josygirl

Hi I was banded in Sep 2004 and lost 135 pounds to get to a normal BMI (just). I had a slip diagnosed in September this year and had my band repositioned. Both times i have had a fill since then I have had to go back to get some Fluid out because I was too tight. So I am feeling a little scared of going back for more fill. Plus I don't want to see my fill Dr because I have now gained over 50 pounds and I feel embarassed. I just can't stop eating - I know it's emotions. But I thought the band would help with the regain like everyone says. Josy

Hi everyone Its the Christmas holidays and we are supposed to be happy. But I am crying because I am alone. I will spend the day with my brothers and their familys but I feel like a loser because I don't have a partner of my own. I have struggled with an eating disorder both before and after my banding. I was restricting my food to reach goal but now i am bulimic. I will have to stay as bulimic over the next few days as I will be staying with family and will have to eat. I hope to get back to resticting after that. :faint: The banding is just the tip of the iceberg. We still have a struggle to fight the food demons. The threat of making my band slip doesn't seem to be enough of a threat at the moment. Josy

sorry Terrlilen I don't want to have an argument with you. i am in a fragile state at the moment. I think i am on the verge of a mental breakdown. I have been deliberately mean to a dear friend which is totally out of character for me. I normally avoid confrontation. I didn't think it was such a big deal I was simply restricting my food because I wanted to lose weight. But my therapist and Dr are freaking out over it. They are diagnosing anorexia which seems strange to me.

I just want to be normal. But to be normal I have to starve myself. I would like to be about 143 pounds, I am currently about 148 pounds. My health care team are freaking out because i am starving myself to reach my goals. I think that I have always struggled with eating disordered behaviour and this is just another manifestation of it. I don't know how to just have a normal relationship with food. I fluctuate though.... sometimes though I will be bulimic then I will regain control and restrict.

just for your info I would never have used the word anorexia for such a fat cow as me. I have a bmi of 24. I thought you had to have a bmi of like 13 to be anorexic. But I am not eating and the Drs and my therapist are freaking out

Yes my diagnosis has changed to anorexia. How dare you question me!! I could scan the official papers to show you if you wanted me to prove it. I didn't use the word to get attention. I didn't use the word myself. My dr used if first last week. I have a skim milk latte for breakfast and then I eat a meal every third day or so when i am with company (I live alone). I thought because I had a normal bmi that I was ok. but the drs are freaking out because I am not eating. I can't see what the problem is. I think I have the right to look normal. I am arguing with my therapist that i have a right to be a normal weight.

Joyce Please be careful. I caused my band to slip by intentional PBing. I think it is bulimia. It is an eating disorder. Now I have changed to anorexia to try and fight the battle. It was so hard to admit to my Dr. He was understanding. I guess we wouldn't have got so big if we weren't so screwed up with our eating.

Devana - my head is really messed up at the moment - a frozen meal seems too big. It freaks me out to think of eating that much in one go so I just don't eat at all. Mizboo - I really liked your analogy about the tool, it has given me something to think about. I guess I have to start trusting in the band again. I'm just scared because like most of us I have lost weight before but have never maintained. The eating disordered behaviour didn't start until I reached goal. (Obviously I've had an eating disorder in the past). I personally know 2 people who have the band, lost the weight and are now bigger than they started so there are no guarantees. One is even thinking of having the band removed. I really appreciate everyone's messages. I was feeling so alone, like I was facing this battle all by myself. It has been so good to post about my struggles and get words of encouragement and suggestions. Its been a really rough week. I've had two Drs tell me I have to start eating but they don't understand the panic inside my head. And the fear that if I start I just won't stop, cause that is my pattern. Because I'm generally more of a binger than a restricter. And I love having a BMI of 24, just being a normal size. I don't want to lose that. Thanks again. I am going to print out all the posts so I can take them with me to work to remind me that I am not alone in this struggle. Josy

I do see a counselor - she is telling me I have to eat. Basically my Dr and counsellor are telling me that my depression/teariness/lack of concentration/ all come down to my not eating. I have had a lot of stress to deal with over the last two months. I don't like it all being attributed to my not eating. I feel that they are minimising the stress that I am under. I am scared to start eating. I don't want to lose what I have achieved in terms of weight loss. People have been giving me compliments. I feel normal, I am a normal BMI. I have a right to be a normal size. They can't take that away from me. Josy

I don't want cosmetic surgery to be beautiful, just to be acceptable. I think there is a big difference. I would like to get it done over the winter (Australia - June 07) I am 41 and have never been in a long term relationship. Have lost weight before with weight watchers. But have always regained so I am petrified I will regain with the band too. I just want someone to accept me. The excess skin would turn anyone off. I look OK with clothes on. But need my arms and legs done. Josy

Thanks so much for all of the responses. My labs are fine. My Dr said there is no test for wellness She really gave me a stern talking too! Probably what I needed. I was using the blood tests as my guide that nothing was wrong. I am so scared because I have no in between. If I dont restrict I am scared I will binge on food and gain weight. I dont know how to eat in moderation. I don't want to have cosmetic surgery because I see it as vanity, without it noone will ever accept me. I am torn. Josy

Hooray I have lost 134 pounds. It has made such a difference to my life. Josy

I am really stuggling. I was banded Sept 04. I have reached my goal. I started at 282 pounds and have reached 148 pounds. But the last few pounds have been reached by severely restricting my food intake. Some(my doctors) would even say anorexia. I have a latte for breakfeast. Then diet coke during the day, sometimes a carrot. Then I only eat a meal at night every third day or so when I am with company (I live alone). I just want to be an acceptable size in society. My bmi is 24 and I have been getting compliments from friends and family. I am confused because my Dr is hitting the roof and saying I have to eat. But I just want to meet someone who will accept me. I will have to have cosmetic surgery before that will happen and they always want you to be at goal weight for that. I have had two Drs this week tell me I have to start eating. But I don't want to put on weight. I like that I can feel my collar bones. They tell me the reason I am feeling depressed and confused is because I am not eating. I don't know what to do. I am scared if I start eating I won't stop. Josy