Pepper123

I am 4 weeks post op, for 3 of those weeks I was off work. And being one of those people that live paycheck to paycheck never seeming to be able to save anything I've found myself basically out of cash. This wouldn't be such a big deal if I weren't still dealing with learning how to eat again, and my body's slow progression in handling less food and losing weight. All of these things lead me to having a panic attack Friday morning, heart beating what felt like out of my chest and of course I'm a weepy mess. I also had a dear friend and mentor pass away, but I think I've mentioned that in previous entries, it's an on going thing.
 
My surgeon's office, Barker Bariatric, has been very helpful. They gave me many protein samples, although none of them have wowed me to be honest. But they are to help make sure that I can at least make it through to the 22nd when I get my first paycheck.
 
The emotional stress of this whole process cannot be overstated. If you have a tendency or even diagnosis of depression, anxiety, or any mood disorders you will need to keep in close contact with your mental health provider. I never felt like hurting myself, but certainly the guilt of putting myself in this situation was and continues to be overwhelming.
 
When you have your psychiatrist consultations be honest with them about who and how you are. MO people are fantastic at pushing things under the rug, and down playing the severity of situations. Perhaps you will be denied surgery, but consider that you being alive with extra weight on might be better than you going down a dark road of depression and possible suicide. Counseling might be a great way to getting help as well.
 
I have a huge support network of family, friends, and other WLS patients who have been vital to my survival through this initial phase. I pray you find the same, Face Book has several WLS support groups, of course there are some here, your own town should have a face to face support group. Even if you don't feel like you have supportive family and current friends the WLS community is full of helpful people and you'll find a few that can help.
 
If you are a paycheck to paycheck kind of person like me, expect that at the end of your leave of absence at work that you will probably be hurting for money, and might just freak out if your cupboards start to get bare and you run out of milk to mix with your protein shakes.

OMG.. did you guys know that Yoplait makes apple pie flavored Greek yogurt? It totes tastes like apple freakin pie. My mouth was rocked accordingly. If you like apple pie, yours will be too. Why was I not made aware of apple pie flavored yogurt sooner?? I like coconut, and they make a coconut flavor, but I suggest - why not coconut cream pie flavored? Come on Yoplait, you can do it. For me. (Honestly, I like coconut everything. Coconut water, coconut scented shampoo and conditioner, lotion... toasted coconut candles. Coconut lime reed diffusers.. I could go on).
 
I've officially lost more than 40 lbs in the 8 weeks since my surgery. 40.5 to be exact. Last night I told my Dad that. They he had the nerve to ask me what I used to weigh. I'm a classy broad, and a classy broad never reveals her weight to people she knows, lest she have to kill them. Frankly murder is so messy what with all the blood and cleaning up afterward (For the record, I AM TOTALLY KIDDING AND AM NOT A KILLER). My husband doesn't even know my weight. I know my Dad is a big guy too but I'm pretty sure I'm fatter than him and I just cannot have him knowing that I am THAT heavy. I told him I would let him know once I was below 200 lbs what my weight is.

Two Weeks Pre-OP



Weight: 304.9



BMI: 45.5


 
Let me first begin by introducing myself. My name is Leslie, I’m 29, and have been overweight pretty much my entire life. I am a customer service manager at the local grocery store chain in Chicago. I have had two back surgeries in the last 4 years and have foot & joint pain.
 
I decided to start this blog because I thought it might help me to put my feelings into words. I also hope that maybe someone reading this will get know that what they are feeling is normal and they aren’t alone. I know that reading about other people’s experiences has helped me along the way so far.
 
Bariatric surgery was first suggested to me after my first back surgery. I’ll be honest, I was insulted. I thought it was an easy way out of losing weight and for people that had given up. A year and a half later I had to have a second back surgery because my disc has degenerated, mainly due to my weight. I started serious dieting, lost about 40lbs, and got stuck. Getting stuck caused me not to try so hard, and as time went on, I gained all the weight back plus some.
 
The surgery was suggested to me again. This time I took some serious thought about. It took a year, but after another trip to the back doctor, where I was told that another disc was beginning to degenerate. If I didn’t lose weight I have another back surgery in my future, and probably more after that.
 
That’s when I started the process. I realized that going down this road would not be easy. That it probably may be the hardest thing that I do.
I had my consultation appointment in October of 2013. I decided that I would have the sleeve gastrectomy. And then I got the laundry list of things that needed to be done before the surgery can even be processed. Blood tests, ultrasounds, sleep studies, checked out by multiple doctors. But finally the surgery was scheduled: May 19th.
 
So here I am, two weeks until surgery, when the real fun begins. The start of the pre-op diet. A mainly liquid diet with one “real meal” a day. The meal consists of 2-3oz of protein, 2cups of veggies, and the optional 1 serving of carbs. Not something that I have been looking forward to. In addition to the diet, I had to discontinue the anti-inflammatory that helps with the foot & joint pain.
This morning I woke up and had the feeling of a kid on Christmas morning. I woke up 45mins then I had to, and usually have to drag myself out of bed. But not today. I knew that today is the beginning…the beginning of the rest of my life. I’m ready to change, and I’m excited to experience the journey to the new me.
 
I won’t lie, today was tough. I was hungry most of the day. But I got through it. And I know that with each day, it will get easier and easier. And before I know it, the day of surgery will be here.

Well what a difference 24 hours makes. As I wrote my last entry I was in pain and feeling bad..that night the pain got worse. The vomiting of blood began and that night was one of the longest I can remember. On Friday, I went to work, yep, I went to work. I carried a small trash can in the car and threw up all the way there. I know, I am an idiot..I knew what I had to get done, then take care of myself. I had called the doctor at 2am and he said to be at his Jax office at 6:30am. I was there. He did a flouroscope and said my band had slipped. He told me to come back at 3pm and let him look at it again. If the stomach went down and back through I would be OK, otherwise...well we would talk about it then. I drove back to work (only a couple of miles) and laid down on my office floor. One hour later, I knew I was in trouble. I drove back to his office (I still don't know how I did that). He took one look and off to the ER I went. Upon my arrival at the ER I proceeded to vomit blood on their floor and almost faint. They started an IV and told me that I was going to have to have emergency surgery but at their hospital on the other side of town. They called an ambulance and my family arrived - I was taken to St. Vincents Hospital Riverside. I was a direct admit. They took Xrays and a CT scan. I met the surgeon and gave his the photos from my doctor. He said he need to stablize me but surgery was going to happen. At 11pm, they wheeled me into surgery. Before I knew it, my 3 year buddy band was gone and I was back in my room. They were able to leave the plication but said that my band had slipped and scar tissue was bad. There was no saving it or putting in another one. He further explained that the scar tissue was so bad that I would feel like my band is still there for a long time and the plication was good and should be all I need to not only maintain what I have lost but to loose the other 30 pounds I want to loose. I sure hope he is right.
 
As I write this, I am home (less than 24 hours in the hospital) and I am so sore..OMG, it didn't hurt like this the first time. I am on a liquids diet and some soft foods. Not really hungry but head hungry (you guys understand that). I am very nervous. I now have a new doctor (local) and someone who will take my journey from here. Gastric Plication is what they call my WLS now..Some say it is good, some not so much..I guess since it is all I have, it will have to do. I pray I don't find that size 22W again.
 
Depression is trying to creep in just a bit but I am fighting that. The pain meds don't work and I feel like crap. But this too shall pass. My stomach is making sounds like "what the hell is going on" and I am sore all over. Fortunately, I am off work next week anyway, so I will have a chance to take care of myself and heal. I am supposed to walk and drink lots of water. What caused my slippage???who knows. The new doctor said that sometimes stuff like that happens but the scar tissue played a big part in it and it would not have healed on it's own. The vomiting of black blood, cramps and pain were the worst I have had since I gave birth to my kids....Please take care of yourselves and don't be foolish like me - get help right away. In retrospect, I should have gone to the hospital Thursday night (our anniversary) but I was stubborn..I could have died. My husband wanted me to go to the hospital that night, but where...when my doctor moved to WPB it upset my applecart and I did not feel secure from that point on. With a new doctor I will now have to build a new relationship but at least he is in Jacksonville. Will I have issues with the plication in the future? I don't know, I guess that is something the new doctor and I will discuss when I see him at his office in a couple of weeks. I do know that I will be going back to Weight Watchers for support as I feel like I am out on a limb all by myself.
 
Take care my band friends and to my plication friends let me know how things are working out for you. I really appreciate this sight and all it has to offer, even if NO ONE reads my blog, I feel refreshed and glad I got it off my chest (so to speak). Have a wonderful Sunday and be good to yourselves.
 
Melinda in Florida

Hi All,
 
I just want Everyone to know HOW EXTREMLY IMPORTANT it is to keep in contact with your doctors and support team. I have to admit I did not do this
and it has cause me to deal with a Life or Death Situatuation in which could of possibly been avoided if I didn't let my Self Loath of failure get to me.
 
I am recovering from a Small Bowel Obstruction caused by the scar tissue and wrapping and twisting of my intestines around my port and bands.
 
I was rushed to the hospital and was told I was on the verge of dying ( Still can't comprehend the severity ) Well after emergency surgery and I still trying to recover as of today due to many complications. I had to admit to all m surgeons that I did not follow up with my LapBand surgeon as I should of and I have payed the
Almost Ultimate price ( Ultimate would of been death) I am on going dealing with infections and more repair surgery. In which this may of all been forseen if I followed up as I should of.
 
I want you to know that you should never ever not go to your follow ups no matter if you feel you failed (as I felt). I just want you all to know that you are important regardless and that not everyone is the same.
 
Please keep your appointents with your doctors and all who help you throughout your life. I happened to learn a very hard lesson , I wish on No One ever.
 
So Please, you are never a failure and these doctors are here to help and please always talk to them.
 
God Bless and Believe in Yourself and I pray No One goes through the pain I am going through, just because I didn't believe in myself and was ashame.

I went clothes shopping on my lunch break today. All of my pants are (finally) getting too big to wear. I decided since the weather is getting nicer that I would treat myself to a pair of capris jeans. The cute kind.
 
My highest size was a size 20. I hated being a 20 because most stores don't carry that size, and since I was too embarrassed to shop in the plus size section, or heaven forbid, a plus size store, I bought everything online. Which meant I often wore clothes that I hated (clothing rarely looks the same in real life as it does online on the model!) and clothes that didn't fit (because I couldn't try it on).
 
I still don't like clothing shopping. I actually hate it. But I needed some new clothes desperately. So as I was grabbing jeans I started picking up size 14s, because all of my size 16 clothes are too big. Just for fun, I grabbed one pair of size 12 jeans, thinking if they looked okay I could maybe get them for motivation.
 
But guess what?!?! They fit! Granted, they look more like sausage casings than they do jeans ... but I didn't have to lay down to get them on or do a funny jumping dance! The size 14s would have fit (and probably look) better ... but holy smokes! I can fit in a size 12! Me!
 
I can't even believe this. But seriously, that's what happened today! If I get brave, maybe I'll post a picture of me wearing them.

Today I'm two weeks out from surgery. I feel so much better even from a week ago. Today I had to go back to the clinic to have a nurse examine the incision sites and get a date for my first fill. All of that went well and the nurse was pleased with my progress. I am too!
 
I'm struggling a bit with hunger and apparently that's normal. I eat approximately every two hours or so, though my caloric intake is good and I track everything on myfitnesspal. I track even a dash of pepper or salt. All of it.
 
I have upped my protein level. According to the literature I received from my clinic, about 65 grams is good, but that doesn't keep me sated at all. I hover near 90 grams a day. I'm still very low fat, very low carbs, very low sodium.
 
I exercise, but truthfully - not everyday. I'd say I'm at 5 of 7 days and it's all been walking.
 
I'm still going to a therapist who I adore and yesterday we spoke about body image and the pain that causes me to this day. Shame, guilt, frustration. Coupled with my weight is that I'm very tall and you stand out when you are obese, let alone tall. I want so much to figure out how to reconcile all of this because I'm convinced it's one of many keys to my weight loss.
 
As a child, I wasn't given the freedom to discuss my feelings. If you were angry - you couldn't express it, if you were unhappy for any reason, you just didn't say it. Those feelings must be dealt with and it's unnatural to not express them. My anger formed my depression.
 
I'm so grateful I'm on my way to learning about why I do what I do, and how to better care for myself. I may sound down, but I promise, I'm not, I'm pleased I'm working away on me.
 
Nancy
 

I woke up this morning hurting. I think it's more because I slept the night flat on my back. I like to sleep on my sides a good bit so it makes sense why my back might be hurting. I also still feel the pressure in my middle chest from the gas bubble. I'd like to know when that is going to finally end. My port incision is very tender and sore and hurts. Today I take a shower....yeah! The bloating seems to be going down from the surgery. My tummy doesn't feel quite as hard as surgery date. I'm so tempted to get on the scales to see if I've lost any, but what I've read from previous other blogs, I think I want to wait. I went in to this knowing that the best method for me is to lose weight slowly...maybe 1 lb a week. It's hard not to get excited and think I've lost more. I was soooo happy when I weighed in before surgery and found that I was down to 228 lbs from 235 lbs. I haven't lost that kind of weight in awhile so it's hard not to get excited.
 
I have found that the broth soups seem to be enough to keep me full. I ate a total of 4 cups throughout the day yesterday. It would get cold but it tasted good enough when I would feel hungry. My boyfriend would eat his food and I have to admit that I really wanted to snack on some of his chips & salsa BUT I realized it was out of habit more than actually being hungry. THAT is what this journey will help me with....hopefully to get my emotional eating under control for the first time in my life.
 
It's so strange to me to be talking about my actual weight in public, but this is a safe website (right?) to do just that. All of you understand my apprehension, right? I'm so SICK of being this heavy, but I've made a choice to do something GOOD. I feel hope for the first time in I don't know how long that I can actually lose the weight that I've been dreaming about for what seems like forever. Now I have a "tool" that will help me to lose it and keep it off for the rest of my life IF I choose to do the legwork. That means no liquid calories...binge eating ice cream, heavy laden soups filled with cream and dairy that I don't need (just to name a few). I feel hopeful that I'm finally going to be able to bend down to pick something up off the ground and not be out of breath in the process of embarrassed for someone to see me struggle to do so. I'm so looking forward to the day that I can look in the mirror in the morning when I've finished dressing for work and instead of seeing the bulging checks and neckline filled with fat that I will see healthy lean face. There may be sagging skin...I'm keeping my fingers crossed it won't be too bad, but that will be better than all this fat covering me now. I want to wear a blouse that I don't see my tummy folds pressed against the fabric and then have to walk away knowing that I'm too fat to look any different. Sure, I can keep buying bigger and bigger tops, but they just make me look like a fat woman that needs something to cover up with. Not a curvaceous woman, but a FAT woman that has no choice but to wear FAT clothes.
 
Today I live with hope that one day in the near future, I will look in the mirror and smile, a genuine smile because I actually "like" what I'm seeing. Amen!