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Helllooo!
 
Twice, I spent at least 20 minutes swiping out a blog entry on my phone and then I couldn't get it to publish. So here I am to try again on my computer. The other entry was about a couple of embarrassing situations that helped lead me WLS. I think though, that I'd like to give a little introduction about me and how I got to this point.
 
My name is Leigh (rhymes with eeeee) (One time I had a guy ask me if my name was pronounced Lay because if you put an "S" on the front of my name it'd spell sleigh.) I am 40 years old. I live in Louisville, KY. (Yes, I wear shoes. No, I don't own a horse.) Louisville is a mid-size city. They like to boast that it's the 16th largest city in the nation. Whatever. I have been married for 8 years. I have been an RN for about 5 years. Before marriage and my nursing career, I was a diligent party girl. But, I've settled down in to a cozy little, mostly drama free, life with my husband and our two fur babies.
 
I had various times growing up where I was chubby, but I don't remember ever being made fun of. In high school, I ran around with the popular party crowd and I generally had a good experience. The only thing was I always felt like I was different on the inside than those people I ran around with. By the time I graduated high school, I was in a size 14 and I thought I was fat. Man, lookin back on pictures of me, I was perfect! But I was 5'9" and all my friends were 5'4" and a size 4. Plus, for reasons I can't fathom now, my mother was always trying to bribe me to lose weight. I'm sure some of it was out of concern, maybe some was to try to help me when I complained I was fat. I don't know. I always felt like she was so concerned about appearances (still is) and that somehow she was ashamed of me.
 
I started gaining weight as soon as I got out of high school and over the years I went from a 14 to a 22 by the time I was 30. I probably weighed about 250. I had pretty much always embraced my curves and didn't worry, but when I reached 250, I decided to lose weight. (I had done various other diets over the years.) That time, I lost about 70-80 pounds. I got back into a 14 and I felt great! That time, I just started walking one day. I didn't walk fast, I just took a stroll. Eventually, I worked myself up to where I could run 3 miles. It took me about a year. After a few months, I watched what I ate. It was a great time. I felt empowered. I felt beautiful. But then, life happened. I got a job with a different schedule that wasn't conducive to exercise and I also got into a long term relationship (hubby) and got lazy. And then, over the next ten years, I blew up to a whopping 295 pounds. (Side note, I have known the hubby for many years, so he knew me before I lost weight. He has always loved me, no matter what size I am).
 
Over the last few years, my size really started to affect my life. I didn't want to go out, because I hated my clothes and I hated the way I looked in them. When I was in nursing school, I was also going through a big depression and went on antidepressants which helped me gain the weight. This last year, though, I spent a lot of time mortified by my size. It really affected my self esteem. I knew I had to do something about it.
 
I'm an RN at a big hospital in the city. I have always worked in cardiac areas and I see, every day, the effects of weight on humans. It is bad. Every time a 300 or 400 pound person came in and we put them on the table for a procedure, I would see myself on that table. I have a very strong history of heart attacks and diabetes in my family. Every day, in front, of me was a reminder of what I was doing to myself.
 
I had thought about Lap Band surgery for a couple of years, but could never get myself to ride across town to our sister hospital and go to the seminar. This last May, I had a couple of very embarassing experiences when I went on a convention trip with a few of my coworkers. One involving the seatbelt on the plane and the other being talked into hiking up the side of a mountain. It truely mortified me. Something. Had. To. Happen.
 
One day, this past September, I got on the website for the Bariatric program and lo and behold! You could watch a video of the seminar instead of having to go in. So I did. And I filled out the info below. Two days later, they called me. I was lucky to have it so easy from there. They sent me a packet, which I filled out and returned. They called me a week later, said my insurance was approved. I had a 10 minute appt with the surgeon on October 15th. About 2 weeks later, I had a 5 minute appt with a psychiatrist. They made an appt for me to come in for labs, a barium swallow, and education on Dec 6th. I had one more 10 minute appt with the surgeon on Dec 11th. Then, on December 18th, I was banded!
 
I had quite a bit of discomfort after the surgery and it took me a good couple of weeks to feel normal again. But now, about 4 weeks later, I feel great. I do feel that I have some restriction right off the bat from the surgery. But, is it really restriction? Or can I just not eat as much because I kept to the prescribed diets, watch my protions and calories, and have been practicing getting to know the difference between hungry, not hungry, and full? Maybe a little of all.
 
My husband has been at my side this whole time and we have completely turned around our eating habits. We threw out all of the junk and most of the carbs and have been eating a mainly high protein diet. He has been exercising a lot and I have started walking on the treadmill 4 days a week for 30 minutes. Most of all, we are staying away from sweets and NOT EATING FAST FOOD. We were really bad fast food junkies.
 
I've lost 20 pounds since I started the preop diet. I'm feeling really good. Today was a small setback because I have a really bad head cold and I don't know if I have the energy to walk. But I'm not going to let it bother me. If I feel good tomorrow, I will walk tomorrow.
 
People get to down on themselves when they "slip up" and have something sweet or high calorie. I say, don't let this get you down. You have to "treat" yourself every now and then. Just don't let it become a habit. Make your new habit to be eating healthy and feeling good about yourself. Plan the times you get to eat what you want. For instance, I love to go out to restaurants. We are going to go out every other Friday. When I'm there, am I going to eat fried foods and carbs and desserts? No. I will make a sensible choices. But it will still be fun and nice not to cook. It will be a reward for staying on track for two weeks.
 
I can't believe that I didn't do this sooner. Why did I spend all those years miserable and overweight? Well, I guess we all have to reach that point where we are ready to take control. If you're not ready and not truely comitted, success will be much harder. I have also accepted that my band, Brunhilde (that's her name), is only a tool. I have to make choices that are good for me. I have to committ to change.
 
And things like this website and forum. Visiting and reading other people's stories and advice. I know it will lead to my success and help me keep on track. Do your research. Know what you're getting into. And when you're ready, make the step toward taking control of your life. It's the best thing I have ever done, and it will be for you, too.
 
And to all of the veterans, thank you! Your success and advice make this a place worth visiting.

I had a 12 lb loss last month! I had a Dr appointment with my PCP due to my continued back problems this week. I wont bore you will All of those. Anyway- my blood pressure was 120/70. Unbelievable considering it was 160/111 the last time I went to my PCP. I've lost about 89 lbs. I watch very closely what I'm eating and the quantities. Having the LapBand has been the best decision of my life. OHHH. Plus. My mom bought me an outfit 4 sizes smaller than what I was wearing prior to surgery( as incentive) and guess what? IT FIT ME! My Mom and my two daughters where jumping up and down and screaming with me!! Best Christmas present ever!
 
Hope everyone is enjoying the beginning of the New Year!

Happy Wednesday everyone. I know I haven't been active on here lately but I am back now. So how is everyone? I hope everyone is well.
 
Where should I begin?
 
This month has been a good month for me despite of me being a plateau... life has been good. I had a couple of moments this month. The one that hurt the most is when I didn't get my dream job. What is my dream job? To work in Human Resources I have a degree and experience in that field and I had my 10th interview and I still didn't get the job. I felt defeated but I got back on track. I decided to continue practicing my interview skills and keep moving forward. "Every NO! is one step closer to my YES!"
 
Yesterday I had my port placement surgery. This time Dr. Richardson didn't have me come in at 430AM it was 830AM this time! Once again my amazing daddy took me to the hospital. He was off at work at 630am that morning and was still able to stay with me the whole time! I have to admit I was really nervous this time around I don't know why but I was.
 
However I did get the biggest surprised yesterday....... I AM IN ONEDER LAND!!! (is that the right term?) I was shock was I seen the number 193.4! I was so nervous I couldn't cry. I have seen those numbers since I was 19. Wow I am still in shock!
 
Today I am resting I haven't got my appetite back but I am slowly drinking water. I want to do some type of exercise today but I just do want to over do it. I am so close to my high school weight!
 
It's nice to know that my Wii Fit was not lying to me. I am going to reward myself by going shopping for some new clothes and get me a pedi on Saturday. Besides I am on leave until Dec 2nd.
 
God is good and I am loving my band!
 
Thanks for reading.

This morning I noticed blogs were up and running, so here I am!
 
My October was eventful. I retired at the end of June but stayed on with my company per diem. Didn't realize how busy I might be and that was one of my big problems with weight loss when I worked full time, no time for taking care of me. I had a request to fill in for a manager in a facility that had lost its leadership rather abruptly. It looked like the time could go on indefinitely, so this time I made a boundary limit, 4 weeks. I found I could walk at lunchtime which gave me a head start on getting in my exercise. I also had a new tool, Emily's Bites. This is a great web site for people on the go. Emily shows how to make very tasty meals in a muffin cup. I made up several recipes from her website before I started this position and froze them in batches. In the morning, I just pulled out a breakfast and a lunch perfectly proportioned to about one cup. By the time I was ready to eat, they just needed a little warm up in the microwave. This helped me to stick to my eating plan.
 
Everything was going well the first week. The facility knew I had prescheduled my vacation this year the second week and they agreed to that. My husband and I went off to New England and had a great several days. We walked together every day. No fast food. It worked better than I thought. Then by Friday night, we made it to Brooklyn to spend our last few days with our daughter. We had a great dinner that evening and were walking home to her apartment when I tripped on uneven sidewalk and fell and broke my left arm in two places. Probably the most painful experience I have had. So walking went on hold for awhile and I couldn't cook so we bought frozen meals with appropriate calories.
 
A few weeks have passed and I am finally starting to feel better. Really wished I had had a recliner in my home, but I have made do with lots of pillows. The best news of all for me today was that I haven't gained ANY weight! I didn't lose any the last few weeks, but as I am just sitting around all day, and I am older (62) with a slower metabolism, I am just so happy I didn't get further behind in my goals! My arm is going to take a long time to heal (per my ortho doc) but I am hoping to start walking this week and gradually building my stamina back up. My sling keeps my arm from bouncing around too much and, although I may not get back to 2 miles for awhile, just getting back to myself and starting the process again is exciting. I will be till Christmas before I am healed and my therapy is complete, but it is such a relief to be feeling somewhat better and know I can avoid using this as an opportunity to gain weight again!

Its been awhile since I have posted here....
Life for me is so very different then it has been for most my life...
I wake up every morning HAPPY...wanting to get dressed...wanting to look in the mirror. Even wanting to go for a walk...thinking back its all things I always wanted to do...just wasn't going to happen with 130 extra lbs on me...
The band is the best thing I have done for ME...Im thankful for my supportive Husband and my sister who is my bestest friend also....
 
Oh it has been work...in the beginning I was hungry like I read many of you are..but I knew what I had to do to get where I wanted to be...I hung tuff and its so paid off..I started with a BMI of 47...I was tired all the time...who wouldn't be ...Yesterday I weighed in at 130 with a BMI of 25 !!!! My Dr pointed out to me that I have lost more then what I weigh right now...omg I never thought id do it...well yes I did...what I really didn't know was how good it would feel in all aspects of my life and my family's life ..I have been studing to get my GED ...though I did have to take a break from that due to
my husband had a heart attic a lil over a month ago and wow that wakes everyone up fast..he is doing very well now...eating right ...exercising a lil more then he did before..during that month my band got so tight I couldn't eat anything and enjoy it...not good...I did see Drs yesterday and got my band unfilled ( scary ) but a upper GI on Monday and if all looks good he will refill it...I was at 8.5 ccs....might go down to 8...what ever he says...
SO life is wonderful 19 months since I was banded !!!

Hi ya'll!
 
 
I'm fresh off a 4 day weekend and wanted to get you the up to the minute Johnny news. C'mon, be honest.... how many of you just can't wait for your fanatical fat fix? I thought so. This blog is like an auto race. Most of the spectators just come for the crashes. At the very least, I am a cheap version of a reality show. Your own personal rendition of Biggest Loser. Or Survivor. Hey, I got an idea ... What if we combine both of those shows? Let's strand a bunch of fat asses in the middle of no where with no food and the potty mouthed TV chef Paula Dean. We'll call it Fattasy Island. My bet, 7 contestants arrive, only 5 leave. The other 2 will be enjoyed with a homemade tropical marinade. No doubt this will be a huge hit.
 
On to the news.
 
Last Monday I went for monthly follow up visit at the center for Fat-ass-i-ness. As reported last week, I officially hit the 50 pound loss point. Yippee! I have to tell you that I am starting to look and feel a little out of place in the waiting area. I am no longer the short, overly swelled man that enjoyed the extra comfort of the fat ass chairs. I am now just a short, plump man that looks like a little kid sitting in a big chair. Add the fact that I usually wear a suit and tie on Mondays. The waiting wobblers probably think I'm some kind of creepy sales person waiting to show Dr. X my new drugs. But sitting and waiting is part of my commitment. It is part of my rehab. Yup. Rehab. Because that's really what this is. Fataholic's Anonymous. My name is Johnny ... and I'm a fataholic.
Anyone that reads this, and definitely anyone that tries this, must realize what a significant weight loss project really is. It's a full time commitment to food sobriety. Without full dedication to the cause, you are doomed to fail. "Just one Oreo" can be as catastrophic to a fataholic as "just one beer" to the alcoholic. That first step backwards can lead to a tumble. The end of the binge is just as devastating for both. Self consciousness, loss, shame, failure. All the same buzz words. The alcoholic may end his bender in a a tavern with a shot and a beer in the wee hours of the morning. The fataholic may end up in a corner with a jumbo bag of Dorito's and jar of salsa. Self inflicted wounds for both.
 
The fataholic requires guidance just like his counterpart. We get all the information we need to succeed from our nutritionists, shrinks and doctors. But at the end of the day, it is still on you to watch and motivate yourself. You have to make constant decisions to succeed. Food is not only required to live,it is part of our culture. Think about it. Just about every social gathering includes food. A nice night out with your better half probably includes dinner. A business lunch includes food. Weddings, birthday parties, anniversaries, bar mitzvahs ... you name a social gathering and there will be food. And plenty of it.
 
How about our addiction to Fat Ass TV? There are several channels that air nothing but food shows 24/7. Then you have Masterchef, Iron Chef,Top Chef and a myriad of other kitchen shows. There is a guy that drives around the country and pigs out at out of the way diners. There are guys that fix broken restaurants and a guy that spies on various eatery's employees. If has to do with food, there is a TV show about it. And these chefs / stars get paid humongous salaries for this! I'm really in the wrong business.
 
It's easy to see how someone can lose sight of a healthy lifestyle and fall in to the grips of fatness in our country today. Once you get there, going back is b***h. It's a challenge every minute to stay on your selected program. It's a good thing I have my sober coaches to guide me ... good ol' Al C. Hall and his cousin Vinny Vino.
 
See you soon..
Johnny
 
PS I'm at a little plateau here. The weight loss is slowing down to around a pound per week. I'm going to have to change something up here next week

This band has been a godsend. I won't lie. It helps me maintain my weight easily. I know how hard it was for me to not gain when my old band was leaking, and how super hard it was to lose, so I'm loving that my new band has me back on track. Yes I've had complications, but generally speaking, yes I've been 'lucky' with the band. My band has been SO easy to live with. Or maybe it was that I had realistic expectations, I don't know . But either way, I love that it's there helping me every day.
 
But I also realised that I made my own 'luck' with the band. Even when I wasn't formally exercising in maintenance mode, I paid attention to my portions, I did lots of incidental exercising like using the stairs instead of the escalator (I still do), I didn't resume my bad eating habits. I stayed, for the most part, on program.
 
So I do see this as a partnership between my band and me. I honestly believe that weight loss and maintenance would be VERY difficult, if not impossible, for me without a band. But I also know this little thing around my stomach didn't do it all for me. Far from it. I exercised to lose, I maintained a healthy lifestyle during maintenance, I am exercising today to ensure long term maintenance. I worked with it, and continue to work with it, everyday.
 
The surgery will help you if you're willing to help yourself. And I'm worth investing in myself to be the best I can be. No one is going to want the best for me the way I could possibly want it for myself. I went through surgery to allow myself the best chance of success, so I will not let myself down by not putting in the effort to make it work.
 
So yes I've been lucky to live with a band easily, but I sure as hell made my own luck as well. So stop sitting there waiting for a miracle to happen to you, go out and MAKE it happen.

Today I was fiddling with my collage maker on my phone and made a collage of one of my 'before' pics from 2003 and one of me that I took today, in 2013. I wanted to use it as my profile pic on here, so this is it:
 

 
I sent it to myself at work, had it up on my screen and someone I didn't know very well walked up behind me and said 'who is the person on the left?'
 
So I said, 'oh that's me 10 years ago'.
 
Believe it or not, she puffed herself up in indignation and looked me in the eye and said quite rudely "you're lying, that's not you!" and then proceeded to tell me that the person in the photo on the left looked nothing like me, the woman was obviously older, the skin tone was all wrong and who was I trying to kid anyway???
 
I didn't have to say anything, my colleague next to me actually said 'actually that is her' and explained about the lapband (everyone who knows me knows about it). The women then did the huge dramatic act of pretending to be hugely shocked and then interested in how I did it, completely ignoring the fact that she'd basically just accused me of lying!
 
Lucky for her, I thought it was highly amusing, and took it as a compliment, and walked away thinking it would be a good anecdote for this blog. Hey, sometimes you gotta look for the silver lining in everything, right?

I am committed to me being my best. This means I will not:
 
- Reward myself with food. I love food, and I love beautiful tasting food, but it's not a reward, I am not a dog. I have to maintain a healthy relationship with food, which means I can enjoy it without it being the centre of my life.
 
- Forgot that that for most people, achieving 'fullness' at every meal is not their goal. This is something I realised just recently. My partner is not a big guy, and he stops eating when he's no longer hungry. I have spent my whole life stopping only when I'm full. This is a FUNDAMENTAL difference between us, and the reason I have struggled with my weight all my life. But not any more.
 
- Tell myself I don't have time. If I can find time to be there for others, I can find time to be there for me. Whether it's exercising, sitting on the couch reading a book, or just doing what I want to do instead of what someone else wants to do. In this way, I nourish myself and allow myself to be a better person for everyone around me.
 
- Focus on being skinny instead of being healthy. This is important - I got to a BMI of 21 at one stage, and my ribs were showing and my hip bones stuck out. I had no muscle tone to speak of. That's not healthy. My BMI is 24 now and I get sick less, I feel strong, and I feel womanly. My body fat percentage is lower now than when my BMI was 21. I was so focussed on losing, I was losing sight of why I did this, which was to be healthy.
 
- Hate my body. It has borne 4 beautiful kids, and my eldest is now 23 and watching how women hate their bodies and themselves in the process. That's not a lesson I want my daughter to learn. I have parts of me that I don't like, that's just human nature and it's silly to pretend I could stop doing that, and that's actually ok in small doses, but I will not hate my whole self. I am beautiful, whether I was big or small, and I am the same person on the inside. And I will value that, even if society may not (yet).
 
- Compare myself to others. This is part of the above point too. Envy is a nasty, self-destructive thing. "I wish I was younger, prettier, smarter, thinner, richer". I now say "I want to be happy" and to do that, I need to stop hurting myself by wishing my life away and not seeing the things I should be thankful for.
 
- Sit by and do nothing. Counting my blessings doesn't mean I just sit by crying into my soup about the things in my life that make me unhappy either. I change what I can if it's important to me, don't change what isn't important and accept what I can't change. And know that no one is responsible for my happiness but me.
 
I'm writing this because in the last few years these ideas have formed in my head but I've never said them out loud in one place. Yet I think it's important for me now to see it in black and white. And while it's not just about me being a lapbander, but a person, I thought that this was a good place to put it.