Heather B

I really wanted to get my story out and really look at why I regained, to prevent it this time. Therapy has never helped answer this. This is one area of my life which I have never been able to succeed long term. I have lost 50 and 60 lbs more times than I can count but overall, I have been gaining for my entire life. I was thick growing up and through High School but athletic so, it wasn’t too bad. Once I graduated, had a desk job and no sports to play, I began to gain steadily. In spite of my weight and contrary to many stereotypes; I have actually been very successful in my career, education (earned MBA with honors) and life (great healthy relationships with friends and family, wonderful marriage, etc). I am confident and outgoing (I am in Inside Sales). I really like me! I do admit I put many in front of myself constantly which is an issue. I have always been an emotional eater, I know that. I know I have had terrible eating habits. I know I prefer unhealthy food. I know I grew up in an obese family with even obese cousins and Aunts and Uncles. The majority of the family is obese as is my husbands. We are surrounded by lots of bad food habits and lots of overeating unhealthy foods. What I don’t know is how I got to nearly 600lbs

I am 41 and happily married (been with my husband 18 years in 5 days and married 12 years in Nov). I have two step daughters. My husband and I were both over 400lbs when we met. I have wonderful My sister and father are two of my best friends (as was my mother before she passed in 2011) but I also have some close friends I have had for many years. I live near Detroit. I have a great job and been with the same employer for 16 years (in 6 days). I love music and movies. I especially love Sci Fi and Comic Book flicks. I don’t drink or do drugs and I quit smoking cold turkey 3 weeks before my RNY. I had quit before the VSG as well but restarted last year at work.
I was over 570 pounds at my highest weight; I had to weigh myself on the freight scale in our shipping department and stopped when I hit 570. I may have been heavier. I am 5'9. I have never been bedridden. I was mobile for short bursts but I used an Amigo to shop. I have always worked and never been on state aid or any such programs. My husband has been my “housewife” for 7 years since he lost his job while on medical leave and this freed him to take care of my ailing parents and then his daughters for the last four years. My sales job allowed us the financial freedom to do so.
My husband was over 500 pounds at one point as well. We began researching Surgery over 6 years ago. I was convinced we could lose it on our own without the use of the surgery. I lost 100 lbs. A year went by and I stopped losing but I never went back over 500. My husband lost about 50. We started the process for surgery twice and talked ourselves out of it. In 2011 my mother died horrifically of diabetic complications. She was in renal failure and ended up with multiple amputations. As I sat at her bedside while she more or less comatose, her doctor pointed at her and said this IS going to happen to you and I decided to have surgery even though I was/am not diabetic nor did/do I have high blood pressure, this scared the crap out of me.
My husband had RNY at 425 in Oct 2011, he is down to 250 (still has loose skin). My sister had the RNY with the same doc as my husband and I in Nov 2012 (she is 5’11” and down to 200, the skin surgeon thinks he will take 30lbs off of her in Nov 14). They have done beautifully. My sister is 10 years younger and weighed 100 lbs less when she had the RNY. I must admit I was very jealous of her success (we don’t normally have jealously and are best friends). It made me feel terrible that I did not do as well as her.
We went to the Barix Clinic/Forest Medical because Bariatric patients are all they handled. I was 480 lbs. upon my consultation and my doctor decided RNY was too risky. Also, he had concerns that one surgery, unless I maxed out the excess weight lost, would leave me still obese. I had the VSG in Nov 2011. I lost 135 lbs in 9 mos. and hit a plateau. Prior to this I was vigilant and tracked everything at Live Strong. I lost nothing for months. In January 2013 I fell and hurt my knee and was bedridden for weeks. Everything went out the window and I never got back on the wagon. I stopped tracking. When I went back to work Sweets and fast food were my weakness and the sleeve did not restrict food in any way. The portion size was never the same but I would eat entire bags of candy in one day. Hopefully dumping will prevent this but, I do not intend to find out if I can eat sugar or not.
So let’s let me talk about my year I gained, back. My job was more stressful than it had been in 15 years since I was forced into a role I did not want and I was very happy where I was before. My pay was cut by $15K off the top and my territory was divided into 12 reducing the potential for commissions considerably.
My youngest step daughter moved in (she was 16). I have been with their dad since the younger was on the way and the older was 1- they are my kids too. We have no other children. She has major emotional issues and had been traumatized by her new step dad and the one previous who was in jail for abusing her older sister. The older sister had moved in just before my mom died and recovered beautifully from her ordeal with her the first step father. She moved in the weekend her mother married the second husband but her sister stayed. They did not get along well and the younger wanted to stay there for some reason I still do not understand. We had just really got the older one straightened out beautifully then the younger moved in. She, is spite of being sexually abused for 7 years, ended up earning straight A’s for the first time in her life and earning a scholarship for a good local school. Despite her earlier struggles with drugs and alcohol, she lived on Campus and earned a 3.9 in her freshman year which just ended. My husband was able to stay home with the kids to help them both recover, despite my paycut I do pretty well but that money was money we were accustomed to spending.
I think I hid how much stress this and work caused and how upset I was by eating bags of candy and McDonalds. I never did go back to soda however. I think because I could not really increase portions, I increased sweets like crazy (this realization came as I re-read and edited). My life has always been stressful and if I wrote it all out you’d think I was telling stories and my coping was likely the big portions but I was never a binger like I became (although it was day long binges as opposed to one sitting binges. I think this may be an epiphany.
In November I booked with my surgeon and cancelled because I was so embarrassed I had gained. I finally (under prodding from my sister and husband) saw him in February of 2014. I was at 444. I was 490 after my VSG and the fluid gain so I gained back most. I was converted to the RNY on 04/28/14. I know people will wonder why I did not have the DS but there is no real empirical data comparing VSG to RNY vs VSG to DS. Yes, DS is better than RNY overall but I had a VSG (which he tightened back up) with RNY and not a normal RNY. I had heard horror stories about DS and this is my surgeon’s preferred method. He is highly respected in the area. Please let’s not let this deter any conversation. I will get to 250 and then talk about skin surgery since by then I fear my panniculus will be in the way.
Some good news on the stress front... Just before I left for my medical leave, I was hired by my previous manager (who is the best mgr I have ever had). I start when I return next Monday. My youngest step daughter graduate in a few weeks (June 2014) and much to my dismay she is moving back in with her mother.
I really think the Bariatric Surgery process is lacking post surgery follow up especially when you are talking about someone who is super morbidly obese (there’s nothing super about it). I think there should be mental and physical therapy required and covered by insurance. I had not moved in over 10 years and the process is basically…here we will give you the tool it will work for a year or so but there’s no maintenance plan, good luck!
I am really glad I virtually have a second chance since he started with the VSG and did not do the RNY right away. I know the first year will not be an issue but, when I hit that plateau I have concerns. Perhaps I can find a therapist I really like by then. I am looking.