DevilMayKare

Wow, I didn't realize this was an actual pursuit of some people. Maybe you all have heard of this before, but in case you haven't here's an excellent article: http://members.aol.com/intwg/trolls.htm Hopefully, you can click there. If that doesn't work I'll C&V it.

Quote: Originally Posted by "Just" Paul No pics... Bummer. Well... if he did, would that make him a PhotoNut??? (so, sooooo close...) LOL!

Yeah, me too. *Siiiiiiiiiigh* Guess I'll stop envying all you married folk. What the hell use is it being married if you don't even get to have good sex?! :eek: No WONDER I'm divorced. :guess

I think there is some big trouble in their marriage. Hopefully her future weightloss will enable her to get through the obvious issues they have. BUT I just have to say, it isn't all that hard to do this alone. Only one person (my secretary) knew about my surgery because I had to list someone in case of an emergency, but I just told my family and other co-workers I was going to visit a friend for a few days. I took a cab to the Amtrak station, got picked up by Dr Otiz office in San Diego, went to TJ and stayed in the hotel all by myself. I was feeling good enough to go home the day after the surgery so went back to the train, took a cab from the depot home and everything was fine. I told my teenage son that I live with after the fact, but no one else in my family knows and only a very few friends. It's been over a year now and keeping it to myself was one of the smartest things I've ever done.

That reminds me of a time in my youth when I was taking a litlle hike w/ a boyfriend. It was hot and I was only wearing a bikini top & shorts (imagine that). It was getting near dusk when my guy got the urge and bent me over a rock. He was uh...well, you know... going at it behind me and I was surprised when he started hitting my ass. He'd never been into any kind of "spanking" activity before! He slapped my back a couple of times too and I kinda went along with it until a really hard smack on the butt stung a bit too much & and I went "Hey! That HURTS!" He answered, "Sorry, I was just killing the mosiquitos!" :scared: Needless to say that was the end of THAT hiking activity.

Well, I am more than happy to give a pat on the back to anyone who works out for 3 hours a day. If I did that I'd sure as heck feel like boasting about it! We all do what we can when we can. Admittidly it is pretty hard for most of us to work out that much--but almost all of us could probably workout more than we do. (Ever watch TV for 3 hours in a day? ...yeah, me too...) I'm really happy to see somone working out and losing faster--that means it is POSSIBLE for me. TIme and time again I have seen how much more successfully people lose weight when they exercise. THis is NOT just a matter of burning calories. It is also a matter of fighting depression, which does make most of us eat. Many, MANY studies have shown that a minimum of 30 minutes of aerobic exercise 5 days per week has a tremendous effect on depression levels. It usually takes about 2 weeks for people to notice a big difference in mood--versus 3 weeks with most antidepressents. There are many skinny people who don't exercise--but hardly ANY former fat people who became skinny people who don't. Oprah's average is an hour of aerobics 6 days a week along with 3 hours of weight training per week. That's MAINTENANCE. So while you should not feel guilty by comparison, you might want to look to those heavy lifters for INSPIRATION. Instead of thinking, "Look how much they're doing, I can't do that much..." maybe think, "I can't wait until I've lost enough and have built up to where I can work out like that." Believe me, it is incredibly EMPOWERING.

Girls, girls, girls.... just try to think of it as Hollandaise sauce.

Yeah, me too Paul. In fact--even MORE me!! You're married, right? Well get your DW over here reading!! I seriously had to stay away from this thread cuz it got me so hot n' bothered this weekend. I have simply GOT to work on getting a boyfriend... or at least a FB.* *from Sex & the City... don't ask me if you don't get it. :grouphug:

Sorry, don't mean to hijack this, but I'd really like to warn you about Phen. After 6 mos or so it really started doing a number on my short-term memory. It took me awhile to figure it out (kept forgetting). Just PLEASE be careful of any diet drugs. The brain effects can be subtle until they're so noticable they can't be ignored and by then the damage may be done. THere is a LOT I am willing to do to lose weight--but being DUMBER isn't one of them.

I'm sorry if it came across like I was "blaming." That wasn't my intention. I was merely extrapolating from my own experience and trying to offer an explanation--admitily ONE explanation. In my case at the time it certainly had NOTHING to do with willingness or desire. I was young, unexperienced, naive and--believe it or not-- very shy & self conscious about sexual things. I was in my late 20's and on my 2nd lover--not exactly experienced-- when my girlfriend sent me that letter after a conversation we had. Saying we all need to spend more time being initmate is all well and good, but finding a peson of the opposite sex to be emotionally and intellectually intimate with is damn hard and scarey as hell. In the best of all possible worlds... okay, but in THIS world most of us are just trying to do the best we can with what's available. Honestly Tommy and Tired, I think you two are way over sensitive and jumped on my like I was "Blaming" when that wasn't the case. If I can't offer an explanation of something without being accused of something else I'll get the hell off of here again.

I didn't see anything in your post to criticize. I think the reason many women don't enjoy giving oral sex is because they've been taught how by a man--from a man's perspective. Most men (& of course there are some WONDERFUL exceptions) are not as sensuous about the whole thing. Many do not even KNOW how good it can feel to be totally sensual about this. I was "taught how" to perform this act by a boyfriend in my 20's and his whole focus was on how not to gag, how hard to suck, how fast to go...etc, nada about enjoying the sensuality of it. THAT I had to have a girlfriend teach me. Omigosh... sometimes I surprise even myself at what I'm willing to discuss. Please don't anybody tell my sons!!!

Oh yeah... makes a tremendous difference. I have even told lovers in the past that I was going to enjoy myself & do what I wanted with their tool and to heck with what they wanted! Believe it or not--they love that! THe lack of your need for them to "do" anything is really a turn on for men. (And of course the more you tell them they can't, the more they want to.) If just letting go and enjoying is a new thing for you a glass of wine or two really helps too. And it's always nice to start with a nice, warm sponge bath of the area you're going to enjoy. And don't forget music. My favorite music to make love to is almost anything my Andrea Bocelli or KD Lang.

No, no, no, NOOOOOOOO!! OMG Lady De, I can hear Telly furiously typing away a 5-page response as I read your post. I just checked on the LBT site to see if anyone had any comments about the best advice I ever got or could ever give over on the XXX thread and I see the Sangria Bash is going to get all mucked up again! Ladies may I suggest (no names, but one starts with a D and the other with a T) would you BOTH PLEEEEEZE go to the profile section and each set your browsers to IGNORE each other? Now everybody, just forget about the whole thing and go read about sex.

Oh yeah, you can learn to LOVE it believe me. I was lucky to have an experienced girlfriend give me some words of advice that changed my sex life about 20 years ago. I found her old letter (saved that gem for almost 2 decades!) and typed the salient text here for you. HANG ON!!! (And ENJOY!)......... Should you find yourself in the coveted position of having an attractive gentleman’s dick in your mouth, make the dick your lover...get into the feeling of it on your lips, and around your lips, and inside your mouth. Play with it, and feel how it makes YOU feel to rub that perfectly smooth treat on the insides of your mouth, the insides of your cheeks, up between your teeth and lips, under your tongue, all around... really let yourself indulge in the oral sensitivity to which you might (?) be inclined. Don’t work on HIM, the guy; use his dick to work on YOU and the feelings you can release. Don’t be afraid to rub that slippery thing all around your face and under your chin, along your neck, along your eye lids and brow bone...Like IT, the dick, is your lover... like it is giving you a facial, a delightful little massage... keep putting it back in your mouth for lubrication and further tantalization... use your hands on the shaft with the end in your mouth... spread your fingers in a V, or make a ring and slip the shaft up and down there while “d’enda” is in your mouth or you are running your tongue up and down the shaft too. Just be sure to focus on what it feels like to YOU, and what it looks like to YOU, and how damn awesome it is to have a HARD dick at your command. Tease yourself with it... kind of mentally detach it from the guy ... It’s just you and the dick. You can do anything you want with it... Rub it on your titties... poke it into one or between them or under one or both.... Anything. Trust me on this. The more interest you can build in the Cock, what you feel about IT, alone, and the sensations it can give you that aren’t powered by the guy , the more pure sexual fun you will have.. and the more he will be blown away and go insane. Hopefully slowly. Of course, theres a time and a place for straight on sucking and heavy stroking, but really only if you want them to come, and still lots of play first, and often. Let yourself LOVE it. Don’t tell him, but recognize to your mind, in your heart, how much you WANT that dick in your life and make love to IT, the dick... Look at it, kiss it.... sigh to it, tease your mouth with it till you have to have it in your mouth, and believe me as you get into it, you will also get so wet that when he can’t stand it any more and throws you down on your back to pound you, he’ll freak out. So will you. It’s all in the teasing, the enjoyment of the actual sensations in your mouth, in your hands, on your skin...you’ re really there... and really FEEL it. You can look up at him now and then so he can see the delight you are taking in YOUR dick... he’ll still think it’s his, and that’s just fine. The more you love it, the more you cherish it, the more it will please you. You can have an orgasm just by sucking his dick. Honest. Almost any time. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Okay... Whose husband or boyfriend is going to get lucky tonight? Arg!! Not MINE since I don't HAVE one!!! Life is soooooo unfair. lol

Please, could we just keep this thread about the heading and not drag other stuff into it? *Sheesh* It's just not pleasant and doesn't make anyone look good. Please, I beg of you, just let it go!! :faint: Those who want to, party-on. Those who don't, hang out in some other thread.

Wow, I had one of the most thought-provoking experiences of my life this past week. I'm still absorbing it all. I just thought I'd come on here and share a bit with you because I'm really not sure what do do with this experience. After a long illness, my Uncle Harry (82) died last week. It wasn't a sad death, it'd been coming for awhile. Uncle Harry was quite a character. He was president of his class in High School and was set to go to Stanford, derailed by WWII, ended up owning a bar and going thru 3 wives--raising 5 children (some his, some not). He lived in on the Balboa Penninsula during the big band era--heyday of swing and was an incredible swing dancer. Well, there's a piece of the nutshell. Because his son (my cousin) was somewhat estranged from Harry and things are just problematic for a lot of people in the family (who were greatly affected by him--good & bad) I was asked to give the eulogy. Wow. We are not a religious family and there was to be no minister and nobody else talking--just ME giving the final words on this man's life to the world. It was just an incredible experience. What do I say? What do I not? Who do I mention? Who do I not? Two of his exwives and a current girlfriend (yes at 82) would be at the funeral as well as family from NY, AZ, UT, SC & of course SoCal. (There ended up being about 60 people at the service.) I spent all week writing it, talked to people about the past and got to know some stuff about my uncle I'd had no idea about. Anyway, sorry I'm rambling. I'm still processing. Anyone else had this experience? I will say, there's nothing like writing a Eulogy for someone else to make you take a good look at your own life.

Thanks everyone. I do find myself wanting to ask my Uncle more questions about how things were "back in the Day." Mostly it's got me rededicated to completing some things I always wanted to accomplish in my life. My kids (my main project) are grown so the rest is icing (uh oh...not a food metaphor). I do keep thinking that my days are waaaay too much about food. I'd hate it to say on my tombsone: "She Sure Knew How to Eat." :faint:

Okay, this is a little off topic--but in the general area as most places that do the laser removal also do the IPL treatment for age spots (also called--yuk!--liver spots). For anyone also looking into this... I had really bad spots & splotches on them forearms and hands. It really drove me crazy because I would have to look at my old looking skin while driving. I had an IPL treatment and it lightened the spots about 50%. (The first 2 weeks after this treatment my skin was swollen and looked worse than ever--then it all improves.) Had another treatment an experienced no swelling or darkening--also no improvement. So I went back for a third treatment and told her to zap me good as I didn't mind the pain, I just wanted these spots GONE. *Whew* even w/ lidocain it hurt and that time my arms really looked like hell for about 3 weeks. BUt guess what? NOOOOOO SPOTS. Well, hardly any. My skin is just a little mottled, but definitely no spots. So for me this was a great treatment. I really recommend it. Just make sure they give you a big enough zap. No pain, no gain (or loss)! (Sorrry about the little hijack. I just didn't think this was worth a whole new thread.)

You are absolutely right about character PNut. I haven't really heard I'll Succeed questioning his character. Yes, she is concerned about his debts and rightly so. If those debts are the result of poor character that is one thing, if poor business sense--that's another. I do NOT think she should "settle" for someone she cannot respect. I simply think there is more to a persons character than money. Also when I first read it I was struck by the fact that she seems to be waiting for God to send her someone who has money and I just do not think that's a high priority for God. Some of the happiest couples I have known have been dirt-poor missionaries. I can think of 4 couples right off the top of my head who have been happily married for decades without having money to buy a house or a whole lot of other things. Perhaps I'll Succeed won't have to "settle" for someone who isn't quite what she wants... but by default she might end up settling for not having children. (Actually I think the fact that they seem to have different educations might be the biggest hurdle to their relationship. That would be more of a problem to me than the funds.)

Wellllllllllllllllllllll.... take it from someone who married for money (well, maybe not money, but stability) there's a lot to be said for earth shattering sex and riches don't compensate for the lack of it. :rolleyes I don't necessarily disagree with what PNut & Penni have said, but I do have to ask you guys, even tho you suffered horribly finanically--would you do it again if not doing so meant you would not have your children? Because seriously ladies, she's 39 and wants children--and wants a man that will support her doing that--and I assume be wonderful in all those other ways men are wonderful. Sometimes ya just can't have it all. And while you CAN recover from financial devastation there IS a point of no return when it comes to having children.

No, I wasn't worried what they'd think of me--there's just NO DOUBT in my mind they'd be against it. I had my eyes done (bags removed) a couple of years ago and they gave me an incredibly hard time about that--and THAT was in the US. And even if they could understand why I would take such a drastic step they would worry--and worry even more that I was going to Mexico. My parents are in their 70's... that makes a difference. I didn't (& don't) want to put that burden on them. I didn't even tell my son whom I live with (17 at the time) until after and didn't tell my older son for months. The absolutely ONLY thing that worries me about my folks not knowing is if I have complications and have to go back to TJ to have the band removed. I'm in SoCal so that isn't that far for me, be arranging it so no one would wonder why I was suddenly gone for a few days could be problematic. Also since I haven't lost as much as I'd like--or even as much as I have on other programs if everyone knew they'd be wondering why I wasn't losing more. I've been thru everyone in my family being involved in my diet way too many times now. If I were 30, instead of 50 I'd probably feel differently.

Your poll left out "a few close friends--but NO FAMILY." That would be my category. My family just would have FREAKED out if I'd told them I was having surgery--no less going to Mexico for it. It's been a year and they still don't know. And if I have my way, they never will. Not telling people was one of the best decisions I've ever made. You shouldn't think by this that I'm not close to my family. I work with my brother and usually see my parents at least once a week.

Hi Sandy, I can't say whether or not this is the right step for you. The band is NOT a slam-dunk--especially when you have less to lose. In 1999 I was 312# when I started a program somewhat similar to Optfast called HMR (http://www.hmrprogram.com/) and got down to 155 within a year. THe first 3 mos was shakes and then a combination. I'm not sure how Optifast is, but this program stressed exercise and lifestyle changes--along with the MOST weightloss EDUCATION I have ever heard anywhere (& believe me, I have done a ton of programs over the years). After I left the program I gained a little, vacillating only between 10-20# up for almost 5 years. Then I had foot surgery, couldn't exercise and got back to 238. I just could NOT get myself motivated again and saw the scale climbing up. That's when I got the band. I lost 50# in about 4 months, gained 30, lost 20, gained 10... etc.... So the band got me back on track in that it kicked in my motivation. I'm about 180 now and about the only thing the band does for me is stop major binges. But without exercising my butt off and being hungry (YES, even with the band--& following all the rules-- I am STILL PHYSICALLY HUNGRY) I don't lose. I would really recommend the HMR program for you if there is one in your area. It's expensive--but not as costly as the band, and there are no complications. Best of luck to you!

I'm with ReneBean on this one. Since you've known for awhile something was wrong now that you know what it is you can address it specifically. Brain surgery is pretty amazing these days. My mother had BS for "Water on the brain" where they went in and installed a shunt from the side of her head down to her hip. I could not BELIEVE what a difference it made. She went to someone who seemed like an Alzheimer's patient right back to her old self in a matter of days. Since her surgery was such a lifesaver I don't know why it took them about 6 months (from diagnosis) to DO it. I hope you're able to get them to move faster with you. BIG HUGS!

When I saw this heading I thought it was asking how many of us take our shoes off before we step on the scales!