josygirl

Hi I was banded in Sep 2004 and lost 135 pounds to get to a normal BMI (just). I had a slip diagnosed in September this year and had my band repositioned. Both times i have had a fill since then I have had to go back to get some Fluid out because I was too tight. So I am feeling a little scared of going back for more fill. Plus I don't want to see my fill Dr because I have now gained over 50 pounds and I feel embarassed. I just can't stop eating - I know it's emotions. But I thought the band would help with the regain like everyone says. Josy

Hi everyone Its the Christmas holidays and we are supposed to be happy. But I am crying because I am alone. I will spend the day with my brothers and their familys but I feel like a loser because I don't have a partner of my own. I have struggled with an eating disorder both before and after my banding. I was restricting my food to reach goal but now i am bulimic. I will have to stay as bulimic over the next few days as I will be staying with family and will have to eat. I hope to get back to resticting after that. :faint: The banding is just the tip of the iceberg. We still have a struggle to fight the food demons. The threat of making my band slip doesn't seem to be enough of a threat at the moment. Josy

sorry Terrlilen I don't want to have an argument with you. i am in a fragile state at the moment. I think i am on the verge of a mental breakdown. I have been deliberately mean to a dear friend which is totally out of character for me. I normally avoid confrontation. I didn't think it was such a big deal I was simply restricting my food because I wanted to lose weight. But my therapist and Dr are freaking out over it. They are diagnosing anorexia which seems strange to me.

I just want to be normal. But to be normal I have to starve myself. I would like to be about 143 pounds, I am currently about 148 pounds. My health care team are freaking out because i am starving myself to reach my goals. I think that I have always struggled with eating disordered behaviour and this is just another manifestation of it. I don't know how to just have a normal relationship with food. I fluctuate though.... sometimes though I will be bulimic then I will regain control and restrict.

just for your info I would never have used the word anorexia for such a fat cow as me. I have a bmi of 24. I thought you had to have a bmi of like 13 to be anorexic. But I am not eating and the Drs and my therapist are freaking out

Yes my diagnosis has changed to anorexia. How dare you question me!! I could scan the official papers to show you if you wanted me to prove it. I didn't use the word to get attention. I didn't use the word myself. My dr used if first last week. I have a skim milk latte for breakfast and then I eat a meal every third day or so when i am with company (I live alone). I thought because I had a normal bmi that I was ok. but the drs are freaking out because I am not eating. I can't see what the problem is. I think I have the right to look normal. I am arguing with my therapist that i have a right to be a normal weight.

Joyce Please be careful. I caused my band to slip by intentional PBing. I think it is bulimia. It is an eating disorder. Now I have changed to anorexia to try and fight the battle. It was so hard to admit to my Dr. He was understanding. I guess we wouldn't have got so big if we weren't so screwed up with our eating.

I am really stuggling. I was banded Sept 04. I have reached my goal. I started at 282 pounds and have reached 148 pounds. But the last few pounds have been reached by severely restricting my food intake. Some(my doctors) would even say anorexia. I have a latte for breakfeast. Then diet coke during the day, sometimes a carrot. Then I only eat a meal at night every third day or so when I am with company (I live alone). I just want to be an acceptable size in society. My bmi is 24 and I have been getting compliments from friends and family. I am confused because my Dr is hitting the roof and saying I have to eat. But I just want to meet someone who will accept me. I will have to have cosmetic surgery before that will happen and they always want you to be at goal weight for that. I have had two Drs this week tell me I have to start eating. But I don't want to put on weight. I like that I can feel my collar bones. They tell me the reason I am feeling depressed and confused is because I am not eating. I don't know what to do. I am scared if I start eating I won't stop. Josy

Devana - my head is really messed up at the moment - a frozen meal seems too big. It freaks me out to think of eating that much in one go so I just don't eat at all. Mizboo - I really liked your analogy about the tool, it has given me something to think about. I guess I have to start trusting in the band again. I'm just scared because like most of us I have lost weight before but have never maintained. The eating disordered behaviour didn't start until I reached goal. (Obviously I've had an eating disorder in the past). I personally know 2 people who have the band, lost the weight and are now bigger than they started so there are no guarantees. One is even thinking of having the band removed. I really appreciate everyone's messages. I was feeling so alone, like I was facing this battle all by myself. It has been so good to post about my struggles and get words of encouragement and suggestions. Its been a really rough week. I've had two Drs tell me I have to start eating but they don't understand the panic inside my head. And the fear that if I start I just won't stop, cause that is my pattern. Because I'm generally more of a binger than a restricter. And I love having a BMI of 24, just being a normal size. I don't want to lose that. Thanks again. I am going to print out all the posts so I can take them with me to work to remind me that I am not alone in this struggle. Josy

I do see a counselor - she is telling me I have to eat. Basically my Dr and counsellor are telling me that my depression/teariness/lack of concentration/ all come down to my not eating. I have had a lot of stress to deal with over the last two months. I don't like it all being attributed to my not eating. I feel that they are minimising the stress that I am under. I am scared to start eating. I don't want to lose what I have achieved in terms of weight loss. People have been giving me compliments. I feel normal, I am a normal BMI. I have a right to be a normal size. They can't take that away from me. Josy

I don't want cosmetic surgery to be beautiful, just to be acceptable. I think there is a big difference. I would like to get it done over the winter (Australia - June 07) I am 41 and have never been in a long term relationship. Have lost weight before with weight watchers. But have always regained so I am petrified I will regain with the band too. I just want someone to accept me. The excess skin would turn anyone off. I look OK with clothes on. But need my arms and legs done. Josy

Thanks so much for all of the responses. My labs are fine. My Dr said there is no test for wellness She really gave me a stern talking too! Probably what I needed. I was using the blood tests as my guide that nothing was wrong. I am so scared because I have no in between. If I dont restrict I am scared I will binge on food and gain weight. I dont know how to eat in moderation. I don't want to have cosmetic surgery because I see it as vanity, without it noone will ever accept me. I am torn. Josy

Hooray I have lost 134 pounds. It has made such a difference to my life. Josy

Teresita You need to be so careful. I am bulemic and have had several slips with my band due to my bulimia. I had two diagnosed before I confessed to my surgeon what was going on. Try to face that battle before it gets to that stage. Josy

I think the band can play around with your mind if you have a tendency toward an eating disorder. I've always been around the fringes of an eating disorder. Having the band and losing the weight was fine, no problems. But getting to goal but was what triggered the eating disordered thoughts again. I thought I couldn't maintain the weight without resorting to my old ED patterns of anorexia or bulimia, it is a real mind battle for me. I started purging and caused a slip of my band. I had to admit to my surgeon that I was bulimic which was really hard to do. So he took out some fill to see if it will settle.

I didn't see the Oprah show but i have seen a few research articles about how we are at risk or replacing one addiction with another. For the first year after banding I didn't drink any alcohol because I didn't want to waste calories. Then I went through a few months of bad drinking on my own where I felt very alone. Now I've pulled myself together and am back at goal weight and am verging on anorexia to stay at goal weight. It is one addiction or another

Hi Jonathon Best wishes with this really difficult decision. Having met people who converted from the band to gastric bypass I would probably opt to try the VG band first before the RNY. But........if i had no other option I would go RNY and so would they. I know someone who had to get their third band over the top of a DS.

i've had all my fill taken out due to a slip. Believe you me, you can't maintain without fill. I was down to about a 23 BMI, but am now back to about 27. Not happy! I'm hoping that when i get my fill back that I can get back to 25 BMI (the 23 might have been due to the restriction from the slip) and then maintain. This is the scary part. I feel so out of control with the regain.

Hi all I've been a member of lapband sites for about 3 years now. One thing that really bugs me is when people say "i'll never see this weight again". The lapband doesn't guarantee that. I know two people who have gained - one to more than she started at. Once you reach goal it's just like any other person on a diet - you have to be vigilant. Sometimes I think people think it is guaranteed. Its not - it's a real challenge.

yes I guess the point of my post was that it takes dedication and hard work. The band is not some "magic pill". I met with lap banders today from those considering it to some veterans. I hate it when people tell newbies that it is a sure thing. It's not, it takes committment. And then you have to deal with the after effects of obesity on your body. It's not like you back to a normal size person with no stretch marks. You are always an ex-obese person. Don't get me wrong, I know I am a lot healthier than I was before.

Lots of thoughts going through my head. I agree with your point about supporting others to be successful, not to say "poor me" or "why??". And I definitely wasn't saying it was easy in the beginning, anyone who knew me at that time knows I was an emotional wreck waiting to get some sort of restriction. And I never really got it, the night reflux caught up with me before I could get a decent level. Guess my point I was trying to make when I made my original post was that sometimes when people post "I'll never see this weight again" that it gives a misleading impression to people investigating the band that this is somehow different to other weight loss methods. Obviously I didn't express myself well enough. And having had all my fill out due to my slip has made me realise the appetite dimming that the band gives me when it is tighter. I am so much more hungry now. But i'm also struggling with the emotional eating, and can't seem to rein it in.

I think you may have misread my comment. I wasn't saying that it (keeping the weight off) CAN'T be done, just that's it's not just a matter of having the band. It requires committment and hard work. What bugs me is the lack of recognition of this work. Maybe i'm sensitive to it cause I feel that the people who know I have a band (which aren't many) think it is an easy ride, when really to maintain at goal takes just a much effort as anyone else who has lost alot of weight.

Hi Heather - I don't doubt that you believe you will keep doing the right things. But if we were capable of doing the right things ALL the time we wouldn't have needed the band in the first place. When we are in the early stages of losing weight we are in this euphoric state where everything is beautiful. But the reality is that we can't (or I can't) suppress all the old emotional eating habits forever. And that's when the real battle begins.

Yes I felt sorry for them - but they are willing participants. I wish they would show more about the food they eat. Its all about the exercise

Hi I had lost 133 lbs but have gained since losing my fill due to a slip. Now it is 121 lbs lost