*JASMINE*

I went through a similiar depression about a year ago. I felt like I was in a hole. For me, it was my weight that caused it. I did go to my doctor and she put me on anti-depressants, but maybe they weren't the right kind, because I started having really angry, psychotic thoughts. I realized it was the drugs and when I tried to get off of them, I couldn't. My body was dependent on them. I would get really dizzy and nauseus (sp?) if I didn't take them every 24 hours. I had to go back to my doctor and have them wean me off of them. After that, I refused to take any more of them. I then turned to religion, and that saved me. I finally saw the light at the end of the tunnel. So now, when I feel like I am headed that route, I go to church. This always make me feel a lot better. I'm not saying that the anti-depressants will not help. I'm sure they have helped many, many people. They just didn't help ME. Maybe I was prescribed the wrong kind. Who knows. But my faith always gets me through these times of sadness...

Gosh, I really wish I had this problem. I'm feeling the opposite right now. Can't keep myself away from the food. Haven't lost any weight in more than a month. I'm never gonna get to my goal weight of 145 by June at this rate of eating. The head demons have made it back into my life. Man, I would give anything to feel this way right now. It's a great feeling when food no longer is in control of your life:)

I started out about the same. I set an initial goal of 150. Now that I am close to that, I'm thinking I can go down to 145. If I get there, I'll try for 140. I'm setting little mini-goals to keep myself motivated. I would love to go down to 130. If it happens, I would be so happy. If it doesn't, then I will be content with where I'm at. I don't think your goal is unrealistic. But I think mini-goals are a great start and a way to keep yourself motivated. I know that at some point, I'm gonna have to step it up and do more exercise to continue to lose weight. I think you can get there, but it might take more than just the band to get there. But if you set your mind to it, it can be accomplished. Good luck:)

I think it's a control issue. I have a monster-in-law just like this. We had a similar falling out before and didn't speak for the same length of time. We are now on speaking terms for the sake of my husband and son. There were never any apologies and we have never spoken about it. What it comes down to is that she has too much time on her hands. When my MIL starts butting into our lives this way, I just try to ignore her and tell myself that she has no life and she is just one of those people that is set on her ways. There is no changing her. Unfortunately, I have to co-exist with her. My husband and son love her dearly. She has a very passive-aggressive way of saying things to me, so unfortunately they don't always see her bad side. But on another note, if she would have said anything about who I am as a parent, all hell would have broken loose. That was very unnecessary. It's good to hear your husband is sticking by you.

For me, it was that I was simply existing, but not living. I had fallen into a deep deppression over my weight. I felt like I was twice my age. I was mentally exhausted of all of the diet failures. I couldn't even look at myself in the mirror anymore. I realized that I was obsessing over my weight every day. I saw this tv show about a little boy who was teased by his school mates because his mother was overweight. He loved his mother dearly, but this really affected him. At first, I did this in order to be healthy for him. Now that I am losing, I realize that I am also doing this for myself. I haven't been this happy with myself in years.

Well, I'm on vacation this week. It seems that I am also on will power vacation, as well. We got the whole school thing situated, I think. We'll worry about it in August. Anyways, I'm trying to get back on track today, but the food demons keep telling me, "come on, you're on vacation, you've already gained 3 pounds, so what? you'll get back on track on Monday. Eat what you want today, you know you're going to anyways." So I am hard at work fighting these thoughts, but it's only 8:00am and I am already mentally exausted. I'm trying to hype myself up for this. I ate ALOT yesterday: breakfast- coffee-50 wheat toast-100 egg-100 easter chocolate-200 lunch- chicken sandwich-410 fries-175 snack- icecream-300 popcorn-150 dinner- drinks-250 half hamburger-250 ranch-200 icecream-300 GRAND TOTAL: 2485 WOW, THAT'S ALOT. Twice as much as I should have. I feel like I can eat pre-band style. I hate how finicky this thing is. I hope I don't need a fill. I hope it tightens up, because at this rate, I'm gonna continue gaining.

Well, I'm on vacation this week. It seems that I am also on will power vacation, as well. We got the whole school thing situated, I think. We'll worry about it in August. Anyways, I'm trying to get back on track today, but the food demons keep telling me, "come on, you're on vacation, you've already gained 3 pounds, so what? you'll get back on track on Monday. Eat what you want today, you know you're going to anyways." So I am hard at work fighting these thoughts, but it's only 8:00am and I am already mentally exausted. I'm trying to hype myself up for this. I ate ALOT yesterday: breakfast- coffee-50 wheat toast-100 egg-100 easter chocolate-200 lunch- chicken sandwich-410 fries-175 snack- icecream-300 popcorn-150 dinner- drinks-250 half hamburger-250 ranch-200 icecream-300 GRAND TOTAL: 2485 WOW, THAT'S ALOT. Twice as much as I should have. I feel like I can eat pre-band style. I hate how finicky this thing is. I hope I don't need a fill. I hope it tightens up, because at this rate, I'm gonna continue gaining.

Mentally, what keeps me motivated, is living with the assumption that this band might not be with me forever. Initially, I thought that it would (it still probably will), but after reading about all of the erossions/slips, it really stressed me out. I know it sucks to live this way, but after seeing so many lose their bands, I know that there is always that possibility that I might run into problems in the future. So I am trying to make as much progress as I can, while I am fortunate enough to not have any complications. And if I end up having the misfortune of running into complications, I know that at least something good came out of this experience. As people say, the band is just a tool. I want to make sure that if this tool is ever taken away, I am still able to lead a semi-normal life without it. As far as pointers, I would only advise that you become aware of your daily calorie intake. Initially, I thought that once I got this surgery, I would never have to worry about this, but it is still important. I never realized how many calories were in some of the foods I ate. I try to stick to about 1000-1200 calories and exercise twice a week. I know I could do more, but this is where I am right now and it seems to be working for me. So anyways, this is what works for ME. It might be different for others. Everyone is different here. You will find out what works for you. It will just take a little time. Good luck:)

I know what you mean. I look in the mirror, and I hardly recognize myself. I actually got into the habbit of only looking at my reflection out of necessity, but now, I look, and I am still surprised at myself. I go through this weird feeling of happiness and then a little paranoia (sp?). I keep thinking that I'm gonna wake up and be my old self again. It's funny because I have all of this skinny clothes in my closet, but I still continue to wear the same old sweat pants and loose shirts from my pre-banding days. I'm still getting used to my new size. People keep calling me the "incredible shrinking woman"

Wow, Estela, you look great. Seeing your pics just gave me the motivation I needed to get off my rear and get focused again. I was starting to get too relaxed about my weightloss, thinking that I was content with where I am at now. Seeing your success really showed me that it is possible to lose more. I just need to put in a little more exercise. Your success is very inspiring!

:cry :cry :cry So I am having a bad day, and it's only morning. I ate about 2000 calories last night. It was all o.k. until I saw the news. This would be something small to most folks, but it devistated me. Nathan is starting school next year, and I have not been able to figure out who's going to pick him up. His day care doesn't pick up from this school and his school has no after-school program, so I was going to request a transfer to a school that they do pick up from. I was going to line up on Monday morning at 4:30am at the AISD main office because they said that people start lining up pretty early. Well I had no idea how early until I watched the news. They showed people who were already camped out in the parking lot. Some had even taken a week off from work and rented a trailor just to get in line. There's no way I'm going to be able to compete with that. There are only so many places available, so I would say that my odds of securing a spot is very low. So I am so upset about that because now I am at square one. Still don't know what I'm going to do when my son starts school. I also think that I am taking it so hard because it is that time of the month. And here I was just thinking that I had the previous week without the emotional PMSing. I just feel so depressed about this. And to top it all off, I tried to comfort myself with food. It didn't work. It probably numbed me a little bit, but now I am left with the food hangover. I look at myself in the mirror, and I see how far I have gotten with my weightloss, but am scared to be happy about it because I have been so bad. I feel like I don't deserve to be so thin because of all that I ate last night. I am just so unmotivated right now. I feel like crawling under a rock. I feel like I did the last time I fell into a real depression. And I am scared to go back there, because once I am there, it will be hard to get out. And just like before, it was such a little thing that triggered it. For God's sake, it's not like anyone died. Why am I so bent out of shape about this?

:cry :cry :cry So I am having a bad day, and it's only morning. I ate about 2000 calories last night. It was all o.k. until I saw the news. This would be something small to most folks, but it devistated me. Nathan is starting school next year, and I have not been able to figure out who's going to pick him up. His day care doesn't pick up from this school and his school has no after-school program, so I was going to request a transfer to a school that they do pick up from. I was going to line up on Monday morning at 4:30am at the AISD main office because they said that people start lining up pretty early. Well I had no idea how early until I watched the news. They showed people who were already camped out in the parking lot. Some had even taken a week off from work and rented a trailor just to get in line. There's no way I'm going to be able to compete with that. There are only so many places available, so I would say that my odds of securing a spot is very low. So I am so upset about that because now I am at square one. Still don't know what I'm going to do when my son starts school. I also think that I am taking it so hard because it is that time of the month. And here I was just thinking that I had the previous week without the emotional PMSing. I just feel so depressed about this. And to top it all off, I tried to comfort myself with food. It didn't work. It probably numbed me a little bit, but now I am left with the food hangover. I look at myself in the mirror, and I see how far I have gotten with my weightloss, but am scared to be happy about it because I have been so bad. I feel like I don't deserve to be so thin because of all that I ate last night. I am just so unmotivated right now. I feel like crawling under a rock. I feel like I did the last time I fell into a real depression. And I am scared to go back there, because once I am there, it will be hard to get out. And just like before, it was such a little thing that triggered it. For God's sake, it's not like anyone died. Why am I so bent out of shape about this?

After reading all about PBs, I was under the impression that this meant that your food comes back up because of overeating. But then I found out what PB stands for "productive burp". So I do burp a lot after eating. I know this is because I eat too fast. But if it is said that PBs are bad for you, does this count? Or are they just talking about your food coming all the way back up? Can burping too much cause damage, as well? I'm not new, so I should know this by now, I know:faint:. But my surgeon just cautioned me about vomiting and the damage that could cause, nothing about burping...

S is the initial for my first name. Best is my last name. Boring, I know. But it's the only way I would have been able to remember my login:confused: . I have so many logins and passwords, it's impossible to keep them all straight. I try to keep them all the same, no matter the site, for fear of forgetting and getting locked out. We wouldn't want that to happen. Not here. I would go insane:eek: !!!

A brain fart...hmmm. I think you got something there. Man, do I do that a lot. Burps...if they don't come out my mouth, they end up in my brain. I guess I better let them come out, otherwise you might start seeing too many quacky posts from me. Thanks guys:)

O.K. After looking back at my post, I AM NUTS. Sorry, being an "airhead" today. That was a STUPID question. That's what happens when I analyze things too much. My brain needs a break...

OMG, I needed that laugh. Too much analyzing going on in my head. Thanks for the reassurance:)

I did really good yesterday. I didn't drink a thing, and ate about a 1000 calories and think I met my objectives for the day.:clap2: This is what I ate: breakfast: coffee-20 1/2 soup-110 lunch: 1/2 soup-110 3 crackers-36 1/2 slice bread-18 midday meal: egg sandwich-200 snacks: w/w ice cream-140 pretzels-110 dinner: 1/2 slice triple cheese pie-100 3 parmessian puffs-150

I did really good yesterday. I didn't drink a thing, and ate about a 1000 calories and think I met my objectives for the day.:clap2: This is what I ate: breakfast: coffee-20 1/2 soup-110 lunch: 1/2 soup-110 3 crackers-36 1/2 slice bread-18 midday meal: egg sandwich-200 snacks: w/w ice cream-140 pretzels-110 dinner: 1/2 slice triple cheese pie-100 3 parmessian puffs-150

:angry O.K. I was really bad yesterday. Total : 2275 calories I ate: breakfast: veggies-1 cup-100 brownie-1/2-140 lunch: chicken nuggets-4-215 popcorn-1/2 bag-150 snack: biscuit-1 1/2-360 dinner: doritos-1 bag-400 2 drinks-200 1 shot-100 chocolate-1-190 oreos-1 bag-170 popcorn-1/4 bag-150 snickers-1 mini-100 :angry :angry :angry :faint: :cry :cry :cry

:angry O.K. I was really bad yesterday. Total : 2275 calories I ate: breakfast: veggies-1 cup-100 brownie-1/2-140 lunch: chicken nuggets-4-215 popcorn-1/2 bag-150 snack: biscuit-1 1/2-360 dinner: doritos-1 bag-400 2 drinks-200 1 shot-100 chocolate-1-190 oreos-1 bag-170 popcorn-1/4 bag-150 snickers-1 mini-100 :angry :angry :angry :faint: :cry :cry :cry

Well, I decided to start this journal to try and keep track of how often my head demons seem to overcome me. Maybe, I can figure out how to ward them off better. It all started this week, after Valentine's day. My husband bought me a bag of chocolates (which is something I asked for for Valentine's day:confused: ). Since then, I have had no self control. I decided that I needed to go through withdrawal, and then my control would come back. I was doing very well, until last night. Yesterday, I went to my nephew's b-day party and managed to do quite well resisting everything there, such as pizza, nachos, and cake. Then they sent us home with a party favor bag for my son. In it, it had a couple of debbie's brownies (my absolute favorite). I ate half of one and tried to pig out. The problem is, that once I decide to pig out, it becomes a very hard task. It's like, I then decide to plan my pig out, but can't seem to get in everything I want. So I go crazy. This is what I ate last night: gold fish (100) bbq chips (15) cracker-1 cottage cheese-2tbs meatloaf veggies-2tbs chocolate chip cookies-6minibites brownie-1/2 I know, that after reviewing all of this, it doesn't look like a lot. I keep reviewing it to see if there is anything I missed because I felt stuffed last night. This morning, I feel terrible. The problem is that I am an "all or nothing" type of person. Either I have full control, or I have none. I feel so gross and bloated. I also worry about my band and the damage I do to it by not following the rules. O.K. I think I know what the problem is. The problem is, that I drink too much. I have 2 mixed drinks every night. This takes away all of my self control. I know I have a problem, because I can't go a whole night without drinking. I know I need to stop, or at least decrease, my drinking. I just think I am too analytical, and when I am sober, I tend to think about things too much. I used to be a pothead, and think that this is why. Since being banded, I realized that I had to choose: the band or weed. And I chose the band. I haven't smoked weed in over 3 months. O.K. I was a functional pothead and am a functional alcoholic. I still go to work and do really well all day long, until about 7pm, when it is time to relax. I do use alcohol to relax. I admit it. Weight-loss wise, I have done really well. I have lost 63 pounds in less than a year. I know that if I didn't have weed or alcohol in my life, I could have lost more. My goal is to be down to 145, or 135, by my one year anniversary. So once I gave up weed, I knew that sooner or later, I would have to give up alcohol, as well. I think, no I KNOW, that it's time. I just don't know. Starting tomorrow, I'm going to try. I hope I have the strength...

Well, I decided to start this journal to try and keep track of how often my head demons seem to overcome me. Maybe, I can figure out how to ward them off better. It all started this week, after Valentine's day. My husband bought me a bag of chocolates (which is something I asked for for Valentine's day:confused: ). Since then, I have had no self control. I decided that I needed to go through withdrawal, and then my control would come back. I was doing very well, until last night. Yesterday, I went to my nephew's b-day party and managed to do quite well resisting everything there, such as pizza, nachos, and cake. Then they sent us home with a party favor bag for my son. In it, it had a couple of debbie's brownies (my absolute favorite). I ate half of one and tried to pig out. The problem is, that once I decide to pig out, it becomes a very hard task. It's like, I then decide to plan my pig out, but can't seem to get in everything I want. So I go crazy. This is what I ate last night: gold fish (100) bbq chips (15) cracker-1 cottage cheese-2tbs meatloaf veggies-2tbs chocolate chip cookies-6minibites brownie-1/2 I know, that after reviewing all of this, it doesn't look like a lot. I keep reviewing it to see if there is anything I missed because I felt stuffed last night. This morning, I feel terrible. The problem is that I am an "all or nothing" type of person. Either I have full control, or I have none. I feel so gross and bloated. I also worry about my band and the damage I do to it by not following the rules. O.K. I think I know what the problem is. The problem is, that I drink too much. I have 2 mixed drinks every night. This takes away all of my self control. I know I have a problem, because I can't go a whole night without drinking. I know I need to stop, or at least decrease, my drinking. I just think I am too analytical, and when I am sober, I tend to think about things too much. I used to be a pothead, and think that this is why. Since being banded, I realized that I had to choose: the band or weed. And I chose the band. I haven't smoked weed in over 3 months. O.K. I was a functional pothead and am a functional alcoholic. I still go to work and do really well all day long, until about 7pm, when it is time to relax. I do use alcohol to relax. I admit it. Weight-loss wise, I have done really well. I have lost 63 pounds in less than a year. I know that if I didn't have weed or alcohol in my life, I could have lost more. My goal is to be down to 145, or 135, by my one year anniversary. So once I gave up weed, I knew that sooner or later, I would have to give up alcohol, as well. I think, no I KNOW, that it's time. I just don't know. Starting tomorrow, I'm going to try. I hope I have the strength...

Hi, I was at 39 with no real health problems. I too elected to get banded as a way to prevent any future health problems, such as Diabetes, which runs in my family. I was also tired of all the diet failures. I am now at a 27 bmi and am very happy with my decision. I have lost 66 pounds, but must admit, I have been counting calories the whole time. It has been a joint effort between my band, will power, and a little exercise. Only 3 more pounds till I reach my first goal. I haven't seen 150 since I was in high school and literally starving myself. I will be so excited if/when I see this number again!

Banded: 6/7/05 Country: Monterrey, Mx Doctor: Dr. De La Garza Problems: No Problems So Far