Gone4Now

Jul, I am so sorry for your story. It brought tears to my eyes about your brother! It sounds a lot like my situation. I have an older brother (11 years, by her first husband) and he was heavily into drugs and alcohol. I'm sure he still lights up every now and then, but he has managed to turn his life around. He left VA when he was 20 and she didn't follow him! I move to TX - where she says she'll NEVER live, and she followed me! I'm sure she would again, if I moved away. I can say that *most of the time* my mom isn't really mean for the sake of being mean. She used to be, but she's calmed down a lot. I think she just wants to be taken care of, but doesn't really know how to interact with people. Although, she has told me before that she should never have had me. She was older and she and my dad got along great until I was born. Then, he still wanted to go out and she had to stay home. I think she feels she sacrificed for me, now it's my turn to reciprocate. I don't feel that way - now, but I did for a long time. The other day she was stressed over my aunt's visit and she got so mad at one of my dogs she through something at her. I gathered up our stuff and left and my DD said, "I can't believe she threw something." I said, "oh, I believe it!" When I was a kid, she'd grab anything that was near her and throw at me. Shoes, books, a plant once! She had a temper! Now she's just kinda pathetic. Since I told her being bitchy to me wasn't acceptable, she's been much better. I think I just need to keep her behavior on a short leash and stay in control. When I start trying to be the daughter and put her in control is when things go to hell. She's not a fit parent - never was and never will be. Good luck with you staying strong. Do you feel you'll call them again, or are you done forever? If they contacted you, what would you do?

I'd still be really pissed over the F'er in the driveway! You have way more class and patience than I!

But, I did understand everything you just said. That's a plus. Spelling errors bother me in the professional world...a little bit on msg boards, but A LOT at work. I'm also a little sexist/jobist(?) I work at an oil tool company, so some of these guys left high school 20-some years ago and have so much experience, but no schooling. They're smarter than I am, but can't spell worth a damn. That's no big deal. But I get grumpy at the Admins who types their emails and don't know how to properly use their/they're, or rely on spell check to do their thinking for them. On these boards I'm all for being lazy, since I'm usually shooting something off really quick. I'm NoT EveN sUre How PeOple tYpe liKe ths. whAt aRe theiR fingers dOing?

Maybe CA should add a "celebrity death tax" to their tax legislation. We (the family) had to pay for the police escort in my grandparents funeral as well.

Nah...we (I) love to bash people. I dropped out of high school because I was a big 'ole dummy, but my friend graduated and went on to college, and is now a TEACHER - who spells college as COLLAGE. There are several other incorrect spellings and what-not, but that one kills me. I get emails from a friend of mine and they're always hard to read...I don't even get it sometimes and will type back, "What language is this?" Granted, she has a t-shirt that says: BAD SPELLERS OF THE WORLD UNTIE! I love it that she can have a little fun. Punctuation goes a long way, and not typing in "txt" would be nice, too.

Hm, '98...'98... that was after the Aquanet wave in the front, past the tight-poodle perms and WAY past the feathers, right? What was the hair-do for '98? Photos are definitely memory tuggers. I love going through the photos of my friends and me. All our goofy stuff, road trips and things we took! Have fun with that! Give a big extra hug to your friend! My friend's dad went through the same thing, only it took a loong time to find a match. Mmm....good joojoo from DownUnder - is that those purple crunchy bars that I buy at World Market? :tongue_smilie:

That really made me LOL. I was kinda tom-boyish when I was a kid!

While I don't condone cheating on tests, I do tell DD this same thing. A few times it's kicked me in the ass, though. Even my rules are sometimes BS, based on how I feel. She's free to challenge me - nicely - and then I will rethink it. But, if she's bratty and just being grumpy then I don't rethink anything except "why did I have a kid?". I've told her if she can legitimately explain her side of something, then I'll give her a pass. Now she wants to be a lawyer. I'm worried she'll be winning more now that she's getting older and can think things through more.

I don't have concrete proof of my abuse. And, the other little girl DID tell, and the police DID come by and ask questions, but whatever case could have happened was dropped and he was/is still a free man. (Probably dead now, since he was old then.) I know what he did to her, and I know she was telling the truth, but it never went anywhere. Her mother removed her from the home (it was in home "daycare" with just the 2 of us and their own grand-kids) and so it was just me left to take more abuse. No concrete proof, and no 22 million to pay that me or that girl off. I'd say we got screwed twice. If MJ had been my abuser, maybe she and I would be rich now.

Hell! I've got my guns on now, pardnah! Yeah...and the assless chaps don't help, either. Nice boots, though....is that milk-cow hide? But, then I can't wrap my mind around paying ANYTHING to ANYONE who accused me of doing something I didn't do. Arrest me, criticize me, drag me through senseless legal proceedings -whatever - I would NEVER back down from a charge like that. No matter what. If I'm innocent, I will maintain that. When he paid the family off, what the hell was he thinking - if he really was innocent?

Tell me when. Tell me where - I'll be there! :biggrin: I read something about them in People a few years back. They did seem to have it managed, but they ask a lot of the older kids. Personally, I don't believe that the older kids should be automatically put in that role....but then again, they are a close, loving family (So it seems, and so I hope it stays!)

Well, a small update: My aunt (mom's sister) is in town. So, I've been spending a little more time over there than normal. Mom has been very stressed over things - this is why we don't do holidays at her house. She gets all stressed and snaps at everyone, makes us feel guilty for not doing anything, but then won't let us do anything. So, Sunday, we were over there for a BBQ and swimming with my aunt and we were cooking and putting stuff everywhere and there was a mess in the kitchen - but it was a fun mess. Mom started in on her normal bitchy attitude and I said, "Are you grumpy?" she said she wasn't grumpy, so then I said, "Then quit being a bitch. If you are grumpy, then tell me why and we'll fix it, otherwise, stop being this way." I walked outside and left her to stew a while. Later she came and apologized. I was floored. Mom NEVER apologizes. She's the "I'm sorry BUT..." person. So, I see it as a small break through. Me telling her nicely that she's mean doesn't work. Apparently me calling her a bitch hit home. I have been doing a lot of thinking about it and I'm not sure I'm ready to "break up" with her. I am ready to stop giving her money and only help her when she asks nicely. (Her sink is broken, and has been for a good 6 months. DH bought the parts to fix it, but it was a few weekends before he could go. So, while we were at Discount Tire, buying HER new tires, he said to her, "We'll come over this weekend and I'll fix that sink." She, stupidly and bitchily replied: "Well, I've learned to live with it now." MISTAKE! So, DH shrugged it off and returned the parts to Home Depot! LOL Priceless....) So, after that incident, we are standing firm that we will not help her AT ALL with money. We will with things around the house, but she has to ask nicely. We are no longer volunteering. I can't believe that I haven't made these steps before. It dawned on me that I was being as drastic as she always is. There is a middle ground...I just need to distance myself.

It still just boggles my mind that so many people cry and get all lathered up over ANY celebrity. Unless you know them personally, how can you really know that they're worth the tears? All this for a dancer/singer/performer? WTH? Beth, I love your statement about treating him like a god when our real heroes get treated badly - can I steal that and put it on my FB??? I work with a bunch of people who are oohing and awing over it. The TV in the cafeteria has been swamped all day. I was called "Texan" by someone here. Um, that's not a bad thing.

LMAO!! I haven't watched TV since it happened. Only our recorded shows that I can FF through. Of course, we were watching the Houston News the other night, thinking we were safe, but NO! More MJ fans screaming and crying, going to the memorial. Stop the insanity! People are paying so much $$$$ to go to some strangers memorial? That money could go to charities, or victims of disasters...I dunno, I know I've spent money frivilously before, but never on a dead guy.

best. Post. Ever!!!!

Hi - all! Took vacation from work, so am SWAMPED for now...just dropping in to PJTP. SMS - I had similiar situation. DH was team "lead" and there was one woman who went to HR. He wasn't the boss and there isn't a policy against it, and actually the boss knew about us and encouraged it. But, the Big B who went to HR threw a little fit and HR told me I had 90 days to find another job. I transferred across town for 9 months, then transferred back in October last year - and the Big B threw another fit. But this time I was in another department and she went to my current boss and tried to talk him out of hiring me. She said I'd just be down in DH's office all the time. (She also said this to a co-worker, who is my friend, and she was told by my friend: "I don't care if Gloucester goes and F***s him all day long, as long as her work is done." Ah, if only I could have seen her face!) Come to find out that before we started dating, a few years back her brother (who works here as well) tried to talk DH into asking her out. So, then it became obvious why she was so "concerned". Those are the people who smile to your face and then stab you in the back. Those are also the people that better cross the street if they see me outside of work because I will rip her a new one if given the chance. I hate that kind of stuff. I went to her once and asked her what her problem was and she lied up and down about it. But, I knew, because 1) I'm not dumb, and 2) I have friends here who tattle.

So, as my FB friends know, I went out last night and got hammered. I don't know what happened. My BFF was there and she's known me through my truly alchie days after high school and she said she NEVER has seen me like that. I think I didn't have enough water through the day, and didn't eat anything, either. My band was a little bit picky and I'd just had pudding for lunch and coffee for breakfast. I'd never really had martinis before, and tried 3 different ones. (I also had sips of my friends, from what they ordered...) But that's it. 3 drinks and I was toast. I have never felt so sick in my whole life. I honestly thought I could die in the bathroom at the bar and that would be the end of me. LOL I know it sounds dramatic, but this is coming from someone who used to down a bottle of wine a night, pass out and do it again the next day. Even today my friend said she thought maybe something got slipped in my drink last night, but that's not really a possibility. I think I just was dehydrated and the alcohol didn't help. Whew! I'm on the wagon today for the 4th, though! I hope everyone has a great holiday!!! :eek:

It's definitely been my personal experience that abuse gets swept under the rug way too often. I know I was guilty of not coming clean, but I was scared and believed the lies that he told me. But, I was just a kid. As an adult, I know better now. But, hearing everyone's stories, it sounds like it's usually "handled" by the family, which doesn't seem to do any good.

Yesterday I ran for 5 minutes. Okay, okay...I know that's not GREAT by any means, but I haven't done it before. I'd gotten up to 3 minutes, then I'd switch and walk, then run 3 minutes...but I just got on and started running and went 1/2 mile. We got to the gym and I did my arms. Most wedding dresses are sleeveless, unless I want to look like Queen Victoria. So, I really need to work on the arms. I did the arms 3 reps of 10 for 8 different machines. DD and DH were still on the elliptical so I got on the treadmill and ran (!) for five minutes, then was done. They were still on, so I finished the day with a little elliptical. I felt GREAT!!! I still haven't embraced it like a loved one, but I do recognize exercise is a key ingredient to my weight loss. I've been losing steady, and instead of bouncing 5 pounds, I'm bouncing 1-2. It's a huge difference.

But, didn't he do it again to someone else?

I agree ONE THOUSAND percent. Please, I urge you - go to the police! My nephew and daughter had been so close and he loved her so much, but after he was abused he was different. They couldn't be together anymore, not because he'd done anything but because I knew he wasn't well. She didn't understand it, but it had to be done. Sometimes our family won't like what we do, but it's not really about them. We're here to protect the young - our own or not. Some people look the other way, and others fix the problems. Please, please...fix this. You are in a position where you can do something. As a mother, too, I'd want to know if my daughter did anything to hurt another child. You need to tell your sister, whether she handles it responsibly or not - you need to.

:tongue2: Funny thing is, now I feel kinda over it. I can still enjoy my life, and love the people in it. It took a long time, and it wasn't until recently that I began looking into it and trully "getting over it." I guess about the time of lapbanding - when I decided to change my eating habits, I had to find out what they were and why they were there. For a while I did have trouble with sheds...I couldn't go in one. It was last year when I moved in with DH that I had to go into the shed to get something. He knows how traumatic it was, so he offered to come down off the roof and get whatever it was, but I went in. I cried the whole time I was in there, but now I can go in and out w/out any troubles. I don't even think twice about it now - now the memory of sheds is of DH and my life and future together. I think I just need to face the things I'm afraid of, and I do better. Honestly, my childhood sucked more because my mom was a selfish brat. I really don't consider the abuse to have effected me that much. (Well, I guess one day when I'm on a Water tower I'll be eating those words, huh?) I feel bad for my mom because she still has issues. She never really got over it, and maybe because it was her own father. I guess my issue is that the people who abused me weren't around, but she had to see him every day. The tension and strangeness that would have created would have driven me insane! Not to mention she loved him. I hated my great-uncle and babysitter's whole family. I could cut my losses and move on, but when it's your DAD? Hm...anyway...like I said, I feel sorry for my mom the most.

I am up for meeting anywhere as well....though TX does suit my Ramen Noodle budget very well! :tongue2:

You can still go to the police. Really...what are you waiting for? You not telling is putting other children at risk. You just told your nephew that it's okay, as long as you don't get caught. He's doing it again..either now, or later when he's older. He'll do it again to someone else. Are you really okay with that?

I think that I would not be there if I knew a child molester was attending, but it really is illegal to keep them from church? I would think that gets into an issue of separation of church and state, but I'm the first to admit I don't know about those kinds of laws. My history with abuse is this: Me - my babysitters husband who raped me and got away with it. He was never convicted of anything and no one really "knows" the truth outside of me, the other girl and him. So, he walks around (probably not...he's probably dead - he was old back when I was 5...) but for a long time - he walked around and no one knew. Also, my mom's uncle - all he did (I brush it off because it was nothing compared to what else had happened) was have me, at age 7, grab his crotch and hold my hand there. I said, "Is that all?" I guess my non-innocence turned him off because he had me let go. I never told anyone, and then later learned that he'd molested my mom and her aunt. I guess it runs in our family, the F'ers. My mom & her sister - Her dad admitted it, and by the time I came along no one "knew" it then either. They went to church every Sunday, and unless anyone in the family told the congegration (sp?) no one there even blinked twice at him. With her uncle, they'd go visit their grandmother for summers and he'd climb into bed with them and play "find the finger" Well, of course, it wasn't a finger they found. My nephew - He was raped when he was little by his mother's boyfriend. My brother was made aware of it about a year after the fact when the nephew slammed a girls head into the wall at school. He got therapy but as far as I know the man was never charged. I don't know the details, but I'm sure he's walking free today. My high school friend - He was the abuser. He was my boyfriend's best friend and we all got a townhouse together after high school. Things went to hell with our relationship and the two of them moved out. I didn't hear back from them until a few years later. I'd had my daughter and my friend was staying at another house with a couple and their 12 year old daughter. I found out that he'd been arrested for kissing her. I was floored, and wrote to him in jail. We talked for a little while, but I really wanted to know WHY. His story was that she was mature for her age and he really loved her. He was going to wait for her to grow older and marry her. Ick. So, that's the last I've heard of him. I have friends and coworkers who were abused as well - a lot of them by family members, and most cases it was swept under the rug. My point is...out of all these stories, only one went to jail and is on the website for sex offenders. There are so many out there walking around and we can't know it unless we're notified. But, if one did show up at work, or at a church I went to, you better bet I'd be the one walking them to the bathroom stall. I'd be the one telling everyone the deeds that were done. I don't forgive very easily, although I can try to look at other sides of people. But this has been proven that child sex offenders are more likely to repeat their crimes than any other criminal offense! I can't over look the facts, or put aside my child's safety for the personal well being of a sex offender. They shouldn't have done it. They should be prepared that jail isn't the only punishment. That public scrutiny and isolation will follow. If a thief walks in and says, "I'm a redeemed thief..." would you still leave your purse with him? I wouldn't. And, I wouldn't put my child on the radar of a sex offender. My kid isn't bait, and I don't want to take my chances. I don't feel bad for any of these men...and they should feel lucky! If I had my way, their little man parts would be shark bait.