JustWatchMe

I just got home from my divorce support group and heard, again, what is the wisdom of those who have gone before me: a healthy relationship can only come after I am emotionally complete on my own without another person. Until then, I am unconsciously trying to fill a hole with another person that can never be filled, and will draw to me people who either consciously or unconsciously have a similar need to merge with/control an incomplete person. Recipe for disaster (and my marriage was one disaster I don't care to repeat).

Debbie, you look beautiful!

My mother in law died yesterday. I am driving to St. Louis to pick up my daughters for the Monday wake. You won't hear much from me. This won't be easy.

Oh, Sharpie, I am so sorry! I am In shock and tears reading this. God bless you. Please stay connected.

Yes it's work, but worth it. It's the first time in my life I've been able to keep weight off. Good luck and stay connected.

Edited to add: my other friend said I should have gone anyway and puked on his shoes.

Well, mid afternoon a migraine set in. I tried to sleep it off when I got home from work but the nausea was debilitating. I didn't go to the appraisal, which he scheduled for 10:30pm. It wasn't required that I be there, but I was entitled to. I didn't tell him I was sick, just emailed that I had an unexpected conflict and to proceed without me. I didn't want to walk into that lion's den late at night when not at my physical and mental best. I'm sure I made the right decision. My dear friend has a theory that my body knew I shouldn't go, so it sent me the migraine to make sure I didn't expose myself to more crazy. She may be on to something. No regrets. I'll get the appraisal copy from my attorney.

So happy it went well. Prayers continue!!!

Love this!

Nailed it. As I've said before, my tolerance for a------s went down in direct proportion to my weight loss. Additionally, I do now recognize that my crappy marriage was made crappy by two people, not just one big jerk. I didn't speak up because it was easier to go along. I didn't speak up because I didn't want to fight. I didn't push for time spent on my interests and friends because I didn't have the energy to deal with his pissy reactions. I let the emotional and mental and financial abuse continue, even against my kids, because I was afraid I would be financially helpless without him, and too scared to make a change. I ate to make these realities go away for a few hours a day. I didn't go out and socialize because I was embarrassed about who I had become. When I put down the fork, everything changed. No more buffer. No more anesthetic. No more tolerance. No more self medicating. I got out and didn't look back. But I came with me. And I learned in this past year that not only am I stronger than I ever had to be before, but I also still have a deeply rooted drive to self medicate all scary and bad feelings away. Last month, I corrected an alcohol problem before it ruined me. I, too, see a therapist and go to CODA and OA and now AA. I go to a Christian divorce group weekly and just started a smaller women's-only divorce group as well. It's a lot of appointments and meetings, but you know what? It beats the hell out of sitting on the couch at 302 pounds every night and eating myself into a food coma.

Well, mid afternoon a migraine set in. I tried to sleep it off when I got home from work but the nausea was debilitating. I didn't go to the appraisal. It wasn't required that I be there, but I was entitled to. I didn't tell him I was sick, just emailed that I had an unexpected conflict and to proceed without me. I didn't want to walk into that lion's den when not at my physical and mental best. I'm sure I made the right decision. My dear friend has a theory that my body knew I shouldn't go, so it sent me the migraine to make sure I didn't expose myself to more crazy. She may be on to something. No regrets. I'll get the appraisal copy from my attorney.

Prayers sent for both of you.

I'm feeling much stronger today and centered. Not obsessing about my weight anymore. Yesterday was the anniversary. One dopey text from him, so not too bad. Tonight is the appraisal. I will bring my friend but she's going to wait in the car. I started a new women's divorce group last night. Five women and a counselor. I was the strongest and most stable person in that room. I couldn't get over it. I was actually able to see the growth and progress of the past year in the midst of this insanity. I'll check back in tomorrow.

Today is a doozy. I have a software installation at work that's going live and if all goes well it will be a confidence booster. Which I need because tonight I have to see my husband at my house for an appraisal. I haven't been to my house in 15 months since I left. Anyway, lunch will be early due to the work schedule. I plan to get out of the building and center myself. I also have a snack in my desk for mid afternoon. The appraisal is 10:30 at night (no, he's not a control freak AT ALL), so I will come home and have a healthy light dinner before I go. I'll check in tomorrow.

Uh oh.

Man it's really hard to lose this weight. Today I had two slices of bacon and one sausage patty for breakfast. Lunch was a chopped salad and a roll. Then 1/4 cup of pumpkin seeds for a snack. Then a spinach salad with oil and balsamic vinegar for dinner. My fill appointment got postponed until the end of October. Frustrating.

Wow. Thank you all. This really helps. It's scheduled for a day after our wedding anniversary and so I'm going in mentally prepared for anything. He's big on dramatic showboating. I feel very strong today. I took care of myself, said yes to what I wanted to do and no to what I didn't. food is clean and I talked to several people today who gave me good perspective on the situation. And now I checked back here to find these words of support. You guys are the best.

Liz, glad you're feeling better. I have to see my husband Tuesday at my home for a house appraisal. I have only seen him once in person in the past 15 months and that was at court. I haven't been inside my house since I left. Lots of emotions, but of course the one thing that bothers me the most is my weight. I'm ten pounds heavier than when I saw him at court In April. I gave up all alcohol three weeks ago but the scale has not gone down. I'm going on liquids for a couple of days even though my fill appointment got postponed this week. Protein shakes and Soups. That has always been good for a couple of pounds down in the past. My lawyer suggested bringing a friend with me to the house. I decided against it because I don't want him picking a fight with her, and I also don't want to give the impression that I need reinforcements. I will be so glad when this divorce is over. My lawyer told me it probably won't be done until next summer. Meanwhile, I deal with the body issues. I felt so confident in April, and that court date was my lowest weight since WLS. Then I spent these last six months eating wrong, drinking every weekend, and gaining these ten pounds. Anyway, you here are my reinforcements. So talk me off the ledge, please! Just kidding. It will be okay. I just wish I didn't feel fat this week. That jerk is not worth this angst. Edited to add: Mr. Wonderful always predicted I would fail at LapBand. He was openly critical and would often mock his coworker who dropped 100 pounds and then stabilized, with probably 80 left to lose. This idiot's words are in my head this week.

This was one of my happiest NSVs two months post banding. Congratulations!

Liquids for the next couple of days. Non alcoholic. Ha ha. Trying to get my loss going again. My fill appointment got postponed due to my work schedule.

Is the 115 a typo? Anyway, congratulations on recovering your health after regaining. It's encouraging to read about bander success. Welcome to our forum!

Punkinvine, praying here.

I completely eliminated alcohol almost three weeks ago. It hasn't affected my weight yet but I feel better about my choice. I made a fill appointment today with my NP for next Tuesday. I did join the Divorce Care group and tonight is the third session. It does help, so far. My second wedding anniversary after moving out is coming up next week as well. Seems like my life is in a holding pattern. Can't lose the weight I want, can't complete the divorce. There must be a lesson in here somewhere. Anyway. This next fill is going to be tricky. I get stuck more often these days, but my hunger has been coming back after three hours. It used to be 4 or 5 hours between hunger pangs. I sure hope I don't go too tight and mess things up. I've been wearing the same size clothes for a year. I guess that's a good thing, right? I just wish the clothes were a couple of sizes smaller.