Well, here goes nothin'. This is my first blog entry, I've honestly never written a blog before but I thought I would give it a shot. I have quite a bit to say and I feel safe saying everything here.
Let's start off with my weight loss journey and where my weight problems stemmed from.
I was always a yo yo'er. I would be thin, fat, thin, fat all my life. I was into sports then I would stop and balloon back up. In highschool I was a 18 and thought I was fat, little did I know, by the time I was 23, I would be nearly 400 lbs and a size 30 in jeans. I was miserable, I got married young, at 22 and before then I was on a steady incline of weight gain, after the marriage, it got out of control. I was eating my feelings and I didn't know how to stop.
The topic of surgery came up when I had blood work done (i'm anemic) and my doctor told me that I was borderline diabetic and when I saw the # on the scale say 394#... I knew something had to be done. He referred me to the Bariatric Institute of Wisconsin. With my insurance I was required to do a 1 year treatment plan and several times within that year, I nearly gave up and thought it wasnt worth it. Boy, I'm glad I stuck it out.
My gastric sleeve surgery was May 16,2013. The day that changed my entire life. The surgery was good, the next day in the hospital was torture but again, It was 100% worth the struggle. I spent my time looking at before and after photos and watching youtube videos of people who had the surgery and wondering "will I ever be this person with these kind of results?" and the answer is yes. If you want it bad enough, it will be you and I am living proof of someone who changed their life with one struggle at a time.
The first few months are the worst, your life is basically taken on a rollercoaster with no seatbelt. You have to learn slowly what you can and cant handle, how to count protein, and slowly get into a work out regimine. At about 3-4 months, everyone besides me was noticing the weight loss. I honestly thought I was at a stand still and scared of developing body dimorphic because I wasn't seeing it but everyone else was. I just thought everyone was being nice knowing I had this surgery done. At about 8 months, it hit me. I looked through old pictures of myself where I thought I looked great and to my own self, I was unrecognizable, thats when things started to really hit me. The hard work, the 5-6 days a week at the gym, the sacrifices were all making sense and I was ecstatic. It's a strange feeling.
okay.... at 10 months, my personal life started to take a bad turn. Before my surgery, my husband told me he would be supportive and was excited for me to go through this and better myself and he promised to take the plunge with me with changing eating habits and working out....that didn't seem to be the case. I was more active and wanting to experience life because well, I got my life back! and all he was concerned with was going to buffets, ordering pizza and laying in bed playing video games. Our sex life (tmi) was non existant, We started to only speak a few words a day to eachother. I was going out with my friends constantly because he would never want to go anywhere. Well.... a month ago I filed for divorce and am moving into my own place tomorrow. It's really liberating to have the strength to do this, I was unhappy for at least 2 years but this surgery gave me the confidence I needed to break free. I'm only 25 and yes, I got married young and I understand, marriage is a commitment but a person can only give so much until they break and try to work on things so much before it becomes a lost cause. I never knew I had this strength in me and I owe it all to the gastric sleeve surgery. It saved my life in more ways than one. So if you're on the fence or not sure about it... think about all the doors it can open in other aspects of your life.
I'm now just over 1 year out, almost 190# down, went from a size 30 to a size 14 in jeans and i wear a size small/medium in mens tshirts, when I used to wear a 3x. it's a pretty amazing feeling!
thanks for reading
Expectations. I think one of the biggest problems with my gaining and losing weight over the years is my expectation of the situation. Reading the forums here I see that I'm not the only one who suffers from expectation problems.
For example in late 2012, I joined Ideal Protein. It's a medically supervised low carb, high protein diet that garners relatively fast results. I was expecting to lose weight quickly and I did. What was the problem? I expected to lose it faster than that! I expected to lose 100 lbs in under 6 months and when I had successfully lost 75 lbs I couldn't really consider it a success. I wanted to but I didn't make my goal. I didn't live up to my expectation.
Had I looked at the reality of the situaton: I LOST 75 LBS IN 6 MONTHS perhaps I woiuld've been more gentle with myself. Perhaps I would have taken more pride in my accomplishment, perhaps I would've care more or acted sooner when I started to feel the weight start to slowly creep back. My reality was that I had already failed at this process and so the 5 pound gain that turned to 10 which quickly morphed to 50 lbs was simply more failure.
With this process I'm trying really hard to have zero expectations of how it's going to work out but that's easier said than done. From my first meeting the expectation was that it would take months to fulfill the insurance company requirements. I wasn't going to let that deter me. Just proceed on and understand that this could take a while. Nutrition and Psychology and the toughest to schedule with people waiting MONTHS to get appointments. I was prepared. I had zero expectations. My psychology appointment was booked on a Wednesday for the following Monday. WHAT?
When I discovered that my 6 months at Ideal Protein covered my nutrition requirements and I only had to see the nutritionist twice through the surgeons office I was pleasantly surprised but I was told that scheduling them could take months. I had my two appointments within 30 days. That was better than any expectation I could've set for myself.
As of yesterday, I have fulfilled all of my requirements for the insurance company submittal process so now I have to wait. I know that it can take up to 7 weeks to get an answer from my insurance company but I plan to just continue to have zero expectation of time. It will unfold as it has to unfold and I will yield to the time gently.
I'm going to carry this out to my surgery and then to my weight loss following surgery. I know that there are many people who have lost extraordinary amounts of weight in short periods of time. I know others who have had more stalls than a football staduim's restroom but I am neither of those people. I am me and my weightloss will be unique to me.
My goals is to:
Follow my surgeon's instructions
Make my meal planning a priority
Keep my body moving
Educate my family on what this surgery is doing for me
Not compare myself, my diet, my surgeon, my instructions to any other persons
Have zero expectations of how this wll play out but know that if I just follow the rules it will play out as my body needs it to.
cryss reacted to Stef_L for a blog entry, One year, one wild ride.