4me4them

So it has been 2 months since my surgery. I took an extended break from this blog and the site because I was getting crazy. I was crazy obsessed with every ounce that didn't come off when I thought it should, with every bite that went into my mouth (or didn't). For me, I couldn't read about the great weight loss that others were experiencing because it caused the same bad feelings I used to get when looking at fashion websites....and I knew for me that wasn't a good sign.
 
Today is the first day in a very long time that I've logged back into the site. Here is what I think I've learned in the 2 months since my surgery:
1. It's more complicated than I thought it would be. I did really well on the two week pre-diet and I thought post op would be like that...I would religiously follow a strict plan and success would happen! For some reason that was much harder to do starting about 20 days post-op. Perhaps it was because I had been on liquids, squishy things for MONTHS at that point, perhaps it was Christmas and all the holiday habits...but I found myself eating things I knew I shouldn't....albeit very small quantities. So when I went back to the nutritionist at about 6 weeks post-op, she was supportive but also blunt. Eating bread, rice, pasta are not good post op because they swell in the stomach....hearing that made me really take notice....did I go through all this to sabotage it 6 weeks out with some bread? NO I DID NOT!
 
2. I have to be more patient with myself. I've settled into about 700-800 calories a day...which for me is allowing around 2 pounds loss per week...and I've become accepting of that. For some reason I thought it would be 6 or 7 pounds a week...but not for me. I have stopped weighing every day and weigh just once a week again. I've dropped so many clothes sizes that I recently had to give away some pants I wore for 3 weeks....3 weeks! I mention that because it is another way when the scale doesn't move to know that I'm doing right things.
 
3. If you share your journey with folks, they will ask you questions afterwards as well....especially "so how much have you lost" which is really annoying when you haven't lost anything in a couple of weeks. It can also be awkward when you go out to eat with them...like I sometimes have to do for work events. The first one I went to was at a freakin Pizza Parlor. I ordered the meat sub, minus the bread...and ate 1/4 of it...lol. The folks at the table kept asking me if I wanted a wing...which I didn't...and saying things like "I should really be eating like you". I think I made them feel guilty...which made me feel guilty.
 
4 I still like chocolate. There I said it. I have given up bread, rice and pasta....but I still crave chocolate and so when I enjoy a piece, I really enjoy it, log the calories and move on. I've also found some good diabetic dessert recipes that I'm working with.
 
5. I still like cooking....a lot! I cook different things (cauliflower "rice" anyone?) and I grill a lot. I'm also eating more fish. I'm glad this part of my life didn't go away...
 
6. I haven't figured out a consistent exercise plan yet. Most days I get 30 minutes of walking, but that is usually at work and is to and from meetings...while I'm glad to be able to do that, I know that I have to get some more intense cardio going to improve my heart health and stamina.
 
So, one question I get a lot is ....was it worth it...and I would say absolutely YES! While not as fast or easy as I thought it would be, I have never in my adult life lost 57 pounds before...and I know in my core that those are 57 pounds I will not regain...so yes it was worth it! Till next time...Beth

So it has been 2 months since my surgery. I took an extended break from this blog and the site because I was getting crazy. I was crazy obsessed with every ounce that didn't come off when I thought it should, with every bite that went into my mouth (or didn't). For me, I couldn't read about the great weight loss that others were experiencing because it caused the same bad feelings I used to get when looking at fashion websites....and I knew for me that wasn't a good sign.
 
Today is the first day in a very long time that I've logged back into the site. Here is what I think I've learned in the 2 months since my surgery:
1. It's more complicated than I thought it would be. I did really well on the two week pre-diet and I thought post op would be like that...I would religiously follow a strict plan and success would happen! For some reason that was much harder to do starting about 20 days post-op. Perhaps it was because I had been on liquids, squishy things for MONTHS at that point, perhaps it was Christmas and all the holiday habits...but I found myself eating things I knew I shouldn't....albeit very small quantities. So when I went back to the nutritionist at about 6 weeks post-op, she was supportive but also blunt. Eating bread, rice, pasta are not good post op because they swell in the stomach....hearing that made me really take notice....did I go through all this to sabotage it 6 weeks out with some bread? NO I DID NOT!
 
2. I have to be more patient with myself. I've settled into about 700-800 calories a day...which for me is allowing around 2 pounds loss per week...and I've become accepting of that. For some reason I thought it would be 6 or 7 pounds a week...but not for me. I have stopped weighing every day and weigh just once a week again. I've dropped so many clothes sizes that I recently had to give away some pants I wore for 3 weeks....3 weeks! I mention that because it is another way when the scale doesn't move to know that I'm doing right things.
 
3. If you share your journey with folks, they will ask you questions afterwards as well....especially "so how much have you lost" which is really annoying when you haven't lost anything in a couple of weeks. It can also be awkward when you go out to eat with them...like I sometimes have to do for work events. The first one I went to was at a freakin Pizza Parlor. I ordered the meat sub, minus the bread...and ate 1/4 of it...lol. The folks at the table kept asking me if I wanted a wing...which I didn't...and saying things like "I should really be eating like you". I think I made them feel guilty...which made me feel guilty.
 
4 I still like chocolate. There I said it. I have given up bread, rice and pasta....but I still crave chocolate and so when I enjoy a piece, I really enjoy it, log the calories and move on. I've also found some good diabetic dessert recipes that I'm working with.
 
5. I still like cooking....a lot! I cook different things (cauliflower "rice" anyone?) and I grill a lot. I'm also eating more fish. I'm glad this part of my life didn't go away...
 
6. I haven't figured out a consistent exercise plan yet. Most days I get 30 minutes of walking, but that is usually at work and is to and from meetings...while I'm glad to be able to do that, I know that I have to get some more intense cardio going to improve my heart health and stamina.
 
So, one question I get a lot is ....was it worth it...and I would say absolutely YES! While not as fast or easy as I thought it would be, I have never in my adult life lost 57 pounds before...and I know in my core that those are 57 pounds I will not regain...so yes it was worth it! Till next time...Beth

So I put my 50 year old self in time out last night. I really deserved it. I totally went berserk over a string of Christmas lights that wouldn't light. Of course I was tired, feeling head hungry, frustrated that my day to day plan before surgery was getting disrupted, anxious to get the tree done, melancholy about surgery Wednesday....and probably a bunch more. The line Ron Weasley utters when Hermione tells them about what Cho is feeling comes to mind...."No one can feel all that or they would explode" just came to mind. He's right!
 
OLD Beth would have said screw the diet, and would have eaten everything in site. EMERGING Beth told the family (husband and adult brother) I'm going to the bedroom. I was in time out about 1.5 hours, then I took a hot shower and rejoined the husband to watch football and eat my yogurt.
 
I slept almost 10 hours and this morning I'm much clearer of mind and I didn't bust my plan! YAY. Now to go fix those dang lights. Beth

So I survived vacation with only gaining 2 pounds, which came off in 2 days! Yay me. We (hubby helped a lot) did very good the first week at my moms. Shakes for breakfast and lunch, reasonable dinner. Even went to my favorite Italian restaurant and ordered meatballs, no appetizer and only had 1 bite of their signature almond cake. The beach was not as good. I'm not sure why...might have been because I had not told my in-laws about the surgery. Anyway it's over and I don't currently have another one scheduled so I should be well down my road before I have to figure that out.
 
Had the endoscopy and it wasn't too bad. Arrived at 0700 (I was the first of the day). Was in the prep area by 0715...it was the first time in a long time that my husband couldn't come back with me. The nurse cracked me up...she asked if I wanted the larger gown and I thought Duh of course I do. Then she said....I think you could use the regular one...I mean your big but your not BIG....LOL I am too BIG that's why I'm here
 
So I meet the anesthesiologist who is a nurse practitioner...I joked and said "I guess you are going to put me a little under" and he said "Actually we are going to put you a lot under" I guess that is sleepy time humor. Then Dr. Galvani comes in absent his usual entourage of students (I'm using a university hospital). He jokes that he will be slower because they usually do the paper work.
 
IV is started, and by 745 I'm on my way into the procedure room. They put the mask over my nose, turn me on my left side, put a bite block in my mouth and I start to fight to stay awake. A bite block is a round tube like thing that they strapped onto my face (I guess they did, all I remember is being told to bite it but not hard). It protects the scope and keeps the mouth open during the procedure. The last thing I hear is Dr. Galvani talking to the others in the room about a different design for the room with stuff hanging from the ceiling...I think.
 
I woke up back in the original staging area around 840. Had some gunk in my throat as I was waking up that they suctioned out. I swear that nurse had me out of bed and in the bathroom to get dressed within 10 minutes and I wobbled to the car at about 850 with a print out of pictures of my insides...kinda cool for a science nerd like me but hubby passed on the offer to look.
 
We had always planned to go get breakfast so we took the long way to the café because I was feeling kinda woozy. Breakfast was uneventful except when I put pepper in my tea....but hey, that could happen any day right? Had only two lasting side effects...one was a slightly busted lower lip...apparently I caught my lip between my tooth and the bite block (it cleared up in 2 days) and I had a tenderness right under my left ear...which also went away.
 
We putzed around in Tucson till my last NUT apt and my pre-surgery class...both of which went well.
 
Back to work the next day, Friday and as I was driving home I got the call that the insurance had been approved! So I start my pre-op diet on 19 November and am scheduled for surgery on 03 December...This has been a long one so I'll talk about the irrational stupid self talk my brain is now putting me through later.

So I survived vacation with only gaining 2 pounds, which came off in 2 days! Yay me. We (hubby helped a lot) did very good the first week at my moms. Shakes for breakfast and lunch, reasonable dinner. Even went to my favorite Italian restaurant and ordered meatballs, no appetizer and only had 1 bite of their signature almond cake. The beach was not as good. I'm not sure why...might have been because I had not told my in-laws about the surgery. Anyway it's over and I don't currently have another one scheduled so I should be well down my road before I have to figure that out.
 
Had the endoscopy and it wasn't too bad. Arrived at 0700 (I was the first of the day). Was in the prep area by 0715...it was the first time in a long time that my husband couldn't come back with me. The nurse cracked me up...she asked if I wanted the larger gown and I thought Duh of course I do. Then she said....I think you could use the regular one...I mean your big but your not BIG....LOL I am too BIG that's why I'm here
 
So I meet the anesthesiologist who is a nurse practitioner...I joked and said "I guess you are going to put me a little under" and he said "Actually we are going to put you a lot under" I guess that is sleepy time humor. Then Dr. Galvani comes in absent his usual entourage of students (I'm using a university hospital). He jokes that he will be slower because they usually do the paper work.
 
IV is started, and by 745 I'm on my way into the procedure room. They put the mask over my nose, turn me on my left side, put a bite block in my mouth and I start to fight to stay awake. A bite block is a round tube like thing that they strapped onto my face (I guess they did, all I remember is being told to bite it but not hard). It protects the scope and keeps the mouth open during the procedure. The last thing I hear is Dr. Galvani talking to the others in the room about a different design for the room with stuff hanging from the ceiling...I think.
 
I woke up back in the original staging area around 840. Had some gunk in my throat as I was waking up that they suctioned out. I swear that nurse had me out of bed and in the bathroom to get dressed within 10 minutes and I wobbled to the car at about 850 with a print out of pictures of my insides...kinda cool for a science nerd like me but hubby passed on the offer to look.
 
We had always planned to go get breakfast so we took the long way to the café because I was feeling kinda woozy. Breakfast was uneventful except when I put pepper in my tea....but hey, that could happen any day right? Had only two lasting side effects...one was a slightly busted lower lip...apparently I caught my lip between my tooth and the bite block (it cleared up in 2 days) and I had a tenderness right under my left ear...which also went away.
 
We putzed around in Tucson till my last NUT apt and my pre-surgery class...both of which went well.
 
Back to work the next day, Friday and as I was driving home I got the call that the insurance had been approved! So I start my pre-op diet on 19 November and am scheduled for surgery on 03 December...This has been a long one so I'll talk about the irrational stupid self talk my brain is now putting me through later.

So it's been awhile! Did you miss me? I have been so busy lately...The two day a week liquid diet had some interesting challenges. The first couple of weeks I found myself way overeating on the other 5 days. So at week three I started doing the liquid thing for bfast and lunch on the 3rd day and eating dinner. I've also played with liquid for bfast and dinner and eating lunch.
 
The reason for the experimentation is that hubby and I are going to visit our parents for the next two weeks and I've been wondering how to NOT GAIN WEIGHT! Lots of old habits around food and our families. I plan to shake for two meals and then eat sensible portions of whatever I want for the third meal (I haven't had surgery yet). I'm also taking my walking shoes! I hope that my working eating this way for the past week will help me do it on vacation...I'll let you know how it goes.
 
On a side note, for the lades out there...I threw away ALL of my remaining granny panties today! I replaced them with fun colors, ruffles...you get the picture...no boring white cotton! On the WooHoo front, I also was able to buy a pair of pajama's at Wal Mart...doesn't seem like much but they are really cute (pink with sheep and they say "sheep dreams'). The point is, if I hadn't started this journey back in July, I would not have been able to get them....they wouldn't have fit at all!
 
Hope everyone is having a good week. I probably wont post for a couple of weeks...but I'll let you now how the eating plan for the vacation went! Beth

So I'm still in the supervised diet phase before surgery and I've been doing pretty good (insert back pat here). But MONDAY was a MONDAY all day. I went to work with a long list of things I need to get done before our big accreditation team visit next week. Of course, life had other plans and by 1130 I had done exactly NOTHING on my list. I was stressed to the maximum....
 
And then it was lunch time.
 
And the 3oz can of tuna, lettuce and low fat dressing just didn't appeal to my emotional side. Now I've eaten this lunch quite happily many many days...but emotional Beth said nope not going to work.
 
Six weeks ago I would have walked across the parking lot...OK, who am I kidding, I would have driven across the parking lot and gone through the drive through of the fast food chain that is there.
 
So I start looking around the office and I found a can of Progresso Light cream of potato soup....so I had it, both servings...200 calories and way more sodium than I consume now but two amazing things happened:
1. The emotional side of me was soothed in a less destructive way
2. I didn't snack on anything rest of the day (except my veggies that I brought from home).
 
Hence the title...Progresso Soup saved my butt. I have now replaced that can and consider it my failsafe for the next MONDAY whenever it comes!

So I'm still in the supervised diet phase before surgery and I've been doing pretty good (insert back pat here). But MONDAY was a MONDAY all day. I went to work with a long list of things I need to get done before our big accreditation team visit next week. Of course, life had other plans and by 1130 I had done exactly NOTHING on my list. I was stressed to the maximum....
 
And then it was lunch time.
 
And the 3oz can of tuna, lettuce and low fat dressing just didn't appeal to my emotional side. Now I've eaten this lunch quite happily many many days...but emotional Beth said nope not going to work.
 
Six weeks ago I would have walked across the parking lot...OK, who am I kidding, I would have driven across the parking lot and gone through the drive through of the fast food chain that is there.
 
So I start looking around the office and I found a can of Progresso Light cream of potato soup....so I had it, both servings...200 calories and way more sodium than I consume now but two amazing things happened:
1. The emotional side of me was soothed in a less destructive way
2. I didn't snack on anything rest of the day (except my veggies that I brought from home).
 
Hence the title...Progresso Soup saved my butt. I have now replaced that can and consider it my failsafe for the next MONDAY whenever it comes!

So I'm still in the supervised diet phase before surgery and I've been doing pretty good (insert back pat here). But MONDAY was a MONDAY all day. I went to work with a long list of things I need to get done before our big accreditation team visit next week. Of course, life had other plans and by 1130 I had done exactly NOTHING on my list. I was stressed to the maximum....
 
And then it was lunch time.
 
And the 3oz can of tuna, lettuce and low fat dressing just didn't appeal to my emotional side. Now I've eaten this lunch quite happily many many days...but emotional Beth said nope not going to work.
 
Six weeks ago I would have walked across the parking lot...OK, who am I kidding, I would have driven across the parking lot and gone through the drive through of the fast food chain that is there.
 
So I start looking around the office and I found a can of Progresso Light cream of potato soup....so I had it, both servings...200 calories and way more sodium than I consume now but two amazing things happened:
1. The emotional side of me was soothed in a less destructive way
2. I didn't snack on anything rest of the day (except my veggies that I brought from home).
 
Hence the title...Progresso Soup saved my butt. I have now replaced that can and consider it my failsafe for the next MONDAY whenever it comes!

So I'm still in the supervised diet phase before surgery and I've been doing pretty good (insert back pat here). But MONDAY was a MONDAY all day. I went to work with a long list of things I need to get done before our big accreditation team visit next week. Of course, life had other plans and by 1130 I had done exactly NOTHING on my list. I was stressed to the maximum....
 
And then it was lunch time.
 
And the 3oz can of tuna, lettuce and low fat dressing just didn't appeal to my emotional side. Now I've eaten this lunch quite happily many many days...but emotional Beth said nope not going to work.
 
Six weeks ago I would have walked across the parking lot...OK, who am I kidding, I would have driven across the parking lot and gone through the drive through of the fast food chain that is there.
 
So I start looking around the office and I found a can of Progresso Light cream of potato soup....so I had it, both servings...200 calories and way more sodium than I consume now but two amazing things happened:
1. The emotional side of me was soothed in a less destructive way
2. I didn't snack on anything rest of the day (except my veggies that I brought from home).
 
Hence the title...Progresso Soup saved my butt. I have now replaced that can and consider it my failsafe for the next MONDAY whenever it comes!

So I love movie theater popcorn...I don't get the butter, but I can put away a really big tub...or I should say I used to put away a really big tub of popcorn. I'm still in my preop, but even so I know that movie theater popcorn is not exactly a health food. We don't go to the movies very often, but I couldn't imagine a movie without popcorn.
 
My office was meeting at the theater today to see Guardians of the Galaxy (totally worth your consideration) and I wanted to go AND I wanted to stay within my calories for the day...so...hubby got a small popcorn (he used to eat big tubs too) and I took a Quest Strawberry Cheesecake protein bar (which I had already budgeted for in my daily menu). I had one handful of popcorn...it tasted good....then was perfectly satisfied with my protein bar...and guess what...I still enjoyed the movie!
 
One bad habit conquered...a bajillion more to go...

So since I live about 1.5 hrs away from the doctor/hospital, I tried to cram as much into today as I could. I'm glad I did with one minor exception which I will get to.
 
First up was the nutritionist. Good news, I lost 12 pounds since last visit 4 weeks ago. Bad news, I have to cut 200 more calories from my daily intake. Sigh. I knew that I couldn't stay at 1500 and I have had many days below that...but I thought with what I lost it might only go down 100. Not sure why this is freaking me out so much...but 1300 just seems like so much less than 1500. Also have to cut anything made with flour...entirely. While I haven't had any pasta (a known trigger for me) I have had an occasional piece of toast....I feel silly mourning a piece of toast but I am.
 
Next was the EKG. Pretty easy. Kept clothes on, hooked up with sticky pads one on each lower leg, one on each arm just above the elbow and then right around the left breast. Lay still. Done
 
Then it was off to get the upper GI. For this one I had been fasting since 600 the night before...not even water! So after being sent to the wrong area twice I got checked in and found out that they were doing a chest xray as well. So off with the top half of the clothes, on with an ill fitting (like didn't even come close to closing in the back) hospital gown. The chest xray room had to be no warmer than 60 degrees...it was really cold. After I finished the tech gave me a warm blanket for my shoulders/back which felt awesome!
 
The Upper GI was not horrible, but not fun either. First you drink a fizzy drink like alka seltzer and they tell you not to burp....which you really want to (or at least I did). The fizzy drink is to introduce some air into your empty stomach so that the second drink ( a really thick barium drink) will be able to coat your stomach. They use the barium to provide contrast when they take the pictures. I am using a teaching hospital so I had a newbie doctor...being coached by an experienced one. It was soo funny, I was trying really hard to not follow the coaches directions, even though it seemed silly because I could hear everything she said.
 
So you are standing on a footpad with a bed attached and as you drink the thick drink they start taking fluoroscopy pictures following the barium down the esophagus, into the stomach. After a couple of swigs of the thick stuff, they start to lower the bed which is kind of a weird feeling until you are laying on your back.
 
Then it is roll over time, which was not easy for me because 1. I'm a big gal, 2. the machine actually taking the pictures is right on top of me and 3. that ill fitting hospital gown got stuck....but I got all the way around...first left side, then tummy, then right side, then back to the back. This is all to literally roll the barium around in your stomach. Then, while laying, they give you a cup with a straw and a thinner barium and this time they are watching it leave the bottom of the stomach.
 
One more position, on the tummy with the left leg bent to check for a hiatal hernia and then I was done. Whole thing took about 30 minutes once I was in the room.
 
The only bad thing was I had planned to have breakfast in the hospital cafeteria...but GEESH. Would it kill them to have a healthy option....I guess it was between breakfast and lunch but the choices were small to none.
 
Cardiac clearance was last, she took a cardiac history, asked about exercise habits, asked if any cardiac symptoms....all in all about a 20 minute talk and she said I was low risk and she would send a report to the dr. Yay!
 
So , all in all, pretty efficient, arrived at 0800 and left at 1215....That's all the pre insurance tests...one more monthly visit to the nutritionist and I should be ready to submit!

So I had my psych eval this afternoon. I found myself wondering on the drive there what kinds of questions they would ask. I really didn't worry about it but I was curious.
 
Since I wasn't a patient, I had to fill out all the new patient stuff...but it was kind of cool because it was all on a tablet and went pretty quickly. The Dr. was able to see my responses as I entered them and since I was the last patient of the afternoon I actually went in about 10 minutes early.
 
I'll try to list as many questions as I can remember:
1. How long have you been married?
2. Why are you here today?
3. How long have you been considering WLS?
4. Which surgery do you think you want? This one was followed by a discussion about talking to the surgeon, what did the surgeon recommend...etc
5. What are the cons to the surgery? I started with the medical ones...he pushed towards the "other ones" things like changing behaviors, social situations, family issues....
6. What are the pros to the surgery?
7. How long has weight been an issue? I briefly wondered if this was a trick question....like "when did you stop kicking your dog...lol
8. What else do you hope to accomplish with your surgery?
9. Have you ever been in a psychiatric hospital?
10. Tell me about your depression. (self reported by me, have been on anti depressant for about 6 years and it runs in my family)
11. Tell me about your family's weight/relation to food.
 
Then we did some memory stuff...he asked me to remember three words, then asked me to spell world, then spell it backward (harder than you think under pressure ), who was president..before him...before him....and then he asked me what the 3 words were. I can only guess that this was to make sure I was able to follow things????
 
12. Have you ever binged and then purged?
13.Ever been treated for drug or alcohol abuse?
 
When we were done he said he thought there were 4 main reasons insurance companies require the psych eval:
1. To ensure the person has a good understanding of the commitment level/risks (although the surgeons office also assess this I would think especially if you have a supervised diet period)
2. To ensure that there aren't any environmental issues that might keep you from being successful
3. To help ensure you are able to follow instructions/guidelines
4. To help ensure that you will be a good patient for the surgeon (although he didn't elaborate on that one).
 
All in all easy peasy.
 
Next Monday is a busy day for pre-insurance testing...I have my second NUT apt, an upper GI, an EKG and my cardiac clearance apt! Beth

So I thought I would post some pictures. The one with the dinosaur is pre-surgery. In April Size 26W. The one with me in the mint top is a couple weeks post surgery 24W pants and 2x top. And the one in the dress is from today, in an 18/20 dress. And with curly hair. The top of the dress is actually a bit loose. I might be more like a 16 in the chest area. I miss my boobs. LOL!
 
 

 
So that's that.

So I'm only two weeks into my 3 months supervised diet and things were going good. Then this past Sunday I slipped off the health bandwagon....big time...it was a quick slide back into the old smorgasbord habit. It was a carb laden, coma inducing 2hr fest of bread, peanut butter, popcorn, some appetizer thingys hiding in the back of the freezer and fat free milk.....and then I had dinner . Times like this before would very likely have resulted in a week(s) of beating myself up, eating poorly and basically giving up.
 
But I'm rewriting that storyline one word at a time. I did two very different things this Sunday that lead to what I'm calling my Magical Monday.
1. I logged EVERYTHING I ate in my fitness pal. I'm not proud to admit it, but even a month ago, I would have avoided logging the food I consumed as if that somehow made it not real. This time though I logged it so I would know how far off my plan I was. (FYI it totaled over 3500 calories), so I could acknowledge it and MOVE ON!
 
2. The second thing I did was post on my timeline on this very site that I had a meltdown and felt sick.
 
The support I received from others here is a big part of the reason that this time....for the first time....Monday came, I ate my plan, the planet kept turning and other than writing about it now, it is in the past.
 
Here's the takeaway from my point of view. We are so much harder on ourselves than we are on others struggling through this weight loss journey...other people's support reminded me that I should be at least as nice to myself as I am to other people. I'm going to have slips, slides and smudges on my nutrition and exercise records, it's what I do with them that will matter.
 
I've never been an athlete but I love me some football. I think my Sunday was kind of like Ben Roethlisberger throwing an interception for a touchdown, and having to immediately get back out there and try again. That's what we need to do....keep getting back out there, that's what I did Monday and that's why it was Magical. Beth

"Oh My" "Well" "Oh My" Those were my moms first three comments, in order. Mom is a total worrier and I expected to hear..."I just don't know..." which is what she kept repeating after my current husband of 29 years and I told her we were getting married.
 
Then came the "are you sure?", "are you really ready". Then came the stories of the people who she knew (or thought) had had the surgery....all from the late 1980s...lol.
 
Once we got over the initial shock of it, she came around in her own way, told me she loved me and that she thought I would do well with it. Then hoped that maybe my doing it would spur my brother to do it...I really hope she doesn't go there because he never did like being compared to me. I am 6 years older, a girl and was pretty much a nerd. He is the opposite of a nerd and every teacher from 3rd grade on told him that...he never lets me forget it either!
 
So I've told my folks and I'm glad I did. It will put me under a microscope with them when we are together and if they do come to AZ for the winter it could get interesting but they both thanked me for telling them and both support my decision, so it doesn't get much better than that. Beth

So I'm half way there...lol. I did call my folks last night...but my mom was already sleeping so I just talked to my dad. He was very supportive and told me he thought I was making a good decision and that I will be heading off lots of problems in 20 years. I felt so bad. Here I am doing something that if he had done 20 years ago would have made such a difference in his current state of health/happiness. I almost feel guilty....how messed up is that? I've now identified another "opportunity for growth". I'll call back to talk to mom tomorrow.

So I'm half way there...lol. I did call my folks last night...but my mom was already sleeping so I just talked to my dad. He was very supportive and told me he thought I was making a good decision and that I will be heading off lots of problems in 20 years. I felt so bad. Here I am doing something that if he had done 20 years ago would have made such a difference in his current state of health/happiness. I almost feel guilty....how messed up is that? I've now identified another "opportunity for growth". I'll call back to talk to mom tomorrow.

So I'm half way there...lol. I did call my folks last night...but my mom was already sleeping so I just talked to my dad. He was very supportive and told me he thought I was making a good decision and that I will be heading off lots of problems in 20 years. I felt so bad. Here I am doing something that if he had done 20 years ago would have made such a difference in his current state of health/happiness. I almost feel guilty....how messed up is that? I've now identified another "opportunity for growth". I'll call back to talk to mom tomorrow.

So I have an active husband. He used to be a runner but now he is a cyclist. He goes on these really long Saturday morning rides, sometimes he can be gone 5+ hours. I'd gotten into a bad habit of having a big unhealthy breakfast on my own, playing on the computer, snacking all morning and then fixing another big unhealthy breakfast when he got home and of course sharing it with him.
 
What a difference 1 week makes.
 
As I said last time, I had my first NUT appointment on last Monday. 1500 calories, watch the carbs, move 30 minutes every day. I'd totally forgotten how much I actually LIKE being outside early in the morning...here in AZ in the summer that is the only time to exercise! Yesterday morning, after a couple of nights of really hard rains I thought I heard a flock of ducks...seriously...in the southwest desert. So I start walking and I'm thinking that when I get to the really big wash (a wide area that collects rainwater for all you non desert folks ) along my way, I would see the ducks. Imagine my surprise when I got there and I couldn't SEE anything...but the noise was definitely coming from the wash. A little internet investigation after I got home taught me that there is a species of frog here that only mates one time a year...usually after the first few monsoons. I never would have heard that sound were it not for my decision to pursue WLS.
 
Which brings me to the title of this blog entry...THIS Saturday morning I got up when hubby left (before 0600), did my 30 minutes had a healthy breakfast, cleaned the dining room, packaged some pre cut veggies.....all before 0830...LOL.
 
Hang in there if you are struggling...keep pushing forward and you too might "hear the frogs". It's never too late to make a new habit. Next time I'll have my craft table all set up and I'll share a picture. It is my "keep Beth distracted when head hunger strikes" plan. Beth

So I have an active husband. He used to be a runner but now he is a cyclist. He goes on these really long Saturday morning rides, sometimes he can be gone 5+ hours. I'd gotten into a bad habit of having a big unhealthy breakfast on my own, playing on the computer, snacking all morning and then fixing another big unhealthy breakfast when he got home and of course sharing it with him.
 
What a difference 1 week makes.
 
As I said last time, I had my first NUT appointment on last Monday. 1500 calories, watch the carbs, move 30 minutes every day. I'd totally forgotten how much I actually LIKE being outside early in the morning...here in AZ in the summer that is the only time to exercise! Yesterday morning, after a couple of nights of really hard rains I thought I heard a flock of ducks...seriously...in the southwest desert. So I start walking and I'm thinking that when I get to the really big wash (a wide area that collects rainwater for all you non desert folks ) along my way, I would see the ducks. Imagine my surprise when I got there and I couldn't SEE anything...but the noise was definitely coming from the wash. A little internet investigation after I got home taught me that there is a species of frog here that only mates one time a year...usually after the first few monsoons. I never would have heard that sound were it not for my decision to pursue WLS.
 
Which brings me to the title of this blog entry...THIS Saturday morning I got up when hubby left (before 0600), did my 30 minutes had a healthy breakfast, cleaned the dining room, packaged some pre cut veggies.....all before 0830...LOL.
 
Hang in there if you are struggling...keep pushing forward and you too might "hear the frogs". It's never too late to make a new habit. Next time I'll have my craft table all set up and I'll share a picture. It is my "keep Beth distracted when head hunger strikes" plan. Beth

So yesterday I had my first nutrition appointment and my initial consult with the surgeon (Dr. Galvani). I thought I was going to have to do 3 months supervised diet, but apparently I wouldn't have to (because of my BMI). However I want to do my surgery in early December (good time to be off work) and so I'll do 4 months with the NUT. Dr. seemed agreeable to my timeline, and the insurance coordinator was not concerned about my approval.
 
The NUT was a hoot...enough energy for all of us! My husband went with me and so she included his calories/targets as well...he only gets 300 more calories than I do...I was surprised. So here is what it turns out my first month targets are:
1. 1500 Calories a day
2. between 125-150 grams of Carbohydrates (will go down in the following months but she figured out pretty quickly I'm a carb-a-holic)
3. between 80-90 grams protein
4. minimum 30 minutes daily moving
5. lose weight (no target pounds given)
 
It was very liberating for me to get some guidelines to follow. I know that may not make sense, but I've been winging it for so long, actually having a target to shoot for that I know will ultimately result in weight loss is kind of cool. I'm using my fitness pal to log my food and we will call it up at my next NUT visit on 04 August.
 
For the first time in a very long time....I believe I can do this! Beth

So a couple of Saturday's ago I had to go to traffic school. I was not a happy camper. I have had exactly one ticket in the over 34 years I have been driving... a speeding ticket in 1983 coming back from a Barry Manilow concert (and yes I was a party animal in college ). So imagine my surprise when I got a ticket through the mail. My town has invested a lot of money in red light cameras, speed cameras and such. They even have a van that they park unattended in sneaky places. My picture from three angles, not coming to a full stop before making a right on red. $171.00 for the ticket and $185.00 for Defensive Driving School later I found myself sitting in a small conference room at a local hotel I thought had closed, with 15 other folks to take an 8 hour class.
 
So here's what I learned about my weight that Saturday...I am the worlds champion at rationalizing my behavior away. As folks were coming in we were all like "what did YOU do". So I spin a tale of being sick (we had had the flu for 3 days and I was on a ginger ale run), it being really early in the morning (yep, 0525) and there being no one else on the road (true, just look at the picture). And as I told the story for the 3rd time I had my epiphany...I was telling all that extra information to somehow justify that I had indeed broken the law instead of just saying, I ran a red light and owning up to it.
 
I do that All The Time with eating. Have you ever thought (or even told someone):
I really didn't eat lunch, so this pizza is lunch and dinner
I worked out really hard this morning, so this donut is not so bad
I'm starting fresh on Monday, so the Dairy Queen Sunday night is just a last treat
I forgot my lunch, am pressed for time, so of course I had to get the fried fish sandwich through the drive through
 
I could go on but I think you see the pattern. I have developed a great ability to rationalize because it is easier than taking responsibility for my eating actions. Last week, there was a thread in the forums about logging your food intake. I have never been very good at that, because I didn't want to see what reality was...can you say denial. But here's the thing, if I don't get over this mental speed hump, I lessen my chances of having a successful outcome. I go see the NUT for the first time in just over a week and will begin my 3 month supervised weight loss at that time. That doesn't leave much time!
 
So this week I'm going to log everything I eat...in my blog...for realsies! This should be an interesting experiment because my daughter and granddaughter are coming in on Monday and we have the 4th coming up of course so that means I have to fix BBQ Ribs right?

So a couple of Saturday's ago I had to go to traffic school. I was not a happy camper. I have had exactly one ticket in the over 34 years I have been driving... a speeding ticket in 1983 coming back from a Barry Manilow concert (and yes I was a party animal in college ). So imagine my surprise when I got a ticket through the mail. My town has invested a lot of money in red light cameras, speed cameras and such. They even have a van that they park unattended in sneaky places. My picture from three angles, not coming to a full stop before making a right on red. $171.00 for the ticket and $185.00 for Defensive Driving School later I found myself sitting in a small conference room at a local hotel I thought had closed, with 15 other folks to take an 8 hour class.
 
So here's what I learned about my weight that Saturday...I am the worlds champion at rationalizing my behavior away. As folks were coming in we were all like "what did YOU do". So I spin a tale of being sick (we had had the flu for 3 days and I was on a ginger ale run), it being really early in the morning (yep, 0525) and there being no one else on the road (true, just look at the picture). And as I told the story for the 3rd time I had my epiphany...I was telling all that extra information to somehow justify that I had indeed broken the law instead of just saying, I ran a red light and owning up to it.
 
I do that All The Time with eating. Have you ever thought (or even told someone):
I really didn't eat lunch, so this pizza is lunch and dinner
I worked out really hard this morning, so this donut is not so bad
I'm starting fresh on Monday, so the Dairy Queen Sunday night is just a last treat
I forgot my lunch, am pressed for time, so of course I had to get the fried fish sandwich through the drive through
 
I could go on but I think you see the pattern. I have developed a great ability to rationalize because it is easier than taking responsibility for my eating actions. Last week, there was a thread in the forums about logging your food intake. I have never been very good at that, because I didn't want to see what reality was...can you say denial. But here's the thing, if I don't get over this mental speed hump, I lessen my chances of having a successful outcome. I go see the NUT for the first time in just over a week and will begin my 3 month supervised weight loss at that time. That doesn't leave much time!
 
So this week I'm going to log everything I eat...in my blog...for realsies! This should be an interesting experiment because my daughter and granddaughter are coming in on Monday and we have the 4th coming up of course so that means I have to fix BBQ Ribs right?