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I kick myself every day for making a bad situation worse. There's no telling what point I would be at if i had made better food choices. I know it wouldn't be at the 200 lb overweight mark. But maybe just 100 lbs. 100 lbs is doable! I can deal with that. But TWO HUNDRED?! What the hell did I do to myself? And all because I was sad that I couldn't run. Yeah. That makes sense. Now, I'm so far beyond being able to control this that I now have to have a device put in my stomach OR have 3/4 of my stomach removed in order to even be healthy. Uhm WHAT?!
I guess I'm an overachiever. I did in 2 years what it takes some to do in a lifetime!
But.
I'm addressing it now. I'm doing what I need to do to get healthy. It wasn't all that long ago. I don't need the pictures to remember what it was like to be a size 8/10. I remember how it felt. I remember that I could sit in any chair, climb a ladder, run stairs in 4 inch heels and put my feet behind my head *lol* it wasn't that long ago! So yeah - there's a bit of speed factor going on in my mind. But there's also a lot of "I don't wanna go through this again" going on too. But I know my lifestyle. I know what I want to do in the future and that tells me that its going to be the band or sleeve. Then I have to think about longevity - which again, is probably band. But can I just control it and do the sleeve? I just don't know that I want to alter my anatomy. But then again, if it was my foot that was killing me, I'd have that cut off....
So many thoughts. I know - meeting with the surgeon will really help. Buuuuut....the more I can work through in my mind first, the better.
*ramble*ramble*ramble*ramble*
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