Christina44

I drank a lot of water this morning after I took my thyroid pill. I have to wait half hour before eating or drinking anything except water after taking it because if I don't it effects the pills absorption. I wanted to get to the grocery store before the snow storm hit so I hustled my three kids into the car and grabbed an ensure on the way out the door. I only had 1/4 of the shake before we got to the store and this was a big mistake. I was too embarrassed to be carrying around an ensure through the store (I know I'm weird lol) so I took my water in with me instead. Next time I will just put it into another container but like I stated before I was trying to beat the snow. I got the cart that allows all three kids to be in so I was pushing an 8,6,and 4 year old (it's worth it lol) plus groceries and became so lightheaded I instructed the kids on what to do if I would fall. I did take it easy and I sipped my water while finishing up. I sat in the car sipping my Ensure until I felt normal again. Lesson learned.
I tried another new food today...new since my RNY anyway. I am allowed 1/2 cup ricotta cheese with 2t marinara sauce. It's amazing how the simple things can be so rewarding! I was convinced before surgery I was going to miss out on foods. Not so! I am learning to appreciate new ones. Ricotta is amazing! Kind of tastes like stuffed shells. Before the noodles and sauce taste kind of took over.. This way with only cheese and a hint of sauce the cheese has flavor and is sooo delicious and healthy. I couldn't finish it! I can certainly do this!
My scale is not moving. The doctors scale read 191 yet mine remains a steadfast 194. It's ok though because I lost a pant size and these smaller pants are loose already and this morning when I looked in the mirror I actually liked what I saw!!!! I always thought my face was pretty but today I started appreciating my body as well and I can't remember how many years it has been since I didn't look in the full length mirror with a shrug and a sneer and a "Well that will have to do!"

I think about surgery day. It's weird, but I worry more about surviving the surgery itself than the actual complications you can have from it....I feel guilty sometimes, like I could leave my kids motherless because I want to be thin again...but my nut told me I deserve this and death is rare...I have decided to believe her. I don't even want to worry about it. I push it to the back of my mind most days. Sometimes it comes creeping up though.... Also, I am worried about what I will be like coming out of anesthesia. Like, I guess we get either super chatty,tired, or cry...when I had my wisdom teeth out years ago I was told I cried...I hope I follow suit again lol....because I don't remember....I think it would be less embarassing to cry. I watch too many youtube videos lol....I cheated on my diet yesterday! I ate three Andes mint chocolates oh my and one today...I fed the rest to mykids so wouldnt be tempted...I have three kids so they each got like three a piece..... I was doing so well smh. I think it liquifies too and will be out of my system and not cause my liver to enlarge lol.....man I miss real food....but getting on the scale this morning and seeing 200.4 made me tear up. I am almost afraid to get on the scale tomorrow. Onederland is a huge milestone and to be under 200 is significant for me...I never imagined in a million years I would be over 200lbs.... or eat a whole box of mac and cheese in one sitting either but here I am lol....striving to be a better me