Lite'N'Sweet

I was in a stall. It was making me a little crazy too. Worse than a stall - it seems that I had put back on 5 lbs. But i never admitted to it, because adding it back on to my trackers and tickers made it feel like failure. And I know I was doing everything the way I should. Eating smaller portions, less calories, slower and more deliberate choices of food. Working out as much as i can increasing the amount of calories I would burn. But... there the scale stayed stuck. I could have done a number of things for those 3 weeks. Blamed the lapband for not working. Blamed my body composition for sabotaging me. Cursed the Gods for making me have to be fat. But I remembered something I read from a friend of mine on Facebook who is a Yoga Instructor and really has embraced the lifestyle that goes with studying and practicing yoga. "Anything will work if you stick to it long enough." Pointing out the issue that once we don't see something working in a day or a week or a month we abandon it and try something else... always looking for the quick fix and trying to see results tomorrow. But the fact of the matter is... we didn't get fat over night. It took years of hard work and diligent, consistent, persistent bad habits to get us to this place where we'd want to consider surgery. So it would take equal and opposing diligence, consistence and persistence of positive, good, healing habits to get us where we longed to be. So I looked at the scale and said "f you" and kept on doing what I was told to do. Kept eating right. Doubled up my gym activity and vowed to stick to it. Just keep doing it, because it makes you feel better, your endurance is through the roof and it's a great outlet for frustration. Don't give up. Then suddenly - all the comments - you know the ones I said I wasn't hearing? - started to pour in. "Hey, wow, you're really losing weight..." "you're just melting away" "look at you skinny girl" "don't lose too much weight now..." (that's my favorite one - because I've only just hit the 1/3 mark on what I want to lose. And it's every day. And it 's from everyone. Even the haters that didn't want to admit to me that they saw it like I knew they did. It's a little overwhelming and I try to be gracious with my response but also not let it swell my head. "Thank you - I've been working really hard at it" is my typical reply - and it's true. I'm so excited about my evolving body. I have to shop for some clothes that fit this weekend. And I'm really jazzed about it. And just like that - once I stopped focusing on it... the scale just started moving in the right direction. Those 5 lbs are all but gone now. Hoping that it continues past the lowest point I reached and that I can pack my bags up and put my home in Two-Dorville on the market and move back in to my cute little condo in One-derland. Here I come. And nothing will stop me.

So my 2 month lapbandiversary is upon me and it's been an interesting ride thus far. A great one - but interesting. The first month was all about the weight just sloughing off of me and I was like WHOA. But as I started to pickup solids, that slowed down considerably. So I did the next logical thing I could think of -- work out harder. I do about an hour of exercise a day, between running 5K and doing some BeachBody home program, i'm always moving around and pushing myself. Which I know has created more muscle mass for my body to deal with. But the stamina I feel is UNREAL. Never before would I think that i could run 5K (i used the Couch 2 5K program by the way) that coached me along and a kick ass playlist that would kick in JUST when I thought I'd quit. It's almost like it knew I needed that little extra bit. I still marvel at the fact that I can go at a jogging pace for 28 minutes. When I first started... I couldn't get through the warm out without being out of breath. And that is real. What i hate to reveal is that somewhere in there there are 5 lbs that have resurfaced on my body. I want to believe it's muscle weight. Cause that just makes me feel better. And I'm sure that it is, because all my clothes fit differently. i'm wearing stuff I haven't touched since before (or right after) my daughter was born. We're talking -- she just turned 3 years old. And I couldn't wear that stuff for all this time. So I won't kill myself over the lbs.... but in the same instance, I won't go changing all of my tickers to reflect the "weight gain". Something great that did happen... the other day I was walking with a few friends after a memorial service for a dear departed friend gone too soon (he was only 43... and consequently is the new motivation in my head when I think I want to give up on getting better / healthier / slimmer). On our way from the church to the car in upper Harlem, there's a gang of people out out in the streets... it was hot and folks were on the street to get cool before they went to bed. The friends who accompanied me were slender and trim and always have been since I knew them in college. And I walked between them. So the men outside were catcalling "Ohhh... look at them... 1, 2 and 3...." "mm mmm mm... i wouldn't mind being warm next to them tonight..." and then finally, "Which one would I like.. the one in the middle... mmmmm hmmmm!" Now... under normal circumstances, I wouldn't give that man the time of day... but something weird happens when you're out of shape - no one notices you. You literally disappear although you're getting bigger and harder to miss. I'm aware there are a gang of feminist movements out there about women being catcalled and objectified in a society that belittles our worth and intrinsic value. But for just this moment... I reappeared on the map as a viable wantable thing... and I? LOVED IT. I smiled to myself and kept it moving. And will use it as fire in my little furnace of needing to be better. Some visuals attached of my progress. I have to keep remember it's only been 2 months. 30 lbs is A LOT. And I shouldn't poopoo it. But I do... because I want more. But I'm also willing to work for it. On to 40... October 1st, here I come!

Hooray!!!! So glad that you're doing well!! Was worried when we didn't hear back, but sometimes a break is necessary. Great progress do far!! Keep us posted!!!!

WOO HOOO!!! Congratulations!! keep it going!!

Well, none from the Band. I didn't have Sleeve surgery. I feel nothing from the Band at this time.

Today makes 1 month since I had Peachez installed. (It's a working name... It may change) and I can't say I have any regrets. I'm down 25 lbs since then, have been working out pretty diligently ever since (despite my achilles injury :-( ) but the thing that has impressed me the most about my progress is that I feel absolutely 100% ZERO restriction from my lapband even WITH the fill / I don't regurgitate anything / i don't slime / I don't get stuck -- but have installed my mental restriction and it's pretty solid. My issue going into the surgery was that my resolve was constantly failing me. I would give myself loopholes and exceptions and ways out of having to have willpower or stick-to-it-iveness. So no matter what the plan, I failed. But with this... there's a new little voice in the back of my thoughts that reminds me right before I contemplate a cheat or anything that's anti productive. YOU CUT YOURSELF OPEN FOR THIS.... SERIOUSLY??? You're going to rethink this "cheat" right now. That ALWAYS gets me right back in line. I've taken all the great advice I've learned here on the message boards: chew my food REALLY well; wait in between bites; don't drink while i'm eating; stop when I'm satisfied; sometimes hunger is thirst in disguise so start with a liquid. They've all been essential tools in my progress. I hope that they'll bring me through the next few months and the next 25 lbs. however long that may take. My clothes are fitting differently... folks are starting to notice. I just need to keep it going. Might I see ONEderland again before I turn 40... would be an awesome birthday gift. So happy one monthiversary for me. Here's to a lifetime of better choices as a result!