LookingForMe

My story so far spans 6 years and includes 4 surgeries and a lot of ups and downs.

In 2008, weighing in at 288 pounds on a 5'3'' frame, detesting seeing myself in wedding photos, and now having a gorgeous stepson to live for, I sought out weight loss surgery. Not to mention, my endocrinologist diagnosed me with PCOS and told me my only hope for having a baby was to lose weight. My employer is known to have a "Cadillac" benefits plan, so I had a hunch approval wouldn't be too difficult. I was correct. Getting approval only took a few months, and a minor number of hoops jumped through. I decided on the Lap-Band and was pretty excited going in to surgery. I wasn't too nervous, believe it or not! And even though back in 2008, the pre-op diet that my surgeon required was MUCH worse than what they do now (14 days of CLEAR liquids), I got through it ok.

Surgery went pretty smooth- I remember falling in love with the SF Banana popsicles they gave me to eat right out of surgery - delicious!! After 2 weeks of chilling at home and lounging in the sun, I was back at work. I started getting fills soon after and started feeling the restriction. My memories that stand out - first time I got stuck was on a piece of egg and my husband had to stop alongside the road for me to slime/gag/vomit whatever you call that, ugh. The band had its good and bad. I remember getting stuck often. I remember wanting so badly to sample all of the foods at Thanksgiving dinner that I snuck away to do some yoga poses to get the food to slide through the band so that I could eat more - and was caught by my SIL who thought it was hilarious, as she downed a pumpkin roll. But a lot of the time, I paid attention to the rules, and didn't get stuck, worked out 5 days per week, and I lost weight - a lot of weight! I was down to a size 14 when I started having gallbladder issues. Getting extreme upper right stomach pain and nausea for no apparent reason, vomiting my guts up when there wasn't even anything in my guts to vomit up. That is when the band slipped for the first time. I knew it had slipped because even though I had a slight unfill, I could not get anything through the band and I was sliming/salivating constantly. I carried a can around one weekend so that I could spit my extra saliva out. Gross. By the time the dr finally decided to remove my gallbladder, the slip was so bad that I wasn't eating anything and was very dehydrated. He removed the GB, repaired the slip, and sent me on my merry way.

Since I wasn't filled directly after surgery, I immediately gained back about 25 lbs. But I felt so good compared to before the surgery that I didn't care! After a couple of months of not caring, I realized I was starting to gain a little much, so I started getting fills again, pumped back up my exercise plan, and did ok at not getting stuck, not vomiting, etc. But I did still have one problem that I had from the very start. When I had the band, I could not burp. No matter how hard my husband tried to coach me, it didn't work. The gas got stuck in my esophagus and just gurgled around in there, making me (and him) miserable. I learned that if I just *barely* gagged myself with my fingers, the gas would be able to come up, and *most* of the time, I could keep from emptying the contents of my pouch. It sounds, and felt like bad Band behavior, but I was miserable and had to do something. Anyway, I started to lose weight again slowly, and was really enjoying life again. That was a pretty good year for me. That Christmas season was filled with parties, and I was able to enjoy them without the band being an issue. And on December 22nd, we found out the greatest news - we were pregnant! We had been trying for nearly a year and given it up to just enjoy life, and surprise! It was wonderful news!

So, I went to my surgeon and he did a complete unfill. I had a GREAT pregnancy. I felt better during pregnancy than I have EVER felt in my life. I felt so full of positive energy. I was literally that glowing pregnant woman walking around on cloud 9! I focused on eating a lot of healthy food, taking my vitamins, drinking tons of water, continued exercising. I was a great PG mommy! (I did crave spicy foods and the baby insisted on a bowl of Graeter's black raspberry chip ice cream every night :) I gained weight, quite a bit, but I was so happy, I was ok with it. I had a great big round baby belly and didn't care that my arm fat was back :) I got up to about 248 at the time of delivery. My delivery was great. Near perfect, in fact. I made it to 8 cm before I got an epidural and delivered within 12 hours.

Post delivery, they moved me to the recovery room, and that is when the disaster started. I nodded off due to extreme tiredness, and woke up aspirating my spit. Every time I nodded off while I was in the hospital, I woke up aspirating saliva. I am convinced, CONVINCED, that my band slipped during delivery due to being completely unfilled and all of the pushing. The next year was a mix of joy and misery. I couldn't eat food most of the time - well I take that back. Some weeks I could eat soups, soft foods, other weeks, I had to stick to protein shakes and milk shakes. I nursed my baby that entire year on that diet. Every night when I lay down to sleep, if there was ANYTHING in my pouch, even a little water, it would immediately reflux the second I dropped off to sleep and I would aspirate it. I got a couple of respiratory infections due to aspirating, and had to use an inhaler sometimes. I found out that drinking a milkshake at the right time of evening would cause everything in my pouch to slide through and I wouldn't take even a sip after that before I went to bed. Still nursing the baby, I did take a 2 day break (pump and dump) to have an Upper endoscopy, where a GI doctor (not my surgeon) said the band looked fine, and used a balloon to stretch the esophagus a little. This didn't really help. Not wanting to affect my nursing relationship with my very beautiful and healthy son, I continued my suffering. I suffered like this through his 13th month, when he started to drink from a cup and lost interest in nursing. After we stopped nursing, it seemed like the band got even worse. I was down to about 170 lbs. now after a year of nursing and barely eating. And now even the tricks I used for that year weren't working anymore! So back to the surgeon I went and finally he decided to remove the band. It was removed on 11/30/2012 and I weighed in at nearly 160 lbs that morning at the hospital.

My insurance would not approve me for an immediate conversion, and my surgeon didn't recommend it. He wanted me to give my body a few months to recover from the malnutrition, trauma, and to see if the reflux problem would resolve. It did, immediately. I did well the first 6 months. I became an exercise nut, doing the 30 day challenge, P90X, etc, and eating a whole foods diet. I spent all day Sunday in the kitchen preparing healthy and wholesome meals for me and my family. I only gained about 20 lbs those first 6 months. Then disaster struck. I went on vacation, forgot my thyroid meds for a few days, came home with the flu, and triggered a nasty depression. A few months later, I had totally given up and was gaining weight like crazy. Within the year, I've gained another 80 lbs.

Backing up a little, I tried, just a few months after the band was removed, to get approved for the Gastric Sleeve. My insurance wouldn't approve me this time because my BMI wasn't high enough. Come back when you are on our BMI chart, they said. HAH! Please gain weight and become unhealthy again, then we will help you. SO, anyway, I gave up on that for a while, and started trying again this past January. They denied me a couple of time because they tried to say the Band didn't work, so they wouldn't approve a second surgery. Uh, YES it DID! My surgeon's PA was on the war path when she heard that! A 130 lb weight loss does not indicate failure, she said! So, needless to say, she got me approved. But I shelved the approval due to some personal issues with my mom's situation. And finally decided to go for it, was Sleeved on 5/30/2014, despite my husband's protests (worried about complications/permanence) and looking forward to adding more to my story! So far, the sleeve seems alright. I am definitely not hungry, but a little unsure as to how I'm going to get my protein in with this much restriction. Gonna time my time and follow doctor's orders!