Thank you all for the support. I contacted my nurse program director about my hunger and was told to drink Water. I also tried to bring up my frustration with the nutritionist and was told to talk to my doctor, which I attempted to. I told him of my mental dullness as well (I'm a therapist and I was finding myself searching for words at times during session... I don't know if that has anything to do with my diet). My Dr. was more concerned with my blood pressure, which is at an all time high! I was shocked and worried about how high it is and I take my meds. I was so worried about it, and my doctor told me just to keep taking the meds and ignored my other concerns. I was really frustrated and scared. When I bumped into my nurse program director he told me that it is very difficult to get an accurate blood pressure because of your size". He told me I was probably suffering from "white coat syndrome' which elevated my blood pressure. I have never experienced that in the past. Basically, no one I contacted took much heed to how I was feeling. Don't get me wrong, I think my team is fantastic and awesome, but the one size fits all dietary regimen wasn't working for me and now I was cared and worried about my blood pressure.
Well, I did the worst thing I could possibly do. I snuck 4 or 5 Hershey kisses. I felt horrible mentally and physically. Mentally, I felt like a failure and physically I felt a sugar rush that made my head hurt, but tummy was fine. I was shocked that I didn't get physically ill just didn't like all that sugar. So instead of beating myself up, binging, or crying about it (like I always did before surgery) I decided to get proactive. I researched 10 different programs dietary guidelines for the gastric sleeve and decided to follow the most common dietary guidelines, which was full liquids for the next two weeks. (I'm supposed to still be on clear liquids...not even Protein shakes until next week). I had a fat free yogurt and now I feel, dare I say it, normal?
I know my choice may not be one that people agree with, and that's ok. I know I cheated on the diet and that may be a sign that I will not reach my goal or be noncompliant in a way that will undermine my efforts, I will deal with that and work to better myself and attain my goal. But I'm just trying to break my old patterns and own up to my struggles. This has been so hard, but I'm hoping I can make it.