Ginger Snaps

@CowgirlJane You go girl! I'm glad to hear you've found Mr. Right Now... look forward to seeing how it works out!

Thanks for sharing your story. It seems like we're destined in life to beat ourselves up if we're not actively avoiding it. We beat ourselves up because we're fat. We beat ourselves up because we've lost weight and now we're jiggly. I love that word confidence, too... I've found mind since the surgery but not just in how I feel or look but ALL the great things I am! I'm not beating myself up any more and I won't let anybody else do that to me, either. You go girl!

Every one is on point! I have waiters bring me Water just so I don't have to try to explain that I don't want anything to drink. My kids or boyfriend just trade their empties out with me when they need a refill. One more to add: When you get tired of looking for a light, interesting magazine for a quick read because all the headlines are the latest "drop 10 pound" diets and you're not interested.

1) I am a lifelong learner. Since I've been an adult, I've gotten my MBA, learned to play harp, taken all kinds of art and fiber art lessons. I've learned to card and spin wool into yarn, weave and knit. 2) I am brave. I've been on a couple of mission trips with my church to Kenya and India. I had this surgery and took that chance on changing my life. I signed up and ran some 5k races last year and I've signed up for a mud run in June. I'm nervous about doing some of these things but I decided not to live my life based on what seems scary at first. I left an unhappy marriage after 15 years but didn't let it make me bitter or hateful. And the rewards of an independent, happy life are MORE than enough return for any pain I went through.

Last October I signed up for a mud run in June. At the time I was thinking it would be great motivation to continue working out over the winter. The closer it gets the crazier I feel for signing up. Several friends said they'd do it, too, but none of them have forked over the registration. So, I was telling my crazy 21 year old son about it and he was like "Oh, I'll do it with you if you promise to finish." So, now, it's some kind of weird mother/son bonding event where he promises he'll stay back with me as long as I finish. I met with my trainer at the gym for her to give me some exercises to help with an event like this. I need to really work up the upper body strength for all the pulling and climbing stuff. Now I'm doing bear crawls, inchworms, planks... all kinds of things that have my arms and lats aching. But, it'll be worth it when I can finish! @glitter eyes Try http://main.nationalmssociety.org/site/PageServer?pagename=HOM_MUCK_homepage to see if there's one close to you. Nice to know I'm not the only crazy lady wanting to do something completely outside her comfort zone!

The mental part of this journey is as hard or harder than the physical - at least for me. I find myself feeling a little left out when friends are talking about diets or when I'm at a health seminar and the only goal they talk about is weight loss. Like I'm the only one not focusing on that now? I also "liked" a lot of body image / acceptance pages on Facebook and I catch myself feeling kind of bad that I didn't love my body before but do now that I'm skinny. Like I don't deserve to sing "All About that Bass". Head games... guess I need to look up my therapist, too.

B12 is really important for energy but Vitamin D has an impact, too. Do you have sleep apnea? I did and when I first started losing weight, the machine was really bugging me at night and keeping me from sleeping soundly. I saw the doctor and stopped using it and had another sleep study and SURPRISE the apnea was gone. The machine was actually disturbing my sleep instead of helping it since I didn't need it anymore.

First, you probably don't have to tell anyone the specifics. Being female, you can always just say "It's a female thing...". That'll probably stop anyone in their tracks from asking more questions. Or, just tell them the truth.

Update... I've had mixed experiences. Christian Mingle didn't work for me... not enough men online and it's a numbers game. Plenty of Fish was worse. I met 4 guys in person from there... two were total duds, one was nice enough but wanted to be exclusive after the first date and one turned out to be a psycho from the outer regions of hell... he had a HUGE criminal record, was a con-artist, drug user and I ended up filing a restraining order. Owwiieee! I went on Match and sent out a lot of emails without responses. I have a male friend on Match, too, and we both averaged 50+ emails out before getting one response back. Well, the first guy I did meet in person turned out to be a gem... we've been seeing each other for about 6 months now. He's a real man, polite, honest, affectionate and best of all, he's a healthy weight, active and we get along wonderfully! It does happen sometimes -- I have another friend who has been with her man now for 5 years after meeting on Match. I agree that weight does matter on the online sites but it's true, some people do prefer heavier partners, so I wouldn't say weight may exclude you from ever connecting with someone online, you're just going to have different options. And unfortunately, probably more limited. But don't lose hope... work on yourself, be happy with yourself where you are (alone or in a relationship) and present the best you you can!

I had bypass 8-9 months ago and couldn't be happier. Which surgery to have is a personal decision you should make with your doctor taking into account your specific medical history. Don't let fear be the deciding factor... I had bypass and LOVE my decision. Sure, my intestines were "rearranged" but they work great and I feel wonderful. I don't see bypass as any more radical than removing half your stomach with the sleeve surgery. I wasn't a foodie before, so I didn't worry about losing my appetite or not having "fun" with food anymore. But, I can say I'm pickier now and go for the better stuff since I can only eat a little of it. And almost no carbs, so I'm always reading the menu picking out the best-sounding Proteins. The surgery did affect my appetite... I don't really have one much anymore but that's working great for me. I eat more by the schedule but never feel "ravenous" or desperate for food. Some people have stomach issues and can't tolerate certain foods anymore but I can eat any proteins I want. Carb-heavy foods will make me dump, so I avoid them. Of course bariatric surgeons push bariatric surgery -- one, they believe in it or they wouldn't have specialized in that area and two, they see it works. But if the doctor feels pushy, I'd shop around. For me, I left that first appointment feeling like there was finally hope for me to drop the weight and this guy was gonna help me do that. And he did.

I definitely lost at least a full ring size... so I went and bought new rings! lol Feet are at least a half size smaller and I don't need a wide anymore. However, I must have monster calves because even with the weight loss, I can't find a pair of knee high boots that fit even in the extended calf. I did find a pair at Payless (designers have crazy ideas of what an extended calf actually measures) but they don't have a heel so they're disappointing.

Love this thread... only a few places or people you can talk about things like this with. I met a new man around the time I hit goal weight and at first when we were intimate, I was really self concious -- only about my saggy stomach. I had a ton of stretch marks before surgery from pregnancies, so it's really the only place I have lots of sag and wrinkling/scarring. So, at first, it was lights out, or keeping a cami on... stuff like that. He never really asked about the weird eating habits (super small portions, picking through stuff on the plate for Protein, appetizers for meals and still taking home half). I think he just figured that's how I stayed at a slim, healthy weight. After dating for about 2 months, I told him about having surgery and losing over 70 pounds. He was like "Wow, good for you!" It was a total non-issue with him. He was a little shocked when I told him I had only had the surgery 7 months before. He thought it had been years. He asks me every now and then questions about before, like was I active then or able to hike/climb, stuff like that. I showed him a few before pictures and he was like "Wow, you look like a new woman -- a beautiful new woman". It stings a little when he says stuff like that because I know with him, he would not have been attracted to me. He's very fit and healthy and active and just doesn't go for heavier women. I don't judge him for that because it's just the way he feels but it still stings to remember how unattractive and undesirable I felt at my prior weight. You're right... horny men DON'T even notice a lot of our flaws. They certainly don't focus on flaws like we seem to meditate on. I read a dating blog and the guy frequently says no matter what you look like when you wake up, you're beautiful to us because you're waking up beside us. Good for you recognizing this and talking to your therapist to help overcome it. It may talk a while but maybe someday we can really feel that our "flaws" are just proof we're human and that we've done work to help us lead healthier lives... they are not just battle scars but victory scars!

@@teacherlady2133 WOW!!! A lot of times we say "you look like a different person" but you HONESTLY look like a new woman! I bet people who haven't seen you in a while don't recognize you. And you retained boobs!!! How wonderful!!! I didn't have them to start with and I certainly didn't keep anything there. Great job! Revel in how far you've already come.

I could eat Protein bars (Quest) before suregery but can't stomach them at all now and don't like the taste anymore. Your tastes and preferences can defniitely change post-surgery. My regular protein foods include: boiled eggs, Greek yogurt (with less than 10 grams sugar), Muscle Milk 100 shakes, almonds, lunchmeat, steak (YUM!), chicken, fish, tuna, fat-free refried Beans, cheese.... lots of choices. I do add in shakes frequently if I need more protein for the day.

@@Daisee68 You're right -- there are people that are wildly successful and people who do not lose weight (or as much) with the surgery. The difference in surgery and another diet is that the surgery gives you a great tool to help you be successful. More than just a coach or someone to talk to or an appetite supressant, you get your body on board to eat smaller portions and to have negative reinforcement over poor food choices (at least with bypass you get dumping syndrome with too many carbs or fat). No pill or person can give you that. I think it's a perfectly normal fear and probably 99% of the people on these boards have worried that they will not be successful. In my case, I lost more than I had dreamed I could and I'm lower than the goal I had set for myself. Think my body had a different goal in mind. I know there is a possibility that I might regain but I also know that it's within my control now and I've developed a new lifestyle of healthier food and exercise, so I'm doing what I can to avoid regain. I hope this helps... best wishes on whatever you decide to do.

@@binleyvelz I applaud you for being honest about it. It's just like when you're overweight and eat the wrong foods, you know you are eating poorly but you just don't seem to be able to exercise the will to stop. If you feel like you have a problem, talk to someone (a professional). It may be that you're too hard on yourself and you're really not drinking excessively. Or, you may be and will need some help to work through that. You reached out and asked for help with your weight. Be proactive now and get the help and support and information you need. No flaming! Best wishes!

It counts either way!!! Congratulations!

I've been off the site a while... Busy living and loving life. I had surgery June 9, 2014. My goal was to lose 70 pounds. I hit that at 5-1/2 months out. I never dreamed I could even hit it, but I followed the food plan, worked out 4-5 times a week, walked all over my town and here I am now, 9 pounds lower than my goal. I went from a size 16/18 jean to a 4 (baggy now -- think I'm going to have to go find some 2's). My brain is still trying to catch up with the weight loss. When I buy clothes I struggle with picking up that small shirt or medium, take both in the dressing room and almost always walk out with the small. I lost over 60 inches between my bust, waist, hips and thighs. I feel like so much in my life has completely changed. I have a new boyfriend who is active and very fit -- instead of huge meals together we eat reasonably and go for long walks together (power walking around the mall with all this snow). And we're taking swing lessons and go out dancing 2-3 hours every Friday and Saturday night. That counts as exercise, too and I would have never had the stamina to do that before. I hit the gym 4-5 times a week still -- worked out with a trainer for a while to learn lots of body weight exercises and other weight lifting programs, so I can build up muscle. I ran two 5k runs back in the late fall... will do that again this year. Signed up for a 5k mud/obstacle run with friends this spring (I know -- crazy). I feel like I've gotten a new lease on a happier, healthier life. No more sleep apena (after about the first 25 pounds), never any reflux. I enjoy the food I eat and the body I have. This Christmas I was a model for the fashion show my surgeon puts on at his holiday party for former and prospective patients. This surgery was a life-saver for me. I know they say the surgery works on the stomach but not the brain, but I'm pretty sure my bariatric surgeon did some brain surgery, too! Just wanted to share!

Call me crazy but I signed up for Muck Fest NJ in June. It's a 5k mud obstacle course. I've got a couple of crazy friends who say they'll do it with me, but we'll have to see if that plays out. To train for it, I'm trying to build upper body and grip strength. I'm a mouse jockey (sit at a computer all day) and I have SUCH weak arms! I need to be able to pull myself up ropes and hang onto things to swing out to jump in muddy Water. This is SO out of my comfort zone -- makes it a fun challenge to even consider!

For me, personally, I've had people who questioned why I would have surgery... that I wasn't "big enough". I had a BMI of 36, so I wasn't morbidly obese but I had apnea and reflux, too, so I qualified for surgery. What they don't see is that I had struggled with my weight for over 20 years and it was only getting worse. My surgeon agreed I was the perfect candidate for surgery because I didn't have more health problems yet and therefore, the surgery wasn't as risky as it would be if I had diabetes or high blood pressure. I agree with a lot of the other posters that many people probably consider it the "easy" way and therefore, not the "right" way, making it the "wrong" way. I had the typical "why don't you just eat healthier and exercise more" questions, too. If only it were that easy. The way I see it, if you get to the end goal and you're healthy and happy with your decision, you made the right choice. Just like people who hit there goals with Weight Watchers or some other diet, you ended up where you needed to be.

I'm totally in that class of people who pick out the big clothes first, thinking there's no way I'll fit into a small or size 4-6, but I do. My ears still perk up at those weight loss commercials and I've noticed now how many of them there are. TMI - but I still feel really self conscious undressing in front of my man... somehow I don't see that my body's not fat anymore. My legs are thin and toned, I have a defined waist and nice, curvy hips.

Rocking those boots! Funny -- I lost inches everywhere but I still have big calves and have trouble finding big-calf boots. Even the extended calf ones are usually too tight to zip!