pinky4652

Dear Pinky4562,

The thing that stood out when I read your post and last comment was, "I can do things for myself." I'm guessing he was your primary caregiver during your recovery... He may be feeling "unneeded" which can turn into "unwanted feelings", "she doesn't need/want me anymore" in many a case. Try giving him back some responsibility, in a sense, so he can more slowly wean out of the "she can't survive without me" phase. He needs to transition to "Look at what all my help did for her! I'm proud to have done it; I'm proud of her!" Each person is different in their needs as a caregiver, so you will have to do some figuring out for him. Perhaps the first thing is to turn over something to him that you are doing for yourself now, and just let him know that perhaps you are a bit too ambitious; you want to back up a little, and you need him to do this or that, etc... because that or this was so beneficial in your healing and now you need him back on the job! For your physical and mental health. [This is all true and there are no false statements in telling him this, because the unrest between the 2 of you could have a negative effect on your health and your emotional well-being.] I've had previous health issues before that required about 3-4 phone calls from my husband during his work day to check in on me. Eventually, I didn't need that anymore, and it was a pain to keep answering the phone as I was chasing 4 kids around. But due to me sensing he felt "unneeded", I told him I needed 2 calls, still, and then after some time cut it to 1, and a couple months later I rarely get a call unless I ask him to call. My experience, I'm sure, is small in comparison but it really helped him. Oh, I also gave him back the job of putting the laundry away after I folded it. I had to give up my OCD about putting clothes away just so in the dressers and closets, and we have all survived - haha! 3 years later that is still his duty. Hope this helps!?

It's hard going threw the same thing. We fight all the time now and every time I go out now it's a problem. I have no idea what to do

thank you for the comments and 22pix i feel your pain i love the man to death but i cant keep being treated like this i deserve better and it sucks cus he was supportive but was halfass at helping me i was in the hospital for 3/4 days he was there for 1 of the days and then said he couldnt do it no more he wasnt working at the time so when i got out the hospital he would leave me at the house now im down 100+ pounds and when i leave to go to work or to the store its liek interigation time and i feel he doesnt trust me i havent done anything to this man for him not to trust me ... yes he has helped out but never depended on him for a thing.... i just feel i deserve better then how im being treated he just doenst see what he is doing wrong