months... which is not even half the time I needed at that point to qualify for surgery. I am still working with my personal trainer and going to Zumba classes most other days of the week. The only days I don't have activities scheduled are Fridays and Sundays, but I use those days to go out and do things with friends and family (like 5k walks or hiking)... Food-wise, I've mixed it up a bit. I still have the protein shake in the morning and a protein bar as an afternoon snack, then I eat cottage cheese for morning snack and soup or chili for lunch and try to make something different each evening. The day-time eating usually goes pretty well, but that is predictable and I know I can eat it. Its the food that I make at night that isn't so successful. For meats, I can eat chicken and turkey. I can finally stomach an egg. None of the other meats I've tried seem to work. I have a friend who suggested I try to go gluten-free, since its hit-or-miss as to what makes me sick. Has anyone else experienced these limitations 2 months post-op? I'm hoping that my 6-month update that I put out to everyone will be 100 lbs lost. That would be so exciting. It would be almost halfway on my current journey.

Thank you!

I am a goal-driven individual, it seems to be the best way to keep me on task. As part of this process, it was suggested that I should establish short-, mid-, and long-term goals to keep me going in this process. Despite being larger as a teenager, I was always strong and athletic. I would spend hours outside chopping wood, moving hay, or other manual things during my summer vacations. I biked from county-line to county-line just to say I did. One of my short-term goals was to get back out on the slopes this winter. Its been several years since the last time I went out. Since before my knee surgery in February 2009. That year I had planned on spending new years out on the slopes, but instead, I spent that New Year's Day at the hospital getting an MRI scan on my knee. Yeah, not cool. I have since healed from the knee thing, but I put on a lot of weight, and was really nervous about getting back out on the slopes. I often wonder how I allowed this to happen to me, but I shouldn't dwell on it. As I read recently, you can't move forward in life if you keep re-reading the last chapter. My goal that is keeping my motivated and going at this time, over the holidays, I'm going north and I'm going to get on my snowboard for the first time in half a decade. The poor thing has been calling to me for the last several winters. This winter, I'm going to try to go as often as I can. Of course, I'm planning on working with an instructor early on in the season, to help me get my footing and balance back. In the meantime, my personal trainer is working with me on my balance, agility, and strength. Its SO exciting. Last night's workout was so inspiring. He was impressed with how strong I'm getting. I blew through all of his exercises without faltering. He said he'll continue to work on making it tougher to push me, but doesn't want to push me so far to injure me. To help keep me focused, I decided to bring out my snowboarding pants and hang them where I will see them every morning when I get ready for work. It has been a long 4.5 months, but I've come so far. The first time I tried to put them on, I couldn't even get them past my thighs. As of last night, they come all of the way up, but I still have about 6 inches to lose around the belly before they will fit comfortably. I can do it. I've come this far, I'm not going to stop now. I'm counting down until I can hit the slopes again... 65 days and counting... I think I want to target losing about 25-30lbs, just so I know that the pants will fit better. Compared to where I was just 4.5 months (and 75 lbs) ago, I am sooooo close! Once I accomplish that, I can set my sights on my next set of goals... Running the Warrior Dash in July, and taking the nieces and nephews to Cedar Point to ride the roller coasters! Of course, with 8-10 eligible nieces and nephew (ie, old enough and big enough to ride the big coasters), I'll need to enlist the help of at least 1 other person to caravan down... but I think it would be fun if the siblings would join me.

Over the weekend, I went to my grandmother's 90th birthday party, and this was the first time that many of my family members have seen me since I started this whole process back in May. Some of the comments I received confused me. Ok, so yes, I've lost 75 lbs, with a starting weight of 367 lbs. I still have about 150 lbs to go to get to my goal, that is another person's worth of weight I have to lose. To me, 75 lbs is only 1/3rd of the way to my goal. And there is so much more I have to lose. The comments I received over the weekend just baffled me. I mean, sure, 75 lbs is significant, but people said thing to the effect of: Wow, now are you half the woman you used to be?! Yeah, I'm not at the half-way point. It was also stated that someone mistook me for my younger (and littler) sister at first glance from afar. Oh, that is too funny. I'm sure she would appreciate that sentiment. My dad's cousin came over to tell me that my dad has been talking about how I've been whittling away down to nothing. Sigh... that is so not true, but yes, I am getting smaller and, more importantly, healthier and stronger. Sometime about mid-way through this event, I started to wonder if I LOOK like I've lost more weight than I actually have. I mean, that is totally feasible. I looked at my numbers today. At 367 lbs, I was at 63% body fat, and now at 292 lbs, my body fat is 48%. If you do the math, that is 91 lbs of body fat lost, plus 16 lbs of muscle gained. So, yes, I look look I've lost a bit more weight. I decided I needed to try to quantify that and found this image (attached) to compare the difference. It shows the difference between 5 lbs of fat vs 5 lbs of muscle. I have lost about 18 of those fat blobs, and gained about 3 of those muscle chunks. Mind = blown So, that's what people are seeing... now I get it... I can't wait until that number is even higher...

I know we are told in our educational sessions that surgery isn't magic, allowing for the change to happen overnight. However, I hoped it would be easier to keep a steady loss. I'm going to 3-4 Zumba classes a week, plus seeing my personal trainer twice a week. If I slack off any, I won't lose any weight. This is what I think happened in the past few weeks, where I was sore, sick, or too tired to keep to the routine, and my body just didn't respond. Not to mention, I've been struggling to get enough protein and calories in on a daily basis. My doc wants me at 1,000 calories a day, and I'm getting close, but not quite hitting that number. I stepped on the scale yesterday, and it informed me that I hit 292 lbs. Amazing! The last few weeks have been slow to lose weight. I spent almost 2 weeks bouncing around a single pound. Ugh! After almost 2 weeks stuck on the same number, I stepped on the scale this morning, there it was 292 lbs! In my morning not-so-awake-ness, it took me a minute to do the calculation, but that is a total of SEVENTY-FIVE pounds I've lost since this past spring!!!!!! I'm so excited. I'm 25 lbs away from hitting 100 lbs lost... I'm less than 10 lbs from the goal the surgeon set for me to lose by my next visit, on December 1st. I told my trainer that I want to aim to lose 100 lbs by the next time I see my surgeon. I have 7 weeks to shed these 25 lbs, so, that's only 3-4 lbs each week, and seems completely doable, if I'm not completely stagnant. If I hit that goal, that means I will have lost 100 lbs in the first 6 months. CRAZY! Fun story, I had to go shopping for new dress pants this past weekend. I had no choice in the matter. I owned 6 pair of dress pants, 4 pair are now so big that they fall down while I walk. 1 pair fits well, and the last pair doesn't fit quite yet. (Its a size 20 that I picked up on clearance back when I still wore size 20 pants and I liked them so much that I couldn't convince myself to part with them when I got rid of everything else.). After my Zumba class on Saturday, I raided the local goodwill, which had quite a few pair of pants in the larger sizes. I didn't know what size to try, so, I grabbed women's 26, 24, and 22 pants. I was so excited to find out that the size 22 fits! Its a little snug on the waist, but fits the backside, hips, and legs just fine. I picked up 5 pair of dress pants for work and a pair of jeans. I haven't owned jeans in quite a while. This all cost me about $26. I love goodwill! I can't wait until I can get into the smaller clothing sizes, with the better selection.

I stepped on the scale yesterday, and I'm down to 309! I can't believe it... I'm 10 lbs away from being back in the 200s... I'm almost back to my post-knee surgery weight from 2009. But what was even cooler? I dragged myself into the 9am Zumba class, and I found myself actually bouncing with some of the songs. There literally was more bounce in my step. It didn't hurt my knee quite as much to jump and bounce. I can only imagine how I'll be flying through the songs once I get closer to my goal!

I am three weeks post-op, and have moved into the puree phase. I keep testing different foods. I eat sugar-free Popsicles, which I had a lot of while i was in the hospital, but that's it for "sweets". Chili and Soups are what I eat a lot of lately. I try not to eat too much canned soup, because of the sodium content. Last week I made a crockpot of chili and took it to work with me every day. My trainer told me to try microwaved sweet potato with cottage cheese. I really like that, too. I cannot seem to tolerate eggs too well. I've tried them a couple times over the last two weeks, and I throw up every time. Onions cause problems (especially if it something with onion powder in it). I don't handle milk very well, either. I have tried bread a couple times, and it did not stay down either time. Right now, I'm trying to switch up the Protein shakes and puree foods and soups, hoping that will offer a little more variety. I struggle some days, though, to consume more than 500-600 calories. I'm still not experiencing hunger. I can feel when I pass the hunger point when my body starts shaking.

I totally understand! I've been struggling with the same thing. I started Protein shakes 6 weeks pre-op, and am now 2+ weeks post-op. I can only get through about half a shake before I have to throw it out, because it is no longer appealing. My doc put me on mushy foods this week, and I've been so thankful to be able to change it up a bit. I still try to drink a Protein Shake on my way to work in the morning. As my nutritionist said to me as I was getting sick of it pre-op, think of it as medicine. It is a necessary means to an end. I try not to taste it when I drink it.

Some thoughts... How much protein vs. carbs vs. fat are you eating? (I'm told to target 70g of Protein and keep my ratio at 40%P - 30%C - 30%F) How much cardio vs strength training are you doing? (Strength training tones/builds muscles, cardio burns fat ... are you balancing the cardio/strength training correctly?) In addition to looking at weight, are you looking at inches lost? How does that compare from week to week? Is your BMI/body composition changing?

That is awesome! Congratulations!

2.5 weeks out, and I returned to work yesterday. I didn't think sitting at a desk job would be that taxing... and was I wrong. I was going strong all morning... then about 2pm, I heated up, the room started spinning, and I couldn't walk straight. My admin assistant told me that I was suddenly drained of color, and they were ready to call a cab to send me home in. I allowed the episode to pass before driving home. I made it home by 3pm, crawled into bed and passed out. I awoke briefly at 8pm, had some dinner and crawled back into bed. Today is a new day. I returned to work, and things seem to be going better so far. I am trying to better stay on my feeding schedule... I'm alert... my admin assistant said I look 100x's better today. Fun times... I think there are a couple frustrating things related to this process.... 1) There are certain things I want, but know I can't have (namely Ice Cream and Pizza), but these are the same things that probably got me into this situation. For whatever reason, Chili seems to be my go-to, now that I can have semi-solid foods. I have been able to eat chili without any issues, every time. I've tried scrambled eggs and refried beans mashed together, but that doesn't go down well. I suspect I'll need to learn some other soup recipes... 2) I have lost 55 lbs, meaning I'm sorting through clothing to see what clothing fits and what doesn't. I've had to 'retire' my 3x shirts/blouses. My size 24 dress pants are getting baggy, my size 20 dress pants aren't quite big enough for me, and I don't have ANY size 22 pants at this point (I gave them all away). It was pretty awesome to step into my size 24 dress pants this morning, and have them be so big. With any luck, I'll be into the size 20 pants within the month, but I'm not sure what to do in the meantime. One friend suggested I run over to goodwill to grab a couple pair of size 22 dress pants to make it through the month. And once I drop below size 20... I'll have to start buying everything, because I don't have anything below size 20 at this point. I am REALLY looking forward to the smaller sizes. 3) One of my goals is to go snowboarding over the holidays. My snowboarding stuff has been in storage for several years (I messed up my knee winter of 2008/2009), and waiting for me to return. I tried on my snowboarding pants this weekend, and there is still some weight in the hips, thighs, and belly before they fit right. My surgeon asked that I lose 35 lbs by the beginning of December, and it is my goal to lose 50 lbs by that point. I should fit back into all of my gear at that point. Of course, once I hit my overall goal, I will need to get new clothing, since there is no way that they will fit next year. 4) I know I have made so good progress, and over half of it is from the work I did pre-op. However, I still see my 300+ lbs self in the mirrors on the walls of the dance studio when I go to zumba class. In every class I've been to in the last week, I'm the LARGEST/HEAVIEST person there. I do my best to keep up, and the loss of 50 lbs has really helped me move more easily. There are still things I can't do well, and I'm still not fast. With all of the work I've done, I feel like I should be an average-sized person. But I still have about 150 lbs to go before I'm there. So, when people see me, unless they know the work I've been doing, they only see some 300+ lbs fat girl. People still stare me down, make inappropriate comments, and judge me. For as much hard work as I've done over these last few months, I still have to deal with regular and daily ridicule of those who know nothing about me. I've been changing inside and out, but this does not stop mean people from being mean. I think this is the worst and most frustrating part of the process... I'm dealing with myself daily, and this is very much in the moment... time feels like it has slowed down. I have to feel every pain and see every look, there is no fast forward button. Once I am beyond this stage, I'm sure it will seem like it happened in the blink of an eye, but the day-to-day of this time ticking by so slowly... I've experienced this in the past, when I've lived abroad and am learning the language and culture of those places... but those were fun times... Yeah, that's me... I don't want to wish my days away, I just wish this process didn't take such a toll on me.