flavaofbravery

I don't give myself excuses, I feel I'm stuck in a pattern of disorder eating. Even the counselors who I talk to about it, say the behaviors will not change overnight - I have to ween myself off of the binge behaviors gradually. Not everyone who is overweight or obese has an eating disorder - not by a long shot. But many who are severely obese do have patterns of disordered eating at least, if not full blown BED. Unfortunately, according to several psychologists I do have an eating disorder. Off topic: I dislike very much how society looks at being overweight/obese today as a character flaw or lack of some kind of self control - as I believe it's far more complex than that in many cases. It's like saying the r word for the developmentally disabled, it kind of shows the person who is saying that - their own ignorance to everyone... I know this post was made to motivate and I thank you for that,I know it was well intentioned. Thanks.

With the albany clinic keeping their statistics up wouldn't surprise me. Not at all the way they treat their high risk patients. I was literally almost in tears when I left there and I never cry in public. I'm changing primary care doctors as well to a primary care that specializes in obesity related illnesses and solutions. He does do things like liquid diets and medication to solve obesity. I'm not sure it's the best way (medication for weight loss) with my other disorders, medications, etc. but it's an idea. I'd be willing to try the liquid diets again... It's not that I'm not committed to it, it's that with my disorders I have no discipline which doesn't help when you have a pattern of disordered eating that has been your go to coping skill (unhealthy however as it is) for many many years. I've tried so hard so many times (not an exaggeration) and the BED due to trauma history of life long abuse / psychological mood conditions I feel I can't regulate in other ways - starts up again. And I just feel sometimes I'm not strong enough to battle 5 psychological conditions at once with the chronic pain added on from my back and legs... just being honest (along with trauma history) - Thank you.

I see an Eating disorder doctor the 7th as a kind of last ditch effort by the 1st clinic to treat me it feels, but since she does specialize in ED/BED I am hopeful despite their track record. And - Yes unfortunately - I do know all my 5 disorders are up to date, if I stop medication/therapy they do sometimes flare up, or I have symptoms of a few of them... I wish there were a mistake somewhere but I know there is not. I've read that too somewhere at sometime lol, seriously though - I'm hoping it's valid and that hormones can help regulate my disorder behavior of eating. I know psychological medications work differently after surgery as well, and I'm as prepared as possible for that.. On a side note: I haven't binged that much or that heavily in the past month or two, that give me hope that this unhealthy compulsive behavioral pattern is starting to subside. I've had the help of my cna's and my fiance to a point (he has overeating problems as well), and it's been helping. I see my second opinion on the 2nd of January and as I said above the ED/BED doctor in Albany on the 7th of January. Hoping things are changing for the better, Thank You

Thank you, yes that's exactly what I've been getting at. I hope it's all in the presentation of my extensive trauma history. While everything you wrote is actually true about me, I guess one of my worries would be if I can do the diet for the rest of my life. I'm a very honest person and the honest answer is "I don't know". I do know I could definitely do it for a year or two but after that.... I'm honestly not sure. I do know this is *the* tool I need to walk again, to be healthy enough to live past my 30s, to survive. To that end I'm willing to give it my very best shot and do everything my doctor's tell me to do. Btw - I've looked into other clinics for emotional health in my area - their response was basically "Why do you want to change? Just request a different counselor in your current mental health clinic..." While I tried to explain they don't have help for eating disorders at my current one, they just said they'd get back to me at the new clinic (not making me a priority because I 'already have help'). I haven't heard back as of yet *sigh* I'm trying my best to get the trauma work and eating disorder work done it just feels like I've hit so many 'roadblocks' ... but I keep trying. I'm also diagnosed with and have under control for the past few years. possible mild schizophrenia, bipolar 1 disorder, panic attacks, and of course the PTSD with BED (binge eating disorder). Thats what I meant about being emotionally disabled and not being able to do much about that. It's genetic conditions I'm currently dealing with emotionally, and since their on the psychotic spectrum of disorders everyone kind of treats me like a pariah in the WLS world. People fear what they don't understand so I guess I don't really blame them - but that was my experience at my last WLS clinic in Albany. They kind of treated me fine until they heard my diagnoses and they they treated me like a mental defective. I didn't appreciate that as well. We went over each roadblock and my response was verbatim "If I don't get this surgery I very well might die" The head nutritionists response was *nodding* "Yes it's a very good possibility". I mean talk about bedside manner... I mean maybe she just wanted to validate and didn't know what to say but still.... they left me little to no alternative options and it felt like they were passing the buck like most of my doctors, or just didn't know what to do, like the other half of my doctors. Basically the vibe I got was "you can kill yourself but we don't want your death on our hands" at the first clinic I went to in Albany, which is okay I guess to cover yourself - but they didn't give me much- alternatives, referrals, hope even.. . The next doctor I saw there was nicer, the first nutritionist was so bad I basically came out of the appt. extremely upset. The next nutritionist set up an appt with their eating disorder doctor - I see that eating disorder doctor in Albany NY in January along with the second opinion I just scheduled at Saranac Lake for the beginning of January. So we'll see how this goes... Praying everything goes well.

Thank you everyone - I did think of inpatient but my insurance doesn't cover it (medicaid/fidelis due to being on SSI due to my back problems + obesity). I've gone to an eating disorder clinic but I had to leave because they don't allow you in them if you are immobile (at least not near here). I feel like if the second and possibly third opinions don't go well I'm not sure what to do. Thank you all though for the well wishes and prayers. I've booked a second info session (starting the process at another WLS clinic) for just after new years day. Hoping this is the answer I've been praying for.

Thank you, I'm making the right calls on Monday to see if I can actually get this process started again. Some clinics as you probably know are more "picky" than others on who they deem a good candidate for surgery. The one I first went to is known to be very discriminatory yet good. I know of a clinic closer to my home that is less stringent on guidelines and may work with me and my doctors. I have a counselor now but she doesn't deal with eating disorders- neither does anyone in my rural area. She does do general trauma work, and I'm willing to do the years of work to heal, I just don't have them right now. I have several barely controlled obesity related life threatening conditions. I can hear my back rods creaking every day and there is nothing any doctor can do for me about that at this weight back surgery is a 100% chance I'll die on the operating table. So I can't walk until I lose the weight. Also if my back rods break - I could very well die. And I already hear them and feel them...well lets just say not doing so well. Talk about anxiety. I'm praying eventually I can find a solution to this and do what my spine doctors are suggesting (get WLS and get it now). It's such an involved process though. Praying I can get it in time.

Hi everyone haven't been here in awhile due to being told for 3 reasons I'm a horrible candidate for weight loss surgeries by one clinic. That really frustrated me as I feel I absolutely need this surgery, and most of my doctors agree.. except the clinic I went to *for* WLS. I was wondering if anyone here or x-posted other places online could help give me any ideas ... I'm 28 and I feel like I'm dying at my current weight, despite still being fairly young. I'm almost 400 lbs. and 5'6" if I wasn't in a wheelchair since about May 2014. I have about 12 different weight related diseases, some life threatening. I feel this is my last option, and it was just pulled off the table. In a sense I feel like I've been condemned to a slow and painful demise to not be overly dramatic lol but seriously here are some of My Roadblocks... Stumbling Blocks Are: 1) Pain Management - I have intense pain from obesity and spinal fusion from 18 years ago, when at 10 years old I had severe scoliosis and had to have surgery to save my life. This is why at this weight I'm in a wheelchair and have to get steroid shots/take daily high doses of ibuprofen. I could be on narcotics (so there is a way around it) but those are addictive AND if I go on them at this young an age I have no where else to go from there if the pain becomes unbearable say in my 40s. I'd rather not go on narcotics if possible, but it's a possibility. The clinic I went to though said with my pain management now they don't' want me to have the surgery. They want me up and walking but there is the catch 22 - I wont walk until I can lose the weight. My back doctors stress I need to lose weight quickly if I ever want to walk again. 2) Binge Eating Disorder / BED - why I got here partially, is because I have been diagnosed with an eating disorder. I was actually in treatment for it in an eating disorder clinic when I lost the ability to walk in May 2014. You can't go to an eating disorder clinic around here unless you can walk. I feel this is another catch 22 - if I didn't have the eating disorder I wouldn't have gotten to be morbidly obese - and since I have BED - I can't have the surgery to really fix the morbid obesity. Help? I don't have the time with my back the way it is to go through the years of counseling that just *might* help me deal with my eating disorder, even that is "iffy". I know it takes a lot of work and I'm willing to do this work of course to save my life and mobility - I'm just afraid I don't have the time to do that right now - if I ever want to walk again. I believe I can overcome it to a point - but eventually I don't think I'll stay on the wagon the rest of my life unfortunately and that scares me - I mean 3 years maybe tops I could do, but I don't know about longer than that. I'm a very honest person and I know this would come up in my psych eval. I don't want to lie but I need to take a gamble on this surgery. and finally 3 is something I can't do anything about: 3) Being Emotionally Disabled - I have several psychiatric disorders due to being abused throughout my childhood and genetics. The clinic also sited this as a reason to not give me the surgery. I understand even the most adjusted person can have a psychiatric reaction, but I'm prepared to do what I have to do, if this happens after the surgery. They say it's too big of a risk. I say dying before your 30 is too, and all WLS is to a point a gamble. That and I feel I'm running out of time with all my obesity related diseases, most being barely controlled. Although most of my doctors (especially my back doctors) agree the best thing in the world for me would be a WLS, the only doctors who do not are the WLS clinic I went to. I understand WLS is not a cure all by any means, but I'm running out of time and I need answers. I've seen great results from some of my friends through WLS and results that were not so good. Some ended up in hospitals and I've known 2 people who have died from WLS. I personally knew them well. To me though I know this is the only way I might be able to walk again, and not die at a young age of diabetes, or heart disease (both of which I already have, I also have uncontrolled labile high blood pressure with 2 strong high bp medications already...) or several other disorders I have related to obesity. I have no idea what to do, and like I said, it feels like I'm running out of time to help my mobility, and yes - possibly to stay alive, not to put too fine a point on it... I feel at an impasse - like my last option to live or walk again at least was just yanked away. Should I go to a different clinic for WLS? I know a few that might do the surgery on me anyway - but is that the right thing to do? Any supportive ideas are welcomed thank you

I had to put my WLS surgery on hold again, because I discovered I have an eating disorder. It is not the two you think of when you think "Eating Disorder" it's closer to Binge Eating Disorder. That is characterized as episodes of emotional overeating, past the point of fullness. .. I'm currently undergoing treatment at Centre Syracuse for my binge eating disorder. I still know I need WLS but I also know from my research that, having an eating disorder, makes me a very poor candidate for that surgery. That doesn't mean I can't get Binge eating under control, it just might be a little - longer? Which isn't a happy prospect for me as I'm barely walking as it is now with my weight and spinal fusion. I'm in a 6 week program that will supposedly help me decrease my bingeing and focus on the reasons behind why I binge eat emotionally - while teaching me to see food not as comfort or fun or helpful emotionally (subconsciously what I've been thinking) - but as a prescription or medicine I need to keep my body healthy. How to eat in a healthy way while combating what it was that caused me not to eat healthy. This does NOT mean it will help me lose weight. I've maintained my weight the 3 weeks I've been there. The dietitians /therapists/ psychologists in the program taught me what it was like to "diet" from an evolutionary standpoint - the body doesn't 'get it", doesn't understand that it's supposed to stay at a lower weight. It's made for saving fat not getting rid of it, and they believe that it's normal to binge after periods of intense dieting because that's what your body craves. They also taught me 52% of people do not only not lose weight on diets but gain it back AND THEN SOME. This is something docs dont' want you to know - you really have no alternative if you get to a certain "set point" weight (and your brain can arbitrarily make new "set points" if your weight goes up... but not down unfortunately). WLS is one of the only ways proven in some cases to help you lose weight and keep it off - this doesn't mean it works for everyone (my research from both sides of the argument - shows about 60% of people do well with weight loss surgery long term) but for me that's a big enough number and 20% (for those that experience serious complications over their lifetime from WLS) is a small enough number for me to do the surgery. I'm not being naiive about it, I know there are serious risks and I could end up gaining all the weight back (and then some)... I saw both sides of the argument for and against WLS and with my health problems they are risks I'm willing to take. I went on websites for WLS (like this one) and many that are against. One of my good friend's mother just died from WLS a couple of months ago. I'm fairly sure she helped contribute to her problems but was it the WLS that did ultimatlely kill her? Yes. I know many who are in the hospital from WLS complications. But then I know those that did great with WLS long term as well. It's a gamble and the sad truth of it is that while there are factors under our control, it's a gamble who will do well and who won't. There just isn't the research into the long term effects yet. But people are still dying every day of obesity related illnesses. So the WLS becomes a necessity for our current epidemic. Again it's a risk I'm willing to take. But back to Binge Eating Disorder. I've found through 3 weeks of intense therapy that the causes of an eating disorder are very multifaceted. Some of them for me personally, was my traumatic upbringing, past abuse, the fact I had to "nurture" myself since a young age, and physical concerns (hormones, genetics, back and ankle surgery - physical limitations to exercise), And the program went into the 'addiction' to food caused by increased dopamine in the brain some brains react with high calorie foods. I happened to be that lucky individual in a group that does react that way. I also happen to be part of the 52% of people that actually gain all their weight back AND THEN SOME when I traditional diet (by binge eating - see description above). There's actually has a lot of medical or scientifically based reasons why it feels like I'm "Addicted" to overeating... of course there are ways to treat it. It involves intense emotional therapy, PTSD therapy, and trauma work. It also involves body image work, and individualized talk therapy with different techniques. And a new prespective about how we view food ... no more 'celebrating' with food (hey good job, want a cookie - type thing) etc. None of this will help me lose weight, it will just help me maintain my weight before and help me to not regain the weight after surgery. WLS is the only thing that is going to actually help me lose the weight - it's up to me to keep it off. Which is why I've enlisted help professionally with my eating disorder. Binge eating disorder is actually more common than Anorexia and Bulimia HOWEVER it is the least treated or talked about because of stigma surrounding it. I think that's very sad. Trying to 'get it right' the first time, and hopefully only time I need WLS. 3 more weeks in program *whew* I'm ready. Today out sick because of Obesity related issues, Urinary Tract Infection, and Diabetic Skin Rashes. But tomorrow is a new day, and going back to program.

I had to put my WLS surgery on hold again, because I discovered I have an eating disorder. It is not the two you think of when you think "Eating Disorder" it's closer to Binge Eating Disorder. That is characterized as episodes of emotional overeating, past the point of fullness. .. I'm currently undergoing treatment at Centre Syracuse for my binge eating disorder. I still know I need WLS but I also know from my research that, having an eating disorder, makes me a very poor candidate for that surgery. That doesn't mean I can't get Binge eating under control, it just might be a little - longer? Which isn't a happy prospect for me as I'm barely walking as it is now with my weight and spinal fusion. I'm in a 6 week program that will supposedly help me decrease my bingeing and focus on the reasons behind why I binge eat emotionally - while teaching me to see food not as comfort or fun or helpful emotionally (subconsciously what I've been thinking) - but as a prescription or medicine I need to keep my body healthy. How to eat in a healthy way while combating what it was that caused me not to eat healthy. This does NOT mean it will help me lose weight. I've maintained my weight the 3 weeks I've been there. The dietitians /therapists/ psychologists in the program taught me what it was like to "diet" from an evolutionary standpoint - the body doesn't 'get it", doesn't understand that it's supposed to stay at a lower weight. It's made for saving fat not getting rid of it, and they believe that it's normal to binge after periods of intense dieting because that's what your body craves. They also taught me 52% of people do not only not lose weight on diets but gain it back AND THEN SOME. This is something docs dont' want you to know - you really have no alternative if you get to a certain "set point" weight (and your brain can arbitrarily make new "set points" if your weight goes up... but not down unfortunately). WLS is one of the only ways proven in some cases to help you lose weight and keep it off - this doesn't mean it works for everyone (my research from both sides of the argument - shows about 60% of people do well with weight loss surgery long term) but for me that's a big enough number and 20% (for those that experience serious complications over their lifetime from WLS) is a small enough number for me to do the surgery. I'm not being naiive about it, I know there are serious risks and I could end up gaining all the weight back (and then some)... I saw both sides of the argument for and against WLS and with my health problems they are risks I'm willing to take. I went on websites for WLS (like this one) and many that are against. One of my good friend's mother just died from WLS a couple of months ago. I'm fairly sure she helped contribute to her problems but was it the WLS that did ultimatlely kill her? Yes. I know many who are in the hospital from WLS complications. But then I know those that did great with WLS long term as well. It's a gamble and the sad truth of it is that while there are factors under our control, it's a gamble who will do well and who won't. There just isn't the research into the long term effects yet. But people are still dying every day of obesity related illnesses. So the WLS becomes a necessity for our current epidemic. Again it's a risk I'm willing to take. But back to Binge Eating Disorder. I've found through 3 weeks of intense therapy that the causes of an eating disorder are very multifaceted. Some of them for me personally, was my traumatic upbringing, past abuse, the fact I had to "nurture" myself since a young age, and physical concerns (hormones, genetics, back and ankle surgery - physical limitations to exercise), And the program went into the 'addiction' to food caused by increased dopamine in the brain some brains react with high calorie foods. I happened to be that lucky individual in a group that does react that way. I also happen to be part of the 52% of people that actually gain all their weight back AND THEN SOME when I traditional diet (by binge eating - see description above). There's actually has a lot of medical or scientifically based reasons why it feels like I'm "Addicted" to overeating... of course there are ways to treat it. It involves intense emotional therapy, PTSD therapy, and trauma work. It also involves body image work, and individualized talk therapy with different techniques. And a new prespective about how we view food ... no more 'celebrating' with food (hey good job, want a cookie - type thing) etc. None of this will help me lose weight, it will just help me maintain my weight before and help me to not regain the weight after surgery. WLS is the only thing that is going to actually help me lose the weight - it's up to me to keep it off. Which is why I've enlisted help professionally with my eating disorder. Binge eating disorder is actually more common than Anorexia and Bulimia HOWEVER it is the least treated or talked about because of stigma surrounding it. I think that's very sad. Trying to 'get it right' the first time, and hopefully only time I need WLS. 3 more weeks in program *whew* I'm ready. Today out sick because of Obesity related issues, Urinary Tract Infection, and Diabetic Skin Rashes. But tomorrow is a new day, and going back to program.

I'm with Dr. Graber as well, said I'd do either office which ever has a more readily available appt. - I just filled out the paperwork again and am pre op - waiting for orientation. I've gone to 3 orientations with Dr. Graber already, I just never went through with the surgery. I had one surgery date that I had to cancel... He is a very good doctor, the only problem at all I've faced is he does take medicaid with fidelis and the like - BUT it takes like a year to get the surgery done with medicaid. If you self pay they get you right in but who wants to give $25,000 if insurance can pay for it? Other than that he's a great doctor I would highly recommend him. He's great at listening, and he is very caring as are his whole staff. He came highly recommended from everyone I know who had him do their surgeries as well.