lviv

My husband had his gastric sleeve surgery 3 1/2 years ago, and is now down to about 160lbs (lost almost 200.) In that time, I told myself I would lose weight too. I didn't -- I gained 20 more lbs instead. And frankly, it's getting ugly. My dad suddenly treats my husband like a human being, which is great if hypocritical. But now his disdain has transferred to me, and now I'm too fat for him. He makes comments about how my husband's gonna leave me if I don't lose weight, now that he's "skinny." My dad had the equivalent of the sleeve --he had an ulcer in the 80s, had 2/3 of his stomach cut out, and got skinny as a result. Now that he's retired and not doing manual labor, the lbs are creeping back on, and he hates himself for it, cuz he's been thin for so many years. So he takes it out on me. And my husband has not been doing much to disprove the stat about post-gastric surgery patients leaving the spouse they're now too good for. He treats me with more and more neglect every year. I used to be the girl of his dreams when he was 270 lbs. Now I'm nothing to him. He brags about how small he is, what size he's wearing (smaller than me of course.) Used to be I couldn't borrow his stuff cuz it's too big, it would hang off of me. Now he's smaller than me, and no wife should be bigger than her husband. And I always figured I never would be. And then the final straw -- my mother-in-law went on a severe WW regimen and lost 40 lbs (squeezing into a size 8 -- I ain't never been a size 8 in my life! LOL Smallest I've ever been is a 10, a very fit 10, but STILL.) So now SHE'S bragging about how small she is, making a big show about choosing only the healthiest items at a restaurant. We all received polo shirts for a club we're part of, I got an L and was glad it wasn't too tight. But she's now bragging about how she'll need a small now. FML So I'm getting it on all sides now. I finally lost my temper and told my husband how much it hurts to get the constant obsession over dieting, it makes me not want to eat at the same table as my MIL. He shot back at me for all the times my dad made cracks about his weight, and I didn't defend him because I knew Dad was right. I can't wait anymore. If I wait much longer, my husband will leave me. Cuz I'm embarrasing him, or I'm gonna lose my **** on my MIL one of these days, and then she'll win, the way all mothers-in-law WIN when they make their DIL's scream at them. And she'll be all like "Oh I didn't do anything wrong! I'm sorry if you're JEALOUS CUZ I'M THINNER THAN YOU!"and smile the evilest of smiles, the way all mothers of sons do." She's been fat all her life, she's suddenly thin, and is being an a*****e about it. Like mother, like son. Now I'm getting it on all sides: my dad, my husband, my MIL, are all shaming me. I'm so sick of it I just wanna get the surgery so I can be thinner than all of them. I'll be a smug b***h just like the rest of them, and see how they like it. Maybe they'll start treating me like a human again, and not a huge pile of dead weight!

Well, my dad and my husband both regained some of the weight back (Dad gained about 60 lbs over the past few years, and husband gained back 15 lbs over the last year) because unlike me, they didn't feel the need to watch what they ate cuz they had the stomachs of hamsters for so long. And yet somehow that still manages to piss me off: "These mothafuckas get to eat whatever they want, and they still look like Sally Struthers should be raising money for them. And I am eating yogurt for lunch and LOOKING LIKE SALLY STRUTHERS!" :-P

Thanks, Diana. FYI I'm 5'2" so I am within the BMI range of gastric bypass surgery. WOW. Just saying that out loud sounds terrible, like I'm going to jail for years. I helped my husband out and supported him endlessly during his obesity and his WLS, so I have a good idea of what I'm in for. Truth of the matter is, I was an awkward, overweight teenager who let my early boyfriends take advantage of me and treat me like dirt, because they were better looking than me, and "doing me a favor". Even had a handsome boyfriend who was a closeted gay man, and I wouldn't accept it until he flat-out told me "OK, fine, I'll marry you, but you gotta know I'm not 100% hetero." Wow. Every girl dreams of someday having her handsome boyfriend say "Fine, I'll marry you." Right? And then there's the REST. LOL After a year of him nagging me to lose weight, I did. We broke up halfway through the process. I looked the best I ever looked, and men noticed me. Really noticed me. And I went batshit crazy. Total **** phase, that lasted several years. Not conducive to finding a nice guy and settling down! I went from failed relationship to failed relationship, Taylor Swift style. And then when that blew up in my face, I was finally single for the first time in years. And after that, I was finding out who I was. And I was willing to date a guy that didn't LOOK like arm candy, he was over 270 lbs. But he was a great guy. I took a chance, and we hit it off immediately. We fell in love, got married, and everybody said how cute we were together. But he made it clear: I was his dream girl, that he had a crush on for years. So that's the uneven footing we were on when we got married. And now the situation's reversed -- he can do a lot better than me now. And he knows it. And that's when men leave. That's when they ALWAYS leave. I was with him when he was unemployed, stood by him and was the sole breadwinner. I still make more than him, mostly because I'm in a more lucrative field. But he's more successful and more attractive now, and isn't that always when men decide to trade up?

I'm getting anywhere from 75 - 85% depending on the source: http://www.obesityhelp.com/forums/rny/3760925/Divorce-rate-after-weight-loss-surgery-75-is-this-true/ Really shocking! I initially googled it to find post-procedure care and side effects, but the more I read, the more the D word came up, not to mention spouses deciding they're gonna go out and find themselves attention. I didn't think of myself as being inattentive of my husband, or taking advantage of him in any way, but you know the saying -- men's fidelity is inversely proportional to their options. I know how intoxicating that feeling can be. I went through a hell of a phase when I was young -- I was a frumpy high school/college girl, then lost 70 lbs and was in the best shape of my life, with unprecedented attention from men. This weight loss was doctor-prescribed when my body was starting to show signs of stress knees, etc.) so I'd like to think it was purely health-related. But it was, in truth, only after years of dating a guy who was way better looking than me, knew it, and treated me like dirt, finally dumping me when I was finally just too fat to be seen with in public. I never wanted to feel like that again. In retrospect, it was like I was taking revenge on myself, and I ended up wasting time with a string of men that didn't treat me much better than the douchebag that dumped me. I'm very afraid of being married to someone that's gonna act like I did when I was 23. LOL And here i am, as obese as ever...

Husband is getting bariatric surgery in 1 month and I'm pretty scared. He's 350 lbs, hasn't had sex with me since 2013, and out of the blue in January tells me he's been looking into getting "the sleeve". I thought it was a very good move, and was very supportive of him, but now I'm worried. I'd been reading up on the procedure, and over and over again, I hear that 85% of marriages fall apart in 2 years after surgery. The truth is, my husband's been very pushy, ever since we were engaged -- I hate conflict, and I let him have his way almost always. I'm now about 30-50 lbs overweight (I was 20 lbs overweight when we were married, and he was about 250 back then.) I'm feeling very bad about my half-hearted attempts to lose weight, but now I'm feeling frantic, like I need to be thin before he is, or I'll look like the frumpy old wife he needs to get rid of so he can enjoy his new life. I haven't lost weight, and feel that once he does start losing weight, his pushiness will get even worse, as his ego goes into overdrive and women start flirting with him (which I hear is very common after WLS, even when the patient is still mid-weight-loss) and he'll become a NIGHTMARE. I already feel ignored, like I'm not even female, let alone the woman he worked so hard to win over. All I am is a paycheck and a maid, and I fear he'll be grinding me down even more when he's flirting back and hitting on women in front of me. I've had boyfriends do that to me before in the past , and even when you do up and leave, the damage to your self-image doesn't ever really leave you. I thought my husband was different, and I'm afraid he won't be. I'm not looking forward to being thrown away while my husband enjoys his second adolescence.